We had the opportunity to watch Prince George along with William and Catherine at the England
vs. Wales Six Nations Rugby match.
And I couldn't help but notice that his facial expressions can be very helpful to understand
the right way to read emotions on children.
Welcome back, my body language buddies!
my name is Jesús Enrique Rosas, I'm the Body Language Guy, and it would be great if you
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Body language is the channel that we use to communicate our emotional state, and just
from that statement, you can imagine that the way adults and children express their
emotions, especially in their faces, can be really different.
So, anyone can make a very common mistake of trying to read children's faces like they
were adults, when it's obvious that, emotional states are far more complex in us, and children
process the world around them differently, just to name a few divergences.
This is a very simple exercise that can greatly help you understand how children's facial
expressions work, and at the same time, boost your skill reading adults.
Let's just take a look at George getting to the stadium along with his parents.
I'm not giving any clues, but just look at him, and don't try to rationalize what you're
seeing right now.
Remember that your intuition is always gonna kick in first and you need to get used to
observe without any judgement.
Just listen to your gut.
Now, by this point you might have already put some labels to George's emotions.
Maybe you are thinking that he's a bit bored, or... not impressed, or maybe he's a bit shy,
or maybe this is a mix of everything at the same time.
This is what we adults do all the time.
We always need to classify everything, including emotions, in some kind of informal, personal
system so we can make sense of the world, and quickly.
But children don't do that.
Children just absorb the world as it comes to them.
And this could sound preposterous, "What are you talking about the world coming to the
children?"
That's how they perceive it.
They're trying to make sense of everything as they go along.
This is a very good moment to remember that this "making sense of the world" depends a
lot on how children imitate their parents.
How they see their parents reacting to outside forces.
That's why you can spot George taking quick peeks, in this case in Catherine's direction.
He's checking how she reacts to the world at that moment, so he can reinforce his own
way of reacting.
And maybe the word "imitate" is not the right one, because it's way more important that
the child feels reassured of his parents' reactions.
If a child notices that any of his parents lose their temper, or get emotional with the
slightest problem, they will not be able to express their own way of reaction, because
they will be in alarm mode.
Yes, it's important for children to see their parents expressing emotions, BUT they also
need to see how their parents MANAGE those emotions.
It's like you see your parents freaking out, or behaving in an unpredictable way.
That will kick in your fight or flight response.
And worse yet, you will have no idea what's going on.
That can really mess up with the development of your emotional intelligence.
And we get to the most important thing about children and how they express their emotions.
They are actively trying to make sense of the world.
That means that they are going to be in a constant display of wonder.
And most probably, that is going to be a neutral expression.
And we, the grown ups, have a real problem with neutral expressions.
In most countries, as soon as two adults meet, there is going to be some kind of mutual,
conscious acknowledgment.
Maybe a smile, maybe a nod, maybe a pressing of the lips, something.
That's why, when an adult stumbles upon the neutral face of a child, something that is
much more common than you think, it would be like trying to make sense of a rorschach
test.
It's like this inkblot.
Most probably you're thinking of someone that looks like a clown and has a beard.
I wonder who would it be.
That's why you saw George's face and instantly began to assume that he had this or that emotion.
And I have to break it to you, but pretty much like a Rorschach test, the emotion that
you "saw" in George when I played this clip, was most probably a projection of YOUR own
emotions, or how would YOU react to a moment like this.
This is old-fashioned projection.
For example: If you didn't like going to ball games and instead liked to go playing in nature,
then you could have inTERpreted George's face like he was bored.
If you're an introvert and you've always had trouble meeting new people, maybe you read
shyness in him, or maybe you thought that somehow, this is the face of a spoiled child.
And so on.
Worst of all, most parents are not aware of this, and they just ask the child, why do
you have that face?
c'mon, smile!
Even children that are outgoing and like to smile, will spend a lot of time with a neutral
face when you just cannot make any emotion from them.
Especially boys, that could be really hard to read, well into their teenage years and
sometimes, even as adults.
So, what can you do?
well, George's video has a couple interesting moments, such as this one.
If he was as uncomfortable as his neutral face would suggest, then he wouldn't show
a genuine smile like this.
Children don't know how to fake smiles.
They don't even know what a fake smile is!
so this kind of emotional displays tell you that he's actually in a good mood.
And that is the secret of reading children's emotions.
I've told you a couple times that you should pay special attention to the moments right
after something happens and you expect a reaction.
When you ask a question, or someone arrives, or something happens that ellicits a reaction.
That's the window you have to spot solid body language clues.
This is specially relevant when dealing with children, because it's precisely in those
tiny windows that you'll be able to spot their true emotional states.
That's why it's absolutely necessary that you learn how to have an engaging conversation
with them.
There's no way around this.
You have to talk to them in their own language.
In the language of the TV shows they watch, the videogames they play, or the books they
read.
This can actually be very useful when reading emotions in adults, especially because adults
are constantly hiding their emotions.
If you can learn to be engaging with a child, you'll notice that your interactions with
adults will massively improve.
Well, that's basically the plot of Kindergarten Cop.
I want to reinforce the topic of projection, and how common is to make the mistake that
we see someone's facial expression and assume that they have this or that emotion.
And that's more or less the explanation why some people, especially women, are demonized
for having 'resting bitch face', that is simply a neutral expression that looks like she's
finding everyone repulsive.
Many, many women suffer because of this, and they usually blame themselves for having that
expression.
Which is not fair, because most probably they just don't feel like smiling all the time,
and that's perfectly fine.
But what usually happens when a woman who just doesn't like to smile meets other people,
wether it's men or women, is that these people begin to put tags on her.
Like "Why are you angry?"
"Why are you always upset?"
"Why do you want to punch me in the face", and it's really frustrating.
If you have ever felt like this at any point of your life, you must know that you're not
alone.
And what's happening is that the people that tell you all this crap, they are just projecting
their own misery.
Maybe they are used to hiding their own emotions behind a fake smile and find it unsettling
that you don't do the same.
Who knows.
But projecting goes both ways.
As I mentioned, this is something that our brain does on autopilot when we see a neutral
face and immediately tries to put a label on it.
It's really important that you learn to think about your thinking, what is called metacognition,
so you can be aware when YOU make this kind of mistakes.
With some practice, this will massively improve your relationships with everyone.
If you want to refine your observation skills, all you have to do is download my 100+ body
language tips, right in the description of this video.
My name is Jesús Enrique Rosas and it will always be a pleasure, my body language buddies!
Much Love, and Bliss.