Here's how it works.
I'm going to read a news headline that's missing a word
or two. tWitch and I are going to try to guess the missing
words, and we'll play until we run out of time or I win,
whichever comes first.
It's fun to play along too.
But he's really good at this.
Let's see the first one.
A man's blank were stuck in his throat for eight days
before anyone realized.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, no.
Wow.
Oh, man.
Just give us your first thought, tWitch.
No, I can't.
I can't do this.
[LAUGHTER]
A man's were stuck in his throat for eight days.
OK, well, it has to be plural, right?
[CLEARS THROAT]
I think I heard someone say what I was going to say.
I'm going to say dentures.
I think someone said dentures.
Yeah.
It's dentures.
I'm going to say dentures.
I'm going to say a man's contacts were stuck
in his throat for eight days before anybody
realized they were there.
Has anyone seen my contacts?
I'm just saying.
All right.
Maybe.
Let's see.
We are looking into a story that's
getting a lot of buzz today.
And it claims a man's missing dentures
were stuck in his throat for eight days
before anybody realized they were there.
Yeah.
Eight days.
Your dentures are in your throat.
That man is used to being uncomfortable.
That man, I feel so bad that you're
so used to discomfort that your dentures are in your throat.
But at least he could probably eat corn
on the cob or something, right?
[LAUGHTER]
Here's the next one.
A man robs blank to get away from blank.
Man robs wife to get away from her.
I don't know.
That's what this game is, Andy.
You just guess things.
Yeah.
Man robs-- man robs--
OK, man robs fireman to get away from police.
Final answer.
Yeah, does anyone have an idea?
Someone's raising her hand but she's muted.
So I don't know.
Now, it's a new game.
We read her lips.
This is elevated to a whole new game.
Is she still muted?
OK, we can't.
We'll never know, ma'am.
All right.
What do you think it is, Andy?
No, she said man robs car to get away from wife.
What do you think it is, Mary?
I know the answer.
I can see.
Oh, then you can't play.
OK, let's see what it is.
When you think you've heard it all, listen to this.
A Kansas man has pled guilty to robbing
a bank because he says that he was so
tired of living with his wife.
Wow.
I got one word.
We got one word.
You're winning the game right now.
All right, let's see the next one.
Please department warns residents
to beware of blank blank.
People are raising their hands but they're muted.
It's a shame.
They have ideas.
And they think they're right.
We do.
Who's not muted?
OK, let's see her.
Yeah.
Ashley?
Yeah, OK.
Rabid squirrels.
And who's next to her?
She has an idea, too.
Home invasion?
Oh, that's too obvious.
It's got to be crazy.
It's got to be.
Rabid squirrels does sound like it could be.
Yeah, it does.
I'm going to take off of that and get a variant off of that
and say hungry coyotes.
Oh, that's good too.
I'm going to say wild turtles.
[LAUGHTER]
Let's see.
Now to a warning from a suburban police department
to beware of zombie raccoons.
[LAUGHTER]
Why can't we hear the rest of that?
We can't just hear zombie raccoons and not--
why do you not finish up on that story?
What are they doing?
They're walking around and watching their little hands,
their little zombie.
Zombie raccoons.
All right, here's another one.
Elderly couple tells police 60 pounds of marijuana
were for blank blank.
60 pounds of marijuana were for their grandkids.
The grandkids their, because you'd have to reverse it.
That's a longer, their grandkids.
Oh, I didn't know we were doing the--
I think they give us a clue saying
it's a longer word like that.
I think they do.
OK, were for bingo night.
All right.
That's good, that's good.
That's probably not what it is, but it will be,
I'm going to say they were for the zombie raccoons.
I think they ordered the marijuana for-- then that's
why they're zombies.
They're just high and looking for something to eat.
OK, let's see what it is.
An elderly couple in Nebraska had an interesting excuse
for these 60 pounds of marijuana police found at her car.
Told cops that they plan to, quote,
"distribute the marijuana to family and friends
as Christmas gifts".
So kind of grandkids.
Christmas gifts.
Wow.
That's amazing.
All right, I was not keeping score, but I think I won.
Sure.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]