Hello brains! Dr. Ned
Hallowell is a leading ADHD expert, and a new york times best seller, who's written many books on ADHD, and he's also a brain!
#ADHDandsuccessful. We've mentioned him on the channel a bunch of times. He's the nicest guy
ever and today, he's a guest on this show.
Keep it together, keep it together, keep it together.
Thank you so much for being here, Dr Hallowell. -It's my pleasure, Jessica. -It was just such a privilege
I have to say when I first started my show
I was terrified that you or
somebody of your caliber, would find my channel and tell me to take the whole thing down because I was doing everything wrong!
Well, you know that's a very typical kind of a ADD thing
and I'm glad you just plunged right ahead, because
as my daughter once said you don't want to hold back on life out of fear
I think a lot of times folks with a ADD do feel
insecure and
and so they don't go ahead and try and you're a great example of someone who went ahead and tried, and you've
succeeded wonderfully and, you know, I
would have never written a book if I, if I had given in to my fears. Even before I wrote Driven to Distraction.
I thought: I don't know enough about this. I mean, I'm not a bench scientist. I'm not Russell Barkley
I'm not Peter Jensen. You know, what right have I got to say anything, and
and I just went ahead and did it, and I think that's one of the great lessons for people.
You don't want to be reckless, but at the same time you don't want to be so cautious that you don't actually do anything.
-Yeah, I completely agree with that
But there is a lot of self-esteem and doubt issues that seem to come with ADHD and even once you do start becoming successful,
there's the imposter syndrome that goes along with it. How do you deal with that well?
My, my favorite rule is never worry alone. You know, so my wife can tell you, you know I
wrestle with self-esteem issues all the time, my wife knows all of you can practically
alphabetize them you know and I think it's just part of being ADHD for whatever reason and we can speculate as to why and so I
make light of it, and that's another way of dealing with it. I also look at reality
you know, I've done good things and and
most people with ADHD have done good things so you, you want to always appeal to
reality, because we do have a terrible tendency to dwell on
the negative and and overlook the positive. The book I wrote about worry,
I began with a opening scene where I was giving a lecture, at grand rounds at Harvard Medical school and at the end of the
presentation, I got a standing ovation
but there was one woman in the back of the room who was scowling and when I got home my wife said,
"How did it go?" And I said, "Well there was this woman at the back of the room who was scowling." Well
she was wise enough to know, to ask," Well
how about the rest of the room?," and I said, "Oh"
I, they gave me a standing ovation." But what I dwelled on
was that one woman scowling at me. So we ADDers, we lose perspective and we
often dwell on the negatives, and that's why I would say never worry alone.
You know do some reality testing. You want to worry with the right people of course,
but you want to have
supports around you where you can be real and be honest and get the kind of
reassurances that we really do need. -I mean I know that
I personally am more sensitive than probably most of the people
I know, do you, do you find that that's common with ADHD where we're just kind of
sensitive to the idea that somebody might not like us or...
-Totally! -...do the job. -Totally, you see I think one of the core qualities of this interesting condition,
which I don't see as a disorder, I see it as a trait, and if you manage it right, it's an asset,
but one of the interesting parts of it is this
uncanny intuition. We can really see into people, see into situations,
see around corners,
and that allows us to perceive a lot of good stuff that other people don't see, and see connections that other people don't see, but
then we can also pick up on, you know, the slightest hint of rejection or the slightest hint of disappointment,
and we jump right on it, and, and magnify it,
we think, well, the whole response was negative when it, when it really wasn't, so, sort of the price we pay for being so
Intuitive, and so sensitive is that we can be easily hurt.
I don't think you can make that go away, what you can do is
develop tools for dealing with it, tools of repairing yourself, and I have to repair myself every day, many times a day
I'm repairing myself. You know, and putting up band-aids on these little wounds, and, and most of the way
I do it, is pretty much my solution to everything in life
which is through connection. The human connection is the most powerful one, but my little dog Ziggy, my Jack Russell,
he solves a lot of my problems,
just sitting in my lap, licking me, you know ,and so connections of all kinds are sort of the universal remedy
I think for most of life's problems, and the problem with life today is we're super connected electronically,
but we're
disconnecting interpersonally, so we don't have the deep
friendships that we really need. We have a lot of superficial friends like on Facebook of 10,000 friends or whatever, those aren't friends
I mean, they're they're blips on a-, but the depth of friendship, the depth of support that really gives human existence its
resilience, a lot of people are missing. So I
always say to people, you know, lead a richly connected life, connection to friends, to family, to Nature, to the past,
ideals, to the World of knowledge,
connection to some kind of spiritual reality,
connection to dogs. Everyone ought to have a dog, by the way, if you can possibly have a dog, have a dog they're the greatest
thing in the world. I prescribe dogs for all my patients. We have more dogs
we use a lot less Prozac, so, and then as you connect
robustly to all these different points in your life,
you'll find something wonderful happen, you develop a positive connection to yourself, and to
life, so you feel good about who you are and you feel good about life itself,
and that's a wonderful thing when it gets going. It's like a beating heart, it just keeps going automatically.
