dreaming about your ex so you've been dreaming about your ex-boyfriend or your ex-girlfriend
and you're wondering what it means maybe you're feeling heartbroken
or maybe you're wondering why when you split up with them
they're cropping up in your dreams what does it mean to dream about your ex let's find out
hi dreamers today we're going to take on a sensitive subject one which involves heartbreak
and strong emotions and i'm going to deal with this as sensitively as i can because if you've
searched for this video title you're probably feeling a little bit vulnerable so we're going
to explore what it means to dream about your ex-boyfriend or your ex-girlfriend something that
when you're getting through a breakup can be quite a shock to the system maybe you feel like you're
doing quite well and then all of a sudden they pop up in your dreams and you feel like you've
been set back so why does the brain do this to us and what does it tell us about the nature of the
human mind but before we go any further remember that this channel exists because of your support
so if you haven't done so already hit the like button subscribe if you're new here and leave
your comments below about your experience with dreaming of your ex and if you really want to
help the channel maybe consider becoming a member anyway let's get on with the video
so sometimes the human mind can feel as if it's working against itself you've gone through the
difficulty of a breakup now maybe you instigated the breakup because the relationship just wasn't
working and wasn't right for you or maybe you've been dumped and you're feeling lost at sea
and all alone whichever side of the fence you're on it's a difficult place to be and adjusting to
being single is troublesome at best for most of us heartbreak is one of the most painful things
we'll ever go through in our lives so why then when we're going through the process of recovery
does the brain suddenly decide to torture us with images of our ex in our dreams why does it give us
dreams where we're suddenly getting back together and then we wake up and have to
go through the heartbreak all over again or maybe you're dreaming of breaking up with them
or something you should have said it's a very strange process isn't it why would the brain
do this to itself well it's fascinating because part of the process of breaking up requires the
brain to do a bit of decluttering so let's jump into what that means
so first let's look at what it means to know someone what it means to love someone
well on a very boringly scientific and practical level when you meet someone and you get to know
them and you fall in love with them what you're actually doing is letting them take up residency
in your brain so the the brain is an amazing device designed to map and model the world and to
do so it needs to be able to understand the people and places in its world now the closer you are to
someone the more mental real estate is dedicated to them so getting to know someone is really
a process of building a model of them in your mind when you say i know someone it means that
they are taking up residency in your brain and the better you know someone the more residency they
take up your brain is better able to predict their behaviors so that boils down to essentially neural
pathways so the brain is made up of all these neurons firing away and for every person you
know there is a certain pattern of neurons that is firing away keeping them alive in your mind
now a relationship especially a loving relationship is one of the most intense
forms of this that is possible the the need for humans to reproduce and to couple off is one of
the most pressing instincts of humanity of any living creature so the brain dedicates a lot
of processing power to that it's very important to understand your mate and to understand how
they think but it's not just the strength of feeling that matters it's also the amount of time
you've invested in someone so one way to look at relationships and this is a nice
silly little metaphor which will help you visualize this a bit better is to imagine
your emotional mind as a garden and in this garden the various different plants represent people you
know so there will be long established plants that are your long-term friends your family etc
and then little seedlings that represent new friendships and new relationships now in order
for the garden to grow you need to go back and tend to all of these plants and keep them in order
and this is what we do in our waking life you'll notice with your friends that you keep going back
to see them because essentially that's like going back to the plant that represents that
relationship and watering it it keeps it alive and a very important relationship a long-term
relationship or a very intense new relationship requires a lot of tending to the bigger the
plant the more energy you need to put into it the newer the plant the more you have to watch over it
the mind is putting investing a lot of time intending to relationships whether they're
long-term or brand new but the thing is you need to tend to them in order for them to stay alive
so what happens when you can no longer tend to these plants so as you've already guessed
a breakup is like being no longer able to tend to a particular plant in the garden of your mind
a breakup is genuinely a hole left in the fabric of who you are and the longer you've known someone
the bigger the plant in your garden the bigger the hole in your your brain or your heart so
what do you do what does the mind do when it's left with a big gaping hole in the garden of its
emotional landscape well it struggles you know this because you're feeling the heartbreak right
now you're trying to think about that person as often as possible everything's reminding
you of them you're walking down the street and you see someone who looks a bit like them you
think it might be them and suddenly you get the pangs of strong emotions of missing them
what is this this is your mind trying to tend to the plant within its garden trying to
fire those neurons a little more and part of the problem with breaking up with someone
is that you're you're compelled to go back and tend to this neural pathway this plant often
because that's what you're used to doing but you can't because you can no longer reach it
you can no longer see the person for whom you have this large neural pathway in your mind a breakup
is a genuine hole in your psychology and your brain tries to fill it in any way it can
so after your breakup normally you go through a process that everyone goes through which is
talking a lot about the person to your friends and family looking at old photos basically ruminating
on everything that you've lost why because you're trying to fire off those neurons
that can no longer be fired when you're with the person you're trying to keep the model of them
alive in your mind now after a short period of time and it's normally about two weeks
you'll notice that your ex will start to appear in your dreams why is this well essentially
what you've been trying to do in your waking life hasn't been working it's not really having the
