- Hey everybody happy Tuesday and since it's Tuesday
that means I'm on Tumblr
and so if you got on Tumblr ahead of time
and you hashtag KatyF&Q,
I've gone through and I've answered some already
so you might want to get on there too.
But I have four that I picked out today
as well a journal topic so thank you all for that.
And so I'll get in to it.
Okay, question number one.
I know I am not ready for recovery, I just don't want it.
How do you want it? I know I have to want it to get rid of
this but it's so comforting.
Now I picked this because I hear this from a lot of my
clients. There like I just don't really want it
I don't know boo.
And to be truthful, everybody's different.
Some of my clients never want it until they reach
rock bottom and I have to put them in a hospital and
they're fed through a tube for a while.
They have to go through all the steps of treatment.
And sometimes even then they don't want it.
I, there's many ways you can go about it.
The first being and the one I always try with my clients
is I always have them make a list of things in their
life that they are looking forward to.
What are those things?
Is it getting married?
Is it getting a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Is it a career you've been looking forward to?
Is it an attending an event you've been looking forward to?
Is it taking a trip or seeing a country that
you've been wanting to see?
Is it getting an animal? Is it buying a home?
Is it moving out on your own?
What is it? Make a list of these things and then
I want you to really think hard about it
and think to yourself,
if I keep my eating disorder, can I do any of these?
Chances are no.
So that's my first kind of thing.
The second would be something to the effect of,
who really cares about you and your life?
Like for one of my clients her younger sister
was just like huh, was her heart.
Just hurt her heart that she could possibly
hurt her sister with her eating disorder.
And so we did a lot of work on how recovery for someone
might be something she starts, she uses in the beginning
as she starts on recovery and later on she can do it for
herself.
But sometimes when we're so deep in our eating disorder
we honestly don't even care about ourselves. We're so
upset that it's the only thing that makes things better
and so we think you know this is the only way I am worth it
or this is the only way that I can survive.
And I am telling you it's not.
And you're worth more than that and you can beat this
you can get out of this cycle
that you feel that you're stuck in.
But if you're having trouble even thinking that you want
to recover, that's a place to start, okay?
I hope that helps and if any of you have advice on this,
let us know below.
Okay, question number two.
My boyfriend forced me to have sex after he got drunk
and we were fighting.
Uh oh.
He doesn't remember anything from that night
he also hit me a few times, no big deal.
I have to correct you there, that is a big deal.
I don't know what to do because I love him and he's not
normally like that. Please help.
Okay
now
it's tricky.
I was actually just talking to a friend today
about this like when you are caught up
in the love haze sometimes we can't see the truth.
Like we've all dated and I know probably many of you
are like nodding, we've all dated some assholes and some
bitches and some big old jerks that were like
what the hell was I thinking?
Snap out of it.
But we don't, because we're caught in this love
haze and we're like but they're so amazing,
and they don't always do that and they're not normally
like that and they're just really stressed out.
Something that I had to learn myself is
if I find myself making excuses for them,
to make it okay in my mind
then they're probably not a good person
it's probably not right for me.
And they might be right for someone else
most likely they are. And in this case, I know you love him.
I know that you're in a relationship with him,
and you wish this hadn't happened,
but it did. And the things that I see, the
red flags that I see is that
first of all he forced you to have sex
because I have this little saying I used to say to
myself when I would have to much to drink
and I would you know lash out at someone
I really didn't like anyways,
and I would say you know soberness conceals,
drunkenness reveals and oftentimes when we're drunk our
inhibitions are lowered and we do things
that we would never do.
Now, force you to have sex, to me is just scary
and I could not
personally
let that go.
That's really scary, it's traumatizing what happened to you.
And the fact that he hit you a couple of times
sounds very controlling and dominating
and I know you love him,
but I would encourage you to
consider other options. Consider what it would be like
maybe if he wasn't around or maybe just take a break and
take time for yourself because you deserve to be in a safe,
happy healthy relationship. Yes people are gonna fight
and we're gonna get into arguments, but I mean,
he beat you and raped you.
And that's not okay.
And I there's that no way I could make that okay in my brain
no matter how I care about someone so
I would
get in contact
with your girlfriends
and hang out with them and try to work through it and
move on from him because he sounds awful. I'm sorry.
I understand you love him but I don't
so it's easy for me to say right?
But that's what my advice would be.
