- Hey player.
Is it hard for you to start a conversation with someone?
You feel nervous every single time
you think about going to talk to them,
or you're just afraid you're gonna run out of things to say.
In this video I'm gonna explain how to start
a conversation with someone for the very first time.
What to say, how to get it going,
and how to feel comfortable while doing it.
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Now starting a conversation with someone
can be an incredibly scary thing to do.
You never know how they're gonna respond
or whether they're actually gonna interact with you.
So, sometimes the thought of actually just
going into it is what's holding you back.
It might not even be the actual conversation
that you're scared of, it might just be the initial
thought of starting that conversation.
So, how do you start that conversation in a way
that that person feels comfortable with you
and you feel comfortable with talking to them.
Well, I think the best way to go about doing that
is to start with a question.
A lot of people always ask me yeah but Josh,
my situation is different.
I see my crush in the hall, I'm trying to
talk to someone at a party, I see someone in my class,
I talk to someone outside of school.
All these different situations
require a different intro, right?
I would say for the most part, no.
Starting with a question is probably
the best thing that you can do.
Sure you may tweak it depending on your situation,
maybe they're in a group of people
or maybe they're by themselves.
Maybe you're in a public place or in a more private setting.
Either way, a question is a good way to kind of
launch into getting a conversation going.
So, what type of question?
Should it be something simple like
hey do you know what time it is?
I think instead the type of questions
you're gonna wanna focus on are questions that
add context to why you're speaking to them particularly.
So here's an example.
Let's say you wanna talk to your crush
but they're surrounded by a group of people
that you don't really know.
Starting with a question is the best thing that
you can actually do, because you can get everyone
there involved in the conversation and in turn
your crush will start to feel more comfortable around you.
The question might sound something like this.
Hey, sorry to interrupt but,
I wanted to get your guys' opinion on something.
You look like a diverse group,
so I'm curious to hear what you guys have to say.
Me and my friends were having a debate on this topic
and I wanna know what you guys think.
The reason why something like that might work out
is because you're adding context to the situation.
A lot of times people jump into conversations
without any context.
They just approach their crush, ask a random question,
and don't really give a backstory to it
to kind of explain why you're asking them.
If you wanna hear a real life example
of how I've used that exact same question
to start a conversation with a girl,
check out the video over here.
But I think along with adding context it's important
to also add time constraints when you talk to them.
A time constraint is just a way to let them know
that you're not gonna kind of linger around
even after they answer your question.
By saying something like hey I gotta get back to my friends,
or I gotta head to class in a little bit,
or I have things I gotta go take care of
but I wanted to just kind of talk to you
and get your answer on this quickly,
helps them see that you're not someone
that's just gonna never let them go.
Plus it makes it easier for them
to actually share their answer.
They're not gonna focus so much on who you are,
why are you here, what's going on?
Instead they're just gonna kinda open up
and be part of the conversation.
And I think another way to help them
kinda also feel that way is to be half in
and half out when you talk to them.
To be half in and half out means you're not just
straight up approaching them and just staring them down.
Instead you might wanna stand a little slightly angled
with your shoulder facing them and one shoulder facing out.
So it seems like you're kind of just
half casually talking to them and just kind of
ready to leave whenever you have to.
Ideally what'll happen is as you start to
talk to your crush more and you really start to
get them to open up more, you might wanna start to
turn more to face towards them.
That's gonna show them that you're actually more
engaged in the things that they're saying.
You're not ready to just leave after you kinda
get the answer that you're looking for.
So another example might look something like this.
Let's say there's someone you wanna talk to,
just kinda sitting by themselves,
playing on their phone and doing whatever.
And you wanna kinda approach them and start a conversation.
Well, like I said, you're gonna start with a question,
but first, when you walk over to them,
you're definitely gonna wanna kinda be half in
and half out when you talk to them,
so that they see that you're not just kind of
approaching them and hovering over them.
Especially if they're sitting down,
the last thing you're gonna wanna do is hover over them.
But sure enough you walk over to the table and you say
hey, sorry to bother you but I gotta head over to my friends
but I wanted to get your opinion on something.
Do you know a good place to get food around here?
I'm starving and I'm tired of eating
the same things I always eat.
So what's your favorite place to get food around here?
In that situation you're gonna
convey with your body language
that you're just kind of casually talking to them,
you're gonna set up that time constraint by
letting them know that you have to go meet you're friends,
and then you're gonna start with a question.
You're gonna ask them for their opinion on something
or to share something with you that you can learn from.
Now if they really open up to you
you definitely wanna go deeper into that conversation
and say something like, sounds like you really like
going to that place.
Are there any other places you like to eat around here?
From there, start to shift a little more towards them.
Let them see that their answers are what's drawing you in,
that they have something valuable to say
and you're really picking up on that.
And as you talk more and more to them,
you're definitely gonna wanna follow up
with deeper questions, which is why I've put together
this free guide right here.
It's my 20 ice breaker conversation starters guide.
It's different things that you can use in a conversation
to get that person to open up.
Think about it as the kindle on the fire
that's gonna help that fire grow.
So, check out that guide, guys,
and I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.