(The sound of a pen scratching.) LOGO.
Hellooo everybody! A while back, I broke down the
ten (10) best tropes in erotic fiction, and guess what we're doing today? Just
take a guess, you'll never get it. You guys wanted to hear me whine and
complain about erotica, and I am absolutely DELIGHTED to do so! Oh,
Butters! This video is too racy for you, Butters.
We're gonna have to give you earmuffs! But first, have you noticed my gorgeous
shirt? Butters likes it, don't you? Don't you? Model the shirt!
Model the shirt! I have COMPLETELY revamped my merch store! We have tons of
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and The Savior's Sister. We've upgraded the
products with premium cuts and materials, plus we have a MUCH
wider variety, including tank tops, hoodies,
posters, mugs, phone cases, t-shirts, I could go on! In honor of the revamp,
we've got a promotion going! You can get 15% off ANY purchase using code TSS15!
This deal is only going down for a limited time, so
don't miss out! My merch store is linked below! Additionally, you guys know my
upcoming dark fantasy romance The Savior's Sister is currently available
for pre-order in ebook, paperback, AND hardback, plus I am hosting
a huge presale giveaway! If you pre-order TSS and enter my giveaway, you
will automatically receive a five (5) chapter teaser of TSS, plus you will be
entered in to win a ton of prizes! Today's winner is
walking away with a signed copy of Wrapped Up for Christmas by Katlyn
Duncan! It is an adorable, wholesome story - basically, the polar
opposite of today's topic! Katlyn is a fabulous, AMAZING author,
she's ALSO a YouTuber, and whoever walks away with this prize is a
lucky son of a gun! I will announce the winner at the end of today's video.
First, let's bitch about erotica, because we haven't talked about genitals here in
a hot minute! A quick disclaimer: if it wasn't obvious already,
this video is NOT safe for work or children! I will be talking about sex
and anatomy and terrible books. If you watch past this point and are shocked
and offended, you have NO ONE to blame but yourself! If you want
to hear more of my literary rants, be sure to subscribe to this channel
and ring that bell! I post videos on Wednesdays, with bonus content on
Mondays, and we have a good time! Now it's time for some salacious shenanigans!
Three, two, one, go! Number One (1): Alphas and Betas. (Sarcastically) Imagine a world where
an entire gender is easily categorized into two groups, because depth and layers
don't exist! (Normal Voice) Erotica has made this world a reality,
and boy, does it suck! Men only exist in two forms. Alphas - aka
domestic abusers, and Betas - aka doormats. Want a man with a
rock hard eight pack, roided out testicles the size of grapes,
and certifiable anger management issues? Feast your eyes on the plethora of Alpha
erotica readily available for your consumption. Want a man you can treat
like garbage and he'll still insist on sucking your toes,
cleaning your kitchen, and bending to your every whim? Welcome to Beta erotica!
Have a ball! Or a ball gag, whichever... Call me crazy, but you know what's really sexy
in a man? Emotional adjustment and agency! I'm not
into men who punch walls or curl up in the fetal position
whenever something doesn't go their way. The only place Alphas and Betas belong
is therapy. Number Two (2): Inaccurate human anatomy,
typically of the female variety. I once read an erotica where a man
bent a woman over, opened her cooter, and peered inside.
Peekaboo! When he looked inside her cave of wonders, he discovered a perfectly
intact hymen, which was described as a wall of flesh.
He then tongued said flesh wall until she came, because
apparently that's how hymens work? Excuse me while I lobotomize myself... I
wish this was a unique occurrence, but I think I've read more erotica
that messes up female anatomy then I have
erotica that's gotten it right. I don't understand why this is an
issue. You're writing about sex! That's LITERALLY the focal point of the genre.
How did you not take 10 minutes to read up on vaginas, or
pull up a diagram? I get that the U.S. sex education program
failed you, but the internet is readily available. You have no excuse!
Number Three (3): Babies. Who the hell started putting babies
in erotica? “Secret love baby.“ “One night stand baby.”
“He's gonna give her a baby!” I realize intercourse
leads to babies, but this is a sexual fantasy.
Who's really out there going, “Aw yeah, impregnate the shit out of her!
Get that egg, you filthy little sperm!” I'm not trying to kink shame...
Okay, maybe I am just a little. But the LEAST sexy thing in the world
is a baby, and if your erotica revolves around making one,
I'm gonna pass. Number Four (4): Brothers. Harem erotica is on trend right now,
which is great. What's NOT so great is when the harem is
all brothers. Say what now? I don't know if it's just
me, but if I've seen a man's dick, I have absolutely ZERO desire to see the
genitals of literally ANYONE he's related to. Isn’t
family off limits? How do you bone brothers? And how do
brothers bone the same person? Family dinners must be SUPER awkward. And
just to add some extra YUCK to the situation,
most of the time in these brother eroticas, they're having
group sex. I don't know if you know this, but this is an act we sane people
refer to as ‘incest.’ Save that shit for Alabama.
