uh i need to lose some weight
and yes it is for sex reasons
it's not that i'm not having it i'm good
don't worry about i'm not on reddit or
nothing like i'm good i'm good don't
worry about me i'm good
the issue is stamina
and i'm not talking about coming too
quick
at least if you come too quick you came
talking about running out of breath
running out of breath at inopportune
times
you know what i'm talking somebody here
knows what i'm talking about
oh jamel don't stop i should probably
stop you need to let me
stop
i took my fitbit off i don't know what's
happening inside of me
gotta get it together gotta go the
distance
cause that's sex baby dog
sex one of them thinks you don't get
credit for proof of concept
you gotta do it is you [ __ ] or what
and i got moves i got a lot of moves
like i got the fireball i do i got a lot
of regular
okay i can do that
but i don't got one like the animations
change you remember when scorpion would
pull the
pull the ropes out yeah i'm sorry
that joke murders on twitch
gotta tell you
uh tell y'all something less invasive
about me
from dc anybody dc
cool
that's awesome
i'll take this i'll pick this up
i don't see it's not that important it's
just for this story
uh
my grandma got me the first job i ever
had i was an employee i was a seasonal
employee at the now closed masters
tuxedo and costumes and cleaners
i was a seasonal employee it was two
seasons the first one was springtime
this was prom season this was the best
season because every weekend i would
find money in tuxedo returns
every single saturday i worked there
without fail i would find cash
unused disposable cameras
and way too many condoms
way to like one [ __ ] has rented one
suit
18 condos
you got the suit for one day
you holding condoms for the whole class
second season second season's fall time
they come to me this is costume time
they come to me they say hey jamelle we
want you to dance around in a costume my
reply we could have been doing this [ __ ]
in april it's the only reason i took the
job in the first place
these are my wildest fantasies wearing a
big ass helmet on the streets
[Applause]
and week one was incredible
i'm out there i'm trying dance moves i
never had the confidence to try you know
like the charleston
[Music]
lindy hop all that [ __ ]
it was beautiful
week two the dc sniper started shooting
people
and none of my managers told me to come
inside
they didn't think old jamail was a
pressing matter
week three i stood up for myself i was
like yo i'm not going back out there
y'all can kiss my ass i'm not doing it
there's somebody shooting random people
and i'm pretty sure winnie the pooh and
jordans is as random as it gets there's
only one of these per what
20 000 blocks
if you're shooting random [ __ ] who you
gonna shoot you got me on easy mode
right now
once again twitch classics i'm giving a
twitch classic
happy uh happy black chinese new year to
you guys
it's been a good year been a good year
for everybody everywhere i'd say
i think that's a i think that's a fair
assessment to make
in public everybody's been having a
blast
uh
except for me i'm the only one
there's a bunch of new [ __ ] [ __ ] with
my head
like
is there any hand sanitizer in any of
them dispensers
dog they're all empty
i've wasted so much time doing this
oh maybe i did it wrong
despite this i've been taking the time
to learn been doing a lot of
learning uh you know what i found out
did you guys know every white person in
the 70s was italian
check the photos prove me wrong if you
can i don't think you can
we've also been doing some learning
about myself getting into what makes
jermell johnson.com tick
you know what i found out about me i
can't listen to anybody's problems if
they owe me money
have you experienced it
i want to listen more than anything but
something about that tab the word they
just a tab if they don't i can't it
don't it don't
like even if they my own problems
okay so me and my roommate were
splitting the utility bill and i'm the
one fronting the bill because i lost
rock paper scissors or whatever the [ __ ]
i'm saying
i lost hood darts whatever you mean
whatever you think
i'm the one fronting the bail
and
my roommate he just he just hadn't given
me the money back yet
key word is yet it wasn't an
unreasonable amount of time it had only
been like four hours but i just had not
received the money just wasn't
it wasn't in my palm grip
and this fool was in the kitchen trying
to talk to me about the importance of
minority representation in hollywood
it's like bro i feel you i've been black
for years
several years now except for 1996 i've
been black this whole time
but uh until i get my 78 dollars back
i don't know let's make the movies
whiter
i think we can make them brighter
let's try
they could put hugh grant in black
panther i ain't saying make him the
panther
he could be an ocelot a leopard
that's all type of cats you can make one
of them white cats
and that's how i'm carrying it until i
get my [ __ ] money
and quit asking me if i'm on venmo dawg
you know i got kicked off venmo you know
better than anybody on this earth that i
am not on venom
thank you for not laughing too hard i
really did get kicked off venmo
thank you
how you ask selling weed wrong how else
do you get kicked off venmo
i didn't know anybody was reading them
messages
somebody reads those
my friends will be like hey can i write
weed in here yeah do it again write it
twice
go ahead
uh this is the last thing that i'm gonna
say
uh
dating
yeah did some dating
dating on the phone
cause you don't have any other options
you got a date on the phone i would love
to meet my soul mate at the shell
station but those aren't the rules
that is strange
and the phone is hard it's just it's
it's weird cause i live a very analog
lifestyle you feel me
i don't make that much sense in a
digital realm
if you saw me if you saw everything
about me on a sheet of paper
it would look like i've been dead for 10
years
ten years what's the last thing you
watch uh nypd blue how
where
thanks for watching
you