What is the worst movie you've ever seen?
No, I'm not talking about Transformers 2 or Grown-Ups 2
I mean a movie so bad, so fundamentally broken, that it leaves a pit in your stomach
or makes you feel frustrated and angry beyond any reasonable measure
This is a question I've been asking myself for a while,
and I think it's about time to do something about it
So I've pulled up the list of the bottom 100 lowest rated movies on IMDb
and I'm going through them one by one to find the worst movie ever.
Welcome to The Search For The Worst.
[IHE Theme: Kevin McCloud -Weather Forecast]
'The Room' is the worst thing in the history of anything ever
I'm pretty sure my eight-year-old cousin could pull off a more nuanced and
convincing story than whatever the hell this movie turned out to be
much like 'Troll 2', 'The Room' was made famous by being regarded as one
of the best "good-bad" movies,
and it's actually so fucking weird at times - so completely ludicrous -
that I found myself laughing pretty often and regularly
just because of how was stupid every single thing in this movie is
so is it the quintessential "so bad that it's good movie"? Well, let's find out.
Johnny: Hi, babe.
[Airhorn apocalypse ensues]
IHE: This - This is Johnny, played by the fabulous, the wonderful writer and director Tommy Wiseau - Wuh-zow,
I have no clue, who can't get through any scene without either saying "Oh hi "
Johnny: Oh hai Denny
Hai...
Hai doggy
O h h a i M a r k
Oh hai, Danny
Oh hai, Mike. What's new?
Oh hai, Mark
Oh hai, Mark - Come in!
Oh hai, Danny
Oh hai, Susan
Oh, haaiii Claudette!
IHE: or without laughing for absolutely no reason at all
*the most unsophisticated and unreasonable laughter ever brought to man*
now let me explain, nothing really happens in this movie
Well, actually things DO happen...
It's still a full-length movie - An hour and 39 minutes, even
so how does it fill that time?
I guess what Tommy was going for was a dialogue and character based tragedy,
but he expresses the story through the same three or four scenes on repeat until the movie ends.
Anyway, the movie starts with Johnny coming home from work and giving his fiancee a new dress.
Lisa: Isn't it fabulous?
Johnny: I would do anything for my girl
IHE: It's painfully obvious that his dialogue is dubbed half the time, probably 'cause he can barely speak,
and from what I could find out about it, he was born in America - so he has no real excuse for this.
He emphasizes the weirdest words when he speaks - His voice is like the physical embodiment of one
of those messages made up of newspaper clippings that serial killers leave as clues.
Johnny: I'm FED UP with this wor-ld
IHE: he does have the face of a serial killer, I'll give him that.
Out of nowhere this character called 'Denny' appears who casually asks if he can join in on their "lovemaking session".
Johnny: I'm going to take a nap
Denny: Can I go upstairs, too?
*Johnny chuckles*
IHE: No one really reacts to him
They just thought about like he didn't say anything
then he goes as far as to sneak upstairs and join in on the couple
Denny: I just like to watch you guys.
IHE: Who the fuck are you again?
the next three minutes are one of the most uncomfortable and pointlessly
Elongated sex scenes ever presented to the silver screen
if you casually skip through this movie, there's an extremely high chance
you're gonna land on some kind of sex scene
and to tell you the truth
they're the only part of the movie that genuinely pissed me off
apparently the woman in the scene was very uncomfortable
when she had to film this bullshit, not surprisingly.
and he was shocked when she saw the movie and found out these scenes weren't just a few seconds long
It just never stops. It feels like fucking eternity before it finally ends and, oh come on
I didn't want to see that!
We then move on to this stupid-ass scene where this woman's mother comes over to have a chat
This Is one of the many scenes I was on about earlier that repeat multiple times
They don't change, and they say the exact same thing every time
and ultimately have no reason to exist.
