Translator: Leanne Ma Reviewer: Ellen Maloney
Very often it seems that there are only two things
the fighting of injustices create;
Blame and victims, and very little else
As a society, when we focus on the problems we face,
we perpetuate the problems, which is not a solution.
Let's consider what would happen
if we left the past in the past where it was created
and shifted that energy into the belief
that we have the power now to live the life we want.
Would this enable our sons,
our daughters, to live a life they want,
rather than fighting?
Rather than living,
to fight against a past they cannot change.
My dad passed suddenly just days after I graduated from college.
For years I feared his many life lessons were over.
Being his daughter was an amazing empowering journey,
and I would say we were close
but it was fifteen years until I learned the rest of his story.
My dad was the oldest of seven kids raised by my grandparents,
and while I knew they didn't have much money
I heard tales that were full of laughter, and loads of mischievous fun.
So I never thought to question why;
why he left the day he graduated from high school.
I just assumed that he was ready to get started.
He was driven, ambitious,
and had a true entrepreneurial soul.
What I didn’t know
was that my dad had been abused all throughout his childhood.
Physically beaten often, and without repent.
There was a rage inside my grandpa
that came from somewhere deep in his own past;
a past he carried with him.
He found refuge in his fist.
And when I learned this,
I realised that the lessons I learned from my dad
had come from a much deeper understanding.
Because all I knew growing up,
was that my dad loved my grandpa, and grandpa loved him.
And I knew no different, I saw no different,
but their loving embrace.
So, I learned.
I learned, the power of striving for a future you want,
rather than a past you cannot change.
My dad changed his reality,
by living a different one.
Not by trying to fix the old one.
He didn't fight the injustices of the sins of his father;
he refused to be victimised by his past.
He believed in who he was, that he mattered.
And it's what we believe that matters;
what we believe matters.
This summer, my eleven year old,
- now she's a twelve year old -
daughter
decided to take up baking.
And while I love that she found something creative and fun to do,
it did require some extra patience on my part.
She called me one day,
oh, as for patience,
because I knew that I would find the fruits of her labours,
- you moms know what I am talking about -
all over the floors, the doors,
and I don't know how, but one time, the toaster.
(Laughter)
She called me on the way home from a meeting one day
to tell me all about the brownies she’d made.
In particular, she was really excited
to tell me that because there was only five ingredients,
there wasn't a big mess.
And, she had already cleaned it up.
But I’d been here before,
so I knew to ask her,
"Ella, is it your version of clean, or is it my version of clean?"
She quickly responded, "Mom it's yours".
I continued to tease her that I just wasn’t sure I believed her.
Do you know what she said to me?
"Mom, you know?
It doesn’t matter if you believe me, all that matters is that I believe in me."
(Laughter)
And she was right;
she believed in herself so strongly,
all I could do was believe in her as well.
My opinion, no one's opinion mattered more to her,
than what she believed in her heart.
She didn't live in the past,
she focused on that moment,
and what was her truth.
This is the power of who she is,
she was acting as if she is enough,
not as if she wasn't.
When we believe that we matter,
and we believe in our own truth,
we change others to believe with us.
Just like Rosa Parks,
who in one moment, changed the world to believe with her.
She sat in the front of a bus,
rather than the back, where others believed she belonged.
She didn't rail against the past,
she laid the rails for her future.
Just by living her own equality.
She believed more strongly in her own truth,
where she believed she belonged.
And in that moment, she helped transform our nation.
So, I'm not talking about empowerment;
I'm talking about power.
When you put all your focus
on the fighting of the inequality of things,
then your energy goes to the fighting of the inequality,
and you give your power away.
When you fight to be equal,
there's a part of you that believes that you are not equal.
So, by fighting, by arguing,
you're perpetuating the bias and prejudice;
you're creating the very thing you're arguing against.
If you make a shift in your focus, and focus your energy on what you believe,
what you can create,
you too can change the world around you.
I don't want to be a victim,
I want to celebrate who I am,
I want you to celebrate who you are, and all you can create.
Because the thing is, when you love who you are,
you simply can't be a victim,
and no one can possibly see you that way.
You hold your power.
You shift the way others think of you.
I had to shift my own perspective
about my role in this world.
I was raised during the era
where society's idea that to be a strong independent woman,
I had to bring home the bacon, and fry it up in a pan.
If I could sing, I'd sing it, but I can't.
When there came a moment in my life where I needed to make a choice,
and I chose to lean in and be home,
I judged myself for it.
I felt like I wasn't making an equal contribution.
And within this internal struggle,
I was perpetuating the very idea, that in order to be equal,
I had to contribute equally.
I heard it reinforced all around me.
When I would hear other people say,
"I am "just" an assistant."
"I'm "just" a volunteer."
"I'm not the owner; I'm "just" the manager."
And when I heard other people say, "Oh, my wife is just "a" ,
Or, "I am just a mom".
I felt smaller, as if I wasn't enough.
I bought into this idea that if I didn't have a big enough career
I was just "a".
Until one day,
a friend said to me, and don’t we love our friends,
"Anna",
- very quietly -
"Anna, you are so powerful, you could run any company.
But what I love most is that you choose to run your life your way."
(Sigh)
And in that moment, my perspective shifted.
And when I looked around, I began to see what my truth really was.
I was strong, and my power was in my choice.
I did choose.
And I can make another choice.
I chose to let go of the past beliefs of what I once thought I should be,
and I embraced all I had become.
Because, after all,
didn't I create this life with every choice I made?
I had to learn that in order to feel better,
I had to first believe better.
Today I am living a life I had only imagined.
A life that was already there waiting for me,
I just had to see it.
I empower people today to stand in their own power,
to believe in their own truth
and lead in their life and in their business,
in their own unique way.
I didn't need proof to change my reality,
I needed to change the perception of my reality.
And there was my proof.
This is a different way to get where you want to go;
to not place blame, complain or resist.
This different way is to be enough,
and to know you matter.
To overcome the injustices we face, we have to let go of the past.
Because in order to live better, we have to first believe better.
I leave you with this;
to live the life you want, rather than a past you don't,
believe in who you are, and all you can create.
Let go of the limitations of your past,
and believe and embrace your limitless future.
Thank you.
(Applause)