[Opening music]
[Opening music] LEWIS: Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Trouble in Terrorist Town
[Opening music] -where we are- at a lovely posh ma- my house,
[Opening music] -actually, this is where I live.
[Opening music] BEN: Aww, thanks for inviting us round.
[Opening music] BEN: Aww, thanks for inviting us round. (RYTHIAN: Aww, wow.)
[Opening music] (BEN: Aww, nice.)
[Opening music slowly fades throughout the video] LEWIS: -And, of course, I have a main motorway running directly in front- [Laughter]
-of my house. [Laughter]
-Err, [Laughter]
-and a- a- a red car in my garage-
DUNCAN: No crash barrier, nothing.
LEWIS: -and toilets, apparently, outside in the garden and also the (ZYLUS: Ooh-)
LEWIS: -front door of my house is actually toilets! (ZYLUS: The-)
ZYLUS: Yeah, I was gonna ask like what- (overlapping) TOM: Oh, there- there's a traitor tester in your house.
LEWIS: I, of course, I live in a house [Slight laughter]
-where I need to test any time. [Barrel explosion]
BEN: Woah, Duncan! LEWIS: Err, at any time of the night and day (ZYLUS: Where is he?)
LEWIS: -whether someone is a traitor or not.
(ZYLUS: Oh, not there.)
LEWIS: Where is this traitor tester?
-Oh my God, is it near the stripper pole?
[Laughter] ZYLUS: No, I don't think so.
[Gunshots] RYTHIAN: Do you also have a stripper pole at home?
ZYLUS: Of course he has a stripper pole at ho- (RYTHIAN: Yeah..) ZYLUS: -Oh, wait it is.
(LEWIS: Oh wai-) ZYLUS: Lew- [Gunshot]
(LEWIS: No, wait.) TOM: No, it's out in the garden.
ZYLUS: Sorry.
LEWIS: Oh. ZYLUS: It- it-
[Lewis & Zylus Laugh]
LEWIS: It's got a green and red light on the stripper pole. [Zylus mumbles]
ZYLUS: It went red and I was like "It's Lewis!" and then I saw you-
ZYLUS: -were the detective so I was like "Shit". (BEN: -red light, green light!) (TOM: It's in-)
TOM: -in your garden, let's traitor test someon- ZYLUS: Okay. (TOM: -some fools.)
ZYLUS: Let's do it.
LEWIS (slightly ♫): I keep a traitor che- tester in my garden!
RYTHIAN: Ben, why are you 'Near Death'?
LEWIS: Who's that low health person creeping around?
RYTHIAN: Ben, why are you 'Near Death'?
BEN: 'Cause.. Duncan shot me a l- bunch so I shot him back.
(Ben mumbles)
ZYLUS: Why do you have Dual Elites? BEN: 'Cause I'm the Survivalist.
ZYLUS: Are you? BEN: Yeah!
BEN: So Duncan shot the barrel next to me, took me down to 15 health so I.. executed him.
[Silence]
RYTHIAN: Hmm.
ZYLUS: I'll choose to trust you, for now. (overlapping) BEN: You can see the barrel scorch mark on the floor.
RYTHIAN: But Duncan was innocent, though.
BEN: Yeah but.. I didn't know that.
DUNCAN: 'ey! I'm back! Thank you, Lewis. (ZYLUS: Oh!)
LEWIS: Welcome back! (overlapping) TOM: Also, what did Ben say he was?
LEWIS: Clear!
DUNCAN: He said he was the Survivalist. (BEN: -vivalist.)
TOM: Erm,
-I'm the Survivalist?
RYTHIAN: Can you clear his story, Duncan, was that what happened?
(overlapping) DUNCAN: That's- that is what happened, yeah. (RYTHIAN: M'kay.)
DUNCAN: -but, I'm still suspicious.
BEN (laughing): What- [Duncan & Ben Laugh] you got me down to 15 health, of course I got revenge!
[Duncan & Ben laugh quietly] LEWIS: This traitor tester does not look like a traitor tester!
(overlapping) TOM: No, no, that's not it! Down here, Lewis.
(overlapping) LEWIS: Looks like a fuckin' sh- garden shed!
TOM: Lewis, Lewis. Louis.
DUNCAN: Oh, we got a dead frog! We got a dead frog! (TOM: This way.)
TOM: -the big "Traitor Tester" sign. (overlapping) RYTHIAN: I mean, keep an eye out-
RYTHIAN: Okay,
(LEWIS: Right..) RYTHIAN: -dead frog?.. ah- was last seen-
DUNCAN: Wait there, Tom. Wait there, Tom. RYTHIAN: -near Ben, so.
(overlapping) DUNCAN: Dead frog. [Gunshot]
DUNCAN: Next to Ben. Oohh, he's a dead-
-innocent frog!
RYTHIAN: Yep, Ben was the traitor.
DUNCAN: Yeahhh!
[Rythian reloads] TOM: Boom.. I told you!
(overlapping) RYTHIAN: "Zylus was last seen near Ben".
-I think Tom is the other one so, keep an eye out.
TOM: Wait, wait. I'm the Survivalist!
LEWIS: (clicks his tongue) Yeah, he's- he's confirmed.
DUNCAN: Err, so it's not Rythian 'cause he just killed the traitor.
-It's not me 'cause I got rezzed- (overlapping) LEWIS: No, it must be Rythian.
DUNCAN & RYTHIAN: No it's not. RYTHIAN: -Lewis, it's not me I just killed Ben. (overlapping) DUNCAN: He just killed Ben.
RYTHIAN: It has to be Tom! (overlapping) LEWIS: It must be Tom, then.
[Gunshots] [Duncan mumbles] TOM: I'm the Survivalist! Fuck!
[Lewis begins to laugh] DUNCAN: It's gotta be Tom, right? [Gunshots]
[Lewis' death noise] [Lewis begins to laugh]
(DUNCAN: Oh fu-) [Tom reloads] ((quietly laughing) LEWIS: Oh, shit.)
