What else is there to do on a Tuesday evening but to catch up with old friends?
And since I've got my mood lighting, and I'm chilling in bed,
I thought I'd invite our old friend Abby for a slumber party.
Hey Ab. Abboo.
Wait.
Isn't that the monkey from Aladdin?
I'll just call you "Ab".
So I made my first video on Classically Abby when I had only 300 subscriptions.
And that video is the second most viewed on my channel.
So I have a lot to thank Abby for. Thanks Ab.
Oh, by the way, in case you didn't know, my name is Tara Mooknee.
And this is the only channel on Youtube where all videos are written and produced by a cow.
As far as we know. There might be other channels.
She couldn't be in the video today, because I wanted some quality time,
just Ab and I. You know, some one-on-one. And all of you.
But if you like and subscribe,
we might not exclude her next time and invite her to the next slumber party.
Just kidding, I would never exclude cow. She just has better things to do.
She has so many mates that I am pretty far down the list. I begged her to be here and she said -
Anyway, let's go in chronological order in the timeline of Classically Abby events.
At the end of 2020, she made a "Year in Review" video where
she reviewed her top 5 most viewed videos.
Abby: But this year was a huge year for my channel. Thanks to you guys,
I have had such growth for my social media, for my channel because the Classic Crew has become
such a great group of people and I am so glad you guys are all here.
Was your channel's growth due to the "Classic Crew?"
Or because you shelled out a tonne of cash for ads that would not leave us alone??
Oh! This reminds me.
I need to show you a comment from my first Ab
video. And it's all about how my channel is a huge conspiracy. Let me read you it.
Commenter: Don't you have your own ideas to make videos? Why you need to copy others channel?
You know what? You're right. I don't have my own ideas.
It's all the cow.
Commenter: You definitely feel better by bringing down those people who you are talking about...I
also think your channel is a made up channel, like the Jennelle Van Lifer.
Ok, so here she's talking about Jennelle Eliana. The "Van Girl"
who got 2 million subscribers in 3 weeks, or something bonkers like that.
Commenter: Who just came from nothing but high editing skills.
Thank you!
Commenter: Etc. It very strange.
Lots of subscribers and not even half of the time watch time...But the truth will come out soon.
That gave me chills!
Commenter: Definitely you have bought some Youtube features to push your videos forward,
so don't fool people. Very strange, I can see your analytics because I have a channel too,
but I don't use boosting tools like you. So this just shows
me I have to buy things to get forward on Youtube, without them, it's impossible...
And then it takes a very sharp turn.
Commenter: There is nothing feminine about you,
not like SSniperwolf who is making the same content as you.
Don't feed your insecurity, looking like a boy,
by talking bad about other people. You should work on yourself.
You're right. I do need to work on myself...
I need to be more CLASSIC.
Gosh! That comment was a wild ride, wasn't it?
What I've taken away from this comment...
In conclusion...
Make sure you subscribe to their channel because obviously they're struggling!
Ha!
I'm such a shady bitch.
Okay, let's carry on with the actual video. Where were we?
Abby: And the fifth most viewed video on my channel was "Conservative Women:
It's Our Time." This was the video where I decided to "come out" as a conservative influencer.
🎵 Tara sings: I'm coming out. I want the world to know, that I'm a conservative. 🎵
Abby: So much of the time it feels like one worldview. One position
is tolerated. And none of them will say what I am about to. I'm a conservative influencer.
Also, you're Ben Shapiro's sister, no-one is surprised.
Abby: For so many years, I had kept my beliefs under the radar.
Oh my god, yes! This is what I've been saying all this time!
Abby: Being a conservative woman in today's day and age is not easy.
Conservative women need SAFE SPACES.
Abby: And we shouldn't have to remain silent about our views, like I did,
for years. You've been forgotten and left behind. You've been silenced about your views.
This is giving me the same energy as that video from old Youtube where a
bunch of Christians were crying because they were homophobic.
Catholic 1: I am a little bit nervous about, people, umm, kind of hearing that
I am this way and then thinking, umm, "Oh, well, you know, she's not welcome here."
