Freedom,
Freedom, Freedom!!!
You guys having your cake and eating it too sampling the
entire sexual smorgasbord. I mean, there is a whole wide
world out there. And maybe you want to turn it into your
personal sex buffet non monogamy sounds great, right? But how do
you know if it's really for you? I mean, the truth is everyone's
different. And although the idea of non monogamy definitely has
appeal, there's a lot more to it than you might think. But before
we dive in, I just want to say that maybe you watch this video
and you're thinking to yourself, hell no. And that is okay.
discovering that non monogamy might be for you is amazing.
Learning more about it and deciding that it's definitely
not for you is also amazing. The best way to do your
relationships is the way that works best for you, and for your
partner, or partners. Hi, I'm Caitlin V, former sexual health
researcher and your sex and relationship coach. And as some
of you may know, I'm also in a non monogamous relationship.
And as with any relationship, there are ups and downs and
there is maintenance. Today I'm going to share with you eight
signs that non monogamy could be for you now in case you're
sitting there wondering what the hell I'm talking about. What is
non monogamy anyway? Well, non monogamy is an umbrella term
that covers like a bajillion ways. Do you have a sexual or
romantic or sexual and romantic experience with multiple people
during the same time, there are so many ways to be in a
relationship, so many, and they're not scary? Yeah, some of
them take some growth and expansion. But ultimately, if it
can lead to more pleasure, I think it's worthwhile. Number
one, you are a great communicator, and you're willing
to get better. You love communicating about your
relationship, and you're comfortable doing it like a lot.
People have this idea that non monogamy is like a little bit of
talking and a whole lot of sex with a whole lot of people. And
I'm here to say it's actually the opposite. It is a whole lot
of talking and then occasionally getting laid. As with all things
that happened between the sheets, the number one most
important thing when entering into a non monogamous
relationship is that everybody feels safe, trusting and
comfortable. Now I know what you're thinking. But Caitlin, if
we agreed to sleep with other people than what else is there
to talk about?
A lot. There's a lot to talk about experimenting with a non
monogamous relationship is a commitment to constantly
checking in feelings ebb and flow. And just because you've
decided to have multiple entanglements at once doesn't
mean that you're always going to feel super great about it. If
you are in a non monogamous relationship. This absolutely
means you're allowed to have a wild night of passion with your
shockingly flexible yoga teacher. But if your wife or
girlfriend wants to talk about it, when you get home, that's
part of the deal, which leads us to you welcome challenging
emotions. If you are the type of person who loves to feel and
then think, and then analyze and then
feelings, why not? Non monogamy may be a great option for you.
When you're bringing multiple partners into your life, you are
bringing a lot of emotion with them, you get to enjoy the
excitement, the variety, the openness of multiple prayers,
but be prepared for the fields that are going to come with it.
You're probably already expecting some jealousy,
uncertainty, maybe some insecurity and maybe you see
those emotions as purely negative. If that's the case,
then non monogamy might not be right for you. But if you see
those as a chance to dig deeper into yourself, work through the
fears that are at the root of it all, and maybe even grow closer
to your partner's as a result maybe you're down to buckle up
for that roller coaster, then you could really benefit from
exploring them monogamy number three, you don't let your
jealous thoughts consume you. There's going to be a caveat on
this one for sure. The thing about jealousy is that it's a
totally natural part of being in relationships, whether they're
monogamous or not. We all have different ways of coping with
it. Some of us are affected by it more than others. And if
you're the type of person that can't sleep at night by the
thought of your partner being with someone else, then you
might have to pass a non monogamy but if you are able to
hold the feelings of jealousy and not let them consume you,
then opening things up may be a good fit for you. All right. You
might also be someone who doesn't experience jealousy you
lucky unicorn. Just consider yourself lucky. Dang it so
envious of you. The thought of sharing your partner could even
turn you on and if that's the case, the non monogamy could be
right up your alley. Number four, you have a secure
attachment style. If you don't struggle with jealousy and
possessiveness in relationships, it is possible
That you have a secure attachment style attachment
styles are formed in your early childhood, typically in relation
to your primary caregivers. And as we become adults and form
romantic and sexual relationships with others, the
ways we bond with them are affected by these deeply
ingrained patterns. Now the three main attachment styles are
anxious, which is characterized by being stressed out needy and
preoccupied with the status of the relationships that you're
forming.
