That was an incredible anniversary, Paul. Thank you.
You're perfect.
I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself because
I'm about to reveal a lot.
What?
I suggest we sit.
This may be a long wind to hear, but the last 12 months have been
a highly manufactured lie.
Paul, you're scaring me.
Relax, I'm not a sex guy.
I'm not even a murderer.
I just been hiding every single one of my major flaws.
Like what?
-Uh, I eat Sun Chips. -Sooo.
Oh, no no. I eat Sun Chips like a lot.
Whenever you're not around I'm eating Sun Chips.
I mean that's eccentric but...
When you're out of the room, when you turn around,
I have Sun Chips in the mouth
-Oh. -Also, I eat paper.
I eat paper, like a alot.
Like when ever I'm not eating Sun Chips,
brother I'm eating paper.
Getting weirder.
Also those people you met? They were'nt my parents.
They were actors.
What?
They're dead.
Your parents are dead?
No the actors. Subway accident, the sandwich.
Never saw it coming.
My parents are still alive, but they just don't like me for some reason.
I don't know what to say.
Also, this is Andy. This apartment it's his.
He let me pretend it's mine when you're here,
but it's really Andy's. -Yep
This is freaking me out. Tell me that you're joking.
He's not.
Wait, where' s Andy when I'm here?
-Subway. - The sandwich?
Real funny those people are dead.
Why would you lie?
Hannah, it's the beginning of our relationship, everbody lies.
I never lied.
Yeah right, on our first date you said you enjoy Fish.
The food? The band.
Ugh, some of the worst music I've ever heard.
-Ha! -That's different I just wanted you to like me
Exactly, so imagine that lie, but about everything.
I don't know why you waited a year to tell me all this.
Look, if I told you all this upfront, I would have no chance I mean the Sun Chips, the paper?
The parents not talking to me for what's now the better part of the decade.
But at least I have some chance, because I spent the last year
playing the perfect man.
-Perfect? -Good?
Fine. Solid.
No!
You rarely pay for dinner. We never have sex without
your gym shorts at your knees, and you smell like fish.
The band? The food.
OK, in my defense, I don't have money for fancy dinners.
And the smell things probably because just cause
Andy doesn't let me use his hot water or soap.
OK, did we just blew past that gym shorts thing?
It is really hard to have a conversation with Andy here.
Uh, I can hear you. -Seriously?
OK, look. I feel like I can't trust you about anything,
and it feels like we need to start over.
I can't do anymore work on my end.
I mean, do you have any idea how expensive these gym shorts are?
I'm not sure if you noticed because we exclusively have sex
in the dark. My choice.
But those gym shorts are Louis Vuitton,
and I'm going through six month. On a slow month bi-
-Don't say bitch -Big tree.
I need to reevaluate my life choices.
I get it, I'm not the easiest guy.
I'm no prince charming heck, I'm not even donkey hoe.
So take your time, I'll be here.
Well, not here becasue this is Andy's place
Yeah, maybe not the best time,
but I'm feeling pretty taken advantage of.
I thought that he left.
Please be respectful. It's his home.
Well then I am leaving.
Hannah, wait!
Even though I built our relationship on a series of
shockingly well crafted lies, I really care about you.
And I want to make this work. For real this time.
You are so unbelievably selfish.
You lied to me for a whole year and I should just break up with you right now
But I can't because I... think I love you.
I love you too.
You know ever since you said that thing about fish,
I can't stop smelling it.
Honestly...
What?!
It's me.