So perhaps you caught my recent video about the ENFP dark side returning where
I talked about my experience being under extreme stress and how that can
significantly change an ENFP's personality and just act like a totally
paranoid different person and I promised in that video that I would make another
video talking about what I learned about feeling controlled about expressing what
we want and ultimately how enfps function as leaders within business
within partnerships and I'm sure it applies to sports and adventures and
world travelers as well if you are new to the channel my name is Dan and my
mission here is to help you become the best version of yourself all while
creating the most awesome life possible for you and those you love so consider
subscribing if you end up enjoying this video now I was recently in Ukraine on a
business partnership looking at investments this is what I talked about
in the last video and in this situation we had a new partnership between me and
a friend of mine who is an INTJ and in theory we are the perfect partnership
match and truthfully I think that might be the case the more and more of this
partnership developed and I see how it can really work together but during the
early part of this trip which was really the start of this partnership and a
chance to really test things and also due to some really poor Airbnb
experiences a terrible terrible combination of lack of sleep of long
days and no kind of stressful situations so pushes people to the limit which is
probably good to have happen at the beginning and during this time I started
to feel like I had no control like I was being pushed in this direction that I
didn't necessarily want to go in I was feeling like wait I'm having to do all
these things that like I don't want to do this I feel like I'm being controlled
and fortunately I had a big realization about what was really happening is we
had a mission we were there to accomplish we had to get things done and
I was not taking a leadership role I was not stepping up with a plan I was
not saying here's what we should do today here's what we need to get done
and that's something I often can do but in this case he has a lot more
experience in the area we're working in so I was defaulting to him and sort of
sitting back and I wasn't taking charge nor was I even really expressing myself
as much as I could I found myself kind of taking this back
seat where I'd occasionally express opinions but I wouldn't speak strongly
for something I wanted I wasn't taking charge and then I felt like I was being
controlled in this really backseat position but I reflected on what was
actually said and truthfully I wasn't expressing what I wanted so how would I
get what I wanted or how would I at least feel heard and like I had some
control of where we were going if I wasn't expressing that to the other
person and maybe this is just me maybe this is not an ENFP phenomenon I have a
feeling it is though but ultimately what I realized is a lot of the thoughts were
going on in my head not being expressed out loud a lot more was happening within
my intuition which in some cases actually turned out to be right my
intuition you know the extraverted intuition we have where we can take in a
lot of information and learn a new situation like say going to Ukraine to
make an investment we can see patterns really quick and figure things out and I
was doing that unconsciously and sort of figuring some things out but I wasn't
expressing the while I wasn't articulating or leading the way so my
intuition was trying to pull me one way and then I was expressing nothing and
the situation and my partner were kind of going in this way and naturally I had
this mound of stress like I felt totally out of control it was not a pleasant
experience but my big takeaway and why this was a really really positive
experience I could not be happier that it happened was realizing that if as an
ENFP we don't like to necessarily control
people and we don't like to be controlled I think most of us can agree
that's the case all right we don't have this empower fixation where we want to
rule over 80 people but we definitely don't want to be one of the 80 people
being ruled over is we must learn how to express ourselves how to say what we
want and how to lead or perhaps lead within a partnership and find that right
where we can express ourselves say what we want and so we don't feel controlled
and also be fair to the other person because it's not fair for the people who
end up having to partner and work with us that we have all this intuition
inside we don't share we have all these thoughts in our head we don't really put
out there and then we expect them to read our minds maybe we're pretty good
at reading other people's minds but hopefully your partnership is not too
enfps you know there's some balance there and the types that we often
partner well with are not necessarily as intuitive at reading other people and
maybe more logically oriented may look at hey this is what you said what am I
supposed to do a few more insights I'll mention if you're watching this far
you're probably finding this valuable so I want to share as much as I can about
what I figured out another thing along the lines of clear communication is
guessing what people mean especially if it's in text but even if it's shared
there were a few times where I made assumptions about what other people
meant that to me were very clear I made they said something I made the
assumption about what it meant maybe even why they did it or why they said it
and then I used that to form judgments which turns out that the original
judgment was not correct and so when it comes to clear communication it's really
important not only that we learn to express ourselves but also learn to
maybe ask more questions I realize that I held back on perhaps interrogating
people and getting really clear and say wait what do you mean wait clarify that
can we put that in writing these are all things I should have done like hey can
we write this down to ensure we both mean the same thing I didn't want to
feel like I was untrusting or that I was trying to just that interrogate someone
so I kind of went with the flow more instead of taking the time to really
clarify which would have avoided a lot of problems after so even though it
might go against our nature of being a bit more laid-back or going with a flow
we can also tend to be a bit conflict avoidant where we don't really want to
like butt heads with someone so we keep things inside all these things that can
make us usually have warm relationships usually be easy to get along with and
all that in more intense situations or
professional partnerships I think we have to learn how and I'm saying we like
this is on my to-do list for 2020 is to practice this stuff and get better at it
is learning to really express our intuition learning to say what we want
and what we think and also clarifying with other people and maybe having a
little more conflict and a little more direct uncomfortable conversations early
to avoid a really uncomfortable conversation later
as this was all being discussed and hashed out between me and my partner one
of the quotes he shared which I cannot remember exactly how it went and I can't
get ahold of him right now for this video to get it but essentially that
people often mistake the actions taken as those of the leader when really the
leader is basically doing what is inevitable doing what needs to be done
basically that he was looking at what we have to do he wasn't in his mind making
decisions he's saying this is what we have to do to get to our goal let's do
it it wasn't necessarily any one person's decision and I think it was a
really good way of thinking about it because it goes back to that us if he
has a enough piece if we sit back and go with the flow we can't blame someone
else and where that flow takes us that flow was happening maybe someone else
took us there maybe that was just the way events would go if we don't step up
and change them so my big takeaway from this whole
experience is to get more clear on the things I want to articulate it earlier
and perhaps more accurately and ultimately not to blame anyone else for
any situation I end up in if I did not you know take my own action to try to
change that situation or mold it the way I want it to go so that's it those are
some more of my insights from one heck of an interesting couple of weeks thank
you for watching if you're new here do subscribe to the channel I published
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pretty decent so hit the subscribe button and I will see you in a new video
soon thanks for watching!