Do you ever feel burdened by all the things that you have to do on your to-do list,
but at the same time, you find it really hard to say no to other people?
Or do you find yourself constantly apologizing,
feeling the need to agree to people because you want to keep the peace?
Right. If that's you, then this is a video
for you because what I want to share with you in this video is how do you stop people pleasing?
So that you can get to the core of who you are, say
no and still feel inspired by what you do because when it comes to people
pleasing the act of pleasing somebody or the feeling the need to please
others is a symptom of a deeper issue and the other symptoms that are produced,
as a result of this root cause are things like,
the fear of rejection. Worrying if someone will like you or even feeling the burden of
well, if I say no to somebody, they're not going to need me,
need me anymore. And there's a fear of loss of feeling significant.
So those are some other symptoms that could arise as a result of people pleasing.
So let's take a walk with me. I am at a beautiful beach scene.
It's quite cold here, so I'm wearing a jacket, but this is a nice water sidewalk,
and walk with me. Where, as I share with you some tips on how to stop people
pleasing, and really go back to the core of your authentic
self. The essence of the action of people pleasing is that there's some
part of you that needs other people to like you.
And the reason why is because the perception is that there's a part of me that is unlovable.
And as a result of that, we seek to maintain harmony,
we seek to have other people's acceptance.
We seek to avoid rejection as well, because there's a perception that,
well, there's a part of me that is not acceptable.
There's a part of me that is unlovable. That's the essence of it.
And when that, as long as that happens, it will continue to be difficult to disagree,
or to really be an authentic in our own opinions or our own points of view.
Because there is a hesitation that, if I do express it.
If I don't accept this request,
then I will be definitely revealing a part of me that is unlovable or unacceptable and that is
the essence of that is really our judgment,
a judgment that what is this part of me that I have not loved about myself?
And so therefore there's the inside of what we do
feel in our inner world, is a complete reflection of what's going to happen outside of us.
So as long as there is the there is continued perception
that this part of me is hard to love, is hard to accept,
then the outer reflection will be, well,
I don't want others to not like that part of about me.
I don't want to I don't want that unlovable part to be revealed to others.
So that's the essence of it. So,
what I want to give to you is five steps on how to overcome that so that you can be truly your
authentic self, embracing, at peace with it.
But at the same time, being able to create relationships with others that are meaningful,
both ways. Not just meaningful one way.
So take a walk with me. And let's go through the steps. Step
number one is to express your who. Now your
who is really, who are you? Who are you as a person?
Not who you think you should
be or who you wish you could be or what you think that other people would like you to be.
Nah, nothing like that is who are you.
And this is where it's really important to know who you are.
And most of the time when I ask people who are you.
The first thing I hear very commonly is my job title.
Here are my credentials. Here's what I do for a living.
And here are my achievements, but that is not who you are because your career is not you.
Your job title is not you. Right. Your credentials are not you.
So this is where it's important in
order for you to really embrace who you are, know your who, it's like,
knowing who I am without letting other people define me.
And recently I created a video exactly on that topic to help you really
expand your mind to connect with your authentic self.
So, I encourage you after this video to watch that,
and the link is right here on this screen on this corner of the screen,
there'll be a link to that video on knowing who you are being able to
express it without letting others define you.
So, watch it after this video, just bookmark it for now,
watch it after this video, because we're going to move to step number two.
So far, step number one was express your who,
step number two is express your authentic self. Right. When it comes to your authentic self.
This is what is truly valuable to you.
What is truly important to you? Who are you truly,
when it comes to your priorities in life? Because when it comes to people pleasing,
the act of people pleasing means that we are adopting someone else's values on what we should do,
who we should become and how we should respond to other people's suggestions
or their request for you to do something for them and living anytime you are
living by somebody else's values, it is unsustainable.
Because their values will always compete with your own
because no two individuals will have the exact same values even though they could be similar to you,
even though you could be working in the same company,
or maybe they had some certain common interest. No two ,
no to people's values, will be exactly the same.
And so if you are living in accordance to their values and you are following your life,
in terms of what you should do, ought tos and have tos,
then it is unsustainable because there's an internal conflict.
So expressing your authentic self means living by your own highest values.
And realizing that there's nothing wrong with your values,
just because somebody else is values, are different from yours.
It doesn't make you less worthy. Right? So,
that is step number two, and let's move to step number three.
So let's summarize again. Step number one is express your who, step number
two is express your authentic self. Step number three is express your truth.
So what is your truth? Specifically the truth about your perspectives.
The truth about what you feel is right for you,
the truth about your opinions, the truth about your boundaries.
All of those things is all your truth
and these things affect your connections and relationships with other people.
But anytime you express your truth,
the goal is to have the other person understand
what you meant by that and to understand how our the truth is going to
help them achieve what's important to them?
But anytime you are in conversation with someone even though you are expressing your truth.
With the best intentions of building a meaningful relationship or improve future,
there's always complexities in the landscape because another person,
as I mentioned earlier will not have the same values as you,
but they also come from different cultural backgrounds and different communication styles.
And they have different perspectives towards trust or what should happen next.
So, as a result of that, this creates certain complexities where it's important to implement
what I call the Golden Triangle, when you are expressing your truth to really implement a triangle,
which has three sides to it.
So the three elements of effective communication to navigate that landscape is to
understand your audience to create the right message to audience match.
And to finally, to implement the contextual features of that particular situation.