Do you find yourself constantly stressing about what your
partner is thinking you might have anxious attachment style,
and again, I have dealt with this I'm promising you it's not
a curse, it is something that you can absolutely work through.
The second attachment type is avoidant. You'll notice this is
a little bit more common in men but it's really not about
gender. If you find yourself sending mixed signals,
dismissing connections, always looking for something wrong or
finding it hard to like really open up to people and stay
consistent in your relationships. Chances are that
you fall into this category. And then there's the secure
attaches. These lucky bastards had healthy emotionally secure
childhoods and enter their relationships from a point of
confidence, openness and trust. If this is you, congratulations.
It must be so nice. exploring a non monogamous relationship with
a person with a secure attachment style is easier
because trusting independence and open communication come more
naturally to you secure folks also make it easier for us
anxious and avoidant types to form secure attachments by
demonstrating for us what our parents and caregivers were not
able to do way back when. So it's actually an extreme
blessing If you or your partner is a secure attacher because you
get to recreate that security and it can be deeply healing.
Now, I want to make perfectly clear that if you have anxious
or avoidant attachment style that is okay, nothing is wrong
with you. And you can completely totally have a healthy, happy,
trusting sexual and romantic relationship. monogamous or not.
All it means is that you have to be a little more mindful of
these deeply ingrained patterns and coping mechanisms and be
ready to do the heavy lifting. In other words, the deep
internal work as needed. Now I shared pretty deeply about
myself. So if you wouldn't mind, take a moment give me a thumbs
up, let me know that you're still with me and that you still
love me. Oh my god, do I sound like an anxious attachment. I'm
such an anxious attachment. Number five, you're in a phase
of exploration. If you are someone who's looking to explore
and discover new and different facets of your sexuality, first
of all, I want to say congratulations, maybe you're
curious about BDSM or like you're interested in roleplay.
Maybe you want to try a three way or let loose at a furry
convention and let someone dresses Big Bird up. Either way,
being with new partners gives us the opportunity to explore and
discover all of the nooks and crannies of our sexual selves.
Whatever your desires are opening yourself up to multiple
partners is a great way to learn what you do like and what you
don't like and everything in between. Also, if you're in a
phase of exploration, why not just take a moment and make
absolutely positively sure you're subscribed to this
channel, because you're not going to want to miss a single
video on how to get better in bed, enjoy amazing sex and enjoy
your sexual expansion no matter who you're giving it to. Number
six speaking of giving, you have a lot to give. Let's get one
thing straight, successful relationships, whether they're
casual, committed, monogamous or non monogamous, take time,
energy and focus. And if you are a busy person who is barely able
to keep track of yourself, maybe non monogamy is not for you. On
the other hand, maybe you're in love making machine with time
and energy to spare. If you have time in your schedule and you
are interested in maintaining physical and romantic
relationships with multiple people, I say go for it. Like I
mentioned before opening up your romantic life to multiple
partners requires maintenance. It can be fun and exciting, but
just make sure that you're able to hold up your end of the
bargain. As with all relationship dynamics, it's
important to set healthy expectations and boundaries and
follow through on your emotional agreements. And if you think
there's enough of you to go around, spread your wings and
fly my little non monogamy bird. Alright, number seven. If you
are a serial cheater, now this might be surprising to you, but
hear me out. There are lots of reasons that people cheat and
it's never fun for anyone involved. If you are a serial
cheater, chances are that you struggle to maintain a happy and
healthy monogamous relationship. Why you cheat is personal and
it's important thing to get to the bottom of if you want to
have a satisfying romantic life. But if you're someone who
struggles to remain loyal in monogamous relationships, maybe
you should ask yourself if that's because you're just not
meant to be in one. There are ways to be ethically non
monogamous that allow you to sleep with and connect with
multiple people.
