Are your kids listening to you? If they're not, you want to pay attention. So
I'll give you the inside reasons of what you're doing that's causing your kids
not to listen to you.
Why do kids not listen to their parents? Like what is going on? Were their
parents, right? How come they don't listen to us? I got ideas. I got 7 ideas why
your kids are not listening to you. Now, I'm a dad. I have 3 boys and my
youngest right now is 17. So raising 3 boys, I've experienced this whole
thing where my kids don't listen to me. And here I teach personal
development classes and about psychology and about behavior. And so, I've had to
really look at myself as a dad and go, "Okay, what's going on?" How come they're
not listening to you? Well, why sometimes do they listen to me? And other times
they don't listen to me. What is going on? So, let's check into this. Here's some
things to consider that you may need to change about yourself. Hey, you can cut
you can make it all about your child as much as you want or your teenager as
much as you want. But I think we need to really look at ourselves because we're
the ones delivering the content, we're the ones talking to them. And why is it
that our voice does not grab their attention, right? What is it that we're
doing or what is it we're not doing? Okay, first one, let's dive into this and
figure this out. Too many maybes. You know how when your child comes to you and
says, "Hey dad, can we go do this?" And I say, "Maybe. Maybe we could do that tomorrow.
Maybe we could do that the next day." I think as parents, what happens and I
found and other clients of mine have found. When they start to cut down on the
number of maybes that they use and they start to answer their children with yes
or no, the respect that the child has of the parent goes up. But the more maybes
you use, those are really a very deceiving answer for your child. And so,
since you don't answer your child, why should they answer you? Why should
they listen to you? Because you're you're listening to them but you don't actually
give them an answer they can count on. Now,
they... Kids these days, they want to count on friends. They want to count on
electronics and schedules and what people say. They like having integrity.
They like being around people who have integrity. But as parents, we've got to
cut down on the number of maybes and use yes or no.
Number 2, unfulfilled promises. You know how you say to your child, "Oh, I promise. I
promise so much this Saturday. We for sure, will go do that activity." Then
Saturday comes along, "Oh, sorry. Oh, man. This thing came up I can't really take
care of that. You know, I just would really spend time with you. Maybe next
Saturday." Wow, you know, along with maybes, promises that are broken, they start to
lose interest. They start to lose that confidence in you. So, be careful of your
promises. A broken promise creates a broken conversation. And when you don't
fulfill your promises and now you want them to listen to you? Why would they? You
don't fulfill your promises. Next one is little trust. You can see how this is
added up to this one, right? Same. Too many maybes, not fulfilling your promises. Now
there's this trust level. You know, we as the parents, we think it's always our
children that are not listening to us. And when we have that attitude that it's
the child that's the problem or the youth it's the problem and we're not
looking ourselves, we have the attitude that they're the ones who's broken. But
we lose trust with their kids because we actually don't even talk to them to find
out, "Hey, why did you not listen to me on this part that I was talking to you? Is
there something that I'm doing that's cause you not to listen to me?"
But trust is a big factor and how do you build trust? Apologize for your mistakes,
apologize for your promises you didn't fulfill and apologize for not giving
clear answers. And talk to your child. Next one, your
tone of voice. When you're emotionally charged and you are talking to your
child and you're emotionally charged, you don't sound authentic. When you have a
bunch of emotion going through because you're mad or upset or discouraged about
life or about your children. Or maybe you're taking out life on your children.
No matter what happens, when you're emotionally charged, they can hear that
tone of voice. And even when you're loud, the loudness
does not cover up that you actually are weak inside. An emotionally charged
person is not strong. They are weak. Because they sound wounded. They sound
threatened. They sound scared. They sound controlling and all those
sounds are actually a really weak sound. And so, when you have this weak tone of
voice, no matter how loud you make your volume be and you're trying to force
your children to do things, you sound weak. So, here's a suggestion for you from
here, these are all about apologizing and you being more clear as enough as a
parent and how you're talking to your child. This one right here, you need to do
some emotional let go techniques. So you can let emotion go on something other
than your children. And if you're scared or worried or you know, you got all these
emotions going through you like most of us parents really do, right? We've got a
lot of things going on with us. Why don't you sit down and journal about it? And
express all of your feelings on paper and not dump them on people. Because when
you're emotionally charged, you sound weak. And why would a child listen to a
parent who sounds weak? Why would we follow somebody who's weak? Why don't we
do that? We wouldn't do that. We want to follow people who are strong. Next one,
that causes problems in children listening to us is when there's no clear
rules. When first the curfews at 10:00. Then it's at 9:30 then it's at 10:45.
