- Thanks to Indochino for keeping Legal Eagle in the air
and helping me look fly. (eagle caws)
(bird caws loudly) (Benton screams)
- Dr. Quest, a pleasure.
- Please, call me Benton. (chuckles)
And may I call you... (typewriter keys clicking)
- Mr. Birdman. - Mr. Birdman.
- Okay, is it Harvey Bird-man, or is it Harvey Birdman?
I always thought it was Bird-man growing up
like the superhero, but, upon reflection,
I thought it was a play on words like a person's last name.
It seems like they're using both here,
and I have no idea which one it is.
As you can tell, bird law is not my specialty.
(bright, plucky instrumental music)
Hey, Legal Eagles, it's time think like a lawyer.
And today, I am excited
to be covering Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law.
Highly requested, and I used to watch this all the time
as a kid, so I'm really excited to see
how this holds up as a practicing lawyer.
This is actually going to be the first
in a couple of cartoon trials that I'm going to cover.
Let me know what you think the next one is going to be
because I am really excited about the next one;
it's one of my absolute favorites.
As always, be sure to comment in the form
of an objection, which I will either sustain or overrule,
and stick around until the end of the video,
where I give Harvey Birdman a grade for legal realism.
So, without further ado, let's dig into the first episode
of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law.
(bright, jaunty instrumental music)
Okay, so the setup for this episode
is that the two father figures in, I think it's Jonny Quest,
are having a dispute, and the person who
is not Jonny Quest's father
is taking off with the two boys
and wants paternity of the two of them,
much to the chagrin of their scientist father.
- I don't know, Benton.
I guess I think of the boys as my own.
(oven timer dings)
- Of course you do, Race;
you're like a second father to them.
- What if that's not good enough,
(swallows loudly) being a second father?
- I'm afraid I don't catch your meaning.
- I want the boys, Benton, full time!
I've raised them, and I think it's only fair!
- Race, you're tired.
The adventure of the yeti snow princess took a lot
out of both of us.
Take a couple of days.
(grunts loudly) Ow, ow, ow. (bones crack)
- I'm taking the boys, Benton,
and there's not a damn thing you can do about it!
- That's definitely assault and battery.
(Benton whimpers) - I forgot my keys.
- Oh. (keys jingle)
- Potential theft of a car.
- Harvey Birdman, attorney at law,
dictating August 14th, 2:34 PM.
Dictating... (typewriter keys clicking)
Hmm, dictating. - Dictating, Harvey Birdman.
(laughs) (Harvey clicking tongue)
(Harvey blows raspberries)
Okay, so this is actually hilarious
because it has a kernel of truth.
Back in the day, really, just a couple of years
before I started practicing, it was fairly common
for attorneys to take dictation.
So they would record their thoughts onto some sort
of reel-to-reel tape or a little micro cassette or,
if you were really fancy, directly onto a computer.
And then you would have your legal secretary transcribe all
of that, and, if they were a really good legal secretary,
then they would turn that into the basis
for a pleading or a letter to opposing counsel.
And this is exactly what it would look like,
and often you would have these large gaps in the tape
where you were waiting to think of what else
to say for this particular thing.
Sadly, using dictaphones has gone out of favor,
and now we just type everything
'cause most lawyers, I think, can type faster
than they can actually talk.
So you really would not save any time doing this,
but this is totally accurate to what it used
to be back in the day.
- It.
- [Secretary] A Dr. Quest to see you, Mr. Birdman.
- Send him in.
(bird caws loudly) (Benton screams)
- Dr. Quest, a pleasure.
- Please, call me Benton. (chuckle)
And may I call you... (typewriter keys clicking)
- Mr. Birdman. - Mr. Birdman.
- Okay, is it Harvey Bird-man, or is it Harvey Birdman?
I always thought it was Bird-man growing up,
like the superhero, but upon reflection,
I thought it was a play on words, like a person's last name.
It seems like they're using both here,
and I have no idea which one it is.
As you can tell, bird law is not my specialty.
- Bye bye birdie.
- What makes Mr. Bannon believe he has any claim
on your children?
- Well, I hired him to look after the boys, but,
as time went on, he became more a second father to them.
