Satsang with Mooji
Zmar Retreat, 12 May 2013
Overcome the Fear of Going All the Way
[Mooji] You now feel, Yes.
You have followed the guru, the inner guru,
but now when it came here, the feeling now is to merge now.
And then, with this invitation some fear is coming.
[Questioner] Yeah.
[Mooji] This is a natural stage that these things will come.
And it is good everybody pays attention
because your turn comes also. And your fear will come also.
Because we are talking like this, 'Yes, I want', and then,
OK, come, let's take a look together. Come, come, come.
And then finally, as we are turning the key,
'Oh, just a moment, Mooji. I will soon come. Wait for me.
I just have some unfinished business to do.'
And then, 'Next time. Next year. Next life.'
Something is running,
and I have met a lot of runners in this journey;
it feels more like a marathon. [laughter]
They are coming up, 'I want this'.
But when something comes, then there is a feeling,
the fear that, 'I am going to lose my old identity',
and there is attachment to it.
And it is this attachment that is suffocating your chance.
You are really believing it,
and the mind creates a bright light around it, shining,
but it turns out to be fool's gold.
You feel it is something, 'Maybe my life is really important,
and I have a purpose to do now, and it is not the time
to dissolve in the light of my own Self.'
Because the mind creates some pictures,
then 'Maybe, maybe this is just my idea,
and maybe God wants me to be a servant'.
All these things come.
So, who is going to go through?
As I said, Wherever you find yourself,
right there is a door to your inmost being.
Who is going through this door?
Who is going through this door? Because a few people are there.
A crowd is around this door to try and tell you
they have set up a fish market at the gate of heaven.
[laughter]
'Yes, we have nice cod, nice beautiful fish for you.
Come, the best you will taste.'
And instead of going through, you are smelling [sniffs] fish
and then smelling of fish. [laughter]
So, we don't play now, because when it comes to it,
this is happening for everybody - some fear comes.
Even though it may be your higher wish,
still, when the moment of Truth comes, we are making excuses.
The mind is making an excuse.
So, I very much appreciate what you are speaking
because I think it tallies up very much
with a sincere journey, a sincere approach to Truth.
Now, not two, one.
And one beyond even the concept of one.
So, some hesitation you see ... hesitant, not sure.
'I like my job as a servant of God.'
But still, some little thing is ...
something wants to go, something is pulling back.
So, I understand this thing.
But the fear is also not real.
The fear is coming from the person.
And the person you have enjoyed, some of this role.
But it is not your - not intimate, not intimate -
your essential truth, it is not the essential truth.
And also maybe we have some pictures,
some projections of what it might be like.
'If I merge', you already start to say,
'Then I will be this, then this', and so on.
So, don't give any pictures.
Let your 'yes' go to the very bottom of your 'yes'.
And this is what is happening. You are sometimes expecting
that there is going to be some great calamity,
or some painful change.
It is not painful change!
It is the most beautiful change.
Something, in fact, stops changing
and comes back to that unchanging root.
You are here, you are here for this.
Nothing is in the way but label.
Now, you don't touch servant,
don't touch master,
don't touch light, don't touch darkness,
don't touch anything now.
Don't divide yourself.
Don't create a uniform to step in.
And where are you?
Again, don't create any anticipated shape for yourself.
You don't know. Now, you don't know anything at all.
Don't know anything now.
All your knowledge has been some kind of disguise as well, too.
No, now, don't know anything.
You are not leaving anywhere, you are not going anywhere now.
Then, where are you?
Then, you are neither outside nor inside;
you are beyond outside and inside now.
Look and feel with your entire being.
Otherwise, you give your mind some coordinates;
'Turn to the left a bit. No, go down more.'
No, you don't need any of this now.
For the first time, no direction to go.
Leave every direction now.
No imagination. It is not needed here.
To each one who feels this resonating,
these words are for you, just the same way,
right where you are.
Because the mind will tell you,
'Oh, now it's her turn, he's talking to her, wait.'
No, no, it is for you.
You have seen all the subtle tricks
and clevernesses of the mind,
'Wait, almost there, you are almost there',
and you are buying almost, almost ...
but never quite.
Now don't buy anything -
no promises, no maps, no guidebooks, no tickets.
Don't take any step, forward or backward; do nothing now.
Let everything go now.
See if you can be a place where God is not.
[silence]
You don't need your mind here.
It is not a help for you here.
What can measure you now?
Even, who are you?
So, don't speak anything at all now.
Now, you keep quiet.
Don't pick up any words.
Mind has nothing to offer you here.
It only has to offer you if you are up for business;
you want to go shopping, he has a lot of ideas.
But here, you are not shopping now.
And it is not about being tight and still.
No, this is another thing;
there are no tight and still, doesn't matter.
Even if you are in a handstand, it doesn't matter.
But, here, you have never been going anywhere,
you have never been anywhere,
and you are everywhere.
[silence]
And such things like coming out of here, going;
this is nonsense. Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense!
You have never been anywhere.
For that you have to go back into the realm
of the mind and consciousness, which is the fluid realm;
this is fine, but just not now.
Don't be so in a hurry to go back there right now.
It will still be there.
But now, you stay here in the undivided place.
Even to stay, I don't know if this is the right word.
Confirm rather that: 'I am here.'
One day, you are going to have to admit.
Give up your stories and admit,
'Yes, yes, I am That, I am That, Mooji. You caught me.'
No excuse. Where else can I be?
And this is why I tell you,
for so many years, I am listening to you. I don't believe you!
I don't believe.
You are the unchanging,
the timeless, the ever perfect.
Beyond the concept of these, you are just here.
Nothing more to say about it.
When you go to the mind you want to say many things.
You want to claim, you have individuality,
you want to show off,
'Look at me, how different, how special', or something.
This is an old play, an old dream.
But now, you are here. This is not the land of dream.
Very good. And it is enough!
[silence]
I don't want to try and convince anybody.
I don't believe to convince you.
You know, you all know, we all know.
But you haven't stopped to acknowledge.
Then, I can ask you my last questions.
Can this fade? Can this go away?
Can it fade?
Tomorrow, when your body gets up, eyes open, will it be gone?
Tell me, because now you are in your authority.
You can speak now.
You don't have to read any book, any scriptures now;
speak your own words now.
Can it fade?
[silence]
Thank you.
There is a feeling to merge now.
But finally, as we are turning the key, some fear comes -
the fear that I am going to lose my old identity.
There is an attachment to this identity
and it is this attachment that is suffocating your chance.
You are believing in it but it turns out to be fool's gold.
Wherever you find yourself,
right there is a door to your inmost Being.
There is a crowd around this door.
They have set up a fish market at the gate of heaven,
'We have a nice fish for you, the best you will taste ... '
And instead of going through, you are smelling the fish,
and you are smelling of fish!
When the moment of Truth comes, the mind is making an excuse.
One day you are going to have to give up your stories
and admit:
I AM THAT