2021 has been another year.
Parts have been good, parts have been bad, and through all of it, I’ve continued to
try to figure out how to move forward in this world and life that I barely understand.
If it wasn’t obvious by the mere existence of this channel, I look towards pieces of
media to help me navigate different things I’m going through.
Games, shows, films, music and really every form of art I engage with give me things to
pull from whenever I need to, whether be while going through a tough time or celebrating
successes.
And as we have somehow reached the end of another year, I want to reflect on a few things
from it that have stuck with me the most.
The last time I did this, I solely focused on games, and while that certainly will be
the core of this video because that is the media I consume the most of, I’m also gonna
touch on some stuff outside of the gamesphere that has shaped my year.
So without any further ado, these are the things that got me through 2021, and as always,
I think the best place to start is the start, that being first game I played this year.
Which somewhat unsurprisingly was Outer Wilds.
Anyone who has played and especially beaten Outer Wilds, knows that it really isn’t
the kind of game you can replay.
Progression is tied to player knowledge, so once you know the secrets of the solar system,
beating it takes barely any time at all.
However, at the beginning of the year, I was craving that sense of wonder that Outer Wilds
had given me when I first experienced it, so I decided to approach the game in a way
I hadn’t before by going for all the achievements.
I’ve talked extensively in the past about my issue with 100%ing games, but the achievement
list in Outer Wilds is actually good.
The vast majority of them ask players to engage with the game in unique ways, whether it be
trying to land on something that you’re really not supposed to land on or getting
to places in an unintended fashion.
While it didn’t provide anything close to the feeling I had when I first played it,
there was a sense of familiarity there that was comforting.
It was nice to be back in those worlds with a new purpose, even if that purpose was short
lived and in some cases a bit silly.
It was just nice to be replaying a game I loved, and that actually was a pretty common
trend for me this year.
I replayed Hollow Knight for the first time since it came out, and I grew a whole new
appreciation for it as I now had a better understanding of its mechanics and exploration,
making the things that had once frustrated me, not be a problem at all.
This made it so, I finally got around to all the things in the game I had missed on my
first playthrough, and just like with Outer Wilds, it was nice to be back with new purpose.
I also revisited Majora’s Mask, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, Wind Waker and Portal 2,
and while I can’t say that all of my old favorites held up in the way I hoped they
would, I still found joy in just re-experiencing things that once meant the world to me.
Sometimes it can be hard to get into a new game because you don’t know what to expect
and don’t know if it will even be for you, and for awhile, I wasn’t playing much of
anything at all.
But replaying games I knew I cared about helped break that.
And doing victory laps through many of my favorite titles brought me a lot of solace,
especially in the times where I was struggling the most.
Honestly, even looking at a lot of the games I connected to that actually released this
year, many of them still had that sense of familiarity to them.
For instance, Resident Evil Village felt like the perfect cross-section of the aesthetic
and general campiness of Resident Evil 4 and the more horror focused gameplay of Resident
Evil 7.
RE4 is one of my favorite games of all time, and I found RE7 to be a nice reinvention of
the franchise, so RE8 pretty much felt like it was made for me.
Bowser’s Fury took movement and design elements from Super Mario 3D world which, and I know
this is a controversial take, is my favorite 3D Mario game, and it created a compelling,
small open-world that has me very hopeful for the potential of future entries to the
series.
Psychonauts 2 finally came out after me being positive it never would, and despite having
become so disconnected from the property due to years of waiting, when I played it for
the first time, I genuinely cried a bit because I was overwhelmed by the fact that I was actually
playing a new Psychonauts game after all that time.
Life is Strange: True Colors provided the comfy vibes that the series is famous for
while also serving a solid story with far less “hello fellow kids” dialogue than
earlier entries.
And, to bring it back around to where I started, Echoes of the Eye released, and it gave me
that sense of wonder I had been craving when I went achievement hunting all the way back
in january.
It let me actually re-live a feeling I never really expected to have again, which was incredible.
Generally, I really enjoy branching out and trying games that I know nothing about as
that is how I’ve found some of my favorite titles, but having the chance to replay old
favorites and experience new content for familiar games helped steady me this year.
I, like many others I assume, live with a lot of uncertainty— I constantly am second
guessing every aspect about this job I’ve lucked into.
So often, I feel like I am teetering on an edge, so as silly as it may sound, playing
familiar feeling games gave me a sort of sense of security.
. They’re like a comfort blanket I can cover myself in when I just need to feel good, and
judging by the amount of games like this I played throughout the year, I guess I needed
that a lot.
Of course, I did play plenty of new and fresh IPs that left massive impressions on me, most
of which were in the indie scene.
One title in particular that I haven’t stopped thinking about since playing it is Before
Your Eyes.
As I’ve gotten older, time only seems to move faster.
Days melt away and especially when I get caught up in a project, weeks can go by without me
processing the passing of time.Like, mentally, I’m still in August.
Also, as I look back at my life, I remember less and less from when I was young; the gaps
between memories only grow with age, so playing Before Your Eyes which centers around a mechanic
where if you blink in real life time in the game moves forward, unsurprisingly ruined
me.
