When you woke up this morning, you probably brushed your teeth and maybe used some Listerine
mouthwash to get rid of that nasty morning halitosis.
But have you ever wondered what Listerine actually is?
Or what halitosis is, for that matter?
Come with us as we dive deep inside your disgusting mouth for a look at the untold truth of Listerine.
Mysterious Listerine
Everyone knows that Listerine is a mouthwash.
So, you know, you swirl it around your mouth and spit and it helps keep your mouth clean
and your breath fresh.
Simple, right?
Well, what if we told you that Listerine was first sold as a floor cleaner?
You'd probably think twice about putting it in your mouth.
But there is also some good news: before it was marketed as a mouthwash, Listerine was
also once sold as a treatment for gonorrhea!
So how did it end up as an oral hygine product?
Well, let's start at the beginning…
The story of good Dr. Lister
Back in the late 1800s, there was a doctor named Joseph Lister who slowly discovered
that, hey, washing your hands might actually be a good idea!
Doctors used to believe that infections came from the smelly air rather than vice versa,
but Lister discovered that if he washed his hands and tools in carbolic acid, his patients
didn't die quite as much.
That's a pretty useful breakthrough!
"You mean....
I have to wash my heads everyday to get rid of the germs that could make me sick?
Sheesh!"
After making his discovery about the value of, like, cleaning stuff, he discovered Louis
Pasteur's theory of evil microorganisms plaguing all mankind.
Combining these things, Doctor Lister realized that germs — an idea most doctors back then
rejected like doctors today reject leaching — are real and terrifying demon-monsters
that plague our daily life.
This revelation, plus the washing-up stuff, helped revolutionized the usage of antiseptics
in doctoring.
"Just wash your hands!"
And that's where Listerine comes in.
The birth of Listerine
Jordan Wheat Lambert was a chemist and businessman who decided to make a surgical antiseptic.
In order to honor Doctor Lister — and get some free publicity by using Lister's name
— Lambert named his antiseptic "Listerine."
Of course, there's not a lot of money to be made in surgical antiseptics, so Lambert and
his associate, Dr. Joseph Lawrence, marketed it for a ton of different stuff — including
as an aftershave and as a cure for dandruff, along with the floor cleaner and gonorrhea
stuff we already mentioned.
But it still wasn't selling well enough, so they needed an edge.
They needed…
halitosis!
From the floor to your face
So what is halitosis?
Basically, "halitosis" is just a mashup of two Latin words: Halitus is Latin for "breath",
while osis is Latin for "disease."
In English, it just means "bad breath," but it sounds a lot scarier.
Bad breath is something you can solve with a mint, while halitosis sounds like some kind
of mysterious doom-ailment that only has one possible cure: a fresh bottle of Listerine.
"And far and away the most common cause of Halitosis is germs.
That's right, germs start the odor-producing fermentation of proteins present in your mouth
at all times"
And while halitosis certainly does exist — just take a whiff of your math teacher's mouth
after lunch for proof — the idea that it's this scourge of polite society that must be
eradicated before you can even hope to date is nothing but the creation of fear-mongering
advertisers.
Yes, that's right: halitosis was completely made up by Jordan Lambert's son Jerry as a
way to scare people into buying Listerine.
"Poor marge she'll never hold a man until she does something about her breath!"
In fact, in advertising, "the halitosis appeal" is what they call the method of inventing
something to fear so you'll buy their stuff.
It happens a lot, too.
Almost everything you dislike about your body, like acne, dry skin, a potbelly or a receding
hairline, are things you didn't know were bad until advertisers who had a product to
sell told you they were bad.
"Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?"
And they get you early, too.
So you can thank Listerine for your self-esteem issues and unhealthy body image.
So next time you reach for that bottle of mouthwash, just remember — your grandparents
used it to treat gonorrhea, it doesn't really do anything that a stick of gum can't do,
and you've been lied to your whole life.
Cheers!
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