Mindfulness, depending on who you ask, can have a number of different definitions.
But I'd like to use a very general definition that really kind of leverages
and pulls from the Mindful UK,
Mindful Nation kind of UK report, that says it really loosely...
That we're sort of being fully present in the moment to the mind,
the body, and the surroundings with a level of curiosity and kindness.
So we're not bringing judgment to whatever's happening in the moment,
and we're not thinking about the past, and we're not thinking about the future.
We're giving the gift of our full presence right here, right now.
>> I think that's probably really hard for a lot of people.
>> Yes.
>> [LAUGH] >> Think about it.
I mean, for people who are,
I mean, you don't even have to be in the United States right now.
You could be anywhere in the world.
But even if you just look at the example of what's happening in the United States
across economic lines, racial lines, cultural lines,
political lines, there is so much that's dynamic, uncertain, ambiguous,
complex, and it's confusing and it's scary.
So there's a lot of fear that kind of rises up in any society,
any community where there's so much ambiguity.
And so how do we help ourselves navigate that?
How do we help ourselves stay grounded and clear,
and not fall into what I call sort of places of judgment and
certainty versus staying in discernment and curiosity or wisdom?
So a lot of that will be leveraging the power and
the practices of mindfulness meditation.
So when I just talked about mindfulness a second ago,
I didn't say anything about meditation, right?
I just said, just being fully present, essentially,
of the entire ecosystem that starts with you.
Meditation, mindfulness meditation then is kind of a mental training practice
that helps us to sharpen our focus, which then also helps us sharpen our clarity.
And when we can see more clearly, then we have power and choiceful response.
When we can't see clearly and we're lost, we tend to react.
And when we react, it's more like our emotions are taking control of us,
rather than us choosing how we wish to respond.
And responding doesn't mean we don't acknowledge and
process and embrace the emotions.
It's just that we don't let it be the controlling factor.
>> So there's actually science to back this up.
This is not just your opinion.
>> Yes, [LAUGH] there's quite a bit.
So in the field of neurosciences, it's just been an explosion of research that's
happened over the last couple of decades.
But here's the thing, that I always like to offer a note of humility,
if you will, around the science.
Because if you think about the history of medicine being a mile long,
for example, that's the history of it.
There's all this rich information that we have in it.
If you look at neuroscience, it's probably a couple of inches of that mile.
It's only been around for maybe two or so decades, where we really started to pay
closer attention to what's happening in the brain in this particular kind of way.
The other thing is that some of the early research really wasn't
very rigorous, a lot of self-reporting and surveys and
self-assessments that later morphed into use of more diagnostic and
more rigorous control groups, using first, MRIs, and then functional MRIs.
And the difference, the functional MRI actually is like looking at a movie,
a live movie, where you see blood activating in different parts
of the brain versus a standard MRI, which is taking a snapshot, a picture in time.
So when we can see live through fMRIs and we have control groups,
we can get a better sense of what's really happening in the moment and
whether things are directly related or not.
And so when we look at some of the neuroscience, one thing we do know for
sure, whether it's related or not to meditation, is that what we think,
do, and pay attention to repeatedly over time changes the structure and
function of your brain.
I always tell people that's the great news.
The not so great news is what we think, do,
and pay attention to over time changes the structure and function of our brains.
The brain doesn't care if it's something that supports you and
helps you flourish, or it's something that sabotages you...
It just creates new grooves, SERT highways, and you'll create a pattern.
And so that becomes your default way of thinking, of being,
it's the way your brain will literally function.
So I always ask people,
why not be intentional about what you're putting into your brain?
What's that inner critic and inner narrative?
Can you reframe that?
Can you change that?
And the answer is yes.
Because the more you do something repeatedly,
the more you create different circuitry and neural pathways.
And so the easy way to sum that up is to say,
neurons that fire together, wire together.
>> Oh, I like that.
>> [LAUGH] So why not choose where you're placing your attention and
be intentional about it?
>> So that sounds amazing, and I totally get it.
But I think for most people, it's like how do you do that, right?
I am 50, 60 years old.
>> Yeah. >> I've been thinking this way for
a long time.
I am set of my ways.
But I think even at that age, you can change.
>> Yes.
>> The pathways...
>> Absolutely.
>> And so, how do you recommend people start, or how do you...is there,
I don't know...
Is there some sort of method?
>> Well, I'd like to say that life is full and
there's always an integrated way to do things.
