(dramatic music)
- Ma'am, I am here to help.
You have nothing to worry about.
(chattering on phone)
What was that?
(chattering on phone)
It says you got your package yesterday.
(chattering on phone)
Are you sure?
(chattering on phone)
You're right, I'm stupid.
(phone vibrating) Yep.
I should go back to my country.
(phone vibrating) (chattering on phone)
Can I put you on a brief hold?
Yes.
I am at work right now.
- Black Pigeon, I need your help.
The invasion is happening; the portal is open.
How soon can you get here?
- Lunch isn't until 12.
It's 9 am right now.
- Meeting time, let's go! Let's go!
(banging)
(zap)
- Sorry, static shock.
Did you hear Mr. Dero?
We have a meeting.
- Yep, I'm gonna go.
I'll be at the meeting, I'm coming.
Yes.
- I guess we're going in the meeting.
- Yeah.
Going to the meeting.
Together.
Us. You. Me. I.
- Yes.
(yelling on phone)
- [Captain United] I can't take it!
Oh! I need you to come!
- What is that?
- Porn!
- Oh.
- I'm gonna finish watching this porn
and then I'll go to the meeting.
(yelling on phone)
- Okay.
- Yep. Gotta get the evil out, you know.
- I guess I'll see you at the meeting?
- I'm a finish this, and then I'll be in the meeting.
I'll catch you.
- Night Pigeon, the fate of the world
is in your hands now.
- You guys still haven't paid me for the last gig.
Plus my wings are shit.
What you want me to do?
Take the train? The bus? To the -
- Lorenzo!
Are you joining us, or do I need to beat that ass again?
- One second!
(yelling)
- [Captain United] Don't do it!
- I've gotta go.
Call Iron Guy.
(typing)
- [Interviewer] Hey, so Luke, tell us how it all went down.
- [Luke] Well believe it or not,
I didn't have anything to do with this one.
Night Pigeon heroically defended the world.
- [Love Interest] Who's that?
- That's the Night Pigeon.
He's Captain United's sidekick.
- I wouldn't say his sidekick, perse,
I mean he does his own solo missions.
- Why have I never heard of him?
- Probably because he named himself
after a (bleep) rat-bird, huh?
(chittering)
Let's get to business!
- Actually, the pigeon is a very intelligent,
smart animal.
- I didn't come here to talk about aquatic creatures, okay?
I came here to talk about one thing.
You're all getting bonuses! (cheering)
Sales are through the roof! (airhorn)
- Thank you.
- You take over; I'm gonna go fire some people
who can't pronounce library.
- Where are we?
- Lost package complaints are up 15% from last month.
- Beautiful.
(dramatic music)
- You got that address?
- I'm sorry, what is this?
- You must be the new guy.
It's the Perks Program.
You give me the address of a New York shipment
over $800 and I give you a cash bonus.
Hundred bucks.
- What about the customer?
- What's this guy's deal?
93 seconds left on your break; enjoy it.
- This feels weird; I don't like this.
- Who cares?
Just shut up.
Do as asked, get paid.
Don't ruin this for us.
(phone alert)
(deep dramatic music)
(phone alert) (phone vibrating)
- Oh shit.
They killed Captain United.
(dramatic orchestral music)
If only Night Pigeon had been there.
(phone alert)
(typing)
- It's -brary!
B-R! Pack up your desk!
(cooing)