I initially wanted the concept of this video to be about things we should all stop doing,
but I didn’t like that wording.
Instead, I’d like to say these are things we should all at least consider to “start”
doing.
Wording is important, and that’ll be point number 4 on this list.
But first comes point number one:
1)
Stop depriving yourself of things you believe will bring something good to your life, and
start giving yourself permission to enjoy those things.
I recently got myself an espresso machine.
As an avid instant-coffee drinker, I now..
I) go to sleep longing for my first cup, so it’s added yet another thing to look forward
to in the morning II) between 6-8 am, the coffee aroma lingers
in my kitchen.
I’ll sometimes pretend like I’m sitting at a café in a small town in Italy somewhere
III) Through this purchase, I’ve found a new hobby: practicing latté art.
So, every single morning, I’m honing a new skill.
I’m learning something.
I like starting my day like that.
Needless to say, I’m happy with my purchase, one that I’d been putting off for years,
thinking “Instant coffee isn’t that bad”.
This was back when my interpretation of minimalism had begun to look more like depriving myself.
And, I mean, it’s not horrible, I drank it for years.
Welllll….
now that I’ve gotten the taste of something much better, it is actually horrible, let’s
be real.
Life’s too short for shitty coffee, and other shitty things, for that matter.
But sometimes, you just don’t know how bad something is until you try something better.
2.
Stop repeating old patterns and start identifying what’s repeatedly causing negative emotion
in your life (and do something about it).
Speaking of buying stuff, my new camera backpack arrived two days ago.
Yeah, this YouTuber right here was still throwing all her expensive gear in a tote bag, because…
while not ideal, it still…
worked, right?
M sure, it works until you’re in a situation where organization is key, like when you’re
traveling.
Cut to me in Spain recently; constantly losing things, and having to look way too long to
find what I needed, leading to unnecessary stress and frustration.
“Well this was real bloody smart of you, Lana.
But yeah no it’s fine, keep doing this to yourself because cOnScious conSumption.”
Sigh.
I’ve always prided myself in being an organized person, but life’s changed in the past few
years.
Anywhere I go, I bring my personal belongings, I bring my camera stuff, I bring Fred, and
I bring Fred’s stuff.
It’s been an adjustment, and a lot to carry for a smol girl like myself.
And I’ve turned into the person who asks everyone if they’ve seen my memory card,
and don’t we all love that person?
Well, at least I haven’t lost Fred.
Yet.
Good thing I don’t keep him in a tote bag or else he’d be long gone.
3.
Stop blaming others and start taking accountability.
Speaking of losing things.
Don’t we all love blaming everything on everyone else?
“I lost my phone charger because Carol was talking so much and I got distracted and misplaced
it!”
Don’t blame this on Carol.
I chose a silly example because with more serious situations, it’s more complicated.
But reality is that, blaming our decisions, our mistakes and our circumstances on someone
or something else…
It feels good.
We don’t want to look ourselves in the eye and say “you did this”.
That stuff can really hurt.
Now, I know this can be a touchy subject, because it’s not uncommon for someone else
to literally be the root cause of our problems.
So do we not have the right to blame them for our suffering?
This is not about rights.
This is not about who did what.
This is about what is helpful for you and what isn’t.
There’s this saying, “It’s not your fault but it is your problem.”
To me that means..
It’s not helpful for me to blame Carol every time I lose something.
What is helpful is for me to take a step back and ask myself, “why does this keep happening
in the first place?”
To give myself something to work with.
4.
Stop being sloppy with your words and start realizing their power
Negative self talk.
Remember I said I’d cuss myself out when not finding what I need in my tote bag?
I do the same when I drop something, or when I walk into something, or when I film footage
and realize a tiny bit of hair has been stuck on the lens.
“Well that was really stupid, wasn’t it?”
Imagine speaking to someone else like that.
Talking to myself kindly has required work.
Good news is, I’ve gotten to a point where, whenever I catch myself doing it, I’m always
quick to correct myself, and to think “well that was an unnecessary reaction.”
And then I pat myself on the shoulder.
5.
Stop projecting your past experiences on others and start realizing that not everyone has
your needs.
Formulating this next one is quite tricky, and I don’t know how much sense it will
make.
I sometimes feel like one of the reasons I was put on this earth was to help people out
of uncomfortable situations and to make people feel included.
And now you may think, “how’s that supposed to be a bad thing?”
Well, it’s not inherently bad.
However, it can easily turn you into a person who constantly overextends themselves; where
you’re always the one volunteering to be the odd one out or to make a fool out of yourself
to bring the attention off another person who seems embarrassed or something.
An example of this could be something like being at the carnival with two friends, and
insisting on riding alone on all the twin rides because you don’t want any of your
friends to feel left out.
Many of our behaviors stem from our early days.
Like, if you were ever excluded, you’re likely to be more aware of others being excluded
and trying to include them.
You turn into the person you wish you had growing up.
It’s like the adult you is still looking after little you, even though it doesn’t
work like that.
And I guess that’s what I’m realizing.
Little me’s needs, aren’t everyone else's needs, if that makes sense.
Most people probably don’t need me to overextend myself to make them feel comfortable or included.
They’re fine.
6.
Stop excusing peoples behaviour and start setting boundaries
I think many of us here in this community are interested in psychology and human behaviour.
I have a feeling we’re quite compassionate.
I just want to remind you about the importance of having boundaries.
This topic is so important, it absolutely deserves its own conversation.
When you learn about trauma and how our life experiences shape us, it’s easy to start
cutting people too much slack.
Example: “Well, they cussed me out because their father treated them poorly when they
grew up so now whenever we argue he enters fight or flight mode because he always felt
like he had to fight for his dad’s love.”
Even if that is true, you are never, ever someone’s punching bag.
You can understand someone, without accepting their behavior.
Those are two completely different things.
Please write that down as a reminder if you need to.
I’ll see you all again soon.
And also, a small reminder that: I have a podcast.
It’s called The Lana Blakely Podcast, it’s out every Tuesday and it can be found everywhere
podcasts can be found.
Alright.
Bye.