[Tom reloads] [Lewis laughs quietly]
[Lewis laughs quietly] (DUNCAN: Oh, fuck.)
TOM: I- I just told you,
[Someone wheezily laughs (Ben or Zylus)] TOM: -that's how we confirmed Ben was bad.
DUNCAN: I know but, who else is there?
TOM: What a- what are you?
(overlapping) RYTHIAN: Zylus maybe?
RYTHIAN: -maybe he dead-ringered? (overlapping) DUNCAN: I got rezzed by Lewis; I was innocent.
RYTHIAN: Maybe Zylus dead-ringered?
((quietly) DUNCAN: Maybe Zylus dead-ringered..)
-No, he's confirmed dead.
RYTHIAN: Yeah..
(DUNCAN: Wait, so- Rythian is-) (overlapping) RYTHIAN: I just saw Tom; he's at 'Near Death'!
TOM: Yeah, I didn't try and shoot you! (overlapping) DUNCAN: What's Rythian?
RYTHIAN: I- I killed Ben: I'm innocent.
[Four explosions in quick succession] ((overlapping) DUNCAN: Oh, yeah, that's true. Uh, so-)
RYTHIAN: I mean, it could be Duncan! ((overlapping) DUNCAN: It's not you- it's gotta be Tom.)
((overlapping) DUNCAN: I was rezzed by Lewis.) RYTHIAN (laughing): -Duncan could also be the traitor!
DUNCAN: Ben confirmed me as inn- 'cause Ben- Ben killed me, confirmed me as innocent-
-and then Lewis rezzed me with a defib'.
RYTHIAN: Yeah, oh that's true, (TOM: What?) RYTHIAN: -you were confirmed innocent, that's true.
(overlapping) DUNCAN: So, there's no way I can be bad.
RYTHIAN: So, I- so it's not Lewis, it's not.. (overlapping) DUNCAN: So it's gotta be Tom. RYTHIAN: -you, it's not me-
-which means it's Tom!
It has to be Tom! (overlapping) TOM: It's someone else.
-I'm a- I promise you, I'm a Survivalist.
DUNCAN: Unless Rythian's playing like the long game-
(overlapping) RYTHIAN: Why would I murder Ben, (DUNCAN: -by shooting Ben.) RYTHIAN: -for the long game?
[Rythian chuckles]
DUNCAN: I don't know maybe 'cause he was on low health you thought-
RYTHIAN: No, I- I- I would not do that- ((overlapping) DUNCAN: -"I can use this.. to my advantage".)
RYTHIAN: I know how annoying that would be if I was a traitor- [Duncan laughs]
RYTHIAN: -so, I would never do that to my traitor friend.
[Duncan's guns falls to the floor]
[Gunshot] DUNCAN: Ooh, he's here!
TOM: No! It's not me!
[Shotgun blast]
TOM: Ohh, fuck. [Laughter] ((overlapping) RYTHIAN: Yay, I got 'im!)
[Laughter] BEN: Aww, man..
[Shotgun blasts] LEWIS: [chuckling] It was.. it was inevitable.
[Laughter] DUNCAN: [chuckling] It was. BEN: Yeah.. there was no hope.
[Rythian chuckles]
[Swooshing noise]
ZYLUS: Err, quick warning. (DUNCAN: Mhmm.)
(overlapping) ZYLUS: There seems to be a minefield around t- the traitor tester.
MANY: Ohh. (ZYLUS: That's how I died.)
(overlapping) TOM: No no. Umm, I planted two C4s in there.
[Laughter] (ZYLUS: Awwhhh..)
(LEWIS: Right..) BEN: [chuckling] Amazing. (ZYLUS: -whhh..)
[Laughter] DUNCAN (imitating Zylus): "There's a minefield!". (ZYLUS: -hh.)
LEWIS (imitating Tom): "Lewis, there's a traitor tester in the garden!". [Others talk over each other]
(overlapping) TOM: -exactly! 'Cause normally-
-you love traitor testers. (DUNCAN (imitating Zylus): It's the only explanation, a minefield.)
(overlapping) LEWIS: I do! It's my fuckin' favourite thing! (overlapping) ZYLUS: Let's go to the traitor tester, everyone.
TOM: Let's do it! LEWIS: Let's go.
TOM: Wait, (ZYLUS: I'm in the tester, guys.) (overlapping) TOM: -if there's a C4 in there..
ZYLUS: No, no- [Rythian laughs] ZYLUS: -I'm in the tester; there's nothing here.
LEWIS (slightly laughing): I wouldn't go to the traitor tester, actually, now.
(overlapping) ZYLUS: Okay, just wait for 30 seconds and then go.
BEN: There's a frog in there. ((overlapping) TOM: Oh!)
BEN: Okay, let's press the button.
DUNCAN: There's a- there's a dead Tom.
BEN (with rising pitch): Okaaayy.. anndd.. LEWIS: Tom is- Tom got 'pooned.
DUNCAN: By.. you? LEWIS: No.
LEWIS (high-pitched): Wh- w- why would I s-
LEWIS: I did pick up the harpoon. (DUNCAN: Well, okay.)
DUNCAN: It was shot this way. (LEWIS: Well, I didn't get it tha-)
(overlapping) DUNCAN: And then I Iooked round the corner and you were there.
LEWIS: Well, it wasn't me! So-
-How long ago did this happen?
DUNCAN: Literally just then.
[Silence]
(DUNCAN: I think it's Lewis.) (LEWIS: It's not me, Duncan.)
(DUNCAN: It's Lewis.) LEWIS: It's not me, is it!
(DUNCAN: It's definitely Lewis.) [Rythian laughs]
(overlapping) BEN: Lewis, your traitor tes- chester is.. is bullshit.
ZYLUS: Your traitor tester is fucking.. shite. [Explosion]
LEWIS: Sorry, I- [Ben laughs]
ZYLUS: Try it again, jus- BEN: Hang on. I- oh, I know how to fix it.
[Gunshot] ZYLUS: Oi!
