Hello, Tripp hope you're doing good. I'll cut to the chase. I've been dating a girl for a little
bit longer than a month. Things are going really well, but there's one thing that has been on my
mind. She is really shy. We kiss and hug each other, but I feel we have reached the limit.
Maybe it is because we are in an early part of the relationship. Anyway, my question is, what can
I do if we stop escalating physically? How can I bring up the topic or what advice can you give me?
Again she is very shy. Love your content. Salut from Mexico, Alex. PS, I sent you this on
Instagram too. Ha-ha. Great question. I don't know if I believe in that whole concept, by the way.
I'm not sure. I believe you that she's really shy, but I think most of the time they might
not have that much interest in you. But I'll take your word for it that she is very sexually shy.
I'll ask you this...and I've worked with guys and coached guys through these
situations where they've been with women who are very shy. And my answer to you is,
maybe you guys aren't compatible. Let's be real for a second. You would prefer if she wasn't shy,
right? I don't even need you to answer that, I know the answer. Of course, you would prefer that.
Or else you wouldn't be asking this, this wouldn't be a problem. Wouldn't you see it then that maybe
she is not compatible? That maybe you're with a person who's going at a slower speed than you are?
And I believe that you are being reasonable here. It doesn't sound like you're trying to make things
happen that fast. But then again, people have been known to have sex on second and third dates.
If you're in a relationship and you're just kissing and hugging and you want to do more
but she doesn't, then maybe you're not physically compatible. I want to just put that in your ear
for a second. Because a lot of guys say to me, she keeps on going on dates with me but it's
the sixth, the seventh, the eighth date and she's not interested in sex. Well, maybe it's
just not a good match. If you're interested in that and she's not interested in that.
I don't know, man. Sounds like scarce mentality to me. Sounds like scarcity. It's like well then
be with someone who's willing to be at your physical escalation level.
That's my first thought. But you asked what can I do if we stop escalating physically? How
can I bring up the topic? Or what advice can you give me? Again, she's very shy.
I would try to bring it up to her and ask her. It's interesting that
you're assuming she's shy and she probably is, but maybe there's something else. Maybe she's
a virgin. I wouldn't call that necessarily shy. Some people just want to keep their virginity.
Maybe we need to get more to the bottom of it. So yeah, we can have a conversation with her.
I would say to her in a very neutral, you're not upset, very just chill tone. And don't do it right
after you've been rejected. Say this in a point in time when you guys are have not been physically
escalating, or been physical, and say, hey, I want to talk to you about something, I've noticed that
you don't seem very interested in being physical. I'm curious how you feel about that. Leave it very
open ended and very hey, I'm just trying to get to know you. This will lower her defenses
and give her an opportunity to feel comfortable so you guys can talk about it and then get the truth
and then ask what's going on in this sense to find out where are these things leading? Maybe she
is friend-zoning you and you don't even know it. Maybe she's like, well,
I don't see you that way. And then your mind's gonna be blown because you're gonna be like, wait,
I thought it was dating you. You just don't know. So I want you to, Alex, bring this up in a very
neutral, calm collected manner as a way of curiosity. Not out of "why won't you
kiss me and why won't you physically escalate?" Be chill about it.
Lower her defenses and figure out what's going on
and see what you can do. I hope that helps. And anyone else out there who's also dating someone or
in a situation ship with someone who is shy. That's a good approach.