Her mother comes in, they talk about how the wedding is going to be soon
She explains how she doesn't love Johnny anymore, to which their mother responds with some materialistic bullshit like
Claudette: and he's getting a promotion very soon
IHE: Or how she needs him for financial security
It's crystal clear this dialogue is written by a man. A stupid, probably slightly retarded
dumbass man who clearly has no idea what women talk to each other about, so he just assumes that all they chat about is men
And how they're all pigs, but at the same time how important they are to be 'used for money'
Just a load of horseshit basically. And then we always end the scene with this woman saying something like
Lisa: I don't want to talk about it
IHE: or 'Listen, I've got to go' despite the fact she brought it up.
This character ... this human is the MOST evil, the most
despicable person I've ever seen depicted in a movie
She's manipulative, a pure bitch at times for no real reason
And is also a fucking idiot who has no motivation for any of the evil things that she does.
Michelle: You're living with one guy, and you're sleeping with another guy?
Lisa: I'm doing what I want to do
IHE: Once her mum fucks off, she calls up Johnny's best friend, Mark
Here's a fun little bit of trivia about Mark. He's actually named after Matt Damon. Matt Damon
Tommy Wisseu's favourite actor who misheard 'Matt' as 'Mark'
You can't- you just can't make this shit up. They agree to meet up, and she tries to seduce Mark
Mark: Johnny's my best friend
IHE: *intense sarcasm* Really? I didn't know that
Mark: Johnny's my best friend
Lisa: He's your best friend
Mark: Come on, Johnny's my best friend
Lisa: No, Mark's his best friend
Johnny: I'm so happy that I have you as my best friend ... and I loveLisasomuch
IHE: For some reason there's something inherently funny about this wine pour scene,
I don't know what it is, but I can't help but smile every time I see it.
* wine pouring *
So even despite him saying no to her over and over, there's another excruciating sex scene, and it goes on for far too long
Mark: God. Why did you do this to me?
IHE: Now, I know this character's the queen of all cunts, but you can't pin this entirely on her, you stupid asshole.
You have self - control, you have a brain that can make decisions. Well actually, clearly he doesn't.
Mark: I can't hurt Johnny
IHE: You realise you're saying this right after doing possibly the worst thing a fiance and best friend could do, right?
Owner: Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you
IHE: Everyone recognizes and thinks Johnny is some kind of an angel
He obviously wrote this entire movie based around the shameless self insert who everyone likes
Owner: You're my favourite customer
IHE: It really is just...
Hilariously stupid. Why does he remind me so much of Lenny from Of Mice and Men
Probably 'cause he's a fucking idiot
Yeah, that'll be it. Denny shows up and asks
Denny: Can I kiss you?
IHE: What .. the ... fuck? Get this whack job away from you. Forget Johnny being a serial killer!
This kid is clearly the psychopath in the making. Surprisingly enough, Johnny didn't get the promotion probably because he's a fucking moron
Lisa: I still love you
Johnny: You're the only one who does
IHE: She really is the queen of all cunts isn't she?
Wait, did he just say she's the only one who loves him?
Johnny: You're the only one who does
IHE: What about that weird creep Denny? He said it earlier
Denny: I love you and Johnny
IHE: Everyone else seems to adore him and recognise him
Oh, fuck you. Another one? That's three in under 30 minutes! Another bit of trivia,
This one is actually made up of unused shots from the first sex scene
Because the lady was too uncomfortable to film another one hence why it's pretty much identical in every single way
Oh, look. It's another one of these scenes
Claudette: I got the results of the tests back. I definitely have breast cancer.
IHE: she's awful nonchalant about this whole situation don't you think?
you'd assume that this would somehow be important to ~T H E P L O T~
But no one acknowledges it. It's never brought up again and it has no reason to even be mentioned at all
Claudette: Well, at least you have a good man
Lisa: You're wrong
Mom, he's not what you think he is
He didn't get his promotion
and he got drunk last night
and he hit me
IHE: Why? Why did he write her as such a supreme twat?
Out of nowhere, these two characters we've never seen before have a sex scene
* Air Horns Blowing*
what are these characters doing here?
Claudette: What are these characters doing here?