Catholic 2: I have tried to change this before but...it's too important to me.
Catholic 1: I actually think marriage is between a man and a woman. The best way to kind of
break down all these barriers *crocodile tears* sorry, is to just get to know people one on one.
Catholic 2: You're not alone.
*Abby sings*
Ooh, she's opera-ing again.
Shall I give it a go?
*Moos*
Did you like that?
So, let's look at this next video:
'AOC Sells A Sweatshirt That Says "Tax The Rich" Then She Sells It To RICH PEOPLE.'
This ought to be good.
Abby: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, something funny happened this week,
and Twitter thought it was hilarious.
Ooh, goody, I love jokes!
Abby: AOC is a socialist.
Yeah?
Abby: So, she hates Capitalism.
Yeah?
Abby: And she really believes in the redistribution of wealth by the government.
Are we getting to the joke?
Abby: But here's where the funny part comes in.
Ok, cool, let's get to the joke.
Abby: She recently came out with a line of merchandise
and the money would go towards her campaign.
Let's get to the joke.
Abby: One of the pieces in her line is a sweatshirt that simply says "Tax the rich."
It makes sense if you know that she is a socialist
and would love if the government redistribute everyone's wealth.
But here's where it gets good. Guess how much she's selling this sweatshirt for? Nope, not $25.
No, not $35.
$58!
Wait...what's the joke?
Abby can you explain the joke to me?
Abby: She tried to justify the cost of the sweatshirt
by saying it was created by unionised labour.
Oh, oh, I get it! She wanted them to have fair wages.
Abby: But if the cost of creating a dinky sweatshirt is $58
when you're using union labour, that kind of proves the point
that union labour makes everything more expensive, even when it doesn't deserve to be.
*Tara laughs sardonically*
Abby: And the great thing about virtue signalling is that they'll probably never
be faced with a situation where they actually do have to give all their money to the government.
Yeah! That's it Abby. You've hit the nail on the head there.
AOC doesn't want that. Because the tax rate she suggested was MARGINAL.
She just wants you to contribute some
of your income so people can have healthcare...so they don't...die.
Abby: This whole situation was so funny.
This title is so misleading. She only talks about it for the first two minutes!
Let's see what the comments have to say.
Commenter: Abby: "58$ is an exorbitant amount of money to
pay for a sweater. Only rich people who virtue signal can afford this!"
Also Abby: "OMG this $350 pearl necklace is so pretty,
you should buy one from my sponsor, they're not very expensive at all!"
That is true, she does get sponsored by jewellery companies, doesn't she?
Commenter: The problem here is that most cheap clothes aren't made ethically.
Most people don't get paid enough for their work and are working in awful conditions.
Big part of socialism is preventing people from being treated like this just so some company can
make money. Every time you buy something cheap, ask yourself: if everybody that worked hard to
get this item to you, got paid fairly and if the price you're paying is really covering their pay
plus profit. From that statement alone, you can see your opinion on this is very shallow.
I mean, preach!
Now, Abby has an ongoing series called "The Scoop". Where she catches up with
her Classic Crew, a bit like we're doing now!
Except I'm not usually invited.
And the AOC video was one of those.
Now, I'd like to quickly dip our little toe beans into this video here.
"I went to Disneyworld during the PANDEMIC. Here's how it went. The Scoop 17."
Now, if you think the like to dislike ratio is savage, you should see the comments.
I mean for all the criticisms people have of Abby, you've got to admit she is not a coward.
I mean, she is riling people up! This title is obviously provocative.
That thumbnail. "Is it worth it?" I'm going to go with...NO.
Abby: If you are new to my channel, "The Scoop" is our opportunity to catch up, have a cup of
coffee together and just hang out and chat. So grab something to drink, whether that be coffee,
or water, or whatever it is that you want - *Tara grunts* RUM! *Fast forwards through Abby's video*
She doesn't talk about Disneyworld until 9 *cough* minutes in!
Abby: And it was such a good way for me to find joy when we were all kind of stuck at home.
But you weren't stuck at home.
And not much else happens in this video. She just wanted
to provoke people with the title...which she did.
