MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT HAS A TONY AND FOUR EMMIES AND A
BOATLOAD OF TALENT.
PLEASE WELCOME, NEIL PATRICK HARRIS.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME!
>> WELL DONE, EVERYBODY!
>> Stephen: ISN'T THAT NICE?
>> WHAT'S UP!
>> Stephen: PEOPLE LEAP TO THEIR FEET FOR NEIL PATRICK
HARRIS.
WAIT A SECOND!
YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME A HALF AN HOUR AGO.
CONGRATULATIONS.
THE LAF TIME I SAW YOU, YOU HAD NOT YET WON YOUR TONY.
CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: THAT'S A GREAT ACHIEVEMENT.
>> IT WAS SO FUN.
>> Stephen: TONY IS WHERE IT'S AT, MAN.
ANYBODY CAN WIN AN EMMY, RIGHT?
I'VE GOT, LIKE, NINE OF THEM, RIGHT, WHO'S COUNTING.
OSCARS YOU CAN WIN FOR DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT, AND
AGREEMENT HAS SPOKEN WORD.
TONY YOU HAVE TO BRING IT LIVE.
YOU CAN'T FAKE THE TONY.
>> YOU CAN'T FAKE THE TONY.
IT WAS SUPER FUN AND EXCITING TO DO BUT WE HAD A THEATRICAL
CHAPTER TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: IT WAS BRIEF.
>> STEPHEN SONDHEIM'S "COMPANY" AT LINCOLN CENTER.
AND YOU WERE SO GOOD.
>> Stephen: YOU DID A BEAUTIFUL JOB AND I STOOD ON
STAGE WITH YOU.
IT WAS FANTASTIC.
THERE IS VIDEO TO PROVE IT.
>> THAT WAS NOT TRUE.
I WAS WILDLY UNDERPREPARED.
AND YOU WERE SO ON YOUR GAME -- >> WE WERE ALL UNPREPARED.
WE NEVER REHEARSED THE SHOW TOGETHER UNTIL WE DID THE SHOW
LIVE IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE.
IT'S TRUE.
>> NOW YOU'RE JUST LYING.
>> Stephen: IT'S WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING.
>> I HAD MY SCRIPT IN MY HAND.
I ARRIVED A WEEK LATER YOU GUYS.
YOU WERE COMPLETELY OFF BOOK.
YOU AND MARTHA PLIMTON HAD SCENES TOGETHER, YOU CAN KUNK-FU
SCENES TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: A LOT OF SONDHEIM IS KUNG FU.
>FU.
I JUST DID SINATRA, MY FRIEND.
THE ABILITY TO DO A MUSICAL.
>> I DON'T MEAN SKILL SET.
>> Stephen: I AM OUT OF HERE!
>> NO, NO, NO.
NO, I'M SAYING QUITE THE OPPOSITE.
I'M SAYING THAT YOU HAVE THE TALENT TO DO A MUSICAL, BUT YOU
HAVE THIS GIG HERE -- >> IT'S NICE TO BE ON BROADWAY
EVERY NIGHT.
>> IF YOU COULD DO A MUSICAL, WHAT WOULD DO YOU?
>> Stephen: "JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR, ."
DO YOU KNOW "JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR."
>> I'VE HEARD OF IT.
>> Stephen: WHAT WOULD YOU WANT?
>> FAKE LADY HITLER.
IT'S A GREAT SHOW.
>> Stephen: I'M TELLING YOU, THERE'S AN ENTIRE SCORE "FAKE
LADY HITLER."
WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY HITLER OR FAKE LADY HITLER.
>> I WON A TONY FER HEDGEWICK.
>> Stephen: WHEN YOU GET A TONTONY CAN YOU WALK UP TO ANY S
AND SAY, "I THINK YOU HAVE TICKETS FOR ME.
'HAMILTON'" IS NOT SOLD OUT.
HOW ABOUT FOR MY FRIEND, ANTHONY.
DOES HE HAVE TICKETS?
YOU'RE DOING WELL, AND EVEN THOUGH, LIKE, YOU'RE A BIG STAR
AND EVERYTHING LIKE THAT, AND I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY ROLLING IN
IT, YOU MIGHT GET A HURT ON YOUR BUDGET THIS CHRISTMAS BECAUSE
YOUR SON, GIDEON-- YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND, DAVID HAVE, TWO
BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN, GIDEON AND HARPER.
>> TWINS.
>> Stephen: AND DPIDON HAS PUT OUT A CHRISTMAS LIST.
THIS IS WHAT IT IS.
IT SAYS, "1, BOUNCE HOUSE."
( LAUGHTER ) "2--" AND IS THIS WHAT IT SAYS--
"LIFE-SIZED ROCKET SHIP."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THAT'S WHAT HE WANT S.