In order to do this efectively, there's also complexities around
what happens when a conflict arises. How do we communicate in
accordance to what they value? And what furthermore,
how do we find out and understand what they value?
What is important to them? So this is well
beyond the scope of this video, but if you are serious in understanding how to develop this skill,
the art of communication so that you can effectively navigate that complex landscapes
and understand how do I implement the audience message in
context, if you're serious about understanding that.
Then I invite you to work with me. I have I every week I teach
global audience on how to master the skill.
How to what to do when conflicts arise. How do we navigate those complex landscapes of different,
cultures, different opinions, different communication styles.
And how do we come about on the other side?
Truly authentic to ourselves. Speaking our truth and making the difference along the way.
So if you're serious about achieving these outcomes for your life and your career,
then I invite you to apply to work with me. Below this video in the description,
the very first link is a link
for you to book a call and either myself or someone from my team will get on the call with you.
And this is just a discovery call to explore whether or not this is the right fit for both of us.
So if only if you're serious about receiving coaching from me and you are deciding to invest,
make an investment in your mind and in your education.
Then apply. This is not for you
if you are just wondering if there's a quick fix
or if you're kind of earlier on in your career path.
Then this is not for you. And I encourage you to continue watching my YouTube videos.
But if you're serious and you're established in your career,
and you see how this is going to help you to elevate your career path,
then book a call, and I look forward to chatting with you and seeing you on the inside.
Now, remember, one of the truths that you are sharing is the truth around
what are your boundaries. And there's many different boundaries that are that you can set at work.
There are time boundaries. There are role boundaries,
right? There are even physical boundaries
and financial boundaries and also scope boundaries at work.
So there's many different boundaries
and really it is your responsibility
as the leader in your industry
or as a member of your team to set boundaries because it is unrealistic to expect other people,
to honor our boundaries, if we have been unable to express them in effective ways.
So once again, I've created a video to share with you the steps
on how to set clear boundaries at work?
And if you want to access that video, once again,
the link is right here, same
as before. So this is a different video that I recommended earlier right after this one head
to this video right there and help.
And therefore, in that video, I'll share with you how to set healthy boundaries at work.
And step number four is to express your magnificence.
It's hard to see your magnificence. If all you focus on are the parts of you that are not
lovable or that aren't as good
as somebody else's but the key is these parts are perceived
as unlovable when they are compared to somebody else's characteristics
or traits that you perceive
as better than or more desirable or I have some sort of advantage of what you perceive
you don't have. It's always in comparison to somebody else where it are the
parts of us that we are not valuing become unlovable.
So I encourage you when it comes to expressing your magnificence and the magnificence is there,
right? I encourage you to look for the evidence in your life that shows you.
And this is real historical truths evidence in your life that shows you that all of those things
that you felt that other people have that are better than yours,
or maybe the parts of you that are unlovable and compared to someone else,
find the evidence in your life, where you can see for yourself that you express them too. That
you also had that same magnificence,
but maybe they had the magnificence that you express it in,
it looks different from the way that they express it in,
but that's the thing you had that curve just like
nonetheless, the one that you perceived that you admired in someone else also resides in you
but it's just currently right now in a way that you don't expect it to be in or in an avenue
that isn't quite the avenue that you want it to be in.
But the key is that it is there and once you look for enough evidence,
this is where you can really begin to see the magnificant the magnificence inside
and the internal conversation
the dialogues will change between, I am not good enough or that
I need to therefore show other people
and please other people that dialogue would change from that to one
that is empowering instead of disempowering.
So let's summarize what we talked about
so far the steps to stop people-pleasing and really get back to your authentic
self is number one to know your who, right. Express your who. Step
number two was to express your authentic self
and step number three was to express your truth.
Step number four is to express your magnificence.
And finally, the fifth step step number five is to express your gratitude.
You see all the symptoms that I mentioned earlier,
when it comes to people pleasing, the fear of losing
out on a relationship, the fear of being perceived
as someone uncaring, maybe the fears of worrying that you're not going to be needed anymore.
The fear of rejection. All of those fears are symptoms of people pleasing,
but fear and gratitude cannot coexist.
When you feel gratitude, you do not feel fear and when you feel fear you do not feel gratitude.
So express your gratitude
because once you have done the previous step in expressing your magnificence
and seeing that all of those things that you didn't feel that
you had inside of you are actually there.
This is when you can grateful for having both sides of who you are,
right? Because when it comes to raising up and stepping into your greatness,
it is not possible to be 100% one direction and 100% a different direction.
So this is when you can be grateful for, this is who I am.
This is who I authentically,
what I authentically admire and this is what I authentically value in my life.
What's important to me. And I'm grateful for where I am today.
I'm grateful for having these values because as a result of these values,
this is where it got me, right? The things that I do love about me, the things
I do love in my life, the things the things that I have achieved that I am grateful for achieving.
And when you can express that gratitude and genuinely see it for what it is.
Not what you think it should be or what you think it ought to be,
but you see it for what it is, if from your authentic self who’s raised up in your magnificence.
This is where the fears will subside. So I encourage you to comment below.
What did you learn? What was the biggest takeaway for you?
And what are you going to do next to raise your your gratitude
and to really see your magnificence? Share with me your comments below.
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because every week I upload videos like this
and also on topics about career and communication and also critical thinking.
So I look forward to hanging out with you in my next video. Have a great rest of your day.