Question number three.
if you're a virgin consensually anyway and you don't believe
in premarital sex, since it happened already
does it matter?
I feel like it's ruined and my husband won't be
my one and only so I might as well give in
to my boyfriend of years
even though he pressures me.
Yes it matters, it matters to you. I consider being a virgin
something that we are consensually. I don't believe being
raped or molested or being sexually abused by someone
takes that away from us because the reason that we place
so much value on virginity and on our first
and on the person that we marry being our one and only is
because that intimacy is something that we value highly.
And we value that relationship.
And you haven't had that yet.
You haven't so you're still a virgin and I would not let
that jerk asshole son of a boop
who did stuff to you before
take that from you as well cause they've taken enough.
So I say enough
and
I think that
that nasty voice in your head
that's gonna tell you otherwise, is something that you're
gonna have to fight back against.
You have to journal about it and obviously
and hopefully you're working with a
therapist through the process of overcoming past abuse
but you want your first time with the person that you love
to be that first time with the person that you love that
you imagined and if that's something that's important to
you that's something that you want,
then you deserve to have it.
Don't let that person that harmed you in past
have any bearing over what you do now okay?
You are moving on it is your life and these are your
decisions so yeah, that's what I say to that.
But if you're also, if your boyfriend is pressuring you
he shouldn't be doing that.
If they're worth it
then they'll wait,
Ta da. Okay.
Question number four.
Hey Katy firstly I want to thank you for being so amazing.
Oh thanks, oh nice things, such nice things.
Okay so I am currently trying to recover from an eating
disorder but every time I eat intuitively I end up
binging and feeling disgusting
and then end up not eating again.
What should I do?
This happens a lot, so if this is happening to you
don't think you're alone don't think this is like scary
and you're all of a sudden balloon and gain a ton
weight because that's your eating disorder talking
and tell it to shut up. So what I have my clients do
is incorporate binge foods first of all like if you binge
on a certain type of food we want to incorporate it into
a snack portion so you know you can still have that
you just have to start figuring out what your body
actually needs at a certain time and not overeating okay?
So if that's something that's worrying some of you.
So for this person, when you try to eat intuitively
you end up binging.
Now I would first of all be curious as your therapist
to what this looks like and obviously you can't tell me
because we don't do that kind of talk on here but I
would talk with your therapist and dietician and be
honest about how much
and then I would take time next time you eat.
Now I know we're supposed to eat intuitively
but it can take a while so when you sit down.
Well first, before you sit down, I want you to pick up the
intuitive eating workbook.
It's amazing, you'll thank me later.
And they have a scale where you check in from like it's
a one to ten but usually you're not even in that range on
the ends you're more in the middle and I want you to
check in before you eat, how hungry you are,
how full you feel whatever. And then I also want you
to rate your emotions. I know I've talked about this before
so for many of you you're like 'uh huh Katy I've heard this'
but rate your emotions and your hunger fullness
and then I want you to eat half of your plate
and I want you to check in again
and then I want you to continue eating.
Now if that doesn't help and you still find you're
overeating or under eating, you're compensating you still
feel like it's eating disorder-driven
please please please work with a dietician or
nutritionist have them set a meal plan, measure things
eat what's measured until you better feel you're in
contact with your body and your hunger and fullness
cause that can take us awhile cause we're almost
relearning how to listen to our bodies so that's another
option. If any of you have tips and tricks as well about
this would you let us know below?
Now my journal topic for today comes from Tumblr someone
sent me a really cool quote so here is the quote,
If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,'
then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced
by Vincent Van Gogh.
Now I think that's really cool because it's kind of like
that voice that will tell us to do something that we
know is eating disorder -driven or not do something
and we know that it's depression-driven or anxiety-driven
and we will do it anyways and
it's like I had a quote a while ago
that was like courage doesn't mean that
we're not afraid it just means that we do it anyways
kind of thing I forget the exact wording but I want
you to think about something that you can do this week
that you've been telling yourself no for a long time.
No I can't do that, no I won't I'm scared
they're going to be mean I don't want to do that or whatever
but you actually
want to do it
it's something that you'd really enjoy
I would encourage you this week to do that thing and
then let me know how it goes and what that thing was
cause that's kind of cool and then we can feed off of
each other's excitement and accomplishments.
So I will see you all tomorrow on Wednesday I'll be on
the website and I'll be on YouTube so ask your questions
right below here and I will get them there and I will
see you then, bye.