I mean, I didn't do myself any favors.
I really just made this drink.
It's like... you know.
[both laugh]
Let's talk about outer space.
Hello, I'm Jenny Slate,
and today we're going to talk
about Arno Penzias and Robert Wilson
and their beautiful cosmic discovery.
This is my dog's...
uh, penis,
and then I've also had his balls removed.
- Aw, shame, shame. - Reggie.
"Give me back my balls." You can't have 'em.
I took them away!
But I have a full vagina. [laughs]
[clicks tongue]
In 1960,
Bell Labs made this, like, giant listening device for NASA.
But then, by the time they were ready to use it,
a better thing had been built.
So then it was just, like, by itself,
all by itself in New Jersey.
A lonely horn. [sighs]
But two scientists,
Arno Penzias and Robert Wilson,
they were like, oh, whoa, whoa!
Hold on, hold on!
If no one's using that, could we use it?
They were like, come on down to the horn.
So they get to the horn.
They're like, we are beautiful scientists with lovely minds,
and we want to listen to the sounds between the stars.
Boink. They're like, let's go, babe!
Let's listen up! [laughs]
Oh, God, I love thinking of them calling each other "babe."
So they listen, and the sound
is a hundred times louder
than any sound they expected to hear.
It's like [imitates static].
The universe is like... [imitates static]
Find out about me! [imitates static]
So they were like,
what is this darn sound?
[laughs]
It's coming from everywhere in the sky at once.
Everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.
[imitates static]
And then they were like, no.
There's no way a sound could come from everywhere at once,
so we have to eliminate all the other sounds
that might be, like, interfering.
So first they thought maybe--
Someone doesn't care about science.
They were like, it must be coming from, you know, New York.
Urban interference, you know.
New York is a city with buildings and lights
and people and subway and blah, blah, blah.
So they were like, point it there.
[hums]
Pointed the horn at New York City.
No, that's not what we were hearing.
Forget about you, New York.
Maybe it's coming from a military base nearby.
And then they just, like, point it at the military bases,
but they didn't hear that noise coming from there.
No, it isn't it. [laughs]
So then they were like, okay, next.
Maybe it's from the sun.
They point it at the sun, and the sun was like,
I'm just the sun. I don't give a [bleep].
They were like, it's not the sun.
What the funk is this, man?
And then they were like, we should check our device.
What if there's something inside of this thing,
like, you know, mold or a skeleton...
of a hobo that crawled in there to get shelter?
[laughing] Or whatever.
They look inside the horn. Guess what.
This [bleep] thing is filled with pigeons.
Houston, we do have a problem, and it's pigeons.
[both laugh]
Arno is like, you do it, Robert.
You [bleep] kill them.
Robert's like, I don't want to do it.
You do it.
[laughs]
Guess what they did.
They shot them with a gun.
A shotgun.
Then they were like, well, that'll do it.
[chuckles]
After they've wiped the bird blood
off of their hands,
they're both like, R.I.P. these pigeons.
Let's do this.
Boink. They start to listen.
They're like, oh, [bleep].
[imitates static]
They hear it again.
What the hunk is this right now?
[both laugh]
They don't have the answer.
They don't know what to do.
They listen through the horn for years.
They're going through their papers,
their papers, their papers.
Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, I can't get it.
Ugh, ugh, there's nothing here.
Ugh. This one's boring.
Ugh, this is in another language.
Just being like, we're never gonna figure this out.
Finally, they find a study done by a scientist
whose name is Dicke.
[chuckles]
He had this crackpot theory that the universe,
instead of being infinite, actually started at some point.
Dicke's like, 13.8 billion years ago,
aka old as [bleep].
[laughs]
Check your watch.
I think the universe started
with, like, a crazy explosion, aka the Big Bang.
But they had no way to prove it.
Then these two guys from New Jersey
who have been listening to this [bleep] pigeon [bleep] horn...
[laughs]
Call him up, they're like, we hear this thing.
It's like [imitates static].
Have you ever heard of that before?
He's like, oh, my God.
That's it.
This is what we've been studying.
Cosmic microwave.
[sighs] What is that word?
What is the word?
We know it. What is it?
Cosmic microwave background radiation.
[triumphant music] - Okay?
It's the sound of microwaves
from the Big Bang.
[imitates static]
And they were like, yeah, that's it!
This is it! We got it! We got it!
This is basically the sound of the Big Bang.
They wanted to try to find anything,
but what they found was the sound of everything.
Boing! [babbles]
I had to unfollow NASA on Instagram
'cause it made me too crazay!
It would just be like,
this is a picture of a [bleep] black hole!
And I was like, aah!
[laughs]
Okay, let me tell you this.
Penzias and Wilson get the Nobel Prize for physics.
Everyone [bleep] flips out, and they were like,
yes, the Big Bang is real.
It happened. It's real.
You guys did it.
Penzias and, um... and, uh...
Oh, [bleep]. The other guy.
I just keep thinking of Winslow...
[laughing] But I know that's from
(Derek) Carl.
[laughing]
Carl Winslow discovered the Big Bang.
Derek, what this is right here,
this is the sound of the echo
of the universe being created.
[imitates static]
Suck on that for a second.
See how you like it.
Just for a second.
The universe is like, just suck on it for a second.
[both laugh]
(Jenny) I'm the [bleep] universe.
Suck on it for a second.
[patriotic music]