( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: FOLKS, ON FRIDAY,
TRUMP HOSTED A SMALL BUSINESS ROUNDTABLE, AND WENT ON A RANT
ABOUT DEREGULATION, FOCUSING ON ISSUES IMPACTING HIS FAVORITE
ROOM IN THE HOUSE.
>> WE HAVE A SITUATION WHERE WE ARE LOOKING VERY STRONGLY AT
SINKS AND SHOWERS AND OTHER ELEMENTS OF BATHROOMS.
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: (AS TRUMP)
"I LOOK VERY STRONGLY AT ALL THE ELEMENTS OF BATHROOMS.
FOR HOURS EVERY DAY.
ALL OF THEM.
SINKS, SHOWERS, EVERYTHING BUT THE SCALE."
( LAUGHTER ) IT SEEMS THAT TRUMP IS MAD AT
ENVIRONMENTAL REGULATIONS THAT LIMIT WATER USE IN THE
BATHROOM.
>> YOU TURN ON THE FAUCET AND DON'T GET ANY WATER.
THEY TAKE A SHOWER AND WATER COMES DRIPPING OUT, JUST
DRIPPING OUT, VERY QUIETLY DRIPPING OUT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: I'VE NEVER SEEN THE
PRESIDENT THIS MOURNFUL.
(AS TRUMP) "THE WATER COMES VERY QUIETLY
DRIPPING OUT.
( LAUGHTER ) AND THEN, THE SILENCE.
( LAUGHTER ) AND IN THE SILENCE, YOU CAN
HEAR... THE THOUGHTS."
( LAUGHTER ) THEN TRUMP MADE THE MOST
IMPORTANT STATEMENT OF HIS PRESIDENCY.
>> PEOPLE ARE FLUSHING TOILETS 10 TIMES, 15 TIMES.
>> STEPHEN: 10 TIMES!
PEOPLE ARE FLUSHING TOILETS 15 TIMES?!
WHAT?
ARE THEY TRYING TO GET RID OF A BODY?
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
WHO NEEDS TO FLUSH 15 TIMES?
( LAUGHTER ) OKAY, YEAH, THAT CHECKS OUT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) THAT MAKES SENSE VOLUME!
HOW DID WE DO IT?
VOLUME!
TO BE FAIR, TRUMP'S NOT THE FIRST PRESIDENT TO FOCUS ON
AMERICA'S PLUMBING CRISIS: >> ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN
DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOUR TOILET WILL DO FOR YOUR DOO-DOO.
>> FLUSH IT ONCE, SHAME ON...
SHAME ON YOU.
AFLUSH MAH CAN'T FLUSH AGAIN.
>> MR. GORBACHEV, STAY OUT OF THAT STALL.
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: TRUMP'S MAIN WORRY
IS THAT LACK OF WATER PRESSURE IN OUR BATHROOMS IS HURTING
AMERICA'S HYGIENE.
>> YOU GO INTO A NEW BUILDING, OR A NEW HOUSE OR NEW HOME AND
THEY HAVE STANDARDS.
"OH WELL, YOU CAN'T GET WATER."
YOU CAN'T WASH YOUR HANDS PRACTICALLY, THERE'S SO LITTLE
WATER COMES OUT OF THE FAUCET.
AND THE END RESULT IS YOU LEAVE THE FAUCET ON.
IT TAKES YOU MUCH LONGER TO WASH YOUR HANDS.
>> Stephen: YES, SO TRUE, TAKES YOU MUCH LONGER, AND
THAT'S TIME THAT YOU COULD BE SPENDING
FLUSHING THE TOILET 15 TIMES!
( LAUGHTER ) BUT OLE' CHIEF FLUSH TOO MUCH
HAS HIS TOP MEN ON THE TOILETS.
>> THEY END UP USING MORE WATER.
SO E.P.A. IS LOOKING AT THAT VERY STRONGLY AT MY SUGGESTION.
>> STEPHEN: (AS TRUMP) "TOILET'S CLOGGED AGAIN.
CALL THE E.P.A.
HAVE THEM DECLARE MY COMMODE A SUPERFUND SITE.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU'D BETTER GET FEMA IN HERE,
TOO, 'CAUSE THIS BATHROOM IS A DISASTER."
( LAUGHTER ) SO AFTER CONFIRMING THAT HE
TAKES HUGE DUMPS AND DOESN'T WASH HIS HANDS, TRUMP DISCUSSED
-- ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NO, NO, THIS IS SERIOUS.
IT'S A CRISIS!
( PIANO RIFF ) A CRISIS!
>> Jon: COME ON.
>> Stephen: NO FUN!
TRUMP DISCUSSED THE BIG SHOWER IN THE SKY.
>> WE ARE LOOKING VERY SERIOUSLY ABOUT OPENING UP THE STANDARD
AND, THERE MAY BE SOME AREAS WHERE WE MAY GO THE OTHER ROUTE.
DESERT AREAS.
BUT FOR THE MOST PART YOU HAVE MANY STATES THAT HAVE SO MUCH
WATER THAT COMES DOWN, IT'S CALLED RAIN.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YES, IT'S CALLED
RAIN.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN GOD CRIES.
ALSO WHEN THERE'S THUNDER, HE'S TRYING TO FLUSH THE TOILET 15
TIMES!" WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK