Get Ready, Get set, This is MSMBS
spreading the highest grade BS to television sets
across the entire continent of the blessed US
with me, Brian Washington, sitting here at the news desk.
Headlies tonight: White America in state of unrest
as violent thugs break windows, loot, riot and smash.
Ferguson; Baltimore. Why are they so vexed?
And, above all, where will Thug'Qaida strike next?
Not since Rodney King and the LA Riots chapter
have we seen such a backlash against the nation's white masters.
So we're forced to distort, I mean report, these matters
We speak to Chief of Police, General Baxter.
- Woop, Woop, that's the sound of the Police!
Brrap, Brrap, that's the sound of the piece!
You can't stand where I stand, coz I stand above the law!
Watch out! ...Oh, hi Brian! ...yeah, ready to talk.
- Burning and looting, General, have they gone insane?
I mean, we could understand if their team had just won a hockey game...
- It's great that the media's focused on the looting and rioting:
it distracts from the killings that provoked these uprisings.
- How did we arrive at this?
- It all started when a trigger happy vigilante targeted this unarmed kid
cos he looked black... I mean, suspicious.
- Trayvon Martin. Tragic.
- Yeah, but thankfully the killer was acquitted, pardoned.
- How did this lead to hashtags and street trashing?
- We used to kill black kids and deny it even happened.
But now every dumb ass with a smartphone has a decent camera
to simul-cast it to millions of witnesses and unleash the anger,
like when Eric Garner was on the corner hawking cigarettes:
a threat to our economy, so the feds choked him to death.
- Penalties for bankers who cheat the system are just as stiff.
- Of course. Wealth doesn't affect the justice you get!
Then, in Ferguson, Mike Brown assaulted an officer
by shouting "Don't Shoot!" with his hands up
the cop had no option but To bust shots at him.
Again, justice was restored. the officer was not brought to court.
- That went down well, I'm sure...
- Then protests galore in Baltimore, a vicious tide,
after friendly Jakes took Freddie Gray for a tour: a nickel ride,
where he decided to slice his own fucking spine
and die just to make us look bad in the public eye.
- The list goes on, it's infinite. There's so many names in it!
- And you know the common factor in all these cases and incidents?
The nasty word which led to all this pain and sadism?
- No idea, give us a clue!
- It starts with "R" and ends with "-ism"...
- I give in, I just can't see a pattern, it's plain hidden!
- They were all victims of deep-seated... Recidivism.
- Oh, Recidivism... when will we ever stamp out its presence?
- It takes time to educate the masses...
- Time... for a promotional message!
"Don't want to be shot by cops?
Want an equal opportunity in life?
Want education, a job and to not go to prison?
Then BEING WHITE™ is for you!
BEING WHITE™
Available exclusively from all good parents and grandparents.
(Warning: BEING WHITE™ may not work for the poor)"
- And we dive back into our topic tonight.
We invite an activist for 'civil rights'. Are you there, Marvin Uggenrite?
- Marv Uggenrite! - Alright! Do you condone the floods
of property damage, and broken windows done by these Thugs?
- Thugs? We both know what that word replaces!
just call'em 'niggers', that's what you really mean, ain't it?
- Racist! - And can we focus on the real victims?
- They were no angels, they had criminal records
- That's a red herring. Fallacious.
The issue ain't whether those people were good or bad.
It's whether the rule of law applies equally to white and black.
And clearly it don't. In theory Jim Crow is a bygone era
but in practice nothing's changed in America.
You see, not long ago, white mobs in the streets
would lynch at least two of my people every week;
now a black person is killed every two days... just by the police!
- Don't lie! Those are just the deaths we report and release.
- And that's not the only connection existing
between lynchings and police killings:
both sit outside the rule of the law; no trial or jury is ever called
and in both cases the brutality is a public spectacle.
Both are used for trivial reasons... like
for stealing food or selling loose smokes to civilians,
and in both cases the killers get off scot free.
Yeah 'Scott Free'; like Dred Scott who was born into slavery.
That's another historical parallel worth making,
coz alongside genocide, slavery's the foundation of this nation
trapping today's generation in a continuation of plantation living,
which is really no different to prisons or concentration camps,
controlled by white masters and overseers.
Again, what's changed? Overseer, overseer, overseer, overseer
overseerovercerofficerofficer... Officer, yeah Officer,
300 years and we still can't get these damn chains off of us.
These links connect black people's present and past,
like when we're trapped in the ghettos riddled with cheap crack,
Or deprived of educations, with no job prospects,
from failed schools, to the streets, to prison, and back.
You see, that...
that's what you call a preschool to prison complex,
- And we're meant to think that this has disadvantaged
you people, or caused some kind of permanent damage!?
- Yeah black folks are damaged from it, but so are you;
you're all psychologically damaged from this history, too!
Jeremy Scahill was speaking the truth
When he tweeted "The best white people can do,
is recognize we're recovering racists; born into
a system that tells us we rule."
- So you'd like us to believe that this "systemic racism"
is the underlying cause of these police killings?
- Outrageous statements! Not ALL police officers are racists!
Sadly, we still have many good apples left in our stations
- What I'm saying is we need to reform the police force
educate officers about history and racial prejudice in all forms.
And hold killers accountable.
Ensure that they understand that Black Lives Matter, y'all.
Black Lives Matter!
- Well, Marvin, All Lives Matter, don't you think so?
But more importantly: what about these damaged windows?
- Yeah, think of the windows shattered! #WhiteWindowsMatter!
- Dafuq! our hashtags get jacked by crackers??
First our music, then our culture; now #BlackLivesMatter?
Sheeeit this is even worse than wack white rappers!
- I hate white rappers. They should be attacked with iron hammers
- Marv Uggenrite - Finally, a matter we can see eye to eye on together
And on that note of harmony and unanimity,
we bring our report to its conclusion merrily.
The lesson is evident: we need to aim our anger and weaponry,
not against each other, but against our common enemy.
That way we can avoid dealing with the core issue:
the unresolved legacy of our history and the damage it's inflicted on all people;
black, brown, white and, most important, our shop windows.
Tune in next show for more flawless info!
Captions by .koolfy