- SO BRUNO MARS IS IN HIS DRESSING ROOM RIGHT NOW
WAITING FOR A NURSE THAT WE HAVE.
WE HAVE HIDDEN CAMERAS IN HIS DRESSING ROOM.
HE HAS AN EARPIECE.
HE'S GOT TO SAY WHATEVER I TELL HIM TO SAY TO THE NURSE,
AND, BRUNO, WHEN SHE COMES IN,
JUST--FIRST THING, JUST WHEN SHE COMES IN,
JUST SAY, "THANKS FOR COMING,"
AND "DO YOU MIND TAKING YOUR SHOES OFF?"
THAT'S THE FIRST THING.
- GOT IT. - OKAY.
[knocking]
- COME IN.
HI, HOW ARE YOU?
COULD YOU TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF, PLEASE?
- WHAT? - THAT'S A NO--
- NO-SHOE ZONE. - NO-SHOE ZONE.
- OH, I'M SORRY. - DO YOU MIND?
- AS A NURSE, I NEED TO KEEP MY SHOES ON.
- DO YOU MIND?
- I'M SORRY?
- I'M SORRY? WHAT?
- AS A NURSE, I NEED TO KEEP MY SHOES ON.
- OH, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'RE A NURSE.
- OKAY. - OKAY.
- OKAY, I'M BRUNO.
- I'M BRUNO.
- NICE TO MEET YOU. - NICE TO MEET YOU.
- WELL, ACTUALLY, WHEN I'M NOT ONSTAGE,
MY NAME IS RAMON.
- WELL, ACTUALLY, WHEN I'M NOT ONSTAGE,
MY NAME IS RAMON.
- OH.
- YOU CAN CALL ME RAMON.
- BUT YOU-- SO YOU CAN CALL ME RAMON.
- RAMON? - YES.
- OKAY.
- OKAY, AND YOUR NAME IS? - AND YOUR NAME IS?
- MY NAME IS DEBORAH. - DEBORAH.
- DEBORAH. - TELL ME ABOUT YOUR TRAINING.
HOW MUCH TRAINING DO YOU HAVE?
- CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOUR TRAINING?
- OKAY.
- HOW MUCH TRAINING HAVE YOU HAD?
- WELL, PRETTY MUCH, I WENT TO SCHOOL--
IT'S ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF.
- MM. - MM.
- I'M LICENSED BY THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA.
- OKAY. - OKAY, YOU SEEM NICE.
- YOU SEEM NICE. - OH, THANK YOU.
- SO JUST THE ONE NURSE THEY SENT, RIGHT?
- JUST THE ONE NURSE THEY SENT?
- YES. - OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.
- OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.
- I'M FEELING SOMETHING IN MY THROAT,
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
- WAS I SUPPOSED TO ASSESS YOU?
- YEAH, I'M FEELING SOMETHING IN MY THROAT,
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
- OKAY.
- I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO TOUCH ME, THOUGH.
- OH. THAT'S FINE.
- OKAY. - OKAY, UM...
ARE YOU ABLE TO SWALLOW OKAY?
- NO, I HAVE NOT SWALLOWED SINCE THE SUPER BOWL.
- NO, I HAVEN'T--I HAVEN'T SWALLOWED SINCE THE SUPER BOWL.
- IT'S LIKE A--I HAVE, LIKE, A CHIP IN MY MOUTH OR SOMETHING.
- LAST WEEK, OR?
- IT'S LIKE I HAVE A CHIP IN MY MOUTH OR SOMETHING.
- I HAD A CHIP DURING HALFTIME.
I HAD A--EITHER A CHEX MIX, OR--
- I HAD A CHIP DURING HALFTIME. - OH, YEAH.
- IT WAS EITHER CHEX MIX...
- OR A DORITO. - OR DORITO...
- OR A FRITO. - FRITO.
- PRINGLE. - OKAY.
- PRINGLE. - IT WAS NOT A PRINGLE.
I WAS WANTING A PRINGLE, BUT THEY DID NOT--
- I WAS WANTING A PRINGLE, IT WASN'T A PRINGLE, ACTUALLY.
- THEY DID NOT GIVE ME PRINGLES, AND I'D ASKED FOR THAT.
- THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME PRINGLES. I ASKED FOR PRINGLES.
- NO PRINGLES IN MY DRESSING ROOM.
- THERE WAS NO PRINGLES IN MY DRESSING ROOM.
- WHY DO PRINGLES COME IN A TENNIS BALL--
- WHY DO PRINGLES COME IN TENNIS BALL CANS?
- LIKE, WHY DO THEY DO THAT, DO YOU THINK?
- WHY DO YOU THINK THEY DO THAT?
- PROBABLY BECAUSE THE SHAPE OF IT.
- OH, YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT. - YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT. - YOU'RE RIGHT, THE SHAPE.
- OKAY, THIS HAPPENED ONCE BEFORE WHEN I WAS IN CANADA.
- THIS HAPPENED ONCE BEFORE WHEN I WAS IN CANADA.
- IT'S A FUNNY STORY, ACTUALLY.
[audience laughter]
- ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS, THEN?
- OH, I WAS JUST THINKING IT TO MYSELF.
- NO, I WAS JUST THINKING IT TO MYSELF.
- OH, GOT IT.