[Silence]
ZYLUS: Oh! Lewis just 'pooned Ben! Lewis just 'pooned Ben!
[Zylus laughs] [Tom chuckles]
[Lewis starts laughing] DUNCAN: I.. said it was Lewis!
[Rythian laughs] [Lewis silently laughing]
RYTHIAN: I guess he was right.
LEWIS: [laughs] Erh! Err- ((overlapping) ZYLUS: Lewis-
LEWIS: -Zylus is the jester! ((overlapping) ZYLUS: -Lewis 'pooned Ben so hard! [laughs])
LEWIS: -Zylus is the jester! [Gunshots]
DUNCAN: Rythian! [Gunshots] [Duncan's death noise]
DUNCAN: -Damnit! I was the only one left?! (overlapping) RYTHIAN: 'eyyy.! Well done, Lewis. [Laughter]
[Laughter] (overlapping) DUNCAN: Fuck!
ZYLUS: Awwh, I can't believe- I can't believe I di- (RYTHIAN (laughing): Well done.) [Laughter]
(BEN: Awhh..! [laughs]) ZYLUS: Ben shot me to f-
[Laughter] (RYTHIAN (laughing): Ben shoot me!) ZYLUS: Ben shot me to four health.
(DUNCAN: Oooohh.) BEN: Ohohohoohaha! ZYLUS: Ben shot me to four health as the jester-
-and then Lewis came in and 'pooned him! [Laughter]
TOM: Oh, shii-it.. [Laughter]
BEN: When I get 'pooned as the Phoenix like I did that time- (DUNCAN: Yeah.)
BEN: -two sharks like- [Gunshots] (TOM: Yeah, yeah-)
(TOM: -appear.) [Gunshots] BEN: -like you 'pooned me into two.
[Duncan reloads] [Rythian laughs] (BEN: It's amazing.) (overlapping) ZYLUS: I think- I think that's why it-
[Gunshot] ZYLUS: -like the- the traitor tester worked perfectly fine for you, Ben.
-I think that's why it- BEN: So what did it do?
BEN: -For you? ZYLUS: -There's like-
-there's like two squares at the side, umm- [Gunshot]
(overlapping) BEN: Ahh, so it did nothing when you were in there?
ZYLUS: -Yeah. I think that's because I'm-
-the phoenix; it doesn't know- ((overlapping) BEN: Because you're the jes- the jester.) (overlapping) ZYLUS: -the jester*, even, yeah.
-It doesn't know what the fuck that is. (BEN: Oh.)
LEWIS: Right, Rythian. D- Okay, we're gon- tr- [Explosions above] ZYLUS: Oh!
LEWIS: Oh sh- there's bombing; what's going on above us?! [Explosions above] (ZYLUS: Headcrabs! Headcrabs.)
(ZYLUS: Headcrabs.) BEN: Shut the door, Rythian. Shut the door.
-He's green. LEWIS: Okay, I'm green. Get in there.. next person. Okay.
-I'll keep my eye on Ben.
(RYTHIAN: Please do.) (overlapping) LEWIS: -He's suspicious. (overlapping) BEN: I wouldn't be down here if I was bad.
RYTHIAN: Yeah, I think Ben is good. ((overlapping) LEWIS: Yeah?)
BEN: I'm a happy shark. LEWIS: You reckon Ben's good? (BEN (♫): Boop-boop-boop-)
(BEN (♫): bedoo.)
(BEN (♫): Boop-bedoo-bedoo-boop-)
(BEN (♫): -Boop!) ZYLUS: There's so many fuckin' headcrabs! (BEN: Green.)
LEWIS: I think you were green. (BEN: G-)
ZYLUS: Guys, there's like a billion headcrabs outside the traitor tester.
LEWIS: Okay- (ZYLUS: Jus- just so you know.) RYTHIAN (laughing): Yeah, we're probably safe.
(ZYLUS: Just so you're warned.) (overlapping) LEWIS: Well, you're probably a traitor, Zylus, so-
BEN (laughing): Yeah, this is um- LEWIS: -stay out there!
BEN: -this is Team Good Bois- [Rythian chuckles] BEN: -in the-
LEWIS: Okay, we're all safe. Let's break out of here! (BEN: -in the Good Boi bunker.)
BEN: No, no! Let's stay in here! LEWIS: No, 'cause they might bomb us.
(BEN: Oh.)
[Gunshot]
BEN: Okay, so anybody- [Gunshots] TOM: Oh!
BEN: -Do we shoot everyone on sight if they weren't- (RYTHIAN: Yeah.) [Gunshots]
BEN: -in Good Boi bunker?
(LEWIS: Yeah, okay.) (overlapping) RYTHIAN: Unless they're Duncan we just shoot 'em on sight.
(DUNCAN: I'm Detective.) (overlapping) RYTHIAN: Which means..
(BEN: Okay.) RYTHIAN: -it's Tom and Zylus.
((overlapping) TOM: -a Good Boi.) (BEN: Ahh!)
(overlapping) RYTHIAN: -Tom and Zylus.
It's Tom and Zylus. (overlapping) LEWIS: Zylus- It's Zylus- [Gunshots]
BEN: Zylus and Tom. (RYTHIAN: Yeah, Zylus and Tom.) [Gunshots]
(overlapping) BEN: There's too many headcrabs out there! [Gunshots]
(TOM: Woah!) BEN: I'm not doing it. [Gunshots]
(overlapping) TOM: -stop! [Gunshots]
[Duncan mumbles] [Gunshots] LEWIS: We have to get out before they blow us up!
BEN: -Can't make me fight the headcrabs! [Gunshots]
[Rythian reloads] DUNCAN: You think it- you think it's Tom?
[Gunshots] TOM: Why-
[Gunshots] DUNCAN: -Do you think it's Tom?
BEN: It's definitely Tom and Zylus, yeah. Without a doubt. [Shotgun blasts]
[Shotgun blasts & gunshots] (LEWIS: How are we getting shot from-)
[Shotgun blasts & gunshots] LEWIS: -Rythian's dead, already. (DUNCAN: Help.)