I'd say I'm a good father.
- Hello, Dr. Quest. - Hey, Dad.
- But maybe I should've made more
(explosion booms) time for the boys.
(liquid bubbling in beaker) Hmm.
- The cat's in the cradle and the silver ball.
I'll take the case!
But first, I need to speak to the boys.
What are their names?
- Oh, of course, their names, certainly.
Well, uh, yes, um, well there's a blond one.
Um, the blond one, whose name is...
Oh dear.
Come on, Benton.
(boom) (briefcase latches click)
- (chuckles) Oh God.
There are certain procedures that you can do
to remove custody of children away
from their biological parent.
It's very, very difficult to do.
But you can imagine if the father
did not actually know the names of the children,
that would be probably prima facie evidence
that he should not have custody over these children
or putting them in very dangerous situations,
like playing with explosives.
So (clicks tongue and laughs) yeah,
they're gonna have an uphill battle on this one.
- One minute I'm a penniless orphan stuck
in a street-sweeping caste.
The next, I'm on this really cool needly plane
that goes very, very fast, drinking cold American beverages!
I owe Dr. Quest very much big time.
- And you?
- Hey, you know, he's my dad.
(intercom beeps) - Yes.
- [Secretary] That was the ornithologist.
The results were negative.
- Thank you.
- So this is really good.
Harvey Bird-man, or Birdman, whichever it is
in this particular episode, is doing a good job
of interviewing the prospective witnesses.
That would be very important when you're dealing
with a custody suit like this,
and it would be important for any trial.
So you actually really don't see witness prep going
on very often in dramas, so good job to this cartoon
for actually getting one of the mundane parts
of legal practice correctly.
(doors squeak open) (tense music)
- Oh, man.
- Birdman!
At last, we meet again.
- Yeah, I think it probably goes without saying that,
obviously, you can't walk
into court wearing a bird suit and a mask.
- [Whispering Voice] Indochino.
- And fun fact, wearing a mask in public
is considered loitering under New York law.
- Vulturo, it was last week.
- I was in Zurich last week, you nit!
- Avenger, my personal digital assistant.
- Um, how do you make a T again?
Do you push that and then leave it down, or do, I--
- I said I'd live on to defeat you,
and that happens this very day!
- Get ready to feel the power (sharp whooshes)
of attorney!
(birds cawing) (laughs)
(laser noises)
(judge bangs weapon on desk) - Order, order
in the courtroom!
- Oh my God, the power of attorney.
The power of attorney! (pulsating electronic noises)
So, superpowers notwithstanding,
it's actually pretty common for attorneys
in specific niches like family law
to know each other very, very well.
Even in big cities,
there aren't that many well-known family law attorneys,
so if you dabble in that area with some frequency,
you're gonna get to know everyone else
in the family law bar.
And so it makes total sense that Harvey Birdman
knows this other person, even if he, I think,
in the background, is a super villain as well.
And also, true story, when you pass the bar,
you gain the power of attorney,
which allows you to shoot electricity
and energy out of your briefcase and hands.
(pulsating electronic noises) The power of attorney!
- You should not do that in front of the judge.
- Because someone is the genetic parent of the child,
does that make him one most fit to raise said child?
Ladies and gentlemen and the judge,
(muttering rapidly and incoherently) Quest family
(muttering rapidly and incoherently)
parents of these two adorable young boys.
- Okay, so a couple of things going on here.
Obviously, the attorney should not be that close
to the jury.
You can't enter the well without permission,
or the bailiff will tackle you,
especially in a court surrounded
by super villains and superheroes.
Other than that, though, (chuckles)
I will say that sometimes, the attorneys' accents
can make it very, very difficult to understand them.
And I will say that when I was practicing
in a very, very rural part of Virginia,
there were times when I could not understand
what the opposing attorney was saying.
So
sometimes that happens, and the attorney might not know
that he or she is losing the jury
because what he or she is saying
is totally incomprehensible.
That definitely happens.
- State your first name, your last name, and occupation.
- Lizard Man, Lizard Man, and Lizard Man.
- (mutters incoherently) witness.
