(audience applauding)
Can I say, you look fantastic.
This man looks, and I want to say something.
(audience cheering) (audience applauding)
For a long time it was charming and cool
that you just don't age, now it's frightening.
(audience laughing)
It's like, what's going on?
What do you know that we don't know?
Well, I go out every year in a cryogenic treatment.
Freeze my tail off in Times Square is one of the things.
Nice, nice. I'm very, very lucky.
You got the good genes. Nothing beats the good genes.
And the hair, let's talk about the hair.
You are my hair hero.
What do you think of mine, huh?
Take a good look before you comment.
(audience laughing)
Is this freaking you out?
You're strange. I'm a strange man.
You might use a little work.
Work, huh? (audience laughing)
What have you got in there, mayonnaise or something?
I don't know how you do it.
You said in the outset, your hair idols were Jack Lord-
Jack Lord from "Hawaii Five-O" and you.
Jack wore a toupee.
No, no, no, no! (audience laughing)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
It'll be all right. It'll be all right.
He didn't wear a toupee, did he?
Yeah.
Don't tell me that's a toupee right there.
That's real. That looks real.
I can see that coming out of your skull.
You thought I borrowed this for the occasion?
Yeah, I'm checking.
There are no zippers or buttons.
This is real. That's all you.
No, the fun part is, everybody says,
"How do you keep it from going gray?"
I've never dyed my hair.
I turned down a commercial once.
They offered me a lot of money
to do the thing about turning gray,
but I had a picture taken the other day.
You can see it in this week's "TV Guide,"
and it's gray all the way through.
My daughter says, "Don't stand in fluorescent lights."
But you don't dye your hair?
You must have some deal with Satan.
I don't know what you're doing.
(audience laughing)
Satan's watching right now, "Excellent, Clark, excellent."
Can we move beyond the hair? Yes.
No, in fact we won't, now that you've asked.
We'll stay and discuss the hair till the cows come home.
"American Bandstand," this was a huge show.
You did it for how long?
How long did you do "American Bandstand" for?
The show was on for 38 years,
and I did for, ooh, about 35.
That's amazing. That's amazing.
People still must associate you with that show
even though you don't do it now.
People still must see you and associate you with that show.
I love New York.
This is my hometown, but I walk around New York.
We never walk in California.
And people of all ages say, "Hey Dicky baby.
Hello, how are you?"
Nowadays, "Hey, Happy New Year early."
'Cause they know that thing is coming up.
Right.
Can I tell you my favorite story?
Sure, yes. True story.
I did not make this up. I told it before, but it's a gem.
And I've had people of all ages recognize me.
About three years ago I'm in San Francisco.
Yeah! (audience laughing)
Sacramento, baby!
All right, yeah. One person from?
Don't worry. Let me tell you.
I love San Francisco, but there are parts of your town
that are sort of frozen in time.
I walk out of a store, I bought a pair of sneakers.
I wasn't wearing a tie or a coat or anything
like my television uniform or anything,
and I'm feeling reasonably youthful.
And out of the mist of San Francisco Hills comes this guy
with the long hair and the love beads and the peace sign
and the sandals, the whole-
An aging hippie kinda guy?
Comes right up to my face says,
"My God, you're still alive!"
(audience laughing) (audience applauding)
(audience cheering)
Oh. Oh, that's not right.
He was on his way to a Janis Joplin concert or something.
He got distracted. He was going, yeah.
He got delayed in a time warp.
Let's talk about, I don't know if this is a touchy area.
You've done very well in show business.
I've been very lucky. You've done extremely well.
And you have made, you've made a lot of money.
You're associated with a lot of different shows.
You probably own a piece of me and I don't know about it.
(chuckles) No.
Okay, only good investments.
You have a lot of cash.
You have a lot of money at your disposal.
Are you gonna hit me up for a loan or something?
I want money, yes. I want money.
No, do you ever, I've heard at the same time
that you're careful with your money.
You have quite a bit, you have-
You're saying, in words, I'm cheap.
Well, that's what I've heard about Dick Clark.
Don't know if it's true. Might not be true.
Might be a complete lie. (audience laughing)
But I've heard he's got a lot of money
and he's tight with it.
Let me explain to you. Okay.
I was brought up in Mount Vernon, New York
of people of modest means.
My mother and never spent a lot of money.
They saved their money, and it sorta worked into my psyche.
My favorite story that is,
I've never confessed this before but it's true.
You know these big price clubs, Costcos,
the places where they have 17 million cases
of stuff you don't need and-
Big boxes of corn flakes for cheap, yeah.
I go in there one day. I come back on a Saturday.
I say to my wife, "Look, three cases of cat food!
And I got a great buy, it's like $2 a case."
She says, "Wonderful, but you do know we don't have cat."
(laughs) You just bought it 'cause you wanted it.
It's true, but we did have a dog
so the dog ate the cat food for while.
And liked it, too. But it was a buy.
How can you resist?
I have an idea for a television show.
You were pitching one with David before.
Right. I figure we put it on
against "Saturday Night Live" on another network.
I realize that's a little touchy here.
Yeah, let's take that show out, yeah.
No, but I wanna have a big warehouse show
where we got like 17,000 pairs of size nine and 1/2
Reebok sneakers that have a little imperfection.
If you get on the phone, you call right away,
you can have it for $1.98.
We got used Hugos or whatever, all weird stuff.
Wait a minute, no disrespect, but what's the show?
Just ringing phones then.
The whole show is ring, ring, ring, huh? Okay, good.
Yeah, yeah.
You gotta add a sexy element to it.
No, it has that-
You gotta run down here and we'll light you on fire.
Well, put a couple of crazy emcee.
Well, I'm just trying to, you know.
To sell it on the Fox network,
there's gotta involve fire somehow.
Or you can have the sneakers,
but we're gonna set these wild dogs after you
and you have to fight the dogs for the sneakers.
Put some beef in the sneakers.
The dog will try to get it and clench into the. (growls)
(audience laughing)
(audience applauding)
Sold many shows lately? No, not really.
I'll get you, Clark, if it's the last thing I do.
Now, "New Year's Rockin' Eve" is coming up.
Let's talk about this show.
Who's gonna be on this program?
May I please? You have a gun? Oh.
(audience laughing)
And now I will kill you to promote my show.
(Conan mimics blood spurting) (Conan groans)
We have a three and 1/2 hour extravaganza,
and I don't leave anybody out.
We have NSYNC, Jessica Simpson, Kiss,
Wayne Brady is my cohost, 98 Degrees, The Bangles,
the Baha Men, who let the dogs out?
Who let the dogs? (barks) You know.
(audience laughing) (audience applauding)
Boyz II Men, Third Eye Blind, Lonestar.
You wanna reprise that? Yeah, yeah.
Vertical Horizon, oh, and my favorite.
I call 'em, do you know who the most frequent guest
on "New Year's Rockin' Eve" has been over the years?
Who? KC and The Sunshine Band.
Yes! KC is still going strong?
We're gonna show his 1976 first appearance.
Very cool. It'll be a highlight.
KC and The Sunshine Band.
And you sing on "Who Let the Dog Out" I heard.
(audience laughing)
No, that's not you? That's a rumor I'm starting.
"Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve"
is on ABC at 10 o'clock PM.
It's on this Sunday.
Dick, thanks so much for coming by and saying hi to us.
Happy New Year. Yeah, Happy New Year.
Dick Clark everybody!