[Shotgun blasts] (DUNCAN: Help m-) (TOM: Urghh!) LEWIS: Okay, Tom's down.
[Duncan reloads] (DUNCAN: Good job.)
[Duncan reloads] [Gunshots] DUNCAN: There's Zylus up here.
-He's on the roof! On the roof!
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots] LEWIS: Come on, Ben, get out there!
[Gunshots] BEN: I can't there's too many headcrabs..! Arrrrghh..!
[Zylus reloads]
[Zylus reloads] LEWIS: He's chasing you, Duncan.
[Zylus reloads] (LEWIS: I think.) DUNCAN: I know!
[Zylus reloads] [Explosion]
[Duncan laughs nervously]
[Duncan inhales]
DUNCAN (wailing): Oaaaagh..!
-Who's dead?
-He's on the roof! [Lewis reloads]
(DUNCAN: Argh, jeez.)
[Gunshots] (DUNCAN: Argh, jeez.)
[Gunshots]
LEWIS: Ooaaoooh..
[Zylus reloads] [Gunshots]
ZYLUS: Fucking reload! [Gunshots] (ZYLUS: There we go.)
[Many "awwhh.."s] (TOM: Aww, nice [laughs].) LEWIS: Awwwwhhh.. No! Zylus killed everyone..
(BEN: Man, wh-) RYTHIAN: Once you're, um- (TOM: Erm.)
RYTHIAN: -once you're trapped inside the traitor tester-
-dropping the headcrab launcher sort of blocks the way we can go out as well. (ZYLUS [laughing]: Yeah.)
RYTHIAN: And then there's fifty headcrabs..! BEN: Yeah, it made it really difficult to get out of there. (TOM: Aww, nice.)
ZYLUS: Yeah, that was fucking nice teamwork because like- yeah. That's what-
-Tom basically blocked your way out and then placed a C4-
-and I was on the roof just.. shooting anyone that came out.
[Zylus chuckles] BEN: Ohohoho, fuuuckk.. [Gunshot]
[Gunshot] LEWIS: Did you actually plant a C4 on the- (overlapping) TOM: Yeah, I put it down..
-just before you mentioned it, like a second later you were like, (ZYLUS (laughing): Yeah.)
TOM (imitating Lewis): -"They might C4 us" and I was like "aghh fuck" [chuckles]. (overlapping) RYTHIAN: Well, I mean- That's why I didn't wanna- yeah.
[Duncan laughs] RYTHIAN: -We didn't wanna stay there long enough time but, yeah.
ZYLUS: God, this is so fucking scary. LEWIS: Did you get blown up by the C4 then, Ben?
(TOM: Yeahh..) BEN: No, no, I got jammed in by the headcrabs an-
BEN: -Umm. I couldn't get past the launcher. ((overlapping) RYTHIAN: Yeah, I got shot trying to escape-)
TOM: -and then the C4 thing exploded? (BEN: Well, that part-) ((overlapping) RYTHIAN: -Well, after fighting the headcrabs-)
(overlapping) RYTHIAN: See, that's the difficulty with the traitor tester you're- ((overlapping) BEN: Ohh, maybe, I don't know.)
RYTHIAN: -you're- you're stuck there and then it's a- yeah.
[Gunshot then a barrel explosion]
BEN: Lewis! LEWIS: Well, it's-
(overlapping) BEN: You just tried to- but there was- LEWIS: -dangerous!
BEN: -Z- Zylus was near- (overlapping) LEWIS: I am the Detective, Ben.
-I can do whatever I want. BEN: Oh. You are the Detective, yeah.
LEWIS: I can do WHATEVER I FUCKING WANT, BEN! BEN (wailing): Ohh, I'm sorry!
LEWIS: GET ON YOUR KNEES AND APOLOGISE! BEN (wailing): I'm sorrry!
-Eaarghh, I didn't mean it!
(LEWIS: It's okay, don't worry.) TOM: Oh, god.
(LEWIS: Pick up- pick your gun.) [Ben laughs]
[Ben laughs] [Tom shudders] TOM: A regular Wednesday afternoon at the Yogscast.
[Lewis and Ben laugh] [Rythian laughs nervously]
[Ben sighs] LEWIS: Well, just..
-Oh.. "Lewis and Ben Save the World"- TOM: Yeah.
(overlapping) LEWIS: -more like.. [Ben laughs] TOM: Oh god..
BEN: Yeah, don't finish it.. [Ben laughs]
TOM: Umm, do you wanna.. (BEN: Oh..)
TOM: -err.. traitor test-
(overlapping) LEWIS: GET IN YOUR SHED AND STAY IN YOUR SHED! [Slight laughter]
-STAY IN YOUR SHED! (ZYLUS: Stay in your shed, damnit!) (TOM: Oh god!)
-Yes, daddy! [chuckles] ZYLUS (laughing): "Yes, daddy".
LEWIS: Right. (ZYLUS: -Ohohh.. god.)
LEWIS: JUST GET IN THE SHED WITH HIM, FROG!
ZYLUS (laughing): Okay! Okay, daddy!
LEWIS: Get in my garden shed, you- you- [Zylus fake-cries]
[Zylus fake-cries] LEWIS (growly voice): -aarrhhh, yeah. Stay in there.
-Now, kiss- [Gunshot] ZYLUS: AHH!
LEWIS (high-pitched): Oh my god!
[Zylus coughs] TOM: He was a traitor!
LEWIS (falling in pitch): Ohhhhh! [Rythian laughs]
(overlapping) TOM: -This is my shed. [Zylus chuckles]
LEWIS: What the hell, Tom? (overlapping) RYTHIAN: Duncan's been awfully quiet; are we.. suspicious?
(TOM: He's-) DUNCAN: Everyone's just shouting I can't- (overlapping) BEN: Oh, I- I think this is the new-
-improved, mark II traitor tester. TOM: Yeah h- yeah. BEN: -Put someone else in.
