Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier, and welcome to the game of bad decisions
I'm gonna try to not die horribly because apperently
you can live a long time but I'm just an idiot
So, "My king, it seems your army has very poor hygiene. We should spend a bit on this problem."
*Unsure* G-Yeaaaaah???
Oh that seems good, that was a good trade!
"We found some gold in the mines. Should we try to dig deeper?"
Well if I know anything from Lord Of The Rings, It always said that digging too deep- YES OF COURSE YOU SHOULD DIG DEEPER YOU SON OF A SHIT!
"The tower of the basilica is falling apart. We need your help!"
I don't know what a basilica is, so NO!
That could be HEATHEN talk!
"The merchants would like to create a new Guild and send their representative to the court"
( Mark? Dude commentate)
*Unsure again*Yeaah?
OH WHY DOES THAT UH- Oh... "Rex moans in despair. Something is not right."
"Kick the DOG"!? NOOO!
Pet the dog!!
*REALLY FREAKED OUT MARKIMOO*
UHHHH
Okaaay!
So the score is now 666.
This will have an effect every year
"Diabolus."
"Time is gone, space is insane. Here it comes, here again."
"You feel your mouth closing down as if you never had one."
OHHH. Good..WHHYY did that HAPPEN!?
I just wanted to pet a poochy!
"Little King, little puppet." I HAVE no choice here!
Oh god. "No words"
"Few thoughts."
OH its Guybrosh!
Oh! Oh, "Many deaths" its everybody.
Oh jeez. "Centuries ago you asked for eternal power in exchange for your soul"
"Fortunately you didn't mention anything about immortality."
"Each of your deaths is enjoyable."
"But even more so is the choice I will let you make now."
"Go little puppet, and see you again in 666 years."
(_~_)
*Freaked out marikimoo*
Okaay! I had NO IDEA that would be apart of this game! Wow thats actually
Legitamately cool but Horrifying! Like whoo, oh boy..
Way to- I- Ohh, I don't like that. That's not a good thing! Why, why do I have that?I don't want the characters to die,
I- Like I'm the only one that should die here!
I guess.
And the top right is not a score as I imaged, its the YEAR
Okaay. "The doctor is conducting ungodly experiments in a hidden room. He must be stopped!"
"I'm well aware of that..." fact! HOPEFULLY He can get the DEVIL off MY BACK!
Because... SHIT DUDE. Okay. "This is the coldest winter of the last 30 years."
"After the weak harvest, your people are starving."
But if I say YES, to the doctor, he's gonna DIE!
I don't want him to DIE...
I can't help...
CAN'T HELP! "The merchants guild is selling goods traditionally produced by the Abbey. Put an end to this."
Yeah
A body was found later that year, horrifyingly torn and bloated."
I'm SORRY about that WHATEVER YOUR NAME WAS because I didn't even do you the common courtesy of LOOKING.
"We heard about a young princess being held against her will in the Dark Rock castle."
MY HORSE!
OH FUCK IF ITS A TRAP, MY HORSE!
"You ride to Dark Rock in full armour, proud, glorious and glittering."
Oh. "Breathing fire...Are you the King? Are you here for the Damsel?"
OHH I should've saved it for THIS ONE.
OH I SHOULD'VE SAVED THE KILLINATOR TO THIS ONE!
OHH NOOOO!
"Oh good. There, take her."
*Markimoo sigh*
I could of killed the DRAGON!
But... "Nobody is killing anyone you're here for the girl, here she is. End of story."
Okaay.
"My hero!" Lady Grey???
I've already met you, Lady Grey!
"My hero!" Yes?No!Yes? Alright okay
"Are you back Sire? Did you enjoy our little entertainment?The dragon was not cheap!"
OHH.
Oh okay! "Who paid?"
Who paid!
Ohh.
Oh boy.
"A group of villagers pretend they're assaulted by celestial beings. Its probably a trick to pay less tax"
I
No- D- Yeah no no I'm calling bullshit on that one!
"Your people are starving my Lord, the price of bread is too high."
Noooooo.
"I found blue and brown mushrooms in the forest. The blue one seems edible."
OH! I've got a- an acheivoment! Called Try the Blue one!
I'M 'ONNA TRY THE BLUE ONE!
OHH SHIT.
"You feel suddenly very happy, then strange things start to happen."
OH HI PUCK!
