BUT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS TO THE CUBS, HILLARY CLINTON IS
ALREADY THE WINNER, BECAUSE SHE'S DECIDED TO STOP TALKING
ABOUT DONALD TRUMP, EXPLAINING, "I DEBATED HIM FOR FOUR AND A
HALF HOURS.
I DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT RESPONDING TO HIM ANYMORE."
YES, HILLARY SAYS SHE'S NOT GIVING ANY THOUGHT TO WHAT TRUMP
SAYS.
SO THAT MAKES BOTH OF THEM.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
TRUMP CLEARLY FEEDS ON ATTENTION, SO BY DENYING IT, WE
CAN STARVE HIM.
SO I WILL SPEND THE REST OF THE MONOLOGUE NOT TALKING ABOUT
DONALD TRUMP.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HERE WE GO.
SO, MAGNIFICENT FALL WEATHER THIS WEEKEND.
>> Jon: YES.
>> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL.
THE LEAVES ARE CHANGING COLOR.
THERE'S A MAPLE TREE IN MY FRONT YARD THAT TURNED BRIGHT ORANGE.
OKAY.
NO, YOU CAN DO THIS.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
LET'S SEE -- HELLO WEAN IS COMING UP.
EVERYONE'S LOOKING FOR A JACK O'LANTERN...DAMMIT.
( LAUGHTER ) DON'T GIVE UP, DON'T GIVE UP.
OKAY, NEVER MIND.
(BLEEP).
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) DONALD TRUMP --
( APPLAUSE ) THIS WEEKEND, HE GAVE A SPEECH
IN GETTYSBURG, THE BATTLEFIELD WHERE THE UNION TURNED THE TIDE
AGAINST THE CONFEDERATE.
I GUESS TRUMP FEELS A KINSHIP WITH LOST CAUSES THAT WILL HAUNT
THE COUNTRY FOR GENERATIONS.
HE STARTED STRONG, WITH ALL THE GRAVITY OF THIS SACRED GROUND.
>> PRESIDENT LINCOLN SERVED IN A TIME OF DIVISION LIKE WE HAVE
NEVER SEEN BEFORE.
IT IS MY HOPE THAT WE CAN LOOK AT HIS EXAMPLE TO HEAL THE
DIVISIONS WE ARE LIVING THROUGH RIGHT NOW.
WE ARE A VERY DIVIDED NATION.
>> STEPHEN: IT'S TRUE.
AMERICA IS DIVIDED BETWEEN THOSE WHO THINK TRUMP WILL LOSE
BECAUSE THE ELECTION'S RIGGED AND THOSE WHO THINK HE'LL LOSE
BECAUSE IT'S NOT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND TO HIS CREDIT, DONALD TRUMP
STAYED FOCUSED ON HIS MESSAGE OF UNITING THE COUNTRY...
FOR ABOUT 60 SECONDS.
AND THEN -- >> EVERY WOMAN LIED WHEN THEY
CAME FORWARD TO HURT MY CAMPAIGN.
TOTAL FABRICATION.
ALL OF THESE LIARS WILL BE SUED AFTER THE ELECTION IS OVER.
>> Stephen: YES, HE WILL TAKE ALL OF THESE WOMEN TO COURT, BUT
AT LEAST WHEN HE'S SWEARING IN, THEY'LL KNOW WHERE HIS HANDS
ARE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND TRUMP CONTINUED TO UNITE THE
NATION BY MAKING THEM CHOOSE SIDES.
>> THE DISHONEST MAINSTREAM MEDIA IS ALSO PART AND A MAJOR
PART OF THIS CORRUPTION.
THEY LIE AND FABRICATE STORIES TO MAKE A CANDIDATE THAT IS NOT
THEIR PREFERRED CHOICE LOOK AS BAD AND EVEN DANGEROUS AS
POSSIBLE.
>> STEPHEN: YES, THE MEDIA IS MAKING TRUMP LOOK BAD.
FOR INSTANCE, THEY COVERED THIS SPEECH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT TOOK A SECOND.
AND, OF COURSE, HE ALSO PLAYED THE HITS, PUTTING A NEW SPIN ON
THIS CAMPAIGN CLASSIC.
>> REMEMBER, I SAID MEXICO IS PAYING FOR THE WALL, WITH THE
FULL UNDERSTANDING THAT THE COUNTRY OF MEXICO WILL BE
REIMBURSING THE UNITED STATES FOR THE FULL COST OF SUCH A
WALL.
OKAY?
>> Stephen: WHAT?!
"REIMBURSE" US FOR THE WALL?
YOU SAID MEXICO WOULD PAY FOR IT!
PAYING FOR SOMETHING IS VERY DIFFERENT THAN REIMBURSING.
YOU CAN'T TAKE A DATE OUT FOR DINNER, MAKE HER PAY, AND THEN
SAY, "JUST SEND ME AN INVOICE."
( LAUGHTER ) OR MAYBE YOU CAN.
I CAN'T BELIEVE -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D GO TO GETTYSBURG AND GIVE A SPEECH
THAT WAS SO FAR FROM THE SPIRIT OF THE GETTYBURG ADDRESS.
IT'S JUST RIDICULOUS!
>> WELL, THAT'S NOT TRUE, STEPHEN.
>> STEPHEN: GHOST OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> HELLO!
HELLO, EVERYONE!
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE, MR. GHOST LINCOLN!
>> MY PLEASURE, STEPHEN.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE YOU, SIR.
ABE, WERE YOU SHOCKED BY TRUMP'S SPEECH AT GETTYSBURG?
>> NO, IT REMINDED ME OF MY ADDRESS.
>> STEPHEN: BUT THEY WERE NOTHING ALIKE.
>> THAT'S BECAUSE NO ONE EVER HEARD THE FIRST DRAFT OF MY
GETTYSBURG ADDRESS.
MY ADVISORS MADE ME TONE IT DOWN.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR SOME OF IT?
>> STEPHEN: OF COURSE!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR IT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WELL, IN THAT CASE,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ROUGH DRAFT OF THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS.
>> FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO, OUR FATHERS BROUGHT FORTH
ON THIS CONTINENT A NEW NATION, CONCEIVED IN LIBERTY AND
DEDICATED TO THE PROPOSITION THAT I DID NOT PROPOSITION
THOSE WOMEN.
THEY'RE LIARS!
AND JUST LOOK AT THEM.
THEY WOULDN'T BE MY FIRST CHOICE.
AND WHEN I SAID, "GRAB THEM BY THE PETTICOAT," THAT WAS MERELY
LOG CABIN TALK!
I WILL SUE THOSE LYING JEZEBELS INTO THE GROUND!
THE CONSECRATED GROUND IN WHICH OUR BRAVE SOLDIERS NOW LIE.
SAD!
THAT'S WHY WE RESOLVE THAT THIS NATION, UNDER GOD, SHALL MAKE
AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, AND THAT GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLE, BY THE
PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE, SHALL NOT PERISH FROM THE EARTH...
IF -- I -- WIN.
OTHERWISE, THE WHOLE CIVIL WAR IS RIGGED.
JEFFERSON DAVIS IS A BAD HOMBRE!
LOCK HIM UP!
>> STEPHEN: GHOST ABRAHAM LINCOLN, EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING
HERE!
STICK AROUND!
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!