Hey, there is clay with modern love life. And in this video, we're going to be talking about
four ways to get your ex to love you. Again, there are a lot of times that people will go through a
breakup or some sort of relationship challenge and their partner or ex just, you know, doesn't
want to be in that relationship anymore. How can we go ahead and reverse this whole situation? So
they actually do want to be in a relationship again, do develop feelings for you and do fall
in love with you. That's what we're going to be talking about right now. So the first thing that
you want to do when it comes to all of this is to really give them some sort of context
for why what wasn't working happened in the relationship. Right? If you look back at your
relationship, if you look back at your time together, you can probably identify
something that wasn't working. It's very rare that I'll actually talk to someone
who says, Hey, I just don't even know why the breakup happened. It just came out of nowhere. We
were having this wonderful fantasy relationship. And then one day they just woke up and said, Hey,
we need to not be together anymore. That's that's very rare. And usually
it signifies that someone just wasn't really paying that much attention to the dynamic,
to the relationship, to what was happening. Hint, that might be what wasn't working.
Um, but most of the time, it's just like, okay, I know it was happening. Maybe there were some
issues. Maybe I knew there, there was a problem. Maybe I didn't know it was as bad as it was,
but here we are. Apparently it was a bigger issue than I thought it was. And now here we are broken
up. They don't want to be with me anymore. Ice wanna make things right with them, but
they're just not going to be open to it until they understand where you're coming from, why you did
what you did, why you helped to create whatever dynamic wasn't working. Now, of course, they
obviously do share some degree of responsibility. I'm not trying to make this all about you,
but, um, there probably was something that you did contribute to the dynamic that wasn't working.
And so what we need to do is we need to tell them where things were from your point of view,
how you felt during all of this, what sort of was causing you to bring yourself to that
relationship or that dynamic in that sort of way. If we don't do this, then they're just
going to be left to fill in the blanks on their own and tell themselves some sort of story about
how you're some sort of jerk, how you never care, how you only care about money or work,
or how you just, you know, only think of yourself and you don't think of them or whatever.
And ultimately they're just going to end up caricaturizing you, you know,
painting you out to be some sort of two dimensional cartoon character, some sort
of heartless person who, who never thinks about them or something like that. Obviously the truth
is more complex and nuanced than that. So we need to let them know what your side of the story is so
that they don't have this inclination to fill in all of the blanks and make you into some sort of
flat two dimensional cartoon character. The second thing that you want to do in all of this is to
connect with them, right? We want to connect with them. We want to show them that, okay, this is why
things weren't working. This is what happened. Um, that, that can be helpful. Oftentimes if you
need to make any changes, you can show them that you're going to make some changes.
You can demonstrate that there are changes being made, but just showing them that they're not
walking back into the same relationship, although powerful is not going to be enough to really get
them to wants to be in a relationship with you. Again, what we actually want to do is we want to
connect with them on an emotional level. We can go ahead and talk about that. We did talk about that
in yesterday's video, you can go ahead and find a link for that right up there. Um, but uh, we want
to be able to connect with them because sure, not getting back into the same relationship,
getting back into some sort of relationship where the problems are resolved is great,
but we actually want to be able to have a good time interacting with someone. We want to feel,
be able to feel close to someone. We want to be able to feel a connection with
someone. And if we can do that, then we know that something is going to be fundamentally different
in a positive sort of way. There's going to be not just okay, it's different, but it's like,
okay, it's different and it's good and it's better. And it's something that you can actually
look forward to. This is really important. We want to be able to connect with them on
that emotional level. This is absolutely vitally important that you want to make sure
that you are spending the time doing what you need to do to build up that emotional
foundation. And obviously what we talked about in yesterday's video is a good
starting point. So I would recommend that you check that out. The third thing that you want
to do when it comes to getting your ex to fall in love with you again, is to build trust.
Okay? Sure. Maybe you have given them context and understanding for why the relationship didn't
work. Maybe you even apologized for something that you did wrong. Maybe you have shown them that they
aren't walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place.
Maybe the two of you were even able to connect in a positive way, but if this is all happening
very quickly, your ex is not going to be able to trust that this is the real deal. And this
is understandably so after all, they don't know where you're coming from. They don't know if
this is just you on a good day. They don't know if this is you on your best behavior.
They don't know if this is you trying out some sort of gimmick or stunt that you picked up on
the internet from some YouTube channel or some website or some book or something like that.