TOM: Sudden death! [Gunshots] [Ben laughs] LEWIS: No, no, no!
[Ben laughs] TOM: No! Only two men enter, one man leaves.
TOM: -That's the rule. [Lewis wheezily laughs]
(TOM: -The new traitor test.) (overlapping) BEN: Okay, Duncan, you're up next into the traitor tester.
DUNCAN: Umm.. did you just shoot the Detective?
TOM: Yeah, but I did also kill a traitor, so.. [Rythian mumbles] BEN: So, your odds are pretty good.
(TOM: I'm half of [mumbles]) RYTHIAN: So, it evens out? Yeah, or what? [Ben laughs]
TOM: Did someone just throw a.. incendiary in here? [Grenade explosion]
-Fuuck you! [Rapid gunfire]
-It's Duncan. [Rapid gunfire] [Lewis and Ben laugh]
DUNCAN (high-pitched): It's not me! [Gunshots] [Lewis and Ben laugh]
[Rythian reloads] [Lewis and Ben laugh]
DUNCAN: I didn't even throw it in there! [Rythian reloads] [Lewis and Ben laugh]
[Ben tails off] [Duncan laughs] [Gunshots]
LEWIS: 'eyyy! (overlapping) BEN: Ohhh.. so close.. [Laughter]
(RYTHIAN: That's outstanding [laughs].) [Laughter]
DUNCAN: I was the Phoenix as well so I was comin' back.
(overlapping) RYTHIAN: Yeah.. (overlapping) TOM: Awhh, okay.
BEN: That was me who threw the grenade. ZYLUS: Damnit, Tom!
-I was half a second away from doing the exact same thing to you.
[Rythian laughs] LEWIS: I was gonna-
[Ben laughs] -I was gonna go in there and I was gonna rez Zylus and no- he was- k'
-we were gonna kill him over and over again!
[Laughter] (BEN: Ohoho, wow..)
BEN: Shii-it.. LEWIS: -That's what we do in the Sex Shed!
[Laughter] TOM: Ohh.. BEN: That's what the shed's for! [Explosions]
(TOM: Oh god..) (overlapping) LEWIS: It's for perverted.. (BEN: Oh, fuck.) LEWIS: -games.
BEN: So, when Zylus died I was like "Awh, no. I'm gon- I can't kill everyone on my own".
[Laughter] BEN: -And then Tom- [Others talk over each other]
[Others talk over each other] BEN: -and then Tom and Duncan died and I was like "Oh! I just need to kill Rythian!" [Laughter]
BEN: -But, um.
ZYLUS: Now Ph- now Duncan was gonna come back as well; he was the Phoenix. (DUNCAN: Yeah, I was the Phoenix.)
(overlapping) BEN: Yeah, but if I'd killed Rythian quickly then I could've-
(TOM: Oh, yeah..) ZYLUS: You could've had the edge. BEN: -I could've spawn-camped him.
ZYLUS: Yeah, yeah, yeah. TOM: Could've done it all..
BEN: But, Rythian like one-shot me. It was brutal; what did you have?
(overlapping) RYTHIAN: Not quite- It was the.. MP5 Navy, I wanna say?
(overlapping) ZYLUS: Okay, let's go to the traitor tester.
-Two at a time. Someone stay outside; make sure no one fucks it over. [Explosions]
-Let's go. (overlapping) BEN: Ohh! Headcrabs! [Explosions]
[Explosions] ZYLUS: Errghh!
LEWIS: Already?
-Rythian, go, go, go.
-Get out there.
(-It's where all the action's happening.) (overlapping) DUNCAN: Who was that? Was that you?
-Was that you, roof-boy?
TOM: "Roof-boy"? (DUNCAN: Yeah..)
(overlapping) TOM: No, I'm going- I'm going into the traitor tester-
-Oh my god, there's so many headcrabs. (overlapping) LEWIS: Oh my god, there's so many headc- do not go anywhere near that tester.
TOM: Wait, I made it in! Everything's fine.
-It.. took a bit of ducking and weaving..
(DUNCAN: There's a dead- there's a dead-) LEWIS: Can I test you? (DUNCAN: -a dead whale.)
-Dead whale.
(TOM: Wait- what do you-) LEWIS: Oh, shit! There's so many here!
-Actually, it's not too bad, is it, Tom?
TOM: Okay, right. I'll test you first. That's the rule.
LEWIS: WOAH!
(-Okay, that's good.) We're good. Alright-
TOM: Okay.. ((overlapping) LEWIS: -if you test me.) TOM: -right.
[Lewis inhales]
[Lewis exhales] TOM: Okay.
-Wait, it's not working.
-Oh, no- no, it's fine.
-Lewis is green. Lewis is a green boi.
(RYTHIAN: Okay.) DUNCAN: I'm comin' down.
(LEWIS: Alright.)
DUNCAN: Ohh, headcrabs! ((overlapping) LEWIS: Do you wanna go in, Tom?)
RYTHIAN: Who's- who's not in the room with you, by the way? ((overlapping) TOM: Wait, wait, wait- well-) [Gunshots]
[Gunshots]
TOM: Err- [Gunshots]
[Gunshots]
(DUNCAN: -st fucking what?)
TOM: Wait, who isn't down here?
DUNCAN (high-pitched): Argh-ah-argh-ah! [Gunshots]
[Gunshots] LEWIS: Alright, Tom's green!
LEWIS & TOM: Okay- LEWIS: -next, Duncan. (overlapping) TOM: -Duncan, you're next in.
DUNCAN (high-pitched): Let me in!
LEWIS (laughing): Have you killed all the headcrabs? (overlapping) TOM (laughing): Si- we're actually closing it on him!
[Gunshots] RYTHIAN: Zylus and Ben, then.
[Gunshots]
DUNCAN: Ahh, fuck. TOM: Okay.
(LEWIS: Right.) (overlapping) TOM: Right, wait- [Shotgun blast]
TOM: Woah! Woah, woah, woah!
