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okay let's take one more question yeah
but that's the thing like people have to
get this Matt Matt is actually an
appropriate reaction you sit up high
want to decode this because people have
a real issue with anybody whose
spiritual having only kind of reaction
because the expectation is that we
should be above it all right we
shouldn't have any of these emotional
you know things because there's a part
of us that should see that of course
they don't know any better so we
shouldn't feel that way but that's the
thing it's an appropriate reaction when
you're seeing immense amounts of harm
done to be angry anger is an emotion
we've got to stop making a negative
connotation with it we can react to our
anger or respond to our anger in a
certain way and how we respond to our
anger has a lot to do with whether our
relationships are positive or not but
we've got to stop making the enemy of
emotional if you see somebody hurt
someone else it's a puppet sit it's a
reaction to be angry that's an
appropriate response you know to be
looking out of the world that damages a
people and to be like oh well that's
dysfunctional that is dysfunctional
that's exactly what enables us to stay
where we are so I want people to stop
being so terrified of emotion that they
allow these types of responses within
themselves this society is a society
which must change it is not currently
conducive with human life with animal
life with plant life with survival of
our earth in general it's an appropriate
reaction to be horrified I didn't okay
no you're not my brand
you want me to finish on that
people I had certain kind of there are
questions question answers like finding
their own answer
that's for you because you care about
everyone being so satisfied at the end
of the workshop
Blake's already falling to is
codependent pattern yell Murray so
terrified that all of you are gonna get
your answers today
difference between codependency and
co-creation really do you want us to be
the final question yeah so does anybody
want to be monitoring whatever Blake's
monitoring no madness exemption about
you give me Republicans I'm I'm asking
this for a friend yeah I'm sure you are
okay okay
co-creation were just codependency
what's your confusion so often
codependency is not authentic
co-creation is authentic that's the main
difference so like we I can literally
say that here we have the two opposites
on two different this now we can talk
from this space of understanding what is
authentic the other is not I might not
be on camera one is authentic one is not
and you just perfectly made the example
of why you're not capable of creating
relationships or for Co creations in
them in what you just did can you see
that by telling someone to move the
camera well what did you just
demonstrate was your priority at this
moment was your priority at this moment
making sure the video is on you for the
sake of the viewers or was your priority
your relationship my which I'm currently
trying to help you with
okay right okay why did you do that
because where did you stand to receive
the most conflict hmm
for the people watching this there you
go so eyes codependent to the yep to the
to the viewers rather than alright okay
let's do this okay now that you know
that you're not gonna get in the
conflict cuz everyone's freaking out
about this
right right one name you have an
authentic relationship when it is a
co-creation when it is coming from
codependency it is inauthentic why
co-creating a relationship is dependent
upon you being so honest about your own
personal desires your own personal needs
and everything that you are capable of
looking another person who has their own
desires and needs etc and saying how do
we make this work so it's a win for both
of us that's authenticity Thanks yes
what's to the other side it's when you
are focusing so much on other people's
needs that you let go of your own you
lose yourself essentially which is
inauthentic because you're not yourself
okay and this is a nightmare can't tell
you what this is a nightmare
yeah you can't let go of yourself mm-hmm
it's important for people to understand
this because codependency like I'd love
co-defendants really not know that
Archie worse the nervousness the
co-defendants actually worse than
narcissist
because they're super narcissistic but
it's more covert pretty colored because
this is this is what frustrates me the
most about a codependent because they
hide behind the laurel of goodness so
what they do is they go you know I just
give myself up for other people no you
can't actually give yourself up it's
impossible for the human ego in fact
most of what you're doing is for your
own self concept so your own
we're doing it for your own self concept
anything these first thing to understand
secondly to understand you can't give up
your needs and wants impossible
so what will happen if if you subvert
them and bury them for the sake of your
partner is that it comes out in covert
ways yeah one of the things that we
talked about yesterday
as far as like helping me with this and
is eliminating the words that I'm doing
something for somebody else yes from my
vocabulary please God
like like I'm doing something because of
another you know thing that's going on
are like so so so that that was a really
good like clear thing to look on this