And you know, what they want to do is understandably have some degree of trust
in who you are, what you're all about and all of that stuff. Um, you know, my,
my, my daughter, she's, she's almost three years old and, uh, we were watching frozen,
um, over the weekend. And, uh, I mean, you know, there's that whole, um, thing between Ana and I
think his name is Prince horns or something like that from the Southern Isles. And, uh, they,
they fall in love and they agree to get married, like after knowing each other for one day,
obviously there's not a lot of trust there. And Anna doesn't know this because apparently she's
never interacted with anyone else in the entire world. Um, but, uh, obviously we want to know
this person is, so we need to have some degree of consistency, some track record to show us that
this is not just them putting on an act. This is not just them being Hans of the
Southern Isles. Okay. Because obviously at the end, if you've watched the movie, he does
not turn out to be the loving, generous, amazing person that he, uh, initially appears to be. I'll
leave it at that because apparently that might be a spoiler. Although who in the world hasn't seen
frozen at this point, I don't know if you've watched frozen. If you know what I'm talking
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misconceptions that people make when it comes to connecting with their ex, getting
back together and saving their relationships. These are things that I've noticed that people for
some reason believe that really don't help them out. They actually hurt them in the long run.
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Okay. So you have built some connection with your ex. You have demonstrated to them that they're not
walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of. You've given them context
for why what happened happened between the two of you so that they can not make you into
a two dimensional caricature. What is next? Um, we, we were building trust. We've talked about
building trust. You need to do that consistently over time to demonstrate to them that, uh, here,
not a Prince Hutton's of the Southern Isles. Um, and then what we also need to do is we need to
invite them into an amazing life. Okay. And what do I mean by this now? Obviously it would be
great if you were doing some amazing things in the world, you know, starting that business,
traveling the world, um, doing amazing things, settling down. If that's what you
want to do, uh, building a community, starting up that a charity project or whatever it might be,
but I'm not going to give you specific things because everyone's values are different. The most
important thing is that you get clear on what your values are. What's important to you about life,
and you start living into those values. The more you live into those values,
the more valuable you're going to be. And the more you live into these values, the more alive you're
going to be, the more passionate you're going to be in. The more interesting you're going to be.
Now, obviously there are a lot of people out there that are just sort of going through the motions
in life. This is not good. This is not what I would recommend. I don't recommend that you just
go out there, go to work, come home, zone out, wake up the next day and do the whole thing again.
I get it. Not everyone is trying to get out there and start a business. Not everyone wants
to travel the world, but find something that's important to you. Something that is meaningful
to you and align yourself and your life to live into those values. And the more that you do this,
number one, the more passionate you're going to be about yourself and your life.
This is going to be incredibly helpful because the more passionate you are about life, the more you
love life, the more excited you're going to be when you're talking to your ex or really anyone
else and that excitement and that passion is going to rub off on them. And they're going to say,
Hey, it seems like you're doing something really awesome in life. I want some of that in my life,
too. Um, secondly, it's also going to make you a more interesting person,
because if you're just kind of going through the nine to five motions, sleepwalk thing,
then, uh, that doesn't make you a particularly interesting person, sorry to burst your bubble.
Um, but what we want to do is we want to actually live into whatever our values might be. And again,
that's totally fine if you don't care about like your career or something like that.
And you're living for something else, like some sort of community, project, family, whatever, but,
you know, make sure that when you clock off of work, you're doing something meaningful to advance
your values, living into your values and all of that. And that's going to make you incredibly
interesting because that makes you stand out from everyone else out there. And that is going to
allow you to invite your ex into a positive life, into a positive new direction for themselves,
because that's really what relationships are there. Are you saying like, Hey, I like you,
you seem attractive. Do you want to come over here and be a part of what I have to offer?
What is it you have to offer? I don't know. Do you just have a job that you go to and that's it? Do
you have something that you're all about? Do you have something that you're passionate about?
Do you have something that you're doing with your life? Do you have something that's meaningful
to you? If so, then start living into it, give your ex a good reason to point to you and say,
that's it. That's the person I want to be with. Look at them. They're going somewhere. They're
doing things. They're making things happen in the world. That is going to be incredibly
powerful thing. So once again, just to sum up, we've got to give them context for what didn't
work. We've got to show them that they're not walking back into the same relationship that
they walked out of in the first place. We've got to connect with them on an emotional level,
consistently do all this stuff so that we can build trust with them
and also invite them into an amazing life. If we can do this, then you are stacking
the deck in your favor for getting your ex to fall back in love with you. Once again. Thank
you so much. My name is clay hit that thumbs up button, and I'll talk to you next time.