IHE: Woah, th- that was weird
Denny appears, and we finally find out his deal
He was adopted by Johnny, and Johnny not only pays for his tuition, but also pays for an apartment for him
Lisa: I told you mom, Johnny is very caring about the people in his life
Mom, he's not what you think he is
he didn't get his promotion
and he got drunk last night
and he hit me
IHE: So which one is it? Make your fucking mind up!
Out of nowhere, Denny's attacked by some thug who he owes money to
then every single other character in the movie shows up and saves him
It's so fucking weird and contrived
*Lisa cries*
Denny: I don't have them anymore!
Lisa: What kind of drugs Denny!?
Denny: It doesn't matter. I don't have them anymore!
Lisa: What kind of drugs do you take?
Denny: It's nothing like that
Lisa: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Denny: Stop ganging up on me!
IHE: Jesus Christ this is the funniest shit
Lisa: and we're your friends. We're gonna help you
IHE: What's he doing with his face?
Johnny: I did not hit her. It's not true. It's BULLshit I did not hit her. I did naht - Oh, hi, Mark
IHE: This took 32 takes for him to get right
and THIS was the best take
can you even imagine what the previous 31 were like?
Look, Mark starts picking his nose in this shot because he's so uninterested
They start chatting about women that cheat on their partners
and Mark tells a horrible story about how some girl he knew got the shit beaten out of her
Mark: I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys
nne of them found out about it, beat her up so bad, she ended up in a hospital in Guerrero street
* Johnny's Uncomfortable Laughing*
Johnny: What a story, Mark?
IHE: Why did you laugh at that? That's not funny?
I think he's actually so brain-dead that he can't actually figure out what people are saying
So he just laughs and moves on
Johnny: Do you have some secrets? Mark: Forget it Johnny: Why don't you talk Mark: Why? Johnny: Come on
Mark: Forget it dude Johnny: Is there some secret? Tell me? Come on Mark: No, forget it I'll talk to you later
Johnny: ... Well whatever
IHE: How do they stay straight face for this? Like...really
Johnny then gives a profound speech to Denny about life
Johnny: If a lot of people love each other,
the world would be a better place to live
IHE: Meanwhile Queen cunt is being a cunt and telling other people that Johnny hit her
Lisa: and he hit me
Michelle: He hit you?!
IHE: When Johnny gets home, they have an argument about the lies that he hits her
So instead, he pushes her over
Johnny: You are tearing me apart Lisa!
IHE: We cut to this pointless scene where every other male character appears and starts throwing a football around
... because movie
Johnny overhears Lisa saying something about cheating on him
Lisa: I had sex with someone else
Claudette: You can't be serious?
Johnny: How can they say this about me?
I don't believe it!
l show them
I will record everything
IHE: So, he pulls a tape recorder out of his ass and they show him gradually preparing the machine for recording
You couldn't add a cut or two in here just to speed this shit up a bit could you?
Johnny then happens to be visited by his psychiatrist friend
Yeah, he has a fucking psychiatrist friend
and they have a little chat about the whole Lisa situation
Johnny: You know what they say, love is blind
IHE: I can't believe how fucking amateur this 50 year old man is
he's so unbelievably clueless!
He REALLY has a friend who happens to be a psychiatrist?
he really just put that in the movie
Johnny: Peter! You always play psychologists with us
IHE: what! You just asked him for advice?
Johnny: But you are psychologist
do you have some advice?
*manic laugh* chicken Peter you just a little chicken
*cheeEEEp cheep cheep cheep cheep chEEP cHeeeeEEeeEEEeeeP*
Peter: who are you calling a chicken?
IHE: What in god's name was that?
Because that was pretty much everything EXCEPT a chicken
then they throw the football around in their suits
We then move on to the single greatest moment in cinematic history
Mark: how was work today?
Johnny: oh pretty good
We got a new client. At the bank. We make a lot of money
Mark: What client?
Johnny: I cannot tell you. It's confidential
Mark: oh come on, why not?
Johnny: no I can't, anyway how is your sex life?