I'm not a hill person. I'll see myself out. Number Five (5):
Splooge. What is with the jizz obsession? And why are writers describing it
in explicit detail? Globs. Streams. Pearly fluid. We get it, you're gross! I
know some people have a semen fetish, but I didn't realize
it was so popular until I started reading erotica. I also didn't realize
there were so many colorful ways to describe baby batter.
It's weird penis goo. Why do you need to wax poetic about it?
I once read a spunk description that was so detailed,
I started dry heaving! Sorry if you're into that, but I think it's disgusting.
Number Six (6): Animals. Shifter erotica is a thing, and that's fine...
until the animals start having sex. Wolf on wolf
doggy style. What?! Do I need to explain why this is on the list?
I don't think so. Besides, if I elaborate any further, I'm probably gonna throw up
in my own mouth. So for MY sake, we're moving on.
Number Seven (7): Fetishizing gays. Since the dawn of literature,
heterosexual men have fetishized lesbians in their manuscripts. You could
always tell when it's happening, because both women look like Victoria's Secret
models and are probably scissoring. They also
never mention the clitoris, because hello, why
would they? What even is the clitoris for? Don't ask the author!
He hasn't a clue! But now times have changed.
Women have decided that they've had enough! Does that mean the fetishizing of
lesbians has stopped? No, silly! It's time for women to
fetishize gay men. Equality matters! Now, if you want to read
about two Abercrombie dude bros doing each other,
you're in luck. We ladies got you covered! Further proving that ALL genders are
capable of being bags of shit. Number Eight (8): Slamming. Every time
penetrative sex begins with a man ‘slamming’ into a woman,
you've officially lost me. My lady bits have dried up, tumbleweeds
are rolling through, and I'm putting the book down. Erotica
writers, you can't initiate sex with slamming! IT HURTS!
It's even worse when the guy is slamming into a virgin.
Do you hate her? Or do you genuinely just suck at sex?
A word of advice: the vagina is flesh, not a brick wall.
Save the slamming for a little bit later in the sexcapades,
NOT at the start, unless you want to rip her in half. Number Nine (9):
Billionaires. I understand erotica is a sexual fantasy. We're allowed to step
outside reality. But hear me out! You guys are aware that
billionaires make up the tiniest fraction of a percent of the world's
population, right? Additionally, most billionaires inherit
via good old-fashioned nepotism. They're not usually self-made like the
standard erotica billionaire. They're also mostly crusty old men, not
the perfect ten (10) Adonis with abs of steel and loads of tattoos.
And they've often done heinous, dehumanizing things to gain their
financial status. As a reader, I can't stop thinking about
these things any time I see billionaire erotica. Why
can't you just make him a multi-millionaire? It's a lot more
believable. Plus, who needs a billion dollars? You can own
a stupid flashy jet as a multi-millionaire. It's fine, I promise.
I guess I just don't vibe with this trope. It makes me think of
elderly men with shriveled balls and zero ethics. But if that's your thing,
have at it! And Number Ten (10): But I've never had an orgasm! Let's get a couple things
straight. I have NO problem with fictional virgins. I've written a few
myself. I also have no issues with characters who don't masturbate.
Different strokes for different folks, literally! It's just that this concept
is usually handled SO poorly in erotica, to the point where
it doesn't even make sense. The character is a virgin.
They've never so much as touched themselves, but they're choosing to
explore their sexuality by getting pounded by a douchebag. I mean,
I guess that happens? But it doesn't really sound like a good time.
Most people get nervous the first time they have sex.
Especially if they've never even diddled themselves. I'm anticipating an
awkward bumbling mess, not euphoria from start to finish. I've also read books
where the character has never had an orgasm,
even though they DO masturbate. What is the point of masturbation if not to come?
Am I missing something? Did you just lose something up there and you're trying to
fish it out? I don't get it. Then again, what do I know?
Allosexuals don't make sense to me. So that's all I got for you today! Which
means it's time to dish out a prize. One lucky winner is walking away with
Wrapped Up for Christmas by the amazing, incredible, incomparable Katlyn Duncan!
And the winner is...this person! Thank you for being so
supportive and for pre-ordering The Savior’s Sister! And of course, thank you to
Katlyn Duncan for being an amazing writer friend! If you are new to Katlyn
Duncan, check her out! I have all of her information listed below!
If you want to read an AWESOME dark fantasy novel, as well as have the chance
to win a ton of FANTASTIC books, pre-order The
Savior’s Sister! You can pre-order it in ebook, paperback, or hardback!
And then be sure to enter my presale giveaway! I have ALL of the information
in the description below! And while you're there, be sure to check
out my merch store and pick up some awesome goodies! You can get 15%
off right now with code TSS15! It's only available for a limited time,
so do it! Don't forget to subscribe to my channel! I post new videos on Wednesdays,
with bonus content on Mondays! And if you want to be alerted as SOON as I upload,
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