-I've found the same I have a dog for the same reason. I, you know I get massages,
I used to be a massage therapist, like the power of touch and connection with other people,
I think is really powerful
but, actually, a lot of my own healing
happened when I connected with other people with ADHD and it happened through this channel,
and it was completely unexpected. People were suddenly real with each other.
I was getting real about my struggle, so other people were getting real about theirs
and that sense of connection was, was powerful, even over the internet. -You're doing a great thing.
I mean,
this is what the world needs now, where you can, where it's safe enough to be real, safe enough to be vulnerable.
Here I am, 67 years old,
and I still don't have it all figured out, you know, and, and the best thing I can do, is to be honest and say,
"Yeah
I feel insecurity about this, that, the other thing," and next thing you know other people are helping and, and, and the goal of independence,
is a very foolish goal. What you want to be is effectively
interdependent, so you can give, and you can get, you can give, and you can get. No one is
independent. -Yeah, how do you do that without falling into codependence?
Well, codependence
just means you're, you're too far in the other direction.
And by the way people with ADD have a terrible habit of doing that, and we tend to fall for train wrecks,
you know, we tend, we can really get hurt that way, because we're so generous, we tend to be so generous, so giving, so
empathic, so understanding. I really see the good in you, I can draw out the good. We're soft touches.
We can be taken advantage of very easily.
I've been taken advantage of many times, you know, and I, and I, just keep on giving, you know,
it's just who I am, you know, but I've learned, with my wife's help and other people, to be a little bit more cautious.
But you do want to try to stay out of those
co-dependent relationships
where you're,
you're just too much the caretaker, too much the giver. So you want to be able to get as well as give, and that's a,
a life skill,
on its own
and I think what, what makes this condition so interesting. The term ADHD is a terrible term, I
think it should be renamed 'interesting person syndrome' or something better. Creative, 'creative person syndrome.' 'The entrepreneurs trait'
or something like that, but
there are so many of these qualities that intermingle. Positives and negatives and often two sides of the same coin, you know.
Impulsivity, one of the hallmark symptoms of ADHD. What is creativity, but impulsivity gone right?
You know, you don't plan to have a creative idea, you don't say, "Ten o'clock, time for my creative ideas!"
You know and lay it like an egg.
You know I mean it, it comes spontaneously, impulsively
You know it depends upon disinhibition, and that's my model for ADD.
So you've got a Ferrari engine for a brain with bicycle brakes. and I say to people, "Don't worry,
I'm a brake specialist, so if we work together, we'll strengthen those brakes,
so you'll win races, but if we don't, a Ferrari with no brakes is a dangerous car!"
So it's worth taking it seriously and learning how to strengthen those brakes. -That's it for this week. But
Dr. Hallowell will be back next week for one more episode featuring his advice on how to find the right job, and how to actually
stick to it. -We tend to be people who like to work.
We like to get into stuff, and we do best when we're busy. If we're not busy, we often get depressed! -Click subscribe
so you don't miss it, or do you click the bell..?
Click the bell and the subscribe.
Click all the things! *Ding* But if you just can't wait for next week, you can listen to me and Dr.
Hallowell on his show the 'Distraction' podcast right now, Distractionpodcast.com, link in the description!
And there's so much more coming! Edward, and I are finally back home, and we have so much to share with you.
There's the big mental health panel from Vidcon you haven't seen yet, with me and a bunch of cool youTubers including: Hannah hart
And road blog wrap ups from Vidcon and my TEDX talk.
What? *Yawns and speaks* I'm not tired! You're tired.. Of course, huge
thank yous to my patreon brain stuff. None of this would be possible! Look for special goodies on Patreon soon!
Tell me what you thought of the amazing Dr.
Hallowell in the comments below or on Facebook or Twitter, and I will see you next week!
Bye brains!
Question time! Haylee Nash asks, !" was wondering if you could make a video on ADHD and dyslexia."
Yes, dyslexia isn't something that I've experienced myself, but many, many people with ADHD do. I'll start the research now.
So look for it sometime next month!