Every moment in Before Your Eyes is fleeting, and that idea is explored through the story
which is all about doing enough with the life that you’re given.
This isn’t the first time I’ve played or seen something that explores that theme,
but there was something about having an involuntary human function like blinking controlling the
pace of the game that connected me to that theme in a profound way.
There is a sort of hopelessness to trying to slow things down and gain complete control
over the movement of time in the game, and that hits close to home.
For anyone who has watched a few of my videos, you’ve probably picked up on the fact that
I struggle immensely with living in the moment.
I am often looking at who I could or should be instead of who I am, and not only does
that create an unrealistic expectation of myself, it also has me living in a constant
state of unfulfillment.
While I do believe that people are never meant to stop growing, I am awful at recognizing
the achievements I have reached, and Before Your Eyes was a good reminder that there is
just as much value, if not more value, in the things we’ve done than in the things
we may do.
Thinking about the other games I played in this vein, it was a pretty great year for
existential dread.
Inscryption toyed with the format of roguelike card builders, examining the life of a game
in a way that only Daniel Mullins could.
Unsighted presented a world where each of the character’s lives have a time limit,
creating an experience where every action felt like it mattered and I was incentivized
to use every tool in my arsenal to save as many people as I could.
And Disco Elysium: The Final Cut dropped, so I finally got around to playing what everyone
kept telling me would become one of my favorite games ever.
And yeah, everyone was right.
Being set in a desolate city armed with a shocking amount of approaches to every situation,
most of which just lead to getting into more trouble, provided an experience about as close
to a tabletop rpg I’ve ever seen in a video game.
It’s thought-provoking and one day I hope I am smart enough to make a longer breakdown
of everything it accomplishes.
Jumping between familiar titles that comforted me and new ones that made me feel deeply uncomfortable
was the prevailing pattern for me this year.
It helped recharge me when I needed it and then got me to reflect on life when I was
ready to do so.
In the most surprising twist of the year, I started to get interested in the dangerous
world of League of Legends.
Don’t worry, I stopped short of actually playing it, but with the release of Netflix’s
animated show, Arcane, I got pulled into a franchise that I had written off as a waste
of time.
To put it simply, Arcane is incredible, and watching it filled me with a lot of hope for
the future of western animation.
For whatever reason, western audiences are still resistant to animation, often brushing
it off as being just for kids, but Arcane is a perfect example of why that is stupid.
The best way to put it is that it isn’t just good for an animated show, it is good
because it is an animated show.
It uses the medium to its fullest in order to tell a complex story about a cast of characters
who all manage to be likable in one way or another, from the heroic leads you’re supposed
to cheer for to the truly horrific villains you empathize with in spite of yourself.
It is a shining example of how powerful animated storytelling can be.
There’s a lot to say about this show that I plan to cover in some capacity in the future,
but as for how it helped shape my life this year, it gave me a new set of characters to
connect with and a world to explore that is far deeper and richer than I ever expected.
There’s something special about diving into the lore of a world that is new to you, and
I know a lot of people like me who never got into League have been experiencing a similar
thing.
It’s just really good and I can’t wait for more.
Hell, my Arcane obsession even led to me playing The Ruined King, which by the way, if you’re
interested in turn-based games, has one of the most intriguing combat systems I’ve
seen in awhile.
I’d definitely say it is worth a shot; I put a few dozen hours into it which I don’t
do for most games.
While Ruined King was up there for me in terms of highest playtime, it wasn’t my most played
game of the year.
That honor goes to Super Auto Pets.
On the surface, Super Auto Pets looks like a game you’d play to learn math for the
first, but in reality it is an easy-to-understand but hard-to-master auto battler where you
build a team of animals that go up against squads made by other players.
I have never been all that into auto-battlers and to be honest, I avoid most games that
don’t have a definitive ending.
Especially over the past few years, I’ve aimed to play as many different titles as
possible, so putting countless hours into a single roguelike or multiplayer game has
just never been my style.
However, I tried it out on a whim and while playing it, found that it filled a very specific
utility; that being a game I could get value out of even if I only played for 10 minutes
at a time.
I have this problem where if I have a short amount of free time, I often don’t know
what to do with it.
My first thought almost always is to play a game, but with most titles, if I don’t
have at least an hour to dedicate to it, I’m hesitant to try.
And admittedly, it is stupid, but that paraylsis leads to me putting off playing anything and
instead just scrolling on twitter, which ya know, is not it.
However, with Super Auto Pets games are relatively quick; also you can stop at any time and pick
up exactly where you left off.
It’s a perfect game for small doses, which I have really valued over the past few months
as it is very easy for me to get too caught up in work, so having a game that is both
fun and good for small breaks had a lot of value for me.
It also got me back into watching Northernlion again, all but cementing my status as an old
man, you piece.
And while we’re on the topic of Super Auto Pets Streamers, let’s talk about Ludwig.
No streamer has had quite the year that Ludwig has; he’s hosted multiple game shows, launched
a wildly successful podcast, and of course, ran a month long subathon back in March where
after 30 days of non-stop streaming, he broke the all-time sub record on Twitch, and I watched
a lot of it.
