ALL RIGHT, LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR JAMES, THE THE RAPIN A SASIN
CORDEN!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> James: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
AND THE EMCEE WHOSE TV ROYALTY, DAVID SCHWIMMER-- DPSH AND THE
M.C. WHO IS TV ROYALTY, DAVID SCHWIMMER!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ALL RIGHT, JAMES, AS HOST, YOU
WILL GO FIRST.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> James: YOU SURE YOU'RE READY FOR THIS, SCHWIMMER?
>> OH YEAH.
>> James: JUST REMEMBER, YOU WANTED THIS.
ALL RIGHT, JOSH, GIVE ME A BEELT.
-- BEETD.
MILLENIALS, LET ME INTRODUCE TO YOU THIS GUY.
HIS NAME IS DAVID.
HE WAS FAMOUS IN '95.
CAUSE THAT'S WHEN HE WAS ON TV THEN, NOW IT'S 2016 AND HE HAS
NO FRIENDS.
GET IT, NO FRIENDS, NOT FAMOUS EVER AGAIN.
HE WAS A KARDASHIAN ON TV BUT THAT WAS ONLY FOR PRETEND.
YOU PLAYED ROBERT, THAT WAS A GREAT COMBO.
WERE YOU SO WHITE YOU SHOULDA PROBABLY PLAYED THE BRONCO.
WHAT I'M SAYING IS THIS BATTLES A BLOCKBUSTER SO I'M SAD YOU I
KNOW YOU'RE GONNA SPIT SOMETHING LACK LUSTER, BUT NOW YOU GET THE
CHANCE TO PROVE YOU GOT BALLS, WHILE I IGNORE YOU LIKE JENNIFER
ANISTON DOES YOUR CALLS.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Z .
>> A BRIT IN AMERICA'S YOUR ONE CLAIM TO FAME, WE ALL KNOW AS AN
ACTOR YOUR ROLES WERE ALL THE SAME.
THE HEAVY BEST FRIEND, THE HUMOROUS SIDE KICK WITH A BELLY
SO BIG YOU CAN'T FIND YOUR OWN-- DIKEN, THE AUTHOR WE ALL
RED AS KIDS, HE'S BRITISH LIKE YOU, BUT PEOPLE KNOW WHO HE.
IS YOU MUST BE A MASOCHIST, YOU WANT TO BATTLE ME.
THIS WON'T END WELL, MATE, IT'S NOT LOVE, ACTUALLY.
TO BE CLEAR, I LOVE THE ENGLISH, I MARRIED YOUR KIND, BUT WHY
YOUR WIFE CHOSE YOU, MY BAD, SHE BLIND?
IS SHE BLIND?
RAP WAS BORN IN THIS COUNTRY, YOU ARE A TOURIST HERE, DO US A
FAVOR, JAMES, JUST CHANGE YOUR CAREER.
>> James: OH, COME ON, DAVID SCHWIMMER, HOW ARE YOU SUCH A
LOSER WHEN YOUR NAME RHYMES WITH WINNER?
YOU'RE SO NOTE WITH EVERY ROLE THAT YOU PLAY.
I'M LIKE HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW ROSS FROM FRIENDS NEW O.J.
I'M A FAST CAR, QUICKLY PASSING NEW NASCAR.
I'M AN ANIMAL, YOU JUST VOICED ONE IN MAD GAS CAR, OH, HE'S
SURPRISED, DIDN'T KNOW THAT I COULD SAY, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY?
AND ONE LAST THING, YOU'RE NOT A TRUE M.C.
I [BLEEP] DESTROYED YOU, THIS IS MUST SEE TV.
I'M SORRY THIS BATTLE LEFT YOU SO BLUE, BUT UNLIKE THIS CROWD,
I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> DESTROY ME?
PLEASE, YOUR RHYMES TOTALLY BLEW.
I WORKED WITH A MONKEY HAD MORE SKILLS THAN YOU.
I'M NOT WORRIED, NO ONE HEARD A WORD THAT YOU SAID.
THE ONLY PEOPLE WATCH YOUR SHOW ARE ASLEEP OR DEAD.
YOU'RE LATE NIGHT ON PRIME TIME, YOU'RE QUOLA I'M FINE WINE.
GO HOME, YOU'RE DONE, THIS BATTLE IS MINE.
DID YOU THINK I WOULD BE SCARED WALK AROUND GINGERLY?
WHEN EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR MIDDLE NAME'S KIMBERLY?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I'M TALL AND LEAN, YOU'RE SHORT
AND STOUT, THEY KNOW ME IN JAPAN, THEY KNOW YOU AT IN N
OUT, YOU BARYM RASS YOUR COUNTRY, THIS WAS EASY FOR ME,
BITCH, LAY DOWN THE MIC, AND GO MAKE ME SOME TEA.
ONE CREAM, ONE SUGAR.
>> Reggie: SO WHO IS YOUR WINNER?
OH WAIT A MINUTE.
WE HAVE A NEW CONTENDER.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME REBEL WILSON!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> ALL RIGHT, STOP, ENOUGH OF
THIS CLAPPING.
WHY THE HELL DO YOU WANTA HEAR TWO WHITE MEN RAPPING.
I'M THE REBEL M.C., I'M CLAK A LACKIN, I COME PACKING BOOBS,
SHOW YOU DUDES WHAT YOU'RE LACKING, DAVID YOUR CAREER SAY
HUGE MISTAKE.
IT'S LIKE ROSS AND RACHEL, IT'S ON A BREAK.
ALL JOKE AS SIDE, MAN, I THINK YOU'RE GREAT.
I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN, WHEN I WAS 8.
CARPOOL KARAOKE, YOU THINK IT'S YOUR BIG THING, BUT EVERYONE IS
THINKING SHUT UP AND LET ADELE SING.
YOU SPEAK ENGLISH BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN RAP, YOUR RHYMES ARE
NONEXISTENT LIKE MY INNER THIGH GAP.
DON'T BATTLE ME, CUZ YOU KNOW IT'S NOT WORTH IT, EVERYBODY
KNOWS MY RHYMES ARE PITCH PERFECT!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Reggie: THE WINNER OF DROP THE MIC, REBEL WILSON!
>> James: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, REBEL WILSON AND
DAVID SCHWIMMER, COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY.