“Don’t be sad”, or “Don’t be angry”, or “Don’t be scared”- we often say such things.
It doesn’t really help.
You can’t simply wipe away someone’s feelings just by saying, “Don’t feel
sad”, or “Be strong and courageous.”
Pranams ji,
Today I want to speak about the importance of listening.
I often say that we hear in one ear and it goes out from the other ear, whereas when
we listen with our heart, it sinks in.
Through Heartfulness Meditation supported by Pranahuti [transmission],
we tune in to the heart’s radar.
Learning to listen means focusing on what people mean and what they
might be feeling, that is unspoken.
Not just on what they actually say.
We know that facial expressions, eyes, the whole body, hands - they do speak too.
So can we become sensitive to this language also?
It requires our mind to be quiet so that we can make space for the other, give
some room for what they want to share.
We need to become empty, silent within to let go of our agendas, of our
judgemental thoughts and our prejudices.
Listening without any prejudice and expectations makes us empty.
It is this emptiness that creates the real magic - one becomes the witness.
This is the power of presence in action.
Inside we are silent, but our heart is open.
Silence connects us with our deeper Self.
So we can see how regular, silent meditation cultivating this inner peacefulness
is such a powerful tool to help us to listen to ourselves and to others.
Although we have all probably heard hundreds of times about the vital
importance of listening to others before we respond, it is amazing how much
work there is still to be done to make this as a habit – a conscious habit.
You might now know the book by Dr.Stephen Covey
'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’, have you?
I think if you have not read it, I wish you would take the time
and share it with your family.
One of the effective habits he identifies is, “Seek to understand
before you are understood”.
Let me repeat- ‘Seek to understand before you are understood’.
In other words, listen first.
Try to understand the other person before you start talking about what you think, or feel.
St.Francis of Assisi’s beautiful prayer also says, “O Divine Master, grant that
I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console, to be understood as to
understand, to be loved as to love, for it is in giving that we truly receive”.
Listening to others first goes far beyond being simply polite or considerate.
It actively contributes to satisfying fruitful interactions.
Listening moves us closer to each other.
It creates relationships.
Don’t we all want to be heard and understood?
And it saves time and stress.
Just as we want to be heard and understood, others also like to
be heard and be understood, only then communication can happen.
Listening carefully will save you so much of time.
Think of how much time gets used up in sorting out misunderstandings, just
because you didn’t listen properly, or the other person didn’t listen properly,
apart from the tensions that arise between people who don’t feel heard by each other.
So often, even if we are not actually interrupting a speaker, we are itching for a
moment when we can say what is in our minds.
Response predominates.
Dr.Stephen Covey pointed out that most people do not listen with the intent to understand.
They listen with the intent to reply.
In conversations, people so often jump in to tell their own story
instead of hearing the other out.
“Oh, the same thing happened to me”, and off they go telling about an experience that
looks similar, and all the focus shifts to that person and their story, and the one
who wanted to be heard is left high and dry.
In Heartful Communication we call these interruptions ‘circuit breakers’.
Remember this word ‘Circuit breakers’ because they often disrupt the connection between.
When a circuit breaker somehow triggers during communications, during discussions, it
also interrupts the flow of our discussion.
We offer unwanted advice in so many diverse ways.
My Adi Guru, Pujya Lalaji Maharaj gave us one of the most singular principles
of life that he himself exemplified.
He said, “Never offer advice unless invited, otherwise it is likely to yield bad results.
If you find any fault with anybody, pray for his freedom from it”.
So here is his guidance - instead of giving advice, criticising, or talking about someone
behind their back, we can offer prayer.
Most of us are very, very good at fixing or giving advice, and we are
not at all good at simply listening.
Like, when we tell the person who is speaking to us not to feel
what they are actually feeling.
“Don’t be sad”, or “Don’t be angry”, or “Don’t be scared”- we often say such things.
It doesn’t really help.
You can’t simply wipe away someone’s feelings just by saying, “Don’t feel
sad”, or “Be strong and courageous.”
When people can tell their stories, they find it easier to manage their circumstances and
there can be a profound spiritual benefit.
We reduce the burden of Samskaras by listening properly.
Sometimes maintaining silence - not a single word spoken - can grant
someone heartfelt satisfaction.