IHE: Mark and Lisa have another sex scene, and they throw a football around again, then Mark and Lisa almost have another sex scene
But thankfully get caught by that lady from earlier
Michelle: you guys are too much
IHE: Why does Johnny not do anything at this point?
he flat out overheard her admitting it earlier
But instead he decided to record all his phone calls instead of confronting her
you know at this point this is the last thing I should be worrying about
I just want this film to end already
if we skip past another queen cunt and mother scene we finally gets to the surprise party for Johnny
look at this asshole, just doesn't give a fuck does he?
He knows how stupid this all is
Steven: What's going on here?
Why are you doing this?
IHE: Who are you? I've never seen you before
Michelle: You have got to be honest with Johnny
Steven: I agree with that
IHE: no really who the fuck are you?
it turns out this guy was originally supposed to be the psychiatrist character from earlier
but the psychiatrist guy had other acting arrangements so he couldn't make it
so they just gave the psychiatrist lines to this guy, and it makes no sense
Johnny: thank you honey this is a beautiful party
you invited all my friends. Good thinking!
IHE: What the fuck else are you gonna do for a surprise party you fucking spastic?
and if Lisa couldn't get any worse, she lies to everyone that she's pregnant for no reason
for no reason at all. It leads nowhere, and has no relevance to anything
So don't even worry about it
Mark and Johnny have a little fight but instantly forgive each other
Johnny then make some chicken noises *chip chip chip chip chip*
and then he proclaims how he's fed up of this world
Johnny: I fed UP with his world
IHE: He's such a goddamn child
I- I really can't get over this
Lisa says how she's gonna leave Johnny, so then he starts playing the phone recordings
THIS is the payoff from that whole setup. He already knew all of this
wh- why's he even fucking bothering? What's the fucking point?
then to top it all off Johnny has a little strop and breaks all his stuff then shoots himself in the head
I guess it's supposed to be a tragedy, but you're just kind of thankful
It's like if Lenny killed HIMSELF instead of being shot by George
It's actually pretty relieving
somehow everyone immediately finds his body
then Mark kisses his dead shot through head
And then Denny comes in and cries and the movie ends
The room is a menagerie of conveniences, contrivances, and cliches
with ridiculous characters whose motivations change every few minutes
Sets that look like they belong in a 60's episode of 'Doctor Who'
and writing and dialogue SO bad that it makes crap like 'Transformers' seem like 'Pulp Fiction' in comparison
and you know what?
It's fucking glorious!
as far as the search for the worst goes this is definitely the movie I've laughed the most at
but there were just a couple of things that hold it back from being that perfect bad movie
For one, it's far too long
you could easily cut out 40 minutes of this film, and it'd be no different
fuck it, you could probably cut this down to 30 seconds and it will still have the same impact
Johnny: I would do anything for my girl
you are tearing me apart Lisa!
*gun shot*
IHE: The four or five cringe-worthy sex scenes make me never want to watch it again
but then I think back to Wiseau's bizarre voice
And I can't help but go back to some of the classic scenes just to see how insane his performance is
'The Room' IS a classic
it's much more entertaining than bollocks like Troll 2
but at the same time it just doesn't quite have that charm that something like 'Zat' or 'Druids' has in comparison
It is much better than 'Birdemic' though
I can't believe I just said all those words. The fucks a 'Zat'?
And up next in the search for the worst is....
'Prince of Space'
... I have no clue what that is. No clue
So there it is ... 'The Room'
How does the name of anything to do with a movie? I've got no idea
don't really give a fuck either. Have- have you seen have you seen the poster for this movie?
Go have a look and go look at- in Tommy Wissau's lazy eye
it's- it's just the worst poster ever. Even worse than 'Troll 2's
Anyway so how does that movie look to you?
Good bad? Bad bad? Was the video good bad? or good good? or bad bad? what?
anyway, whatever it is feel free to tell me in the comments below
and as always ... Thanks for watching all comments and ratings are appreciated. I'll see you next time. Bye
Johnny: Lisa loves you too. As a person. As a human being