Hello underachievers!
So I have a big announcement,
a large announcement,
a huge announcement,
a huge
h u g e
But before I tell you what it is,
I had you guys guess what it is
and there are some interesting guesses,
so I thought I'd read over them.
If you want, just skip to the announcement,
skip to this time,
this time, it is on the screen.
Let's unpack some of these guesses:
My big announcement is...
Bottom surgery.
So a lot of people said this.
I have no plans, whatsoever, to ever have bottom surgery.
I made an entire video about why I didn't want to have bottom surgery
about two years ago.
Long story short
I don't think that personally
I would be happy with the results i'd be getting
Bottom surgery is a very,
it's a very major surgery.
The kind of bottom surgery that I'll be having would be
phalloplasty,
but I'm not gonna have that,
but phalloplasty is usually done in
three stages.
The recovery times are crazy long
and crazy painful.
Everybody I know that's had bottom surgery has been so happy with it
and I'm glad
that they get to have the dink that they deserve
but I just,
I just don't think it would fulfill me,
I don't think I'd be happy with it,
I don't think personally for me it would
be worth going through three major surgeries
to have something that I'm not entirely happy with.
Although obviously my mind may change,
I'm in 2020 now, right now,
maybe in 2030 I'll be like "Oh my God,
wish I had that dink".
- Which I wish I had a dink, but just not that kind of dink. -
My announcement is...
"Who knows but, I made a big announcement of my own today and
came out as trans".
Hell yeah!
Congratulations Jake!
I hope it all went well,
I hope you're feeling great about it,
I'm sure it's a big weight off your chest,
it is very terrifying to come out.
I came out years after i knew i was trans,
I only came out when I finished school because
if I came out at school
that would have been a disaster, but
hell yeah!
It's always really nice when you guys are like "Oh my God, I came out"
because that is cool.
My announcement is...
I am part of One Direction.
Absolutely not.
They don't even exist anymore
and not gonna lie
I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna be the one to ruin your day, but
I don't think they're gonna have a reunion.
Maybe they'll have a reunion tour,
I don't think they're ever gonna get back together.
I know there's a conspiracy that they were going to,
maybe I'll be wrong in like five years,
but I - don't - think - it's - gonna - happen.
But if I was gonna be a member of One Direction
I would not be an additional member of One Direction,
I would kick Liam Payne out of the band
because he gives me the ick.
No particular reason why.
- Well there are reasons. -
He made some weird fetish song about his girlfriend being bisexual
and how he thought it was hot
and also his girlfriend was like really young
when they started dating and i'm not a fan.
I'm sure maybe he's a lovely person
but I would not trust him with anything,
I would not trust him with my drink,
I would not trust him to feed my rats,
I just don't trust the guy.
That's honestly the reason I don't like him,
is that I can't trust him.
My rats are chewing on my feet.
Here is Bean,
it is not to feet time.
My big announcement is...
I am detransitioning.
No, absolutely not.
Although there are several videos that specific TERF's have made about me
where they want me to detransition,
I will not do it
and it's not out of spite,
it's just because I am trans.
Don't wanna be!
Believe me!
But detransitioning is not something that I see in my future, ever.
I've never had any feelings that made me think:
"Oh, maybe I will detransition".
Never.
I am very certain that I am doing the right thing.
My big announcement is...
I have lice.
I just realized I didn't actually tell you
whether or not I had lice.
I didn't film that,
but let me let you know
that I do not.
You can check my scalp if you want,
you'll find nothing.
My big announcement is...
I have an OnlyFans.
I will not release an OnlyFans.
I would not have an OnlyFans.
Maybe if I was cis I would have an OnlyFans,
if I was cis I would definitely have an OnlyFans.
I know I would.
Actually do I, am I lying?
- Noah in thought. -
Can you stop chewing? Like, really?
My big announcement is...
I am going to steal the moon!
It's true, I am going to steal the moon.
Look, I am grabbing it,
I am grasping the moon,
I have hold and
it's gone
My big announcement is...