I'm not a fan of saying, well, here's the one way.
So a number of ways can serve you, and
part of our jobs is to figure out which one we'll stick with,
because if we won't stick with it, it doesn't matter how good it is, right?
So when I think about where would I start in,
and sometimes people have a harder time seeing it in themselves.
And in a lot of times, I'll teach a program and they'll go, oh,
my boss really needs to be here, or my husband or my wife needs to be here.
And nobody's really thinking about themselves.
We all play a role in the play of our lives.
So if we start, if we remember that how we show up matters, and
that that informs the quality and nature of our presence.
So if we start first and bring a practice of mindfulness.
So before we even talk about meditation,
let's just be intentional about being mindful.
Do you notice that you tend to be on autopilot?
Do you ride the train and all of a sudden it's your stop--and
you don't remember passing by the last three stops?
Or if you're driving, I'm home already.
I forgot I have to go to the store to get some milk.
Are you on autopilot?
Can you notice that?
The part of being mindful is noticing when you're not.
And so then re-directing...
So in order to help you do that and cultivate that muscle,
that's where mindfulness meditation can come in.
Mindfulness meditation can help you learn to focus your attention.
And there are really two types that I often teach about,
and that is sort of this focused attention,
where maybe you're focusing on your breath or a sound or a visual.
And anytime you notice that there's a distraction--and
that distraction can be anything.
A lot of people think distractions are somebody said something, I heard a noise.
Well, a distraction could be a thought.
It could be...
>> I'm thinking a lot a distractions...
>> Yes, and lots of thoughts.
And my favorite, itch...
Whenever you're trying to be quiet or sit, all of a sudden your cheek itches and
you...
So a distraction could be anything.
And in mindfulness meditation, when you're doing focused attention,
you just want to simply, again, bring that kindness and curiosity when you notice
that distraction, and see if you can just kind of notice it and let it go.
And that's the hard part,
because it's in that noticing where a couple of things tend to happen as humans.
One, we notice, gosh, this doesn't work.
This doesn't work, I keep having thoughts.
And then we notice, this is really hard...
I don't know how to...
You know what...that thing that happened, that was really awful, that made me angry.
So we do a couple things.
We say, this doesn't work.
The other thing is we sit and we quickly go into judgment.
And we get lost in a story around it.
And before we know it, we're not meditating anymore, we're ruminating.
So that's where noticing comes in.
And if we see that we're doing that, it's okay.
No judgment, just sort of bringing your attention back to your point of focus.
And I don't always say the focus has to be the breath.
In different lineages and practices, it is the breath.
The reason why I'm a little broader, and I like to refer to it as home base,
is because when you are working in body awareness, sometimes there's
trauma that sits in our bodies, it sits in our cells and in memories.
And so when you start to really reconnect to your body, sometimes it's hard
to do the breath first, because it can re-traumatize, it can bring up things
that you're not ready for or don't have the supports in place to process.
So, and sometimes we have people who come back from war-torn areas,
might have experienced some things in first responder communities...
And so I often will encourage, find a home base that feel safe for you.
And maybe that is your knee or your big toe,
or maybe that's the sound of the air conditioning.
Or maybe it's the spot on the floor and that wood grain wood floor.
So come back to your home base.
Every time you notice that you have been distracted,
just take a breath, come back to your home base.
Allow your breathing to settle into its own natural rhythm and
cadence so you're not trying to control it.
And then it's a cycle.
So you focus on your home base, you breathe, you notice a distraction,
you try to be, to sort of meet it with kindness and curiosity.
And then you gently and
kindly reorient your attention back to your home base, your breath.
And it happens sometimes if you're doing it for a minute.
Sometimes it happens 50 times in a minute.
But that actually is the practice.
And the fact that you're noticing it,
whenever you notice it, at whatever point you notice it, it's working.
And then with practice, it becomes easier to do.
And the disruptions or the distractions seem to be less frequent.
Now the caveat, though, [LAUGH] is that people think, I did it!
They have one experience and like, wow, this was amazing,
and then two weeks later something blows up in their lives, and
they go to meditate and then they have all these thoughts, this monkey brain.
And they think, this doesn't work...
It was working before but it doesn't work now.
And the one thing I like to remind people is that everything happens in context.
So you may have an amazing, incredible experience doing
a meditative sit one day when everything is just beautiful.
You're flowing on all four cylinders.