probability you gotta own it yeah yeah
which means if you don't want to hang
out with someone you're gonna say I
don't want to hang out with them you
can't write well teal has to be working
on new videos right yeah some ways you
can't beat will you know I would be
hanging out with the community but Lynn
really needs me to be with her right now
yeah see like you yeah it's really great
Contin this is the funny part people who
are codependent create conflict
everywhere around it because they do
things like that they make the other
person the enemy always and so the
people around them are constantly hating
each other yeah so okay so that's a
really good thing to focus on and me
kind of resolving this issue what do you
have another kind of there is no other
answer you've got to get authentic its
authentic and what is that
responsibility I'm about to tell you the
solution for all co-defendants ready
today you're looking at me really
intensely right oh yeah I've only lived
on the opposite side of your
codependency for how many years okay
here's here's my codependent yeah I'm
gonna say something that's gonna enrage
you
with the codependency and I just kind of
be aware of it okay what it was uh it
was like oh TR you you've been involved
in this you know for a long time you
know do you feel like you're probably
maybe too involved to have a clear
response to meet you
yeah it's learned from the best
yeah okay okay so I work so I that that
was literally a thought in my head I
know you know and so like I I did
observe that you know like oke and
this is how I used to work okay
healing from your codependency yeah it's
completely dependent upon your
willingness to see yourself as the bad
person which is a pressure mmm its
pressure on myself yeah you're trying to
get away from pressure it's like this is
your obsession I want you to remember
this anybody who's doing codependency
yeah you are obsessed with getting away
from pressure pressure responsibility
there's lots of different forms of
pressure pressure to to do the right
thing say the right thing be but be the
right person any kind of pressure
trigger
yes there is trouble trouble is pressure
uh-huh responsibility is pressure yeah
so a self concept of being the bad guy
is pressure so what do you do with
pressure what do you mean what do I do
is press well I don't know how what's
your relationship with pleasure to
become offensive just becoming okay with
it
yeah I I have to go I have to have to do
this like in my life according to
pressure that I'm willing to choose like
this is a lot about living the life you
want to live is about choosing the
pressure you want does that make sense
more so than living a life to try to get
away from the pressure you don't want
how could how could anybody want
pressure I want the pressure I'm a
surgeon let's just be honest I'm
like a spiritual surgeon yeah I actually
enjoy this some people hate this feeling
this is a person they hate mm-hmm it's
this is pressure do you see for you to
see it sit here and say I need you to
put my life back together again tell me
what the do with that now that's
pressure
I love that pressure yeah I would have
been the best surgeon ever you guys is
it because you're having somebody's like
life and vulnerability in my hands and
having me be totally responsible for
that I can step the hell up to that that
is actually a pressure I can do it
because of is that like a relationship
with achievement I mean there you want
to do it you know I actually I feel I
I'm okay with that pressure that's my
chosen pressure
it's not it's not that you're wanting
pressure no it's not that I'm wanting
pressure what they want one or the okay
yeah you choose your pressure you say
because I want these things I'm okay
with this pressure no no no no no no see
that's exactly the problem like it's not
because I want those things I'm actually
getting something out of that part that
pressure it's not that I'm taking the
pressure so that I can get something
else it's that I am actually choosing
the perfect as I'm getting something out
of that pressure didn't something out of
it I enjoy people who are achievement
oriented I was the noxious kid in class
by the way who loved tests so when I
would get to school and people would say
pop quiz everyone I was like so
basically but that speed but that's what
you're saying
some people hate that other people love
that I actually love that there I
actually that type of pressure creates a
positive sensation in me when I'm
pushing something to the edge in trying
to do it the best that I can do actually
just say that the pressure actually
helps you like I don't focus your best
yes focus yeah it's a it's a it's a
focus sir yes
which is especially helpful for somebody
who tends towards anxiety I so like so
like as I say I mean it's part of your
professional sports career or whatever
like this this pressure that those guys
have during those races you know they
like they can use that to be the best
you know to their ability they could be
the best and so somebody like me has too
much energy
I got messy anxiety so much energy so
when I have to focus so hard in that way
it actually is like feels so much better
than just you know so it's an outlet for
your pressure yes that pressure is an
outlet for my pressure accepting but I'm
getting something out of that chosen
pressure you see you have to think about
choosing pressure okay it's hard for me
