Hey! It's Kirk and Kim and we are here at Good Things, Utah. And we are going to be
talking about something that everybody needs to hear about. Kind of I think
parents especially. -Yeah. If parents can learn how to stop
the bullies in their head then they could teach their kids how to do the
same thing. -And that would make a huge difference for your whole entire family.
-Okay, so watch closely and check it out what it takes to stop the bullies. -These
can be everywhere. At school, at work, among friends, even family. But Kirk and
Kim Duncan here today they say the worst of the bullies could be inside
your very own head. This is interesting. Let's define bully first. What are we
talking about? -I think we look on the outside what a bully does. You know, they
pester another person. They say mean things, they cause damage, they cause hurt.
And so, that's an outside bully. You know, somebody like if you go to school or you
go to work or so like that you run into this bully and you try to avoid them but
you know, you try to get away from them as much press possible because
they're causing problems in your life. While inside bully is literally a
conversation or a series of you know, talking or sentences that literally
you're doing it to yourself or somebody else's voice is inside your head bullying.
-It's so interesting is that when you're on a playground you eventually outgrow
those bullies. But the inner bully, you're... No one's immune. -Yeah, right. They're not.
-They're with you all the time. -You wake up with it. It's with you all day long. You
can't run away from it. And it's inside your head. -Do you mean experiences or
phrases that you've heard or you're saying to yourself? -Yes and yes. It all
adds up. And what the problem is, is people don't recognize that they do have
a bully inside their head and they don't realize what it's doing to them. -Mm-hmm.
-You know, you start to lose confidence, lose belief in yourself. You don't... You
don't take risks. You don't go for it because that bully in your head is just
tearing you apart. -Can the bully in your head also impact relationships?
-Absolutely. -In a marriage? -Yes. If Kim has a bully inside her head, sooner
or later she's going to that out at me. Or if I have a bully
inside my head, I'm going to withdraw from the relationship or will have contention
a lot. -Yes. Contention between spouses is a sign that one of them has a bully.
-Really!? I'm thinking of my teenagers too. -Yeah? -Because they're dealing with that.
-Absolutely. As a mother, I... What we're going to be teaching is some steps about
how to you know guard yourself from your own personal bullies. As a mother, I love
knowing that my kids know those steps because we can't be inside of our kids
heads, you know, taking care of this. And I love knowing as a mother, my kids
understand these steps, they use them when you talk about them. We teach them.
And we do it on a really consistent basis because that bully is never going
to go away. -Okay. Kim and Kirk, let's talk about those steps for a minute.
You mentioned the hardest part really is recognizing it. That's the first thing
you need to do. -If a person will take in a pad of paper and write down what is
mean that's being said inside their head, each one of those sentences could be
called an individual bully. And you'll find out you got 10, 20 different bullies
inside your head. But people are not taught what to do, you know, to make this
go away. And so number one to recognize it is the first step is to recognize I
got them. -So, identify the words? -Just to admit it. -And getting them out on paper sounds
hard. I think I might cry to actually put it on paper. -Yes. You might. You may have to
happen. -And so, to recognize it on paper, then what happens is because you see it
on paper, you are aware that it's going on. Then number 2 is you actually have
to come up with a replacement statement. Because if you're going to stand up to a
bully, you got to do something to stand up to this bully. So, even in the bullies
inside your head, you got to stand up to that statement. -Okay. So, for
example, you write down something like... -I am stupid. -Okay. And then what would you
write next to it? -I am is amazing and smart. -So, you literally... -Combatting the bully.
-You literally are battling the bully inside your head. -Do
you have to believe those statements as you're writing them? -No. -Like what
if I don't believe that? -You don't have to believe any of... All you
got to do is start saying it. Then when you start saying it, then it
builds the strength. You got to say it to build the strength so you can beat the
bully. -And at first, you're likely going to not believe it because that other
statement is still so true --"I'm stupid." -It's right there. -Right. -So, that other
positive statement, it takes a while for that statement to get in. And you might
laugh. You might think this is ridiculous. "Why am i is doing this?" -Are you coming
back to it? -I would... You're going back to it, yes. -But you can't stop something you
can't see. -That's a great point. -You can't stop something you can't see. So, you
write it down so you can see it. -Bombarded on social media. I'm
thinking of especially with my kids everyday with words that may or may not
be who they are or represent who they are. They need to write things... You said,
"Say out loud." Not just write them? -Say it. OUT. LOUD.
If you say in your head, you gain some strength. But if you say it... When the
comment goes off in your head and the bullies attacking you in your head and
you're... I mean nobody's around. Say it out loud. -Okay. There's 10 times as much
strength when you say it out loud. -Powerful. -Yeah. So, people don't know the steps
that's why we want to teach people. We want to teach parents how to teach their
kids. And even as young as 5 years old as old, as 95 years old, I've worked a
train on how to beat the bullies in their head. We love teaching at schools,
we love teaching online but we have a program that we'd love to... If people are
interested, go here to the Good Things, Utah and the link that we have there and
that will help... You can get that program so you can learn this so you can teach
your children. Because people need to stop the bullies in their head or
they're going to be beat up. -I love that this is something you can do in your own
home. It's a series of videos. So, you don't have to necessarily go to an event
or dedicate a week of your time, right? You do it at your own pace. Do be sure and go
check everything out 3 key elements. We just love Kirk and Kim. And they can
empower you too. -Okay. So, what was that first step?
-Oh, recognizing. -It's recognize. That you actually have it going on inside your
head. So, that means you got note somewhere on your phone. Figure out what's going on
inside your head. And then you need a replace... -Get it out of your head. -Then you
need a replacement statement. -Now, those 2 steps, that's the beginning
of some incredible steps. And that's why you would like to really want to learn
how to do this is you go to Master My Thoughts. Well, I guess they can't really
go to Master My Thoughts. That's a program you want. It's called Master My Thoughts
and that's the program that can teach you the rest of the steps of how to
manage what's going on inside your head. Does it work for you? -It works for me. And
I... But I want to share... I want to share a little bonus material. -Are you okay if I
do that? Yeah. I think so, right? -Yes. Well, it's something I have found myself is
that one I asked myself questions. Like I'm going to give you an example.
We used, you know, "I am stupid." If you see... If your
bully is saying, "Why am i stupid?" That question is even rolling around in your
head even more. -So, you're saying like the comment in your mind is going, "Why am I
so stupid?" Or "Why did I just do that?" Or "Why am I this? or why am that?" Those are so
destructive because that question just keeps pinging around in your head over
and over and over again. So, something I found that really helps is you know how
we talked on the segment earlier. We talked about saying. "I am amazing and
smart." "Why am I so amazing? Why am I so smart?" -Posed better questions. Posed those
questions and that way, your brain will keep, you know, collecting all of
that yummy evidence of why you are so amazing. -Good. -And why you
are so smart. -So, manage what's going on inside here. It
changes your whole life. Changes your whole life. -It change ours. -Stop the
bullies inside your head. And get the Master
My Thoughts program. Get that program. It'll help you learn the steps so you
can help your life and then teach people around you.