I'm getting married!
Corry!
Come!
We're getting married, yeah?
No.
Come sit on my lap.
No.
- You don't have the ring?
- No.
COME BACK WITH A RING!
Are you going to propose?
- What do you wh... - Say "ah".
- No! - Say "ah".
You're welcome!
That is a joke, obviously!
We're not getting engaged!
I'm never getting married ever
and also stop saying that I am
because everyone keeps asking
"Oh are you getting engaged?
Is it that you're getting engaged?"
Every time I'm like:
"Oh my God, I'm going to do something cool",
they're like "Oh my God, is it marriage?"
NO.
I'm never getting married,
nobody in my family is married,
they're all divorced or dead.
But no, none of those guesses were right.
A lot of people did actually guess correctly
the big announcement is...
I am releasing a new song!
On Thursday November 19th!
The song is called
"Life's a bit"
It's a bit like "life's a *cuack*" but it's not that.
And you can pre-save it now!
Please click the link in my description!
You can pre-save it,
it will be on your Spotify playlist as soon as it's out.
You will have it to listen to it,
will be fun, you'll enjoy.
It's great!
It'll be out everywhere, not just Spotify.
Everywhere,
every single place!
Even your nan's phone!
It'll be out whenever it turns midnight,
wherever you live
and when it hits midnight,
you guys need to go crazy,
you need to be like
"UH, uh, YES!
This song bangs!"
You need to stream the hell out of it on Spotify,
leave it on repeat overnight,
take your headphones off,
just leave the song streaming,
just do it.
I'll do it Justin Bieber,
give me the streams!
So here's the cover of it,
that is me.
The picture was taken by Rachel Kiki (@rachelkeeks on Instagram),
the makeup was done by my friend Silvia (@silvijavil on Instagram)
and, you know, the little doodles
a little art, on the art work, single artwork,
is done by Corry, he did it.
Also another announcement!
I have new merch out!
Not yet,
it'll be ready by the end of the week.
We've got new "Life's a bit" merch,
we got it in pink, we got it in black,
and we also have some rat merch,
my friend Ruby did some more rat designs,
where she drew Scab, Bean and Alfie
and they're going to be on mugs,
they're going to be on notebooks,
they're going to be on phone cases.
We're also going to have "Life's a bit" posters
and there will be a pin badge coming soon.
So the song is pretty much about life beating you up,
I think it's coming out at a great time
you know, everyone I feel like
is having a bit of a tough time.
I actually wrote the song in January
and recorded it in January
with my friend Stef,
Stef from The Midnight Beast,
Stef Abingdon, he's a legend.
So I actually posted a picture from the photo shoot we did for the single
and I was all beat up
and somebody, a few people,
were asking if I was glorifying abuse.
To clarify, I am beat up in the pictures
because the song is about life beating you up.
It is topical.
The song is also about not being able to
understand your emotions,
let alone express them,
which is something I have trouble with.
A lot of the times I know that I'm feeling an emotion
I just can't quite figure out what
the emotion is
and then my body goes weird
and I just start, you know.
I tend to just make loud noises
and like, twitch
and like, I don't know,
I am weird.
I guess the song is undiagnosed ADHD (Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) personified.
I don't have a diagnosis of ADHD,
but everybody in my life thinks I have.
The song is very chaotic,
I hope you'll enjoy it,
there's a little breakdown,
there's a little, you know, there's some stuff going on,
there's some, there's some singing, there's some instrumenting.
It is spicy!
Here's a very quick sneak peek of the song:
Did you like that?
Do you want to hear it again?
Just one more time.
I promise this is the last time!
But yeah, that's it,
"Life's a bit" out on Thursday the 19th of November,
pre-save it now!
Do it now!
Please, it takes two seconds!
It'll be fun,
you'll have a great time,
you'll be so happy about it,
it will be the best day of your life.
But yeah, that's the video!
Have a good day, or don't.
See you later losers!
Goodbye!
Punchy,
wanchy,
punchy,
wanchy.