to go and it like really specifically be
about pressure that's something I've
specifically avoided I feel like I'd
rather you know conceptualize it no you
you do have something through the
pressure you like you don't see as
pressure that's what you're missing
okay you're making a song that's
pressure
playing your trombone is treasure you
like the pressure why do you like that
pressure because because the when I
vibrate my lips it makes them feel good
it's a I'm just kidding I would hate
playing trombone besides the fact that I
don't like the sound of trombone in
general I would hate performing on an
instrument mm-hmm
that would not be pressured that I
enjoyed why don't you like that pressure
I mean because because of the pressure I
feel like maybe up on stage or it
created a song it's like others you know
judgment of me but you you don't have
Tom being up on stage I know I know
so we're different than our capacity to
deal with pressure let's just for the
sake of I live the conversation where
pressure later put it to the side what I
want you to get is what I said about
kinda pendency yeah your capacity to
break into a relationship of
authenticity and therefore co-creation
is completely dependent upon you being
able to be honest about yourself Blake
mm-hm
you're not gonna be honest about
yourself when you're still trying to be
a good guy yeah so you make everybody
else happy
so you're healing from codependency
everyone at home you're healing from
codependency rests on their own capacity
to see yourself is not good so oh that's
so fun like the the idea that that I am
NOT a good person makes me a better
person yes yes yes yes
that's pretty cool much safer
now I want for those of you very
confused to come home I want you to just
think about this now how many of you had
the self sacrifice or another
now this mom gives everything up for you
and whenever you do something they don't
want my god do they remind you of it
uh-huh wouldn't it be ten times better
to have this mother walk through the
door and say I'm selfish I hate the fact
that you're happy and I'm not right now
I hate the fact that I have to do dishes
and you're playing right now that sucks
I hate the fact that I gave my entire
life up for you Oh trust me that's a
hundred times better than being gasps
let your whole life by a mother who
feels all those things but says and does
exactly the opposite okay
well everyone I'm on a long road to
recovery
this is thing I hope that the that you
make me accountable for my actions all
the things you just said we're designed
to do what oh good yeah and you're good
at it how I am a good person did not
have selfish relations with that other
person okay that's how deep this runs
change them exactly we should just did
you see like do you love that I hope you
guys watched how deep in that he is
because a little bit it
everyone loves Blake's codependency I
built up my whole life around this and
and you know saying that does what
everything he's gonna say is designed to
make you guys feel okay with him because
right now the reality is is that you saw
him and he's happy to face his shame
right now you think that he's having to
face a shame that he's not honest and
not authentic right now that is the
signs again are go all day I know you
think all day
thank you for noticing the point is
that's a bad part of me okay you see how
about you the covenants yeah okay so
buddy it's really ironic you don't get
to say anything else for the duration of
the time on this video with me you do
not get to say anything else nothing
oh my god okay Blake to have a
co-creative relationship you're gonna
have to be honest to be honest you're
gonna have to be the bad guy because
let's be honest if you weren't you know
if the truth of
was not those things you would have
already created the kind of life that
you guys want together do you understand
that yeah so your truth is unsavory
that's the really but it's your truth
and if you don't stand by it
you're not gonna have a relationship
that make sense my truth is codependency
or just no okay
can I give you an example what I mean
sure
Lin I have every intention of living in
this community until the day I die I do
expect you to take my life as your own
that's your truth that's your truth
expect you to take my life as your honor
mm-hmm here with this community
specifically and in the way I want it
now when you hear yourself say that
you're gonna go off not good and so
you're gonna try to give up that actual
truth of yours right but then you're
gonna be passive-aggressive about it
because that's the actual truth so what
codependents fall into the trap of
constantly is that their truth is quite
literally on the savoury they've made
their own truth unacceptable and so they
can only live through it in a
subconscious and covert way which makes
the life of everyone around them hell on
earth
okay so nuts you don't get to say
anything you have to say let's just walk
I can feel this feeling this is the
feeling you gotta become comfortable
with to be honest you feel this pressure
that's authenticity you will get freedom
with are tested is what often does ease
well but this is the pressure of
authenticity it's the capacity to look
something in the face and say the truth
of my life is not what I know will make
me look good makes sense yeah
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