-That's what I'm talking about.
Marc Maron.
Of all the years that you've been coming here,
this is the first time I've ever seen you in a suit.
-Yeah. It's -- Well, you know, I --
when you wear suits, for me -- I don't wear them often.
All I think about is, like, don't get food on your suit.
-Yeah, okay.
-That's all I'm thinking about. Right now.
Is there food? -No, there's no food.
-Okay, good.
-You have nothing to worry about.
You look fantastic.
-I'm surprised it's not wrinkled, too.
I'll tell you a story. -What?
-So, I get to the airport. You travel a lot, right?
-Sure. -Sure.
So, all you're thinking about when you travel,
is to pack one bag tightly so you don't have to check it.
-Of course. -Right.
That's the key. Right?
-Yes. -Now, you fly first, right?
-Yep. -Yeah, I fly business.
I'm not as big as you. [ Laughter ]
So -- -You tricked me.
You tricked me.
You tricked me into saying that.
Yeah, I fly coach. -Do you?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Alright.
So, I'm going -- I got my suit for "The Jimmy Fallon Show,"
I got my suit.
And I got my hanging bag.
Like, I just got the one suit,
this suit in a bag, the hanging bag,
so I can hang it when I walk in the plane, right?
Like a business-class guy.
So, I got my bag, right, the roller bag.
I got my carry-on.
And I got my suit, right?
So, I'm going to hang it up in the closet, Jimmy.
-I know that closet. Yes.
-So, I get to the gate, and I'm about to go on.
And the guy goes, "You got three bags."
I'm like, "No, I don't. This is a suit.
It's not a bag."
He's like, "No, it's three bags,
so you're going to have to check something."
I'm like, "No, I'm not."
[ Laughter ] -You have to.
-I'm like, "I'm just going to put them in the closet."
He's like, "You can't get by here with three bags."
And then, there's a woman -- -He's right.
-No, he's not. -Yes.
[ Laughter ] -So, there's a woman
standing there, and she just looks at me,
and she goes, "You're going to have to check a bag."
[ Laughter ]
And, like, there's a line of people behind me.
And I'm like, "No, I'm not."
And I'll tell you, folks.
Folks -- Folks, I'll tell you.
I opened up my carry-on and I stuffed my suit...
[ Laughter ]
...in that, like, herky-jerky, angry-old-man way.
People are watching me,
but I'm so focused on shoving my new suit into the bag.
-How embarrassing. -I didn't know that.
All I knew is that I won somehow.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ "Celebration" plays ]
What happens now?
-♪ Yahoo! ♪
-Like, I walked down that gateway.
And I'm like, "Yep, I did it."
As I pulled my wrinkled suit -- -Wrinkled suit, yeah.
-Small victory, Jim.
Small victory.
-You actually look fantastic.
Are you working out?
Are you healthy? -Yes, of course.
You know, I'm dying, Jim. [ Laughter ]
-Wait, what? -No, I'm just old.
So, I -- No, I work out.
You know, I work out a lot.
You know, I actually just joined a gym.
It's the first gym I joined since COVID,
since, you know, the thing.
-The pandemic. -Right.
So, I was working out outside on my porch
the whole pandemic and hiking outside.
Like, I'm the guy on his front porch with weights.
When people walk by, like, "That's the weight guy."
[ Laughter ] -You're that guy.
-I'm that guy, on the porch with the weights.
So, I joined a gym finally.
It's right down the street from my house.
And I joined right in time for these
horrendous rainstorms in L.A., right?
It rained for like a week.
So, I just joined the gym.
And I went every day, like, for that week, 'cause I had to.
I couldn't work out outside.
So, then the sun comes back out, and two days,
I'm enjoying the weather.
And I get a call on my phone.
It's a local number.
So, you've kind of got to pick it up,
because maybe there's an emergency down the street.
So, I pick up -- I don't know what that means.
But I pick up the phone -- [ Laughter ]
I pick up the phone and go, "Hello?"
And this guy goes, "Hey, Marc,
it's John from Equinox down at the gym.
You had a pretty good run going. Just checking in."
And I had that moment where I'm like,
"Is this call coming from my head?"
[ Laughter ] So, I said, "What do you mean?"
He's like, "Well, you're here every day.
Is there anything we can do to get you back?"
I'm like, "Dude, it's been two days."
Like, what if -- what if I was in trouble?
What is there, like, "No, man,
I'm halfway into a sheet cake over here.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, I don't know what I'm going to do with my life."
And they're like, "Do you have a gun in the house?"
I do, John. [ Laughter ]
He's like, "Well, we'll send someone over.
Get your shorts on." [ Laughter ]
"Can I bring the cake with me?" "Dude, whatever you got to do."
[ Laughter ] -We're here.
I follow you on the socials, and you're very entertaining,
and I saw that you recently got a new kitten.
-Yeah, I did -- [ Audience aws ]
Well, he showed up.
I don't know what it is.
I have three cats, and this is the second one that showed up.
There was a feral litter outside of my house, under my house,
and the mother was moving them and left this guy.
[ Audience aws ]
Yeah, he was like two weeks old.
And he was this little hairy ball, and I took him in.
I don't know what happened to the rest of them.
I couldn't save them. They disappeared.
But I got this one guy.
I named him Charlie.