HOW YA DOIN?"
"Sire, we should spend some money to build a communal barn to prevent famine."
*Unsure Markimoo*
Yessss?
AAAAH!
"The barn was expensive but it's good protection to avoid famine and the people's unrest."
Well, yeah I'm outta money soo...Thats not a GOOD thing!
WELP IM DEAD IN A DITCH AGAIN AND THE DEVIL...Took me. IT WAS THE DEVILS FAULT!
I BLAME DEVIL!
I COULD OF KILLED THAT DRAGON BUT
I FUCKED UP JUST GENERALLY I WANNA STATE THAT- FOR THE RECORD
And everybody else you guys already know but I fucked up BAAAD.
Like, BAD. Okay anyway.
Baudouin?
BADOOIN. I'm gonna... Meet the witch, recruit a spy and have an heir...
Am I now???
Oh I'm 'onna an heir
*Sexy markimoo grunt*
"I would like to conduct new research on weapons and warfare. Will you help?"
You know I will.
"I would like to conduct a mass to the memory of your father."
THAT GUY
WAS FRICKIN'...Possessed by the DEVILLL.
Even though my name is literally BADOOIN. I'd like to think its BAUD but I'm pretty sure its pronounced
BADOOIN. AS IN IM DOIN' BAD?
BUT.. NO that guy was a DICK!
"The estuary of the river Drop is a dangerous swamp for travellers. We should sanitize the whole area."
NAAAAHH....
"The queen of the South is offering you forty books. We should build a library!"
OKAY!
"I met a strange lady well versed in the ancient arts of plants and dreams. Would you like to meet her?"
Hell yeaaaah,
OH GODDAMNIT.
"Meet the WITCH!?"
OH GODDAMNIT IS THE DEVIL GONNA LEAVE ME TO THE WITCH? *Markimoo does a half dab*
OKAY.
"All right, all right." here we go. BE NICE.
"Waf. Gnn. Waf."
Okay.
WELL SURE I'LL EAT IT.
Yunnomnom
"From now on, you will know more precisely how your decisions affect the Kingdom. It is a gift or a malediction?"
OOOH~!
OHH Thats LOVELY.
"I'm lady karkovia. I can help you understand the laws of nature and the limits of humankind."
"BE DISCREET." about this lady Karkovia!
"Your church is weak and the people blasphemous."
N-Noo? Noo?I don't think- Yess???
YAAAAY! "Give us enough power to enforce the divine justice in your country. The Pope is ready to pay the price."
I COMPLETELY agree.
OR MAYBE I DON'T.
MAYBE I DO THOUGH...
HECK YEAH!
"I can teach you a few things about (white) magic"
OH HELL YES,
YES PLEASE
"But first you have to prove worth of my time."
OH.
AM I ABOUT TO KNOCK OUT TWO ACHIVEMENTS BY KNOCKIN
BOOTS- *Markimoo cringe* Ah fuck it
that was...Bad!..."First you have to prove worthy of my time."
Heh. YESS!
"Pronounce the holy word "Zgando" in the Eastern fashion."
"Zlamwo."
IS IT ZLAMWO? ARE WE GONNA ZLAMWO IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
HUUUH? IM GONNA GO WITH ZLAMWO
"That was not the right answer."
I CANT BELIEVE.. "ZLAMWO" WASNT THE RIGHT ANSWER.
Alright fine then.
"We want to build a new marketplace. It will open our economy to foreign trade."
SURE OKAY!
"Help! Help! The Communal barn is on fire! Send the garrison!"
YEAAH.
OKAY. "We need to build a-" GOD WITH YOU AND YOUR CHURCH! FUCK YOU!
"I would like to open a couple of shops for my wares and charms."
NAAH its okay maybe not be TOO open about the fact that theres a witch in the kingdom.
"I would like to sing a song for your Majesty. It's called The fool and its Majesty."
YEAH SURE if this guy wants to sing why not? SING AWAY BUDDY!
"It was a long time ago, a poor fool was singing alone a sad, a very sad song..."
"He had a majestic pet as a companion, a very dark and ugly beast..."
Carry on.
"But nice and clean and with a constantly wagging tail."
Thank you!
OH. Okay I guess thats the end of the song then!
Why do I want my guards to arrest him in the middle of the song???
"Do you need some credit, My lord?" I LIKE credit...
I LIKE credit..