And when curfews go all over the place or how the house is supposed to be in
the rules are supposed to be. And this keeps changing and changing and changing.
Kids lose focus. They lose trust, they lose interest. And then you're the one
who keeps changing things out of place. No wonder they don't listen. I know, I
know. We want to make it all about our kids. But come on, were the ones who are
creating the conversation. Were the ones teaching them how to communicate. So, I...
When I mentor, my clients and they're having problems with their children, we
don't even work on the child. We work on the parent. It's like, we have... We have a
dog. His name is Koko and we hired a dog trainer because our dog was not obeying
us. So, the dog trainer comes over to our house. And we're just expecting him to
walk in and start working on her dog. Right? So, the dog trainer comes to
our house, meets the dog lets the dog go, turns to us as the family and says, "First,
I have to train you guys." What? Hold on, we hired you to work with the dog. The dog
is the problem. And he goes, "No, the problem with the dog is you guys." Wow, it
was quite the eye open experience for me and my family. We sat there and we got
trained on how to be better communicators to the dog. I never saw
that one coming. But as soon as it happened, it made so much sense. And he
straightened us out. You know there's 5 of us in the Duncan family and all
5 of us were giving the dog different kinds of instructions. And he was
confused and he didn't know what was right, what was wrong and what's the
rules and... And then even mom... I'm not... Don't tell Kim I said this but... Kim, she
even were like, "Give him extra treats or let him get up on the couch." You know,
just little things like that or our kids would let him do things. So, it's
confusing. So, here we can point at the dog tell him he's the problem but no
it's us. We can point at our children. No, it starts with us. Now, this does not let
kids off the hook. But first need to work on the source of where
these issues are coming from. So, clear rules. Don't have to have a lot of rules
in your house. Just have 3. But the rules are written and they're posted.
Okay, next one. No consequences. Oh, this one's a bad one. It's so bad. When your
child does something wrong and and one child gets consequences the other one
doesn't. Or you know, curfews at 10:00 and they
come home at 10:30 and nothing happens. There's no consequences. Well now they
learn that whatever you say doesn't matter. You literally teach your kids
that what you say doesn't matter. And now they... They don't know what to believe. So,
if they lose interest in listening to you because they have no idea if it's
even going to hold. So what do you do about the no qualms consequences? You got to
have something. Sticking in timeout for 10 minutes. Do something. Okay, the last
one. If somebody is not listening to you in your family, there is a disconnect.
And it is your job as a parent to also spend quality bonding time. But quality.
What is that child's interest? What is their favorite hobbies? What are the...
What's her favorite color? Was their favorite dessert? What's their favorite
meal? What if you spent some time with that child? And you could talk. And you
can give me all the excuses in the world. That you're too busy, you work too long,
yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah, blah. You must have quality time with that child. So,
that you can rebuild that connection because then you can communicate at a
better level. But time spent with them. Sitting and watching a movie together is
not time together. You both are entertained by the screen. That's... Your
you both are entertained by the screen. Not each other. And I know it sounds
weird but if you don't spend some time with that child and then separation is
still there, you're not going to communicate with them. They're not going
to listen to you. Because look, you got 6 of these things that are not going
well and the fastest way to improve the communication between you
child is number 1, you admit to yourself you have some work to do here.
Second, spend some quality time with your child.
Give back connected so that they know you love them and they can feel it and
see it through the time you're spending with them. And then you pick 1 or 2
of these and start doing just a little bit better as a parent. So when you
wonder why your child is not listening to you, I think it's you. But it doesn't
mean we're ruined. If I can change and be a better parent, you can change. And be a
better parent. So, we're here... This is what I'm going to show you where... If I were you,
where I would start first. I would start right here. Any time you get emotionally
charged, go sit down with a pad of paper and write down your thoughts and
feelings on paper. Unload on paper not people. Your kids, when you unload
emotionally on them, it doesn't help. It doesn't make things
better. Go on load on paper and then throw that paper away. And then talk to
your children, ask him questions, be with them, create a relationship with them. You
can sort out this conversation with them because when you are calmer, when you're
calmer, they will feel that you're strong. They'll listen to you. Your kids love you.
They do. And remember, we're just parents. We're trying to learn how to do this. But
here's some insight of some things you need to adjust. Alright. So notice that
this training was really important to hear today. Notice how important this was.
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