(-This-) (overlapping) DUNCAN: It's Lewis.
TOM: No! He was green!
DUNCAN: Well, why d- the fuck did he shoot me, then?
(overlapping) TOM: Because.. I think you're a bit fuckin' sus', Duncan. [Machine noise]
[Machine noise]
DUNCAN: I just went straight in! [Machine noise]
[Machine noise]
TOM: Wait, you're green! You're green! You're green.
(-Um.) (overlapping) RYTHIAN: So, it's Zylus and Ben, then.
TOM: Okay.
[Rapid gunfire]
[Tom reloads]
[Lewis laughs manically]
[Lewis' squeaky water pump laugh]
LEWIS: Yeah. It's Zylus and Ben.
TOM: Where is..
RYTHIAN: Duncan?
[Silence]
RYTHIAN: Duncan?
[Silence]
RYTHIAN (laughing): Okay, so it's Tom and Zyl- Tom and Lewis!
[Rythian laughs quietly]
[Duncan laughs quietly then breaks into laughter] TOM: What?!
RYTHIAN: It's Tom and Lewis, then [laughs]. (DUNCAN: What-)
-What a fuckin' play!
[Laughter]
[Ben tails off] TOM: It's not us! It's-
[Duncan laughs] ZYLUS: It's so temp- TOM: -Rythian.
(overlapping) ZYLUS: -it's so tempting-
-when like someone says, "It's- it's- it's Ben and L- Zylus! It has to be!"-
-when we've been dead the entire round. ((overlapping) BEN: Oh, yeah-) [Laughter]
-I died ten seconds into that round. (ZYLUS: -It's so-) [Laughter]
ZYLUS: -It's so tempting to just be like, "No! You fucking idiot!" [Laughter]
(ZYLUS: -It's- err-) [Laughter]
(TOM: Ah..) [Laughter]
RYTHIAN: Who is dead and talking? You're not supposed to be dead and talking!
ZYLUS: Okay, mate. Okay. (overlapping) RYTHIAN: Just- just uh- just double-check-
-No. It's because I'm still alive-
[Rapid gunshots] -and I need to figure out what's going on!
[Rythian's death sound] [Laughter] LEWIS: 'eyyy- hehehehe. Not much longer!
[Lewis' squeaky water pump laugh] (DUNCAN: Heh heh heh..)
(LEWIS: Awwh.) (overlapping) BEN: You- you had it figured out.
[Laughter] (LEWIS: The two- the two-)
[Laughter] RYTHIAN: Yeah. I- I was fairly sure-
[Laughter] (overlapping) LEWIS (laughing): The two traitors went to the traitor room and pretended to test each other.
[Laughter] (DUNCAN: Yeah..) TOM: Ah, man..
[Laughter]
BEN: Man, executed.. perfectly.
LEWIS: I thought- I thought, instead of pressing the button, Tom was gonna shoot Duncan-
-and we were just gonna gun him down in the traitor room.
[Slight laughter] TOM: Nooo, I kind of wanted to like-
-get him on side. DUNCAN: Yeah.
-I would've been like.. completely on side. [Explosion]
TOM: Err.. could've just been like, "Yeah, he's innocent too!"and we could've.. [Gunshot then barrel explosion]
-got him part of the murder brigade. [Duncan reloads]
[Laughter] LEWIS (laughing): But, he was the only one left, though! [laughs]
[Laughter] DUNCAN: Well, no, there was Rythian. ((overlapping) BEN (laughing): Then, Lewis,) who was the Detective?
(TOM: Ah, yeah, shit, actually.) (RYTHIAN: I was Detective-)
-Okay, traitor tester! Let's go traitor tester.
TOM: Okay.
LEWIS: Ah. This is like a full traitor test-
-round 9000, (this one.) (overlapping) BEN: It's all about the traitor testers today, isn't it?
(overlapping) RYTHIAN: We haven't traitor tested in so long so, it's really nice.
(overlapping) LEWIS: Yeah, it's refreshing.
-Ah, it's like- it's like the first taste of- ((overlapping) RYTHIAN: Okay, let's go. Let's- let's- let's go.)
-of a sweet nectar when you haven't.. had it for.. a while.
-It's like- it's like chocolate.. when-
(overlapping) (TOM (♫): Duh duh) duh duh duh duh- (overlapping) LEWIS: -y'know- s-
TOM (♫): -duh buh beh buh. (overlapping) DUNCAN: I think it's Ben. BEN: Why?
[Gunshot] TOM: Oh god.
(DUNCAN: Yeah, it was Ben.) TOM: -It's making a horrible noise.
[Duncan laughs]
DUNCAN (laughing): It was Ben. RYTHIAN: Tom is green.
LEWIS: How do you know? [Gunshots]
DUNCAN: I shot him and I got- I got a credit [chuckles]. [Gunshots]
[Explosions] RYTHIAN: Err, Lewis.
(DUNCAN: Ooh. It's- it's Zylus-) (overlapping) TOM: Err, it's- Okay, so, someone has headcrabbed us.
(overlapping) DUNCAN: -It's Zylus on the roof. [Lewis laughs] (LEWIS: Okay.)
(overlapping) DUNCAN: Zylus is the last Detective on the roof. (overlapping) TOM: Oh yeah- so, is Ben-
(DUNCAN: -Traitor*, rather.) (overlapping) TOM: -the traitor and he died then the headcrabs came down so, we're clearly all innocent.
DUNCAN: Fucking hell, what happened to my gun?
TOM: Well, we'll test Rythian just.. to be sure. [Lewis mumbles]
LEWIS: Naahh, we trust him.
DUNCAN: It is definitely Zylus!
DUNCAN: -He's shooting me; (TOM: Okay.) (overlapping) DUNCAN: -I'm the Detective.
-He's on the roof.
[Gunshot] LEWIS: Oh, shit!
(high-pitched) -I'm taking the fire!