I'll take that..
"Should we build embassies in neighbouing countries? It may be a good way to prevent wars."
Suuure! Okay!
"Would you like to play Red Dwarf-" NO I LEARNED MY LESSON, FUUUCK YOU!
"It's time to pay your debt" My lord!
Noooo?
YAAAY! I HAVE MONEEEY!
"The goldsmiths of the capital created a cartel to organize their trade. They want your approval."
Yess!
Okay thats not so bad I got lots of money!
"The King of the West has been informed of the state of our army and is now attacking us!"
Retreat and regroup!
"Tweet! Tweet!"
Who the FRICK is Piaw?
WHOS' IN CHARGE OF THIS BIRD?
WHO- HOLLY, DID YOU LEAVE THIS BIRD IN HERE!?
GODDAMNIT. YOUR BIRDS ARE GETTIN' EVERYWHERE!
Umm..
Thank you???
Hey, thanks. Hey, thanks!
Thanks. "You are under arrest. You have broken the commandments of the blessed Church." Sorry???
Oopsie poopsie! Oh...
"Theocracy"? "You won't be able to say 'no' to the church anymore. That said, they're taking care of the money."
OH
Okay....
All righty then!
"The message says:A village in the South is encouraging polygamy."
*Awkward sexy markimoo grunting*
Send the Church. The church will deal with it. Oh wait, did the church just go down there and JOIN polygamists?
I dunno.
"Let me build fortifications around the capital. It's costly, but well worth the bother."
YEAH! The Church is taking care of it!
HELL YEAH!
"High walls"
"The fortifications are an excellent way to repel invaders. Useful when your army is weak."
"Our economy is flourishing thanks to our effort to regulate trade! We should create a central bank."
I don't need it...
We're under a "Theocracy"
"We meed better defences! The barbarians from the Eastern baronies are at the border of our Kingdom."
Okay, all right, cool. Yeah.
All right, cause I ain't payin' for jack shit over here.
"Our enemies want a peace treaty! This is the best way to end the war."
How 'bout fuck them?
All right, fine, we can do a peace treaty I suppose.
Oh everyones happy!!
YAAAAAY!
"I could build a hospital to prevent a surge of epidemics."
What about the Doctor?
We have a doctor...
"Sire! Your urine smells like rhododendrons this morning. You should avoid riding for a while."
I should a' build that hospital, because THIS GUYS been sniffin' my piss!
OKAY
"Do I really have to tell you why the doctor can't run the hospital?"
Yes??? Wait, no, I don't get it- I want- I want the hospital! I-I want the hospital.
Okay I'm gonna assume this is literal and no you don't have to tell me. I want it.
"I didn't intend to. So about the hospital?"
Okaaay.
I can't say no to the Church, so it's good to have a little hurt with them.
"The Hospital will limit the consequence of epidemics and catastrophes."
THAT WITCH IS AWESOME!
Thank youuu witch!
"There has been a massive breakout form the prison. We need to organize a search party."
Noooo!?
We're okay.
"There's been an explosion in the capital! We don't exactly know what happened. Shall we close the gates to the city?"
*Really unsure markimoo*
Yeeeaaahhh?
I guess?? Okaay everythings fine I suppose!
"The merchant's Guild would like to adorn the marketplace of the capital with a statue of Your Majesty."
Oh shit.
Really?
I'll take some of that. *Confident grunt*
A statue you say?
"There's been another explosion! We need to be able to use the churches to help the victims!"
AAAGH! THATS NOT GOOD
"The people of a western village are afraid of goblins. Who should take care of this?"
The chuuuuuuuuurch?
"The Vikings are attack-" GOOD GOD! WHY CAN'T EVERYTHING JUST CALM ITS COLLECTIVE TITS FOR LIKE TWO YEARS?
Good god. "The Vikings are attacking us! We should defend out kingdom from the North!"
Okeeey!
Defend!
"I would like to meet up with some of my scientist friends from the West, in your castle."
Noooooo....
Waaaait a minute here...
"I'm a good teacher, Let's bet a bit of money." OKAY! En garde!
"Where did you learn that move? The hospital? Yes, with a pretty nurse, yes! Mwuhahaha!
"You feel General arnoulf-"Okay, whats, whats up!? WHOOOAAA!! Ho ho hoh! Oh you. you missed meee!
Angry boar???
