Lizzie: I'm smiling today good people of the Internet. Why?
Because the remodeling of my house, yes my parents' house,
I still live at home what's your point, is almost done. And
it's almost the end of another day so, that's two weeks folks!
Any minute now my mother is going to call me to tell me that we can go back home.
And I'm going to capture it live for you viewers.
Any minute. Any minute now.
My name is Lizzie Bennet and I'm dying to get out of here.
"Ticking Clock" Written by Anne Toole
Does a watched phone never ring?
Caroline: It's Caroline. Lizzie: Uh, come in.
Caroline: Mind if I join you?
Lizzie: Not at all but it's not very interesting in here.
I am anxiously waiting for a phone call from my mother.
Wow, I never thought I'd say that.
Caroline: Is your house almost finished?
Lizzie: That's the rumor.
Caroline: You know we love having you here.
And before you and Jane showed up, I was all by
myself with Darcy and my brother.
The more the merrier. How can I convince you to stay?
Oh, I believe our chef is roasting piglet tonight. Lizzie: It's not you. It's--
You are great. It's, you know, it's me.
I'm, uh... Caroline: Lizzie Bennet, did you just give me the "it's not you, it's me?"
Lizzie: No? Yeah.
But, it's not either of us. It's my mother.
She can't live without us.
Caroline: Really? Lizzie: And Charlotte hates editing these all by herself.
Caroline: Really? Lizzie: Would you believe I miss Lydia?
Caroline: It's Darcy isn't it?
Lizzie: Oh god, you'd think in a house this big I wouldn't keep running into him!
Like, just last night, you were all playing a game-- Caroline: But weren't you reading?
Lizzie: I was trying to read, little did I know I was
setting myself up for more Darcy scrutiny.
Or as I shall now call it: Darceny.
Caroline, would you like to join me for a rousing round of Darceny?
Caroline: Oh, is this where we dress up? Lizzie: Welcome to another edition of Darceny!
Here's our contestant, Caroline Lee.
Caroline, Bing said that all the women here seem very together.
How did Darcy respond?
Was it A) I agree wholeheartedly, friend.
B) I agree some women here seem accomplished, but on
the whole neither more nor less so than anyone else. Or
C) some women are considered together if they know how
to tip a waiter and go to the gym twice a week.
Caroline: C, definitely C.
Lizzie: That is correct. And what, in Darcy's estimation, are the requirements for being considered
truly together? Please name all five in ten seconds, go!
Caroline: Courteous, uh selective, oh um, well-read, of
course, at least an advanced college degree and an appreciation
for arts that does not include Hollywood movies or popular music.
Did I get them all?
Lizzie: I'm sorry, trick question, while those are all correct.
Darcy actually had 11 items on his list. We
would have also accepted, physically fit, fluent in more more than one language,
up to date on current affairs, fiscally responsible, a charitable
nature, and a talent for something other than watching reality television.
Caroline: You have a surprising good memory for what he said.
Lizzie: I forget nothing.
Now how many women does Darcy claim fit this profile?
Caroline: A half dozen?
Lizzie: Correct again! Now, for the win, and
feel free to play along at home if you know the answer.
How many women actually fit Darcy's profile of perfect womanhood?
Caroline: Well, his sister for one.
Lizzie: ERRRCCCH. I'm sorry but if you
at home said none, you win! Thanks for playing.
It's like he's purposely dooming himself to be alone for life.
Although I guess that does fit his MO.
Caroline: He's a strange one.
Lizzie: You two always seemed thick as thieves.
I'm sorry again that I misjudged you, but seriously how do you put up with him?
Caroline: Well, you get used to it.
Lizzie: You get used to it?
Like it's some stuck up douche bag threshold you've achieved?
Caroline: Yes! No, I mean he's just...he's...
Lizzie: Tall? Caroline: Tall?
Lizzie: Nevermind. I would prefer not to build up my douche bag threshold.
Yes! Mom, is it done? Can I come home?
What? It's going to take more time?
Nooooooo!
Captions by Taylor Brogan