[Gunshot]
[Lewis takes out his gun] (DUNCAN: Where's the-) [Shotgun blast]
(DUNCAN: -fr- credit-) [Shotgun blast]
[Lewis reloads] (DUNCAN: Alright.) Is anyone dead? Other than-
(overlapping) LEWIS: I'm t- fighting Zylus on the roof.
(overlapping) DUNCAN: Oh, fuck off, headcrabs. I'm on four HP.
TOM: There's a lot of headcrabs.
[Gunshot] DUNCAN (high-pitched): I'm on four HP!
[Gunshots] -Fuck!
LEWIS: Zylus ran! [Gunshots] TOM: Where did he go?
[Gunshots] LEWIS: He went inside!
[Gunshots] -In there! TOM: Watch out!
[Rapid gunfire] LEWIS: -Get in there!
[Rapid gunfire] ZYLUS: Errghh..
(DUNCAN: Yeahh..) LEWIS: Good job.
(TOM: Ah..) [Reloading gun noises - glitched through rounds]
[Reloading gun noises - glitched through rounds] BEN: Ah, Duncan what-
-what was I doing that was suspicious? [Gunshots]
[Gunshots] LEWIS: Flush out the frog..!
[Rapid gunfire] (overlapping) DUNCAN: You were- you were not going down to the traitor tester.
[Ben chuckles] DUNCAN: -And you were hiding behind a building. (overlapping) TOM: Yeah-
-Yeah, you were running round behind that shed.
LEWIS: You were creepy! (BEN: Yeah.) LEWIS: -You were a creepy shark.
[Swooshing noise]
[Rapid gunfire] DUNCAN: It's Ben! (overlapping) TOM: Woah, what are you up to, Lewis?
LEWIS: I'm hanging out in my bathroom, Tom. (What do you think I'm doing?)
-Havin' a bath. [Rapid gunfire]
[Rapid gunfire]
[Rapid gunfire] [Glass shatters]
[Glass shatters]
BEN: Hey, Tom. (overlapping) TOM: Err, Ben is probably bad..
BEN: No.. TOM: I see a dead Duncan..
-and Ben running away from the body. [Ben laughs]
[Ben laughs] LEWIS: Okay, kill Ben.
BEN (laughing): 'ey, well- Er, he just died! There was guns so, I ran!
-That's what happened.
TOM: "There were guns so, I ran" [Rapid gunfire]
BEN: [Laughs] Yes! [Rythian laughs] [Barrel explosion]
BEN: I saw guns firing.. I- so, I ran away. (ZYLUS: Oh. Oh! Oh!) [Barrel explosion]
RYTHIAN: Okay, we're be- It's- it's- it's Ben.
-It's Ben. It's Ben. ZYLUS: It's Ben.. it's Ben. It's Ben. [Gunshots]
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots] BEN: Rythian's the jester. (laughing): Don't shoot Rythian.
[Gunshots] [Ben laughs]
[Ben laughs]
[Ben laughs] ZYLUS: Okay, okay- stop, stop, stop, stop!
DUNCAN: I'm back, it's Ben. [Rapid gunfire] TOM: Oh, shit!
-Oh so- sorry. (Sorry.) DUNCAN: What the fuck?!
TOM: I panicked! [laughs] [Duncan laughs]
[Duncan & Tom laugh] ZYLUS: I killed Ben. I killed Ben.
[Duncan & Tom laugh] ZYLUS: -I killed Ben. He w- is..
[Tom chuckles] ZYLUS: -yeah, a traitor. Okay.
(LEWIS: Well done.) TOM (laughing): Sorry, Duncan. [Rythian mumbles]
DUNCAN: I think it might be Lewis, though.
[Rapid gunfire] ZYLUS: I think it might be Lewis.
[Rapid gunfire] (overlapping) LEWIS: Ow! TOM: It's probably Lewis.
LEWIS: -I'm being shot! ZYLUS: Because it's you, Lewis.
(LEWIS: It's not me.) (overlapping) TOM: Because it's you. [Tom reloads]
[Tom reloads] (DUNCAN: Galil.)
ZYLUS: Galil.
LEWIS (♫): Galil, Ga-lil, Galil, Ga-lil.
ZYLUS: Okay, everyone for Lewis.
-Go, go, go!
[Explosion] ZYLUS: Oh!
[Gunfire] ZYLUS: Yeah, it's Lewis!
[Gunfire] LEWIS: Oh, that gun- this gun is..
[Gunfire] (DUNCAN: Where is he? Where is he?) (LEWIS: -trash.) ZYLUS: He's on top- he's on top of the garage.
(TOM: Oh, yeah.) ZYLUS: -He's on top of the garage
TOM: Ah, you almost got me! [Rapid gunfire]
[Rapid gunfire] (LEWIS: Orh!) TOM: -You almost got me, Rythian. [Slight laughter]
[Rapid gunfire] LEWIS: Arghh..
[Gunfire] [Laughter] TOM: Almo-
[Laughter] ZYLUS (laughing): Nice..
LEWIS (laughing): Arghh.. I got cu- got penned in, real bad.. (TOM: Ohoh..)
RYTHIAN: Ben, why you call me out, man?! [Slight laughter]
[Slight laughter] BEN (laughing): Wh- you called me out!
(TOM (laughing): Ohoh, yeah..) (overlapping) RYTHIAN: I- I-
[Slight laughter] -I called you 'cause you were shooting at everyone!
BEN (laughing): I was shooting Zylus.
(RYTHIAN: Ah, man.) (BEN: Well..)
[Ben sighs] LEWIS: Good job- good job calling 'em out, though.
[Tom changes gun]
BEN: I think if you've been busted as the traitor..
BEN (laughing): -you may as well call out the jester. [Assorted "Yeah"s]
TOM: Yeah, sell them- sell them down the river.
-Especially if the jester is the one calling you out.
(BEN (laughing): Yeah.) [Rythian laughs] TOM: -Like I think that's-
TOM: -generally unfair.. (overlapping) RYTHIAN: [laughs] Well, to be fair, like Zylus called you out first-
-I just confirmed it because I saw you shooting.