I’ve never been a huge twitch viewer, but once covid hit, I like many others found myself
with a lot more free time as the majority of the social things I did were no longer
options, and while it wasn’t a replacement for human contact with actual friends, Twitch
offered a small reprieve from some of the isolation.
Being able to put up a stream on my second monitor while playing a game or editing footage,
gave me something to listen to so that I wasn’t left alone with, ya know, myself.
So throughout March, whenever I needed something on in the background, Ludwig was live and
that’s what I’d put on.
And its hard to describe, but there was just a vibe to his streams during the subathon
that was really special.
To be clear, the content itself wasn’t exceedingly interesting; a lot of it was him sleeping
or watching YT videos or just doing everyday tasks.
Also, the chat was insufferable as people would flood in whenever the clock got low
and talk constantly about how time was about to run out, even though anyone who had been
there for more than 5 minutes knew with fair certainty that no one was gonna let it hit
0.
Despite all that, there was a unique communal feel to it.
Part of that was due to the help he got along the way from his mods and occasionally his
roommates who kept the stream going when he slept or was away for longer periods of time,
part of it was due to the kind of content he focused on most notably movie nights where
everyone would watch stuff ranging from The Truman Show to Video Game High School together,
and part of it was due to the simple fact that the reason the stream didn’t end was
because people made it their mission for it not to.
While it was funny to see Ludwig wake up to a much higher timer than when he had gone
to sleep, I think most people, especially as the month went on, wanted to see him break
the record.
And, to me atleast, it was really cool to both witness and be a part of.
Seeing a community bigger than just his own come together to help him reach a wild achievement
felt nice.
It was an interesting moment to experience as during it I knew nothing quite like it
would happen again, and even if it did, I wouldn’t be invested in the same way.
But during that time where I didn’t have all that much to do aside from work, the subathon
was something I could turn to in order to have a unique form of entertainment, and I’ll
always look back at it fondly for that.
Going from watching one rich dude stuck in his room for a prolonged period of time to
another, it is that point of the video where I try to talk about Bo Burnham’s Inside.
I’ll be honest, I have little interest in actually examining Burnham’s special.
Not in any sort of analytical way at least.
It is the sort of piece that based on everything it covers, feels weird to make a video essay
about.
However, given how much of an impact it had on me, it’d feel even weirder not to mention
it at all Inside felt in many ways like a cultural moment.
It was an exaggerated example of the social isolation many of us have experienced over
the past 2 years.
It was thoughtful, uncomfortable, and occasionally funny.
It also made me rethink everything about the creative process and what I do here on YouTube.
Despite Burnham breaking into the mainstream, there is something so familiar about his work.
Really at its core, Inside feels like a YouTube video.
It all takes place in a single room and has a DIY feel to it that resembles countless
videos on this platform.
Something about it feels achievable, and it made me want to do better.
I don’t know if its been noticeable to any of you, but I have definitely shifted my approach
to creating videos since watching Inside.
A lot of the changes have been subtle but they’ve helped me connect a lot more to
the things I’m making.
Inside was a bit of a wake up call; a reminder that there is more I want to do here than
just talk about video games.
I also want to improve my craft and experiment with different formats and examine all sorts
of media through unique lenses that are often thought about but not often discussed.
Inside does a lot, and as a creator, I related to more of it than I wish I did.
Without it though, I don’t think I’d be motivated in the way I have been more recently
and the way I am for this upcoming year.
2021 has been another weird one.
I’ve continued to adapt to this wild lifestyle I still don’t understand how I fell into,
I’ve felt more optimistic about stuff than I have over the past few years, which is kinda
nice, and I’ve grown as both a person and a creator, always trying to recognize that
despite having a long way to go to reach where I want to be, it is important to celebrate
the thing I am.
All in all, I’m thankful for all the things that have helped me through this year, and
as always, I’m hopeful that this next one will be even better.
And for those of you looking for some actionable ways to better yourself in the New Year, let
me tell you about this video’s sponsor, Brilliant.
Brilliant is a problem solving website that provides interactive courses to teach you
new ideas and hone your understanding of topics primarily relating to math and science.
It’s great for people trying to learn something for the first time and also for those who
want a refresher about stuff they were taught about in high school but have since forgotten.
I find every New Year, I set goals for myself in terms of things I wanna do and learn, but
end up dropping largely because I have no guidance, which is why Brilliant is great.
It gives a frame to work within with courses that are actually fun to do, making it much
easier to stick to.
As someone who likes to learn new things, it has been a pleasure to explore what the
site has to offer.
So to get started go to http://brilliant.org/razbuten and sign up for free.
And also, the first 200 people that go to that link, which by the way is also in the
description, will get 20% off the annual Premium subscription.
It’s a really cool service that honestly everyone could benefit from, so check it out.
Anyway, thanks to Brilliant for sponsoring this video.
For all of you still watching, hey.
I hope you’re well, and I hope you’ve had a good year.
Thank you to all of my patrons who make this channel possible and a special thanks to Elfinrez
and WilliamGlenn8 for being honorary bagbutens.
I appreciate you all.
Anyway, I hope you have a good day and/or night, and I will see you in the new year.