>> Stephen: DID THIS GET MAILED TO SANTA?
>> NOT JUST YET.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S-- THAT'S WHAT HE'S AFTER.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
YOU LIVE IN THE CITY, RIGHT?
>> WE LIVE IN THE CITY!
WE HAVE-- YEAH AIR, BROWNSTOWN IN THE CITY.
THAT'S WHAT I SAID THOIM, "WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO PUT A
LIFE-SIZED ROCKET?" >> Stephen: IS THERE A CHANCE
THE ROCKET WILL COME TRUE?
>> IT MIGHT NOT BE LIFE-SIZED.
BUT IT WILL-- OUR DAUGHTER, HARPER, ASKED FOR PINK KARAOKE
MACHINE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
>> PINK?
( LAUGHTER ) I GET THE KARAOKE PART.
BUT DOES IT NEED TO BE PINK?
>> Stephen: SHE-- SHE IS FINE WITH, YOU KNOW, WESTERN GENDER
NORMATIVE CHOICES.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND YOU ARE NOT TO JUDGE HER FOR THAT.
>> I DON'T JUDGE THE GLIRCHG DO NOT JUDGE HER CHOICES.
HOW SHE IDENTIFIES IS NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!
>> THAT'S TRUE, THAT'S TRUE.
AND IT'S REALLY SANTA'S LIST.
THE OTHER THING SHE ASKED FOR WAS A DOLLHOUSE, BUT A
LIFE-SIZED DOLLHOUSE FOR HER.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: HOW BIG WAS IT?
WE ACTUALLY HAVE A PHOTO.
WE HAVE A PHOTO RIGHT HERE.
>> SHE'S 48 INCHES TALL.
>> Stephen: THERE'S YOU AND DAVID AND THE KIDS.
>> THAT WAS HALLOWEEN.
I SAID, "HARPER, A LIFE-SIZED DOLLHOUSE IS JUST A HOUSE.
HE'S NOT GOING TO GET A HOUSE FOR YOU."
AND SHE SAID, "YEAH."
I SAID, "WHAT IS IT WITH THESE GIANT GIST T GIFTS?
WHERE DO WE PUT A LIFE-SIZED DOLLHOUSE THAT'S LARGE ENOUGH
FOR YOU OR A PERSON?" AND SHE SAID, "ON THE ROOF.
WE'LL PUT IT ON THE ROOF."
>> Stephen: WITH THE ROCKET SHIP.
>> SO, YEAH, IT'S GOING TO BE A LATE NIGHT ON THE 24th.
>> Stephen: YOU AND DAVID PUT OUT SOME INCREDIBLY ADORABLE
PHOTOS OF YOU AND THE KIDS.
THIS IS YOUR HALLOWEEN PHOTO, RIGHT?
>> WE DO A FUN HALLOWEEN PICTURE EVERY YEAR.
>> Stephen: DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE IT'S GOING TO BECOME AN
ARM'S RACE, LIKE EVERY YEAR THERE'S A CUTER ONE.
AT SOME POINT YOU'RE GOING TO PEAK OUT.
AND THE KIDS ARE GOING TO GO, "DAD, YOU TOTALLY FAILED THIS
YEAR.
WHAT IS GOING ON?" >> I DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT
BECAUSE I JUST LOVE HALLOWEEN AND I THINK IT'S SUPER FUN AND A
GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO PUT ON SILLY COSTUMES AND GET SCARED
EYE LOVE HAUNTED HOWS."
WHAT I THINK IS GOING TO BE TOUGH IS WHEN THEY START
DICTATING WHAT THE COSTUMES ARE GOING TO BE.
RIGHT NOW WE CAN SAY, "WE HAVE A GREAT IDEA.
THIS IS WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO.
OLD HOLLYWOOD.
SEE THIS, HER NAME IS MARILYN MONROE, AND YOU'RE GOING TO
WATCH A LITTLE CLIP FROM MARILYN MONROE."
AND THEY'RE OKAY WITH IT.
BUT IN A YEAR OR TWO THEY'RE GOING TO DECLARE IT HAS TO BE
SOMETHING ELSE AND THAT'S THE ARMS RACE.
>> Stephen: THEY WILL, ABSOLUTELY.
BY THE TIME THEY BECOME TEENAGERS, YOU'LL BE LUCKY IF
THEY TALK TO YOU, OF COURSE,.
>> UNDERSTOOD.
>> Stephen: YOUR COSTUME IS, "YOU TWO ARE INVISIBLE."
AND WE'RE GOING TO GO HAVE FUN.
( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT TO TAKE A LITTLE
BREAK.
DON'T GO NO WAY-- >> DON'T GO NO WAY.
>> Stephen: DON'T GO AWAY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE NEIL PATRICK HARRIS.