(camera beeps, whirs)
I'm recording my findings
so that future generations of mankind can understand
the steps I took to create homo novus, "new man."
Of course, there's a strong likelihood that my homo novi
might've wiped out all future generations,
so I have no idea who's watching this.
What are you doing in here?
I'm keeping a video diary of my experiment to create homo novus.
Homo what?
Novus. It's Latin. It means "new man."
Oh. I guess that's okay.
Y-Your mom's at church. W-What do you want for dinner?
I believe you know what I want for dinner.
Is that right?
It's Thursday.
What does Mom always make me on Thursdays?
Spaghetti and hot dogs?
Socrates. Got to love him.
CONGREGATION: ♪ Then sings my soul
♪ My savior God to Thee
♪ How great Thou art
♪ God to Thee
♪ How great Thou art
♪ How great Thou art ♪
♪ How great Thou art ♪ Then sings my soul
♪ My savior God to Thee
♪ Then sings my soul
♪ How great Thou art ♪ My savior God to Thee
♪ How great Thou art. ♪ How great Thou art.
PASTOR JEFF: And now,
why don't we take a moment to pray,
uh, keeping in mind that our prayers
should not be for our own benefit,
but for our family, friends,
fellow Texans, Americans of all races and religions
and the world.
Well, most of the world.
Y'all know what countries to pick.
MARY: Lord, please look after my family.
Give them everything they need to be happy and healthy.
And this lovely young girl with me tonight,
help her stay on the path of righteousness.
VERONICA: God, please look after my sister.
You can find her at the women's correctional facility
in Lubbock.
Help her seek salvation in you
instead of cocaine, marijuana and bass players.
GEORGIE: Jesus, I'm sure, even from Heaven, you can see
how hot the girl sitting next to me is.
And I know I'm not supposed to pray for myself,
but here's the deal: if you can get her
to fall in love with me, and you know,
make some bad decisions,
I swear I'll come to church every Sunday.
MARY: And thank you for bringing Georgie tonight,
even though you and I both know why he came.
Speaking of which,whatever he's praying for right now,
ignore it.
VERONICA: And please protect me from impure thoughts,
and teach me to respect the sanctity of my body.
GEORGIE: Now if for instance she and I were to go skinny dipping
and one thing were to lead to another
under the moonlit sky, get this:
not only do I become a devout Christian,
I will also bug everybody I meet to do the same.
And you know I can be real annoying
when I set my mind to it.
MARY: Amen.
VERONICA: Amen.
GEORGIE: I'm gonna take your silence as a yes. Amen.
What are you working on?
A list of possible boyfriends for my Cabbage Patch doll.
How do you think Celeste would look next to Joey Lawrence?
I don't know who that is.
He's Blossom's brother.
I don't know who that is.
It's a show. She wears hats.
Anyway, I've been doing some research,
and I've come to the conclusion that I don't need
to teach you anything.
You already know everything.
Cool.
Your brain already contains all the math
that will ever be known.
I heard you and I said "cool."
Well, wouldn't you like to explore
that great treasure trove of knowledge?
That depends. What's a trove?
We'll circle back to that. True or false?
At times, you have referred to yourself as being dumb.
True.
And do you enjoy feeling that way?
No.
Well, let me change that.
I'm presenting you with an opportunity
to achieve the full potential of your mind.
Are you gonna do some experiment where we switch brains?
No.
'Cause I've seen it on Gilligan's Island
and I've seen it on The Flintstones
and it never goes well.
(exhales sharply)
Ooh. Gilligan.