Commenter: dropping in to leave my dislike, don't mind me.
Commenter: Alternative title: I was irresponsible and travelled during
a raging global pandemic that isn't slowing down anytime soon.
Commenter: I've been up to being responsible and not killing people...so yeah.
Commenter: A classic-mannered lady wouldn't be so selfish and travel during a lockdown.
So remember when Harry Styles wore a dress and for some reason people freaked out about it?
Now, if you were ever wondering if Abby is attracted to men in dresses, she clears that up.
Abby: As somebody who really values masculinity,
and finds masculinity very attractive, I don't find Harry Styles in a dress attractive.
Harry's going to be devastated!
When he did that photoshoot for Vogue, all he could think about was:
"I hope this impresses Abby!"
It's the tragedy of a century!
As I'm sure you've seen, there were lots of defences online of Harry wearing the dress,
by saying that men have historically worn dresses and tights and other so-called "feminine" attire.
Let's see Abby's zinger of a response!
Abby: For those saying that men historically wore dresses
to prove that Harry Styles is masculine in a dress:
Abby: When men historically worse dresses they were masculine clothing
OF THE TIME. Harry was specifically trying to subvert masculinity by WEARING A WOMAN'S DRESS.
Abby: CONTEXT!
The issue isn't that you associate dresses with femininity. The problem is that you
freak out if a man does something that isn't considered "masculine enough".
I mean, come one Abby, you can't lie. The reaction to it was so overblown. And so overdramatic.
Why are you so pressed?
Also, does that not further prove the point that gender
roles are relative to the culture and the times?
Which makes me think...maybe they're a construct.
And maybe...we live...in a..SOCIETY.
Abby: For all the women defending Harry Styles wearing a dress,
just remember that now you can't get mad when your boyfriend steals
your favourite dress from your closet like your sister did in high school.
If you're for people expressing themselves, then, you can't condemn theft. That's hypocritical.
If you wear Doc Martens, then you can't complain when someone robs them.
I don't make the rules!
Oh, and speaking of Doc Martens, here's another bizarre tweet of hers.
Abby: What I think is fashion: Abby: What kids think is fashion:
Uhhhh. I feel like I'm looking at one of those tweets made by
an AI generator. Because, what's your point?
Also, Docs have been around longer than you have. Significantly longer.
And also, why not both?? CONTEXT!
You wouldn't wear stilletos to go camping.
You wouldn't wear Doc Martens in a swimming pool. If you're sensible.
This one's probably my favourite.
Abby: Here's your daily reminder that embracing
femininity and womanhood is considered controversial.
Ok, we'll watch just one more video because we've got to go do our face masks,
paint our nails, share our deepest darkest secrets with each other.
I miss slumber parties.
So the title of this video, and this only came out a few days ago:
"A Company CANCELLED My Sponsorship - Because I'm a CONSERVATIVE."
Abby: So I had a sponsorship, I had a sponsorship lined up for 6 months,
and a few people wrote to that company and said that they didn't agree
with the content that I had posted, and the company pulled the sponsorship.
That's some goss! I wonder who the company is...
Abby: So I no longer am making money from that company because I am conservative.
Conservatives are in favour of free market capitalism
until the free market decides that it's not profitable to associate with them.
Forrest Gump: And that's all I have to say about that.
Now let's do our pet shoutout of the video!
So today we've got:
NUBBINS!
Nubbins has 3 legs. Look at him! So handsome.
And the most rub-able belly that I've ever seen.
Apparently he can be a bit of a jerk. And uses the 3 legs as
an excuse to poop in front of a perfectly clean litter box.
Oh my god, Siggy's the same! I'll open the door to let her go outside to pee.
She'll refuse. And then she'll come back in, and wee on the rug. Making full eye contact.
So yeah, there's Nubbins. Thanks for sending that in. Let's give Nubbins a round of applause.
Speaking of pets! Hello! Hi dog! Hi dog! Are you joining my slumber party?
Let's say thank you so my lovely patrons.
Buh bye now! Buh bye! Buh bye now! Buh bye!