Without betraying anyone's trust. Finally, it's possible
you just know, you feel it deep down in your core that your
ideal relationship involves multiple people. I'm here to
tell you that that is okay. And you're not alone in this when it
comes to sex and relationships. There's a lot of shame attached
to wanting unconventional arrangements. While I'm here to
tell you that whatever you at your report, desire and know is
right for you is right for you. Here's a pro tip. Maybe your
ideal relationship for your partner's ideal relationship
involves multiple genders, like your any mixed orientation
relationship where one person is bisexual and the other person is
straight or gay. Opening things up so that you or your partner
can have it both ways might be something that's just plain
worth looking into. So there you have it. Before you say to
yourself, yes, I'm opening things up or bring on the booty
I just want to mention three major red flags because although
exploring non monogamy could be a great fit for you. There are a
few circumstances in which it's better to hold off making that
decision. Number one, your relationship is struggling.
We've all heard the story monogamous couple opens up their
failing relationship in order to save it that is a no no non
monogamy requires a really solid relationship foundation in order
to work. And if you're having problems in your monogamous
partnership, you'll want to address those before you
consider opening up number two poly bombing is just weird. poly
bombing is when a polyamorous person suddenly tries to change
the nature of their monogamous relationship or change their
monogamous partner. Not everyone is open to non monogamy and
that's okay. What is not okay is trying to force someone to be
something that they're not. Please keep in mind the
relationships that you already have and treat the people in
your life with consideration and respect. three out of three,
your intentions are not pure. As with all things sex and
relationships, we should all feel happy, comfortable, safe
and secure. Whichever way you swing, or don't saying there's
nothing wrong with you. Whatever your decisions are, it is
important to make sure your intentions are pure and that
you're coming from a place of care and authenticity to
yourself and others. If your desire for non monogamy is
coming from a place of resentment towards your partner
desire to sabotage your current relationship or just a place of
insecurity. Think twice and address those issues first,
boom. All right, so in this video, we covered the eight
signs that non monogamy could be for you. I know this can be kind
of an overwhelming experience. I have been there myself. So if
you are sitting there you just realize this is you you're non
monogamous or you're struggling to figure out where you fit. I'm
here to help please consider applying for my high performance
male coaching program. In it we help guys navigate all kinds of
different relationship styles and approaches we take a deep
dive into relationship dynamics, I teach you all about the
attachment styles, and how to move through yours towards
healthier and more satisfying relationships. I also teach you
how to be the best lover you can be I do a deep dive into male
anatomy female anatomy, we talk about erectile dysfunction,
premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation and most
importantly, we talk about how to create your life, from
relationships at home all the way to the relationships that
you form at work. This program is all about designing your best
life and since having a non monogamous relationship is also
about designing the life that works best for you. Please apply
for coaching so that I can help you personally to figure this
out. Make sure you process your thoughts and feelings. If you're
in a relationship, share your awareness with your partner. Go
back and watch this video with them. Take it really slowly. If
you're single, make sure to be upfront with everyone that
you're dating about your identity and your relationship
needs. And if you're sharing with a partner anticipate that
they may have a negative reaction. Make sure to stay
patient and compassionate towards your partner and to
yourself. Understand that in some cases, you may have to
endure her relationship to have your non monogamous needs met.
But I encourage you to do everything that you can before
you end a relationship. Trust me. There is a lot of growth
here and it is all for your benefit whether you end up
staying or going there you have it. The eight signs that non
monogamy could be for you. There are red flags that may tell you
that it's not. As always, whatever your path is keep
tuning in for all the tools you need to travel it with
competence. I'm Caitlin V. Thank you for watching. Make sure you
are subscribed and I will see you here next week.