same effect as seeing the person in real life so the mind has to go into overdrive and start
modeling the experience of seeing them a little more so after about two weeks and this seems oddly
common for everyone that it's normally about two weeks you'll start to dream about your ex
so once the mind has realized that it can't bring them back by thinking really hard about them it
needs to work extra hard to model them to keep the model of them alive in your mind so you'll start
dreaming about experiences with them you'll start dreaming about getting back together with them
essentially the the mind is using your dreams to try to fire off the neurons that have no longer
been able to fire it's a very basic process but of course it's incredibly painful to experience it
so why does the brain do this well the the subconscious mind really has no way of knowing
what the future holds and what it does is it tends to establish things that are important
from the past and assume something similar will happen in the future so it needs to keep
its various programs running just in case they're needed again this is why you often dream about
being at school because school was such a vital thing in your past your brain keeps practicing the
neurons for school just in case it ever goes back there of course you know you're never going back
to school but your subconscious mind doesn't know that the same is true for relationships
but unlike school relationships may reoccur you may get back together with your ex so your brain
needs to keep the model of them alive in your mind for as long as it can so that if that does happen
you're prepared unfortunately for us as sentient feeling creatures this is a torturous
experience because sometimes you just know that a relationship's over you're never going to get back
together with someone as much as it breaks your heart but your brain keeps practicing just in case
so what can we do about this well if you genuinely are feeling quite cut up about these these dreams
it's best not to record these in your dream journal it's best to let them slide don't dwell
on these dreams in the same way that when you're awake when you get that urge to phone the person
and i know when you you've broken up with someone you get that urge all the time don't when you
get the the feeling to check their facebook don't you need to stop the cycle before it continues by
reinstigating the neural pathway for that person you're not allowing it to die off and make space
for a new relationship but this takes time now there's one thing which is really important here
and this is for people who are lucid dreamers now lucid dreaming is the ability to control
your dreams and to know that you're dreaming while you're dreaming it's what this entire
channel is about so if you're interested in that make sure you subscribe but lucid
dream is because they have that conscious control over their dreams can get very tempted to indulge
in dreams about their ex if you miss someone you of course want to spend more time with them and if
that's impossible in waking life your dreams are the perfect place to do so one more hug
one more kiss one more holding their hand one more beautiful day with them what harm could it do to
dream about them well i'll tell you exactly what harm it will do it will stop you from recovering
so if you are a lucid dreamer don't feel tempted to fire the neurons for the person you miss for
that ex because all you're doing is prolonging the agony it's the same as people who continue to talk
about their ex for years after they've split up all they're doing is keeping that process
they're lengthening that process making it harder for themselves the only way to let the plant of
that relationship die is to stop tending to it at all cold turkey is the only way the only time
it is worth investing in those behaviors is if you think there is a glimmer of hope that
you might get back together but i think you know deep down whether or not that is true
so sciencey twaddle out of the way let's have a bit of real talk for a moment
it's very easy to intellectualize this stuff i understand that it's been very easy for me
to sit here and put these into logical words but the reality of heartbreak the reality of
missing someone is really difficult i get it i've been heartbroken and i've missed people
really really deeply it is one of the worst pains you're ever going to feel
now yes the brain will torture you this way it will keep making you think of the person again and
again it will keep them cropping up in your dreams it is okay to feel pain it is okay to miss someone
just don't allow yourself to get caught up in that loop because it really is a self-destructive loop
if you want to recover from a breakup if you're missing your ex the best thing you can do
is to fill the gap left in your psychology the gap left in your heart with something positive develop
a new hobby take up a new interest hang out with your friends do whatever you can to fill that void
because if you don't do that your brain will continue to live in the past and try to fire off
those old neurons but i know i know it is really hard i've been there i've felt this and it feels
like a black hole that you're never going to crawl out of but you will eventually and if there's one
hobby that is really good for exploring your mind and developing your emotional stability it's lucid
dreaming so if you're interested in filling that void in your heart then lucid dreaming is
one of many things you can do to distract yourself whilst your brain goes through the
hard work of decluttering and removing the dead plants from the garden of your emotional landscape
but remember this too will pass there may be a wide open space in the garden
of your emotional landscape where once there was a beautiful rose bush and eventually new
growth will happen there new sprouting flowers a new relationship will come into your life
when you lose someone as hard as it is you're making space for something new something
better and if you're feeling heartbroken at the moment if you want a bit of support
don't feel embarrassed to share your comments below share your experiences because i know this
is a lovely community and the people out there are going to remind you that you're not alone and
that other people are going through this so help each other out and let each other know that this
is something we all go through this is a part of the human experience also if you've enjoyed
today's video hit the like button subscribe if you want more content about dreams and if you
really like this channel then consider becoming a member it helps me create videos like this anyway
i'm daniel love the lucid guide this has been lucid dream portal and until next time stay lucid
subscribe now and ask yourself are you dreaming
oh are you still here i was just reading up on my my book are you dreaming which if you
haven't got already you should really pop over to amazon or your favorite bookstore
and get yourself a copy it gives you everything you need to know about
learning how to lose a dream and also while you're here click on one of these
there's loads of free content here go go check out the rest of the channel i'll see you later