From the visionary director who only makes big visionary hits or big ambitious disasters
Comes the clunky theatrical cut of his 80s classic
Improved by a director's cut ten years later and further refined by his final cut in 2007
We good to go Ridley? Sure you don't want to go mess with the ending again? Throw the voice over back in?
[Clip: In history books he's the kind of cop who used to call black men n*****s]
Ugh, probably not.
Blade Runner
In 1982
Audiences knew Harrison Ford as the charming rogue Han Solo or the charming rogue, Indiana Jones
Now watch him ditch the whole charming act in the grumpiest Harrison Ford performance since any time he's forced to promote a movie
[Clip: "This one, 35 years after the original" "So what?" "Well I'm just wondering.." "'Got any problem with that? It's a living."]
Meet Deckard, private dick and public jerk with a serious drinking problem
[Clip: Wanna drink?]
[Clip: Wanna drink? I'll get you a drink.]
[Clip: Drink some for me, huh pal?]
He's a Blade Runner: part bounty hunter,
part awkward psychiatrist,
[Clip: You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl.
Suddenly you realize there's a wasp crawling on your arm.
The entree consists of boiled dog.]
And as for why that's called a Blade Runner
Shut up. It sounds cool
He'll struggle with the morality of killing things that seem to be alive
But he won't struggle with the morality of porking them against their will
[Clip: "Say 'kiss me'"... "Kiss me"]
That's not how consent works
Thrill as Deckard hunts robots known as replicants, soldiers and sexbots built with false memories,
[Clip: Those aren't your memories, they're somebody else's]
An upgrade as cruel and pointless as giving your fleshlight a family history.
And witness the break-out performance of Rutger Hauer, a replicant who speaks in monologues the actor wrote himself
[Clip: All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain]
Literally the only time that's worked since Apocalypse Now
[Clip: You're an errand boy sent by grocery clerks to collect the bill]
And savour a film that saves its biggest twist for last
Deckard might be a replicant too - or is he
Maybe? It's pretty subtle and depends on the cut.
[Clip: You ever take that test yourself?]
Whatever, everyone acts like a sad robot anyway.
Get ready to think, because this slow ass movie is gonna give you plenty of time for that.
As you spend hours staring at old photographs,
Staring at eyes,
And staring at Deckard staring out the window of his car.
*Yawns* What a masterpiece...
Experience a visual masterpiece that influenced countless animes,
cyberpunk films, and all those times someone says enhance at a screen over and over again.
[Clips: *"enhance" repeated by various characters from Blade Runner and other movies*]
Cuz this ain't your daddy's bright and shiny sci-fi
This one has rain and cigs and hookers and stuff and forget about plucky rebels fighting the evil empire
This one's about corporations making your life short and meaningless, and if that's too dark for you, at least the umbrella sticks light up
Oooh glowy
So enjoy this story that sees so clearly into the future
predicting our modern anxieties about genetic engineering, corporate ownership, and Ridley Scott's unicorn fetish
[Clip: Forgive me...]
That may not have done well at the box office, but broke the all-time record for the number of film geeks insisting it's genius.
All right, come on guys. It looks amazing at all, but this is film noir with robots.
If it was perfect, they wouldn't have recut it a hundred times.
Starring:
Definitely shoots first
Billy Idol
Finkle is Einhorn. Einhorn is finkle!
Littering
Coptain Adama
William ain't macy
four eyes...
Errr, no eyes
Sex machina
and Los Angeles two years from now huh kind of nailed that one
Robocop?
You know it's cool
Harrison's rebooting all his iconic roles
but there's not much left after Deckard. How long until we get Re- witness, Re-regarding Henry, Air force two?
Actually, I'd totally watch that
Want more Blade Runner? Click the boxes to see us talk to Harrison Ford, Ryan Gosling and the rest of the cast.
Plus, our definitive guide to both the original movie and Blade Runner 2049
Danger is my middle name. Actually, it's Phil.
I'm voice guy. EPIC voice guy.
Shut up, Wesley