Charlie Beans Roscoe.
He's got three names. Only I know that.
[ Laughter ] Only I need to know that.
-Wow. -They were all options.
-No one needs to know that he has three names.
-Why would you need to know that?
That's Charlie to everyone else, but to me,
he's Charlie Beans Roscoe because...
[ Laughter ]
Those were the options.
I'm like, am I gonna call him Beans?
Am I gonna call him Roscoe or am I gonna call him Charlie?
So you kind of take a few days, you're like, "Beans! Nope."
And then you're like, "Roscoe, what do you say?"
Unh-unh. Then you're like, "Charlie."
Charlie. Right.
But I found, you know, having had three cats,
that when you have a new kitten, you spend a lot of time
saying, "Ow, damn it!"
[ Laughter ]
Or like, "Hey, ouch! What -- God!"
Or like, "Don't, don't -- Oh, damn it!"
[ Laughter ]
-That's what you say when you have cats.
-And then you spend a lot of time trying not to throw a cat.
[ Laughter ]
-You can't throw -- -You know when you pull a kitten
off something and you have that moment and you're like,
"Oh, yeah." [ Laughter ]
And then you realize, "I could just drop him kind of hard."
[ Laughter ] And then they're like, "Ow!"
And I'm like, "Yeah, sorry, a little hard, right?
Yeah, maybe you don't put your paw in my food."
[ Laughter ] -Oh, my God.
-Here's the thing about kittens is, like,
kittens are great, right? They're consistent.
You know, they do the kitten stuff.
They're great. It's a great time to have a cat.
But you don't know what they're going to turn into.
[ Laughter ]
I had a kitten a year and a half ago.
Now he's just this fat sluggo of a cat.
[ Laughter ] Doesn't do anything.
I don't know if it likes me. Doesn't like to be touched.
Always looks confused.
I have to have him on a special diet 'cause he's got problems,
and I'm like, "Now I'm in for like 17 years of that."
[ Laughter ] 17 years of people coming over
and me going, "That's Charlie. He's awesome.
That's Buster. He's great.
Sammy -- I don't know what happened with this one."
[ Laughter ] -It's like, "Sammy, hold on.
It's John from Equinox." [ Laughter ]
"Sammy, come back to the club! Come on, buddy."
-You can do it, Sammy. -You can do it, Sammy.
I want to talk about this -- your stand-up special.
I'm so excited about this.
An HBO special. -Yeah.
-It means a big deal for a comedian.
This is a giant deal.
[ Cheers and applause ] Tomorrow night.
"Marc Maron: From Bleak to Dark."
-Yes.
-It's a fantastic title.
-Isn't it? -I love it.
-Listen to me -- -It's perfect.
It's you. -It's a real story, dude.
Like, here's what happened.
It was kind of funny, because my buddy,
Sam Lipsyte, the novelist, and I sold a show to FX, right?
So, we wrote a script, and we delivered it.
And they were like, "Great, write another script."
So, we write another script, right?
And we send it to them, right?
And there's a notes meeting where they give you notes.
The network gives you notes, right?
So, it's the head of FX, this guy, Nick Grad,
and his people and then my people and me and Sam.
And we're on a Zoom call for the notes.
They're going to tell us what they think of the script.
And Nick goes, "Hey, look, guys, great job.
Loved it. Have no specific notes.
But is there any way we can get it from bleak to dark?"
[ Laughter ]
[ "Celebration" plays ]
-♪ Yahoo! ♪
[ Laughter ]
-Marc Maron -- -I did it.
I nailed it. -I wanted to show
everyone a clip.
Here's a peek at Marc Maron's "From Bleak to Dark."
Take a look at this.
-You think you're a better man than me
because you have human kids?
[ Laughter ]
Like that makes you more responsible, more evolved?
A better human? Go [bleep] yourself.
[ Laughter ] I have three cats that I love.
And in the best-case scenario,
I'm going to have to have them all killed.
[ Laughter ]
I'm going to have to kill my friends.
And I knew it going in. That's how big my heart is.
[ Laughter ]
-That is so -- that is genius.
That's a great -- that's so true.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I think people are going to love it.
I think people are going to laugh.
There's also some emotional stuff
you talk about in this special
that really kind of is moving as well.
-It gets heavy, but I balance it.
You know, there's laughs.
-It's so cool that you did it, buddy.
-Yeah. -It's an amazing show.
I hope everyone enjoys it.
You know, every time you're here --
thank you again, for coming on the show --
we talk about music all the time.
And we talk about playing the guitar.
And we've never actually done anything crazy with you
playing the guitar or something like that.
But I thought tonight to celebrate --
No, don't play "Celebrate."
[ Laughter ] But to celebrate you being --
having your own special on HBO and HBO Max,
"From Bleak to Dark,"
would you like to take us into commercial break with the Roots?
-Yeah, I'll try. I'll try. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Sing with the Roots?
Go on over, bud. You got a guitar?
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
♪♪
-Yeah.
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-What are you talking about?
Marc Maron right there!
[ Cheers and applause ] Dude, you can play.
"From Bleak to Dark" premieres tomorrow
at 10:00 p.m. on HBO and HBO Max.
We'll be right back with more "Tonight Show."
Stick around, everybody. Go, dude!
♪♪