- Uh, sure.
From what I saw during Mystery of the Lizard Men.
It's Mystery Lizard Men, right?
(suits squeaking)
Right.
Yeah, from what I saw, it was Mr. Bannon
who was with the children the most.
- Thank you.
- Hey, good going, Bill.
(men clapping) - Nice job, Bill.
- Next witness.
- Now would you mind telling us
in your opinion who the best parent is?
- Sure, Quest was there physically.
- Ah, but it was clear to me that Bannon
was the primary caregiver.
- Best parent?
- Bannon!
- (mutters incoherently)
- Bannon.
- Now normally, this kind of parade
of ridiculous witnesses is totally, totally illegitimate.
See, for example, the Seinfeld trial,
where they just bring in character witness
after character witness; totally ridiculous.
- [Man] He was a communist.
- No.
- She exposed her nipple.
- Mm-mm.
But here, these witnesses actually
are not testifying to the character per se
but to the parenting ability of the two adults in question.
I think all this testimony probably would come in
and is probative, in other words relevant,
to the crucial question of whether the children
are in danger and whether custody
should be given over to the other person.
So there should be some cross examination going on.
Harvey Birdman should be up and cross examining these people
but, all in all, the regular testimony's pretty good.
(siren beeping in distance)
- Boy, that went well today.
I'd say a celebration's in order.
- Scotch, scotch, scotch, scotch.
- Stan, they're 11.
- Right.
(plunk, plunk)
- Okay, of course it's ridiculous to have the children
in a bar, although that does feed into the idea
that their father is not a good caretaker.
I will say that after a day of trial,
the place you are most likely to find a lawyer is at a bar,
probably the one that's closest to the courthouse.
Yeah. (laughs)
- You're up, Mr. Buttermilk.
- I'd like to call to the stand Dr. Benton Quest.
(people murmuring)
Dr. Quest, tell us a little about your relationship with--
- Well--
- Way too close, way too close to the witness.
- Race and I met one night.
- With your boys.
- Oh, (laughs) right.
I treasure them.
I love them dearly.
(hums)
- (chuckles) That's technically improper.
You're not allowed to lead the witness that way,
and it's really damning for his case.
- And when I'm not working on my projects,
like a way of accelerating particles
to subsonic speed using just magnets, for instance,
- Thank you, Dr. Quest. - to create aberrent waveforms
constant rate, - Nothing further!
- resulting in the sum which surprisingly equals the mass
of the atom. (Harvey clearing throat)
And separating them by weight, we should see
(harp plays) (dove wings flap)
magic! (laughs)
- Sometimes, it is so hard to control a witness,
and they think they're doing a good job,
or they just get lost in whatever point
that they're trying to make,
whether it's good for the trial or not.
(sighs) Yeah, I feel for Harvey Birdman here.
It's hard to control a witness sometimes.
- Mr. Vulturo, your witness.
- (mutters incoherently) spend enough time with your boys?
- Why, yes, I think I have.
- (mutters incoherently) doing what?
- Things that a father does with his sons.
- (mutters incoherently) would include?
- Well--
- Hmm, would you mind telling me
if Jonny and Hadji know how to play baseball?
- Why, uh, I'm not sure.
- So here
you might think that the policy
of never asking a question of cross examination
that you don't already know the answer to is sacrosanct.
But this is actually a good example
of when you should deviate from that rule
because there's really no answer
that Dr. Quest can give here that will be good.
Obviously, the attorney knows that this guy
doesn't know his children very well,
and if he answers the question correctly, well,
that he knows whether his children know
how to play baseball or not, well,
he can just move on to the next question
without really any damage being done.
However, if the doctor fails to answer the question
in the way that he is clearly failing to do here,
then he will have played into the hands,
and that testimony will be devastating to Dr. Quest's case.
So this is actually a good example of asking a question
that you might not necessarily know the answer to
ahead of time, but it can lead to some really,
really good and damning testimony.
- Look, I don't know
why basesball means so much to everyone.
There's important work to be done
to make things more decent!
- More decent than baseball?
Dun dun dun!
- (chuckles) That would be argumentative.
