-Welcome, everybody!
Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."
This is it. [ Cheers and applause ]
We made it.
And even though I just got here, I can already tell
you guys are way better than last night's audience.
Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely.
And you're actually here on a very special night,
because, guys, tonight is our fifth anniversary.
That's right. [ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
That's right.
We launched the show exactly five years ago,
and as of tonight, we'll have made 1,022 episodes
of "The Tonight Show."
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's crazy, right?
I can't believe that it's been five years.
Can you believe that?
-Actually I can, yeah. [ Laughter ]
-Thank you very much, Higgins. [ Laughter ]
Here's a fun fact.
Tarik, tell everyone what you told me earlier.
Tarik?
[ Laughter ]
Year six off to a great start. Here we go.
Can we try that again? Dave, can we do it again?
-No problem, Jimmy. -All right, thanks.
I'm gonna go from the "fifth anniversary" line, okay?
It's the magic of television, guys.
We'll edit this out. [ Laughter ]
Guys, tonight is our fifth anniversary.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
That's right!
We launched the show exactly five years ago,
and as of tonight, we will have done 1,022 episodes
of "The Tonight Show."
[ Cheers and applause ]
And check this out.
Tarik, tell the everyone what you told me earlier.
-Uh, in dog years, we're actually at 7,154 episodes.
-Wow! [ Cheers and applause ]
No wonder why I'm so tired.
Now let's get to some news here.
If you watched the Oscars last night,
allow me to explain. I'm what's called a host.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's right, last night were the Academy Awards.
It's when Hollywood gathers together
to celebrate all the incredible films nobody saw.
It's great. [ Cheers and applause ]
-These -- These are the jokes?
Unbelievable.
-...limo saying, "I just want to take another look at you."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Of course, there were some interesting winners last night.
For example, the Oscar for Best Animated Short
Went to Kim Jong-un. -Oh, really? Wow.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Didn't even know he was nominated.
-He's very animated. -Wow.
-Speaking of Kim Jong-un, later this week,
he's meeting with President Trump.
They have a lot in common -- they inherited everything
from their dads, and they cut their own hair.
[ Laughter ]
That's right -- Trump's going to Vietnam.
-Does he look, uh... puffy?
-Too much salt.
-Ow. -The meeting's from...
-Let's get all the ramen out of his office.
-...Trump and Kim Jong-un, their translator
will just slowly walk into the ocean.
[ Laughter ]
But I really wish cameras were allowed in the room
for that meeting, 'cause I'd love to see Trump
try to say the phrase "nuclear prolipf-- prolip --"
Oh, God. [ Laughter ]
"Nuclear proliferation." Sorry.
Uh, I wish cameras were there,
allowed in the room for that meeting, yeah,
'cause I'd love to see Trump try to say the phrase
"nuclear polar--" I can't say it.
[ Laughter ] I can't say it.
How's he gonna say it if I can't say it?!
[ Laughter ]
Cut that joke. We don't need that joke.
[ Laughter ]
Hey! Uh...
[ Laughter ]
Five years, five years, yeah.
Some entertainment news -- a new Jean-Claude Van Damme...
-This is an old person to you, right?
This guy looks old?
-"We Die Young" is about what'll happen
if Trump's meeting if Kim Jong-un doesn't go well.
-At least he still combs his hair with a sneaker.
-Get this -- the AARP...
-That's young.
-...reality show called "Date My Grandma."
[ Audience groans ]
Like "The Bachelorette," but instead of a fantasy suite,
they get a booth at Denny's. [ Laughter and applause ]
-Oh, my God. I hate myself for writing that joke.
-Yeah, I think we all hate you for writing that joke.
-Yeah. You should quit. -Mm-hmm.
-Hey, I saw that Facebook recently celebrated
its 15th anniversary.
I can't believe it's been around for so long.
Do you remember what it was like before Facebook?
You remembered your friends' birthdays
'cause you actually cared. [ Laughter and applause ]
Bang. [ Rimshot ]
[ Laughter ]
Before Facebook, you spent time at work actually working.
[ Rimshot ]
Before Facebook, the only way to find out
your uncle was racist was seeing him on Thanksgiving.
[ Rimshot ]
Finally, you guys, a new report found
that the New York Knicks are the NBA's most valuable team
at $4 billion. That's crazy.
That's a billion dollars for every game
they've won this year.