- YOU HAD TO BE THERE. - YOU HAD TO BE THERE.
- OH, OKAY.
- HOW MANY THROATS HAVE YOU LOOKED AT?
- QUITE A FEW.
DOES IT--WOULD IT FREAK YOU OUT IF I ACTUALLY TOUCH YOUR THROAT?
- YOU CAN TOUCH MY THROAT. - TO CHECK IT?
- YOU CAN TOUCH MY THROAT.
- OKAY, DO YOU MIND WITH MY HANDS,
OR WOULD YOU RATHER ME PUT A GLOVE ON OR SOMETHING
IF IT FREAKS YOU OUT?
- TWO GLOVES. - CAN YOU PUT TWO GLOVES ON?
- THAT'S FINE.
- DID YOU SEE ME ON THE SUPER BOWL, BY ANY CHANCE?
- NO, I DON'T WATCH THE SUPER BOWL.
- OH, I NAILED IT. - I NAILED IT.
- IT WAS SO GOOD. - IT WAS SO GOOD.
- SO, SO GOOD. - SO, SO GOOD.
- [singing] OH, YEAH, YEAH - [singing] OH, YEAH, YEAH
- OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH - OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
- ANYWAY. - ANYWAY.
- WHY DID YOU GO ON THE SUPER BOWL?
- WHY DID I GO ON THE SUPER BOWL?
- WHAT WERE YOU DOING ON-- WHAT DID YOU DO?
- I SANG.
- I MEAN, I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH IT.
- OH, I SANG.
- I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST FOOTBALL.
- OH, OKAY. - YEAH, NO, I DIDN'T PLAY.
- NO, I DIDN'T PLAY.
- I JUST--I SANG. - I SANG.
- OH, OKAY.
- I'M BRUNO MARS. I DON'T HAVE A FRAGRANCE.
YOU DON'T KNOW ME 'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE A FRAGRANCE.
- I'M BRUNO MARS. I DON'T HAVE A FRAGRANCE.
THAT'S PROBABLY WHY YOU DON'T KNOW ME.
- OH.
- YOU KNOW WHAT HURTS THE MOST?
WHEN I GO BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.
- YOU KNOW WHAT HURTS THE MOST?
IS WHEN I GO BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.
- LIKE A TRUCK BACKING UP. - LIKE, BEEP, BEEP.
IT'S LIKE A TRUCK BACKING UP.
- BACK UP WHEN YOU DO THAT. STAND UP AND BACK UP.
- IT'S LIKE WHEN I'M GOING BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.
- YEAH.
[cheers and applause]
- AND, ALSO, IT HURTS WHEN I GO, KA-KA!
- IT HURTS WHEN I GO...
[caws]
[audience laughter]
- OKAY, HOW LONG AGO DID THIS START?
- UM, LIKE, AROUND THE SUPER BOWL TIME.
- LIKE, AROUND THE SUPER BOWL TIME.
- JUST SUPER BOWL?
- YEAH. - AFTER THAT.
AFTER YOU ATE A CHIP?
- YES. - YES.
- HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR DOCTOR AFTER THAT?
- I DON'T HAVE A DOCTOR. - I DON'T HAVE A DOCTOR.
- OKAY.
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO THE DOCTOR BEFORE?
- NOPE. - NOPE.
- START CRYING.
- MAYBE IT'S TIME TO... - [sniffles]
- CRY. JUST...
- [sniffling]
[audience laughter]
- OH, IT HURTS SO BAD.
- [crying] IT HURTS SO BAD.
- RAMON IS SAD. RAMON IS SAD.
- [crying] RAMON IS SAD.
- I'M SORRY.
- OKAY, YOU CAN START FEELING BETTER NOW.
- AH, I FEEL BETTER.
- EVERYTHING'S FINE?
- [sighs]
- [laughs]
- YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PAIN?
- NO, I'M COMPLETELY FINE.
- I'M COMPLETELY FINE. - IT'S WEIRD.
- IT'S WEIRD. - WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?
WHAT DID YOU DO? - WHAT DID YOU DO?
- NOTHING.
- YOU'RE SO GOOD. - YOU'RE SO GOOD.
YOU'RE GOOD.
YOU... - YOU ARE GOOD.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
- YOU ARE GOOD.
- GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. - GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
GOOD, GOOD.
- YOU ARE GOOD. - YOU'RE GOOD.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH. - THANK YOU.
- THANKS FOR BEING HERE. - THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
- NO PROBLEM. I'M GLAD YOU'RE FEELING BETTER.
- OKAY. - OKAY.
- I'M HERE, ACTUALLY-- YOU KNOW THE SHOW, RIGHT?
"THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW"? - IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?
- YOU KNOW "THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW," RIGHT?
- YEAH. - YEAH.
- YEAH. - WELL, YOU'RE ON IT RIGHT NOW.
- THERE'S CAMERAS IN HERE. - THERE'S CAMERAS HERE.
HERE, HERE, HERE.
- SHE WAS TELLING ME WHAT TO SAY.
- AND SHE WAS TELLING ME WHAT TO SAY.
[laughter]
SAY HI TO EVERYBODY AT HOME.
YOU GOT TO SAY HI TO EVERYBODY AT HOME.
WASN'T SHE GREAT?
- WE'LL BE BACK.