"Your breath is a better weapon than that toothpick of yours."
HABOOSKI!
OWWW! Good god.
Oww!
Yes?
Haha!
Oooh, TOO LATE!
OOOHHH YESS!
Gotcha. Alright. SILLY TAUNT!
HAHAAH! Okay I'm good. Thanks!
"What side of the road should the carriages go?"
Ohh nooo...
Oh no.
I'M FROM AMERICA...
And we saaay...The riiight...
"Long live the King! You're turning 50 years old today!"
So I went into power when I was twelve...?
Yes. don't tell me. Yes yes yes yes yes
"My lord, I'm Master Writhe, the Merchants' Guild master. Please accept a token of our gratitude."
I take no bribe!
I'm noble like that.
"I would like to conduct new reasearch on the fabled transmutation of lead into gold. Could you finance me?"
OKAY. WEEE! 40 YEARS! IM A LEDGEND!
"Islanders are menacing us. We should attack them before they attack us."
No?
"The Eastern baronies are at war again and their population is crossing our frontier as we speak."
Cloooooooooose?
Close it?
Okay. "While doing my research I designed a rather clever way to distil alcohol. I would like to share the revenue."
NAAAY WE NEED NOT MONEY The church apperently has oodles and caboodles of money
"The population is scared by the terrorists! Please, suspend the payment of taxes this year."
Okay.
Alright.
"I heard strange noises in the castle last night. We should have more guards patrolling!"
Lady Karkovia.
*Indistinct Markimoo rambling*
Yeeesss...
"Enforce the state of emergency! That's the only way to deal efficiently with these terrorists!" Yeah?
OOH. THATS A LOT OF- THATS A LOT OF
THATS a lot of military!
"Do you trust me My Lord?"
Nooooo
No no no. I only trust me and my own.
"Our flag should really be changed. It's not really fashionable" What are the options?
"A brown spade on a grey sky?"
*Markimoo grunts*
No
"A red cross on a golden field?"
Oh GOD I CAN ONLY SAY YES FUUU- OH GOD
Alright, fine. "The king of the West is visiting us!" OOHH...
Alright, fine.
"We should organize a grand dinner!"
Good idea. "Terrible idea! The King will prefer to go hunting."
Noooo I like a dinner, I remember a certain king somewhere somehow that DIED when he was hunting....
So NO!
"The King of the West was preparing an attack on one of our provinces-" WELL, SACK OF TITS! I just welcomed him into my house!
This is a bunch of bullshit!
Ugh...Fine, build a dam.
"We found gold in the river bed! What do you want to do with the income?"
Shaaaare it! With everyboooody!
"A convent of nuns has started meowing like cats." again, why do I care?
Aaand their dead.
"My research is not working....should I carry on?"
YESSSS.
Forever. Whoa, what..Happened with my money?
MY MONEY! Wh- Is the theocracy gone? I LIKE the theocracy, the theocracy was GREAT!
WHY DID THAT RUN OUT?
"We crushed the invading armies! The looting is excellent!"
Okaay. Bravo?
AAAH! THATS NOT GOOD THATS NOT GOOD THATS NOT GOOD.
Oh. "You wake up in the middle of the night, feeling the years bending your back. You are old and tired."
Stay awake.
"Old age. You won't be able to hear or understand properly. Scared, you try very hard to hide your ailment from the court."
OH!
Okay.
"This is a coup! Surrender your power to me-"
"THIS IS A COUP! SURRONDOR YOUR POWOR TO MO AT ONCO"
Jeez. Oh jeez.
WELLLL I was old anyway!
Oh shitty tits I didn't know that was gonna raise the power of the army that much.
"The army locks you up in the tallest tower of the castle where you will decay to rags and bones"
WELL SHIT I DID GOOD THOUGH...
Badooin the Ancient.
I'd say, thats pretty darn good. Oh, oh holy shit I made it a long way
I like it a lot.
Oh thats cool this game is cool this game is like
Really cool.
So, anyway, thats all the time I have for this episode, I don't know if I'm gonna be making more episodes, Let me know if you do.
This is a lot of fun and there seems to be like a lot of variety of it,
I mean some things repeat obviously but it seems like there's a cohesive story stitching everything together so it'd be kinda cool to see
Where it leads. But I'll leave that up to you so thanks again, and as always I will see you IN THE NEXT VIDEO!
BUH BYE!!!!