- Is there a past relationship that,
every time you think about it, you feel nauseous,
sick to your stomach or flooded with rage?
Maybe you try to suppress those memories
as quickly as possible.
You try to forget and pretend those things never happened,
but feelings of insecurity, fear or worthlessness
are always there, gnawing at you.
I know I have.
If you've experienced trauma in a relationship,
this response is all perfectly normal and healthy.
In fact, this is how your brain has dealt with the trauma
to keep you safe.
If what once kept you safe is now keeping you stuck,
stick with us.
We're going to talk about
how to overcome relationship trauma.
(uplifting music)
This channel is all about healing from trauma
so you can feel safe, whole and worthy of love.
Please join us and remember to subscribe
and click the bell (bell dings)
to be sure you don't miss a thing.
Relationship trauma is not just physical or sexual abuse.
It can include mental and emotional harm, as well.
Often the mental and emotional injuries
are harder to recognize and explain
because of the manipulation, along with reality
that wounds and scars are often unseen.
You cannot take a picture of your self doubt,
your shattered worth and fragmented self image
and say, "This is what happened to me and it was wrong.
"I need help in healing because I deserve to feel worthy,
"loved and safe in my relationships."
Did you know, emotional abuse is present in about 80%
of intimate relationships, while 50% of couples
report experiencing lifetime emotional abuse by a partner.
The reality is chronic emotional abuse and even neglect
can be just as devastating as physical or sexual abuse.
It comes from not being seen, not being understood
and having nowhere to feel safe.
Being treated this way is devastating for anyone
and is particularly destructive for children.
If you've experienced emotional trauma as a child,
chances are it has been a part
of your adult relationships also.
Some of the biggest challenges when it comes to healing
from a traumatic relationship is feeling
like you can move on, feeling like you're worth it,
feeling like you can leave
all the challenges of the past behind.
And what you need to do in those moments
is remember what you would tell your child
or your best friend or your sister or your brother,
that they are worthy, that they are worthy
of feeling loved, safe and respected.
And if you are in a relationship right now
that does not help you in feeling love, safe and respected,
you either need to get the support that you need
or you need to move to a place where you can.
A lot of times it's going to take a ton of support
getting out of an unhealthy relationship.
And you might've been in a situation
in that unhealthy relationship where you feel isolated,
where you've been cut off from the people
that, in your past, have supported you, family members,
friends, that you're not as close as you once were.
Please know that those people, they still love you
and that they want to help you.
And if you're not wanting to talk about the trauma
or the abuse that's gone on, you don't need to.
But what you do need to do is reach out
to people you can depend on, and if you don't know anyone,
look for a domestic violence shelter,
look for city resources.
They are almost everywhere.
And just say, I am not in a healthy place
and I need to leave, for my own health
and potentially for the health of your children.
And so, reach out and get that support.
And I know some days that it seems like a monumental task.
I know, when I went through my first divorce,
there were a lot of challenges.
I had been a primarily stay-at-home mom.
I had a one-year-old son,
and there was some family relationship dynamics,
extended family relationship dynamics,
that weren't the best, but I was able to say
that this isn't working for me and that I need to leave.
And so, if you need to,
plan out what that looks like in advance.
If you need to save money
so that you have the financial means to do so,
start saving the money.
If you need to work a part-time job or babysit extra kids
to be able to do that, start doing that now.
Put together a plan that works for you, but please know,
if there is ever an issue with physical safety,
you need to leave now.
And that is what domestic violence shelters
and services are for.
Reach out to church or clergy members
because there is the support there for you.
And it's not about answering all the millions of questions
you have in your mind of how am I gonna pay all the bills
or how am I gonna get through
the next week or the next month?
The only job that you have is to get through today,
and the only job that you will have tomorrow
is to get through that day
and to focus on what you need to do to show up for yourself
in a healthy way and to show up for any children
that you might have, also in a healthy way.
Focus on your strengths and what you can do today,
and I promise it does get better.
A lot of times in life, there's a pivot point,
and what that looks like is we can keep doing all the things
that we've ever done.
And that's the easy decision for the short term.
For today, we can keep doing what we've always done.
It's easy to stay.
It's easy to keep doing what you've always done.
The harder thing to do today
is the easier thing to do in the long run.
And that's what you need to recognize,
that while it's harder to make the changes today
and that it's harder to get out
of an unhealthy relationship, for today,
you will be so much happier and so much healthier
in the future doing what you need to do
for you and for potentially your children.
Lastly, if you feel like the relationship trauma
that you've experienced is your fault,
I'm here to tell you that it's not.
The abuse or the trauma that you've experienced
is never the fault of the person who's been traumatized.
It is always the responsibility of the person
who has perpetrated the abuse.
And while the responsibility of the abuse is not yours,
the opportunity to heal and the opportunity to grow
through this challenge is yours, if you choose to take it.
If you'd like another video like this one,
check out our video,
"Four Tips to Having a Healthy Relationship".
If this video has been helpful, will you do me a favor?
Please share this video with a loved one
who needs support in their healing journey.
Also remember to subscribe, click the bell
and watch (bell dings) the next video.
Until next time, keep shining. We need your light.
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