Do you have ever really strong
connection with a guy?
The attraction is incredible.
He's super into you.
You can't stop thinking about him.
Guy quickly becomes your boyfriend.
And you have not been this excited
in a long time.
Suddenly you start to think about a
future and then boom.
He stops contacting you.
You've been ghosted.
What did you do wrong?
What do you do now?
What do you do next?
Stick around.
I'll tell you.
My name is Evan Marc Katz, Dating
Coach for smart, strong, successful
women and your personal trainer for
love. Welcome to the Love U
Podcast. Stay to the end of this
video to learn why men ghost
and what you can do about it.
When we're done, I'll let you know
how you could apply to Love U to
create a passionate relationship
where you feel safe, heard, and
understood.
So just this week,
a Love U client gets ghosted.
Actually, three
Love U clients get ghosted.
And I wish I could protect them
from everything in the world.
But all I can do is
help women get boyfriends and
navigate their relationships.
I do not yet have the power to
control what every man on the planet
does.
But the unfortunate part of
ghosting is that it always brings
up the most predictable questions
that trigger one's insecurities.
What did I do wrong?
What do I do now?
What do I do next?
So let's just start with
what did I do wrong?
I don't know why this is.
Women tend to beat themselves up far
more than men.
And this is anecdotal.
And I'm a dating coach for women
very specifically because women ask
for help and men do not.
But I think there's a certain
cluelessness that often comes with
men where he could write off that
it's her fault.
She was crazy, something like that.
My clients really ruminate and beat
themselves up.
And I don't think we can cover all
the ways that women beat themselves
up on a short podcast
to the point where I had to write
a whole book about this.
It's called Why He Disappeared.
Why He Disappeared The Smart,
Strong, Successful Woman's Guide to
Understanding Men and Keeping the
Right One Hooked Forever is the long
title with the colon, and it's
broken up into three sections.
Why he disappeared during courtship,
why he disappeared while he's dating
you, and why he disappeared from
your relationship.
And I'm not selling you the book.
My point is you don't need that
right now because
we can spend a whole bunch of time
dissecting all of your
behavior through every facet
of dating and relationships but
the not so secret secret
of why he disappeared.
My audio program
e-book is that it doesn't
matter what you did wrong.
I repeat, it doesn't
matter what you did
wrong. And this is a concept that I
teach heavily and have to reinforce
constantly for
my Love U clients, the ones who
are in those group coaching calls.
You can't do the wrong thing
with the right guy.
Really want you to hear that you
can't do the wrong thing with the
right guy. So a useful
and practical concept with the
man who's going to be a worthy
husband.
No little thing is going to derail
your relationship.
And I just have this conversation
with
a client I'll call Judy.
And she's got a new boyfriend during
quarantine, thanks to Love U.
And things felt a little off.
So she said something to him
and he validated
that why she was feeling off.
He was like, you know what? You're
right.
I'm not ready for a
girlfriend. I don't know
if I want this right now.
And then she turns to me, what did I
do wrong? Maybe I shouldn't
have said anything. And, I'm like, "no", with
the right guy, it's just
a discussion about how you're
respectively feeling and the
pressures of working
and parenting during quarantine,
raising children and
the newness and the intensity of the
relationship. It's just a
discussion. With the wrong guy, he
picks up and bails.
And she's left thinking she did
something wrong to cause him to do
that. No, the problem was with
him. So, if a reasonable
relationship discussion
derails the relationship,
newsflash, the relationship
wasn't that strong and
it was certainly not meant to
last for the rest of your life,
no matter how much you liked him, no
matter how great the start was, no
matter how much potential he had.
Doesn't matter.
These are his true colors.
This guy who ghosted isn't
ready, for whatever reason,
for the thing that you want and
you're ready for that tells the
whole story.
So if a guy's out,
if a guy sees fit to
end a relationship, at not just end
a relationship, end a relationship
by disappearing without even the
semblance of a good discussion, you
didn't really have a real
relationship. You had a fantasy
of what a relationship could look
like if things were different and
if he were different.
That's another important thing.
When we lament what happened in a
relationship, you're essentially
wishing that he's a different person
than he actually is.
The person he is is the one who
ghosts.
I say this on Love U calls.
It's stupid but, I say anyway.
Jeffrey Dahmer, great guy if he
didn't eat people.
That's hyperbole because
it's ridiculous. Yeah.
The eating people that one thing is
the problem with Jeffrey Dahmer.
It's the eating people.
