What if I told you that the cause of much of your suffering, confusion, anxiety, shame,
indecisiveness, bad decision making, regret… lack of self-discipline, and confidence, and
motivation, might be because you simply don’t love yourself enough?
I know it’s a bit of a buzzword.
I know it’s vague.
Self love, what the hell is that?
Why would you care?
Self-love, self-respect, self-esteem.
They’re all intertwined.
In my view, it’s simply about treating yourself like someone you care deeply about.
Someone you’re rooting for.
It’s being your own biggest fan.
It is knowing, deeply, fully, on an atom level, that you are deserving of love, respect, of
good treatment, of a good life, of happiness…
It’s believing that you can be anything.
Do anything.
Overcome anything.
And it has nothing to do with what you have, where you live, or what you look like… but
everything to do with what you are.
In here.
And up here, I guess.
And what you do to make sure that what you feel here actually aligns with your actions.
Now self love isn’t something you accomplish.
There’s no finish line.
It’s a life-long commitment, just like with any relationship.
But it’s the relationship you have with yourself, which we tend to focus so little
on for some reason, strangely enough, considering it’s the longest relationship we’ll ever
have–it’s from the moment we’re conceived, until our very last breath.
No one will be with you for that long.
So I hope that answers the question of why you should care.
Let’s get to the how.
1.
Define your moral compass & let it guide you through life
Your moral compass basically tells you what’s right and what’s wrong; how you should be
treated and how you should treat others.
It’s your rulebook for life.
Now how do you decide what to put in your rulebook?
Where do you even start?
Well, you need to ask yourself: What do I stand for?
What do I not stand for?
And you figure that out by asking yourself a ton of questions, by reading, by educating
yourself, but also, honestly, by learning.
Through real-life experience.
By going through things and analysing how it made you feel and what you'd like to do
with that information moving forward.
EXAMPLE Person X didn’t take no for an answer and continued to pressure me for a good 5-10
minutes until they finally gave up.
Let’s say it’s a friend who really wants you to go with them to a party and stay out
late.
Ask yourself: How did that situation make me feel?
And how would I like to act should a situation like this occur again?
Once you’ve been able to answer that question, put the answer in your rule book for life.
Either physically write it down, or make a mental note, in all caps.
So you might decide that these are the actions you will take if a similar situation were
to occur:
Action 1) I will immediately tell them that they are pressuring me and it’s making me
feel uncomfortable.
Action 2) If they continue, I will remove myself from that situation.
I won’t care about how that makes my friend feel, I won’t stay just to make them happy
or to avoid making it awkward.
No.
I will tell them how I feel, and if they disregard that, I’m out.
You don’t abandon yourself to satisfy someone else.
Okay.
Let’s say that again because it’s so important my friends.
I don’t abandon myself to satisfy someone else.
And THAT is the act of self love.
It’s defining situations that make you feel a certain type of way, and taking the necessary
actions to make sure you feel comfortable, fulfilled, whatever the situation is.
Because remember, you care about yourself so very deeply and you only want what’s
best for you.
Let’s take another, everyday type of example that is more personal and doesn’t involve
what someone else says or does.
So, personally, I don’t litter.
Not even a tiny tissue.
Not even if no one else is around and no one will ever know.
Because, side note, when no one is around and no one will ever know, that’s when your
true character shows.
So play close attention to how to act when you’re by yourself.
Your moral compass shouldn’t only apply when you’re being watched.
That implies a weak character.
But that’s a different topic.
Now, because I know that I don’t litter, I know that hm, okay, if I go on a picnic
for example, I will need to bring some sort of a container that I can throw the trash
in.
I set myself up for success.
Don’t give yourself, or people discounts
Could you walk into any store and tell them “hey I’m special so you’re going to
give me 25 % off”.
No you can’t.
The prices are set, and if you can’t afford it, leave.
It’s not negotiable.
The same applies for your rule book.
Because you are your own store, your own house.
And the cost of entry is the rules that you have for yourself and for others who would
like to enter and who would like to stay.
So, another example, If your rule book says “I don’t want to be yelled at”, in my
book, literally, that applies across the board.
I don’t want my sister to yell at me, I wouldn’t want a partner to yell at me, I
wouldn’t want a boss to yell at me.
I also won’t yell at myself!
I’m no exception.
I don’t give myself discounts either.
Now, all of those relationships are different and we might handle it differently depending
on the person and situation and so you’ll act accordingly, but the fact remains that
I’m not okay with it.
I’m protecting little me, and little me won’t put up with being yelled at.
Now, it’s not enough to say that you will or won’t do something or that you don’t
tolerate xyz, the defining moment is: what do you do when it happens?
Do you love yourself enough to change?
To walk away?
To let go?
How deep is this love that you have for yourself?
Well, the depth is measured in the actions that you take.
Don’t expect a 100% success rate