-And you were literally shooting at me, by the way.
-I had half-health after you shot at me!
(overlapping) BEN: Well, you were right next to each other. RYTHIAN: Yeah, yeah.
BEN: As the jester, though, you don't want.. them to know who the-
-You want them to think you're the traitor not.. someone else. (overlapping) RYTHIAN: I wanna- I wanna act like a-
-good guy, though, for some time. It's cool.
ZYLUS: Okay, what- Ah! Lewis- Lewis just Lew- dea- [Gunshots]
-Traitor! [Gunshots] RYTHIAN: Home run..! TOM: Lewis has got a but..
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots] LEWIS: Oh my god, it didn't kill you!
[Gunshots] LEWIS: -It didn't kill you! I thought it killed you! (DUNCAN: Double-jump-) It's Tom!
[Duncan' death noise] TOM: It's not me..
(-God damnit [mumbles]) ZYLUS: I took you out with me, Lewis, you son of a bitch!
[Zylus laughs] LEWIS: Ah, the double-jump..
BEN: Okay, I'm taking Lewis' bat.
-It's mine now. I'm not a traitor.
-I do have a bat.
TOM: Do you?
BEN: Yep.
-I took Lewis' bat.
(LEWIS: Oh god.)
BEN: Boom!
[Laughter] (RYTHIAN: Why- why, Ben?) (TOM: Oh!)
[Laughter] [Gunshots]
[Ben laughs]
(RYTHIAN: Wha- I-)
TOM (laughing): 'eyy..! [Laughter]
[Laughter] DUNCAN: Did no one hear me shout, "It's Tom"?
LEWIS (laughing): No! I guess not (TOM: Err-) ZYLUS (laughing): No, actually, I didn't.
TOM: Ah, shit! BEN: No, I didn- didn't hear that. (DUNCAN: Ergh!)
DUNCAN: -And then him replying saying, "It's not me"?
TOM: [laughs] Yeah, exactly! (overlapping) DUNCAN: Did you completely ignore all of that?
(-Oh my god.) (overlapping) RYTHIAN: I did not hear that, no.
LEWIS: I didn't hear that at all. TOM (laughing): Oh, shit. LEWIS (laughing): -I'm sorry.
-I was too busy like.. lamenting the fact that my baseball bat didn't kill Zylus because he had double-jumped.
ZYLUS: I double-jumped, yeah. TOM: Oh, yeah.. DUNCAN: Yeah, they're useless.
(TOM: Yeah, the bat-) [Zylus mumbles] (overlapping) LEWIS: I forgot about that, I was like,
-"How is no one using the baseball bat?!" ZYLUS: Because, yeah, it's not-
-that good. (overlapping) RYTHIAN: So, hang on a minute, who were the traitors? [Gunshots]
RYTHIAN: Was it Tom and Lew- Tom and Lewis?
ZYLUS: It was, yeah, Tom and Lewis. (overlapping) TOM: Yeah, it was me an- me and Lewis.
RYTHIAN: Then, why did you kill me, Ben?
BEN: I- I hadn't been listening to any of the conversation- [Laughter]
RYTHIAN: So, you just killed me randomly? (overlapping) BEN: -and I had- I- I had a bat-
-there was someone next to me..
RYTHIAN: Okay. So, you were RDMing.
-Alright. Just checking. [Laughter] LEWIS: Get-
[Laughter] [Duncan mumbles] LEWIS: -Get in the traitor tester.
-Get in the traitor tester. (RYTHIAN: Juust.. checking.) ZYLUS: Okay, okay.
-Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
ZYLUS & LEWIS: Let's go. LEWIS (♫): -give it to ya.
ZYLUS (♫): Let's go give it to ya.
[Lewis laughs quietly]
(LEWIS: Alright, here we go.)
(overlapping) ZYLUS: Alright, get in there.
(LEWIS: Alright.) Oh god.
-Oh god. (high- pitched) No! Zylus just tried to 'poon me! [Zylus laughs] [Rapid gunfire]
LEWIS (high-pitched): -He tried to 'poon me! [Zylus laughs] (TOM: Thanks.)
ZYLUS: Arghh! [laughs] BEN: Arghh..
[Laughter] LEWIS (high-pitched): Arghh, nooo...! Jester wins! (BEN: What?)
[Laughter] [Rapid gunfire] (overlapping) LEWIS (high-pitched): -A jester wins?! (BEN: What happened?)
[Rapid gunfire] TOM: Thanks, guys! LEWIS (high-pitched): What is thii-is?! [Duncan reloads]
[Duncan reloads] TOM: I don't know who.. shot me. ZYLUS: Fuuck..
DUNCAN: That was really.. [Rapid gunfire] -well-played.
[Rapid gunfire] TOM: Err, I went-
-onto the roof.. when you guys went into the traitor tester, (DUNCAN: Yeah..)
(overlapping) TOM: -I brought out my pistol and just started shooting at the entrance- [Ben laughs] (overlapping) ZYLUS: Awhh..
TOM: -and Duncan gunned me down, instantly. (ZYLUS: -That's clever.) [Laughter]
(ZYLUS: Awhh.. that is smart.) LEWIS: Oh.. wow..! [Laughter]
BEN: So good. ZYLUS: That is really smart. [Laughter]
((overlapping) DUNCAN: That was a good- that was a Trouble in Terroris--) Shit.. TOM: Awhh.. [Laughter]
LEWIS: Well done. That- well there you go- (ZYLUS: Fair enough.) [Laughter]
LEWIS: That is really well played. That is the end of Trouble in Terrorist Town for today.
-Thanks, everyone. [Gunshot] -For joining us. Thanks for watching!
-(rising pitch) We'll see you all..! [Laughter] [Outro music]
LEWIS: ..next tii-ime..! [Outro music]
[Many "Bye!"s] [Outro music]
LEWIS: Goodbye. [Outro music]
[Outro music swells]