You're a great guy who ghosts then
you are not that great of a
boyfriend. Don't waste too much time
on what you did wrong.
It's not that we can all stand to
improve our confidence and our
self-esteem and our self-awareness
and our relationship skills.
It's that the reason the guy ghosted
is him, not you.
So that brings us to the next
question.
What do you do now?
Hard truth,
nothing. Wait, not nothing.
Proactively unfriend him
on social media, block his texts,
take a week to grieve.
Then we're talking about a new
relationship. This isn't a two-year
relationship with a guy who ghosts.
Unfathomable.
This is someone who you were
getting started and it didn't work
out. Sometime in the first month.
Take a week to
grieve and get back
online and find a man
who doesn't bail on you without a
word.
So, that might be jarring.
You may want to
get some tricks on how to get your
ex back.
Google that.
How to get your ex back.
There's a whole bunch of people who
will sell you a whole bunch of
bullshit products on how to get your
ex back. And maybe if you Google
enough, you'll find the magic
solution that could take Humpty
Dumpty and put him back together
again. Take all the pieces of egg
and stitch it all together.
I just don't believe in it.
There's only one thing to do when a
guy bails on you,
find a better man.
Period.
Because whatever you want to tell
yourself about how great the
ghosting guy was, the
kind of man you want to marry,
the kind of man who can make you
feel safe and
will never let you down, does
not act this way.
Not in a million years.
Ghosting is a very particular
cruel conflict,
avoidant, insensitive way of
breaking up reveals
his lack of character and his
utter failure as
a boyfriend and a communicator.
Why would you want to lock that in
for the next 40 years?
Ghosting should make you angry
at his cowardice.
Closing the door behind him should
feel great because now
you're reclaiming your power
and declaring that giving this guy
another chance would be a huge
waste of time.
Think about it.
What's the say that this won't
happen again in a week
or a month, or a year, or after
you get married and have kids?
Because the odds are it will.
The kind of person who handles
things this way will continue to
handle things this way.
It's a Maya Angelou quote.
When someone shows you who
they are, believe them.
The ghoster showed you who he is.
So don't take a chance.
Don't pine for him and try to figure
out how to get him back.
There are good,
mature, relationship-oriented men
out there, but you're never going to
meet one if you're holding
out to try to fix things
with the guy and the kind
of guy who would ghost.
Which leads us to our final point.
What do you do next?
Now, I can imagine
that after being ghosted, I don't
need to imagine, I've been
ghosted before, it's just been
many years ago. But I've been in
your shoes. I get it.
It's hard to get back out there and
trust again.
And that's why we have to rebuild
your confidence.
We have to restore your optimism.
I was on the phone yesterday with a
client who
it was a really challenging
conversation because she came to me
because she wanted to find love.
And she hesitated to enroll
in Love U. I said, what are you
hesitating about? You just spent the
whole hour telling me how this is
the most important thing in the
world, how you do anything
for love, money is not an object and
she goes, "I'm afraid it's not going
to work." And the men she's chosen
have been hyper-intellectual,
workaholic, narcissist
guys without the sensitivity gene
or the commitment gene.
Her sample size of men is four and
she's taken those four men and
extrapolated it to tell a story
that this is all men.
A sample size of four men that she's
been attracted to and dated
as if that tells a larger story.
So we've got to break her, by
extension, you, out of your
narrative that every relationship
that you're involved in is doomed
because of you,
because men, because age,
because coronavirus,
because of dating sites, because of
it. It's not true.
Limiting beliefs. And that's why the
entire first month of Love U
is on confidence, particularly
the first two weeks.
One is called Past Baggage.
The other one is called Why Bother
Syndrome.
So you don't want to carry around
this bad taste of ghosting
men with you wherever you go, that
fear and that dread of dating
and investing and finding out that
another guy sucks.
You don't want that to be the
dominant narrative in your life for
the indefinite future.
Apply to Love U.
Empower yourself to become the CEO
of your love life and stop
all this worrying about the flaky,
inconsistent interns that you
really don't want working at your
company anyway.
In Love U, I'm going to help you
hone your online dating process,
perfect your screening process
so you could all but eliminate
anybody who's not worthy
or capable of being your future
boyfriend and your future husband
in a short period of time.
So, what's left?
Are those, like I said, in another
video, the top 10 percent of men.
Everybody else goes by the wayside.
And our dating pool is the best
of the best.
You have the power to do that.
Pleased to help you.
Thank you for being here.
My name is Evan Marc Katz.
I appreciate you tuning into the
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Thank you so much.
I'll talk to you soon.