The sun is shining, birds are singing,
and your meditation was just like angels were singing.
And the next time you might have some crisis going on in your life, and
the experience is different.
And it's all okay.
And so we can't strive for perfection in it.
What we're striving for, is simply non-striving and being human,
and acknowledging in those moments of mindfulness, our common humanity,
our own vulnerabilities, but also our own power that resides within us naturally.
And that's what we ended up tapping into and
it allows us to move through the world more skillfully with clarity and
compassion, most importantly, >> Wow...
that's amazing.
>> Yeah.
>> Is there a recommended length of time for
people to sit quietly with themselves whether it's meditation or...
>> I get that question all the time.
Should I...
>> [LAUGH] They really want the manual, right?
>> Well, here's what I would say...
More is always great.
But if you don't have time, and all you have time to do is to take three deep,
intentional breaths, take three breaths.
And that is just as good.
If you can do five minutes, do five minutes.
If you can do 30 minutes or an hour, do 30 minutes or an hour.
But if you set up a framework where you say, I don't have 20 minutes,
or I don't have an hour, so I'm not going to do it today.
Then we end up not doing it.
And especially when you're first starting, it can be very daunting to
think I'm going to go sit for 10 minutes, let alone 30 or an hour.
And so, I invite people to start where they are.
And maybe that's just when you get up out of bed, you put your feet on the floor and
you feel the sensation of your feet on the floor,
and that's bringing mindfulness to your movement.
And then maybe you decide, after I brush my teeth and take my shower,
I'm going to sit in that chair by the window for two minutes.
And then eventually you say, wow, that was two minutes?
That was quick, I can do another minute...
And you start increasing it.
The goal is to live an integrated life.
So what I just described about sitting in a chair,
putting some time aside to do that, is called a dedicated practice.
But then there are many,
many kinds of integrated practices that you weave in throughout the day.
So for example, if you are in a meeting that
is maybe a little contentious, a little tough...
You might choose in that moment to pull an integrated practice to help ground
yourself, to stay clear, to stay a kind of a presence in the room that is helpful and
impactful for yourself and others, and so you may decide to take three deep breaths.
And the beautiful thing about these integrated practices,
I tell people you can do them in stealth mode.
People don't even have to know you're doing them.
You got to breathe...
>> [LAUGH] >> [LAUGH] So nobody's going to know.
>> It's all right.
>> But what you're doing is attaching an intention to each of the breaths.
So you might say, okay, the first breath,
let me just relax or bring my attention to my breath.
Second breath, notice my body.
Where am I tense?
Am I holding stuff in my shoulders?
The body awareness piece is critically important.
And I can tell you about that in a second.
And the third breath, you may be asking yourself, what's important now?
What can I do in this moment to help right this ship?
What can I say or not say?
Because sometimes being mindful and compassionate is actually not saying
anything--that's still an action, it's still a choice.
>> It's also really hard sometimes.
>> It is.
>> Especially if you're from New York.
[LAUGH] >> [LAUGH] Yes, or from my family.
[LAUGH] So yeah, we all have our personalities.
And we all have our styles.
But if you're constantly asking yourself,
what would serve the highest good in this moment?
We teach ourselves to get out of the frame of reference that it's all about me.
And it helps us move closer and closer to compassionate behavior towards
ourselves and others, and to recognizing our common humanity.
We could see across the table somebody may be behaving badly, but
you also recognize there's some wounding, there's some hurt underneath that surface.
It doesn't mean that you excuse or allow the behavior,
but you can approach it differently.
Because many times, we take things personally when people do things.
We think, we look at the impact versus the intention, and
sometimes the intention doesn't at all match the impact it's given.
So looking at ways to bring integrated practices throughout the day so
that you can live an integrative life, the dedicated practices, I think,
are what fuels your ability to do the integrative practices.
The dedicated practices are important and you can figure out whatever time.
I happen to like, I love it if I have a moment to do an hour sit, I would love it.
I used to when I was less busy, I could do an hour.
I would do a very quick sit in the morning, and then every afternoon when
my son was younger, when he took his nap, I meditated the whole time.
I would get a good hour in,
and then I would do another quick one before I went to bed.
That is not my life right now.
[LAUGH] So mine are more bursts...
I do maybe 20 minutes here and 20 minutes there, or
maybe sometimes I only have time for one breath, not even three.
>> Wow, but it's the consistency.
>> Yes.