- Goats can't say butt. - Butt.
Strange animals? Bigfoot?
[screaming]
And a potential time God.
I don't have any gray hairs! You're old! What?
Welcome to another wild, hairy,
and scary episode of Swellview Mysteries.
To kick things off, we're gonna investigate
a question that's kept us up all night.
Why is the wildlife in Swellview so weird?
Is that Benny, that dog with a hat?
There's two guys here from Animal Control
asking about some zombies.
Are any of these the radioactive cat?
- No, no and no. - Ugh! Dang it!
These creatures can be dangerous, too.
Like the bugs that almost took out Captain Man.
Perfume wouldn't make you lose your powers.
True, perfume wouldn't.
Only the tears of the Jolly Beetle.
Jolly what!
The ultra rare Jolly Beetle might be known as one
of the happiest bugs on earth.
But when they're sad...
When they cry, their tears contain an enzyme,
like an acid, that breaks down molecular density.
And molecular density, is what makes Captain Man undamageable.
The insects and Swellview are like none other.
Aside from these kryptonite beetles,
we've also got very, very terrifying bees.
This just in, Captain Man and Kid Danger
have stopped a criminal who was trying to smuggle
a container of highly aggressive bugs called Zom-Bees,
insects that attack humans by flying into their ears,
then feeding on their brain matter.
OMG. They eat your brain?
Don t worry, Mary.
You have nothing to worry about.
Good thing, Captain. Man and Kid Danger had
that infestation under control.
Uh. Right?
The Zom-Bees!
-Ow! - Ah!
[screaming]
It's hurting my brain!
They're killing us!
[screaming]
Uh, anyways. It's not just bugs.
The people of Swellview have had some surreal
encounters with birds too.
Hi, little egg.
What kind of bird are you going to be?
[screaming]
Some of the bird stories you hear
even sound a little hard to believe.
You saw a bird with a human face down the street?
You saw a human with a bird face off the street?
But that suspicion lies out the window
if you've seen things like...
Talk!
Talk, you abomination!
Tell us what the hostages are!
No!
As we move up the food chain,
Swellviewians also have to look out for radioactive cats.
But at least we know where those come from.
I was doing a little bit of this, little bit of that.
And then my jazz got real funky.
So, I opened the window.
Skat bop, diddly dat, in comes a kitty cat.
Skat bob diddlyation, cat gets filled with radiation.
You filled a cat with radiation.
That's jazz, baby.
Wait a minute. Is that a clue to solving this mystery?
What Schwoz is responsible
for all the crazy animals in Swellview?
Schwoz!
I found another one of your diseased eggs in my tanning bed.
We know that's how this monstrosity came to be.
[screeching]
[screaming]
Holy cheese!
Wait! Stay in front of the camera!
This is internet gold!
Is it possible that every other weird animal
originated from Schwoz's experiments, as well?
Uh, what are you guys talking about?
Schwoz gets his jollies
by blasting eggs with all kinds of weird radiation
so he can see what happens when they hatch.
It's fun to create mutants.
Good thing the Danger Force is there
to keep Schwoz's experiments from going too crazy.
- Here's your part of the plan. - We took care of it.
What? Bu-but I already paid for the horses!
- We had our own plan. - Sorry.
Bye.
And that brings us to our next mystery.
What's the deal with Bigfoot?
Foot?
Celia?
Hey, there.
I didn't know we were rescuing you.
Wait. Do you two like...
It was strange enough knowing he lived in the woods
just outside of Swellview.
Guys, Bigfoot is real.
Real handsome.
[laughing]
I'm just kidding. Just kidding. It's nice to meet you.
It's even more mysterious that Bigfoot is... charming.
I know this guy.
Henry Hart, a k a. Kid Danger. Feels good!
[laughing]
Bigfoot knows my thing.
How is this wild creature also such a lady's man?
Do you wanna come in for some tea?
Love to.
Orange pekoe, no sugar, a little bit of milk?
Oh. You remember.
You bet I do.
He seems pretty romantic with Boze's stepmom.
And lest we forget...
He's not made up. He dated my sister.
- What? - Your sister dated Bigfoot?
Yeah, it didn't work out between them.
He wanted kids.
She didn't. But I always thought he was a chill hang
He does seem like a chill hang. Is Bigfoot on the dating apps?
It's he currently single? How do I get his number?
Asking... for a friend.
You good, buddy?
- No, no, I'm not... - Okay.
Maybe Ray could learn a thing or two about women from Foot.
What did you say?
And and speaking of Ray Manchester, a.k.a Captain Man,
we have come to the ultimate mystery of all.
- Don't you dare? - How old is Captain Man?
No!
Now I know it's hard to believe,
but whenever someone asks Ray about his age,
people don't always get a straight answer.
Who cares how old Ray is?
- Thirty six.
When you turn eighteen,
like I did a couple years ago.
Yeah.
Next person who asks me how old I am
is gonna get a little visit from Angry Punch Guy.
Hey, Mister.
Can I come into the club?
I'm this many years old.
Come on, man. You're embarrassing yourself.
In an effort to get the truth,
we did uncover one clue.
You see, we've had reports that Ray Manchester
got his superpowers, as a kid, back in 1989.
Raymond!
But we've also got reports that Captain Man
was a special guest model in the 1982 Swellview Fashion Show.
I will do my little turn on the catwalk!
You will do no such turn!
And according to this old newscast, which appears to be
from the 1970's...
Now, let's disco, baby.
Captain Man's been a bigwig in Swellview for over forty years.
Did you just use the F word?
And let's not forget that Captain Man
supposedly sat in this kicking stump
for one hundred and one million years.
- Careful with that! - No!
[gasping]
I'm free.
[gasping]
How long was I in there?
One hundred and one million years,
and I can't believe you're still alive.
There's certainly something unbelievable in all this math.
And I think we've discovered the truth.
What if, when Captain Man went back in time
and sat in that stump, he released himself
in the 1970's, so that he could start
fighting crime and meeting moms long before he originally
even got his superpowers?
I mean, I am very young looking.
So, the compliment that makes sense.
- Hey! Hey! - Ow! Stop slapping me!
I'm listening!
That'd mean that Captain Man
is secretly some sort of time master,
who's millions of years old.
And simultaneously, is in his early four... twenty two...
This is an old man whistle.
When I blow it, kids don't hear anything, but old people do.
Ooh, they hear it a lot.
And it is excruciatingly painful.
Huh. That's a real thing?
As real as the whale that took my eye.
Well, you're just gonna be wasting your breath,
‘cause I'm not gonna be able to hear it.
I don't hear it.
Are you actually blowing it?
Or one last theory.
Is it possible that Ray Manchester
made himself a clone, that he scientifically transfers
all his old age into?
There's actually an old Ray
somewhere around here, doing the same thing.
But that's a different story for a different week.
Okay, so maybe we'll never know
how old Ray Manchester actually is.
Not while he has access to Schwoz's crazy technology.
It's Ray's machine that makes you younger
when you walk backwards on it.
Could be anybody's machine and I said no questions.
There are many more mysteries to explore.
Like, why are there so many haunted schools and Swellview?
Nope!
And, does Tiny Ray have a tiny girlfriend?
Hey, Tiny Ray's still here.
[screaming]
So, like and subscribe and keep your eyes peeled
for even more Swellview Mysteries.
What's that?
Don't touch me! [indiscernible]