- [Vulturo] How long have you known the boys?
- Why, four years, almost half their lives.
- And how would you describe your relationship with them?
- I'm their bodyguard and tutor.
- This would also be improper because this attorney
has already called all of his witnesses
and then turned it over to the Quests,
presumably the respondent or the defendant.
So you don't then get to call new witnesses.
You'd be allowed to call rebuttal witnesses,
but this is your main witness,
so he's not a rebuttal witness.
So the order of the witnesses is totally wrong.
But you see this in a lot of legal shows
where they call witnesses out of order
to make it more dramatic.
Harvey Birdman is no exception.
- This doesn't seem like Race.
- Hmm?
- [Vulturo] Well, what do the boys mean to you?
- [Race] They mean, they mean everything to me.
- Excuse me. - I've taught them
how to drive a hover boat,
- Shh. - how to tie a tourniquet,
but they've taught me so much more.
They've taught me to care,
(poignant music) to nurture,
and I don't see why a simple thing
like biology should get in the way
of what I know in my heart to be true.
- Thank you.
Your witness.
- That was really good direct testimony
and really good open-ended questions
from the lawyer, eliciting a great narrative
and some great sound bytes from the witness.
So great job with direct examination.
- Bootylicious!
- Yes, your Honor?
- Your witness.
- Yes, your Honor.
Mr. Bannon, how long have you known the boys?
- Why, four years, almost half their--
- Fascinating.
Tell me, Mr. Bannon, what do you have to say about this?
Sorry.
- Yeah, you're not allowed in the well.
- Hm, let's see.
No, I tried that one already.
What do you have to say about this?
(electric zap) (cries out)
(sizzle)
- Order, order! (weapon bangs against desk)
Mr. Birdman, you better have a damn good explanation
for this. - I do, your Honor.
A few months ago,
during the Adventure of the Sunken Safe Deposit Box,
Race mysteriously became left handed,
and his shoes suddenly had laces when,
up till then, they'd always been slip-ons.
See, the bartender
that gave Race a drugged frozen lime daiquiri
during the House of Tasteful Men
was the same man who, Judge, later dinged your Lexus
and drove off without exchanging insurance information.
This man created a robot Race Bannon
and programmed it to get the boys.
And that man, your Honor,
is in this very
courtroom.
- Okay, putting aside the theatrics
of a robot taking the stand, that information
should have come out in discovery and not in trial itself.
So if Harvey Birdman was a good lawyer,
he would've discovered all of this information months
ahead of the trial itself; that's what litigation is for.
- Stenographer, read back what I just said.
- [Stenographer] Yes, um, something about a Lexus and
slip-on shoes and...
- And that is totally accurate,
that he could ask the stenographer,
the court reporter, to read back part
of the transcript in those particular circumstances.
That's really funny.
- Oh, drat!
This confounded machine doesn't make any sense!
- Doctor,
Doctor--
- Zin.
- Why was Dr. Zin the stenographer, though?
- Quickly to the Vulturecraft!
- If the lawyer was complicit
with the super villain's attempts to get custody of the boys
and suborned
perjury and this false witness,
that guy could get disbarred.
God, it's so good!
I love Harvey Birdman.
I hope you guys like this 'cause I'd love
to do another episode of this.
(bright, jaunty instrumental music)
It is time to give Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law a grade
for legal realism.
(gavel bangs repeatedly)
So on the one hand, you have some pretty good trial tactics:
good direct examination,
reasonable cross examination tactics,
and some testimony that was actually relevant
to the question at hand,
which you actually don't see all that often.
On the other hand, you have an abbreviated time frame
that is totally unrealistic, you've got superheroes
and superpowers going off in the courtroom,
and some totally ridiculous nonsense with some robots
and testimony.
But all in all, I have to say this is one
of the more accurate cartoons when you give it a discount
for trying to be a comedy and a kid's show.
So I will give Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law a B plus
for legal accuracy.
You can really feel the power of attorney.
(pulsating electronic noises) The power of attorney!
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Do you agree with my grade?
Leave your objections in the comments,
and check out this playlist for all
of my other real lawyer reactions over here,
where I will see you in court.