Judy: The uvalde school massacre
is leading to tough questions
all over again about how adults
should talk with children about
these shootings.
William brangham has our own
conversation on this.
William: Judy, parents and
families around the country are
struggling with that very issue
today.
Trying to figure out the right
balance of reassurance,
information and honesty.
Research has shown that even if
they didn't witness a terrifying
event, young people can still
suffer knowing it happened, or
hearing about it.
Dr. Melissa Brymer helps parents
deal with these concerns. Shea™™s
-- she is the director of
terrorism and disaster programs
at the U.S. -- At the ucla-duke
university national center for
child traumatic stress.
Very good to have you on the
newshour.
This is something so many
parents are struggling with.
A national tragedy like this
occurs.
We know our kids will hear about
this in some way and we wonder
how do we talk to them about it?
Can we start with the youngest
kids, how do we approach this
with them?
What should we be doing?
Dr. Brymer: Let's take a step
back and as adults, we need to
take care of ourselves first.
We need to have a moment, maybe
talk to a friend or loved one
about what this event has meant
to us.
Then we can have that
conversation with our kids.
It is important to be honest,
that we initiate the
conversation.
For those young kids, we are
going to have to have several
small conversations that are
short, in this importantly, they
are going to want to know that
they are safe, that you are
safe, that their family is safe.
Providing them extra love and
attention during this time when
they might be feeling a little
bit unease.
William: Can you help us
understand, how do kids process?
Is it accurate that hearing
about these things or learning
about these things can in and of
themselves cause trauma for
kids?
Dr. Brymer: It can cause
additional anxiety.
Some of our kids, if they have
had traumas where they may have
had recent losses because of the
pandemic, or have experienced
violence before, it could be a
reminder about what they have
experienced in the past and that
could cause a reexperiencing of
their trauma.
It is important that we provide
these kids the support they need
to help to heal.
William: Let's talk a little bit
about older kids.
Late middle school, high school.
Do we assume they have heard
about this, seeing it online,
and then we initiate the
conversation or do we wait for
them to come to us?
Dr. Brymer: I always assume that
they are going to find out
whether it is through texting or
social media.
Most kids will wait for us to
start the conversation.
We need to initiate it.
We need to be truthful about the
conversation.
And we might be having to
discuss what our family values
are, or how this has impacted us
and sometimes have those
societal discussions about what
the situation has meant, and how
we can help to support change.
William: I want to ask about
something that I have struggled
with in my own family, which is
older teenagers who know a great
deal about the world, and they
look at these events, gun
violence or climate change or
racial injustice.
And they have a sense of
pessimism, because in their
lifetimes, things have not
moved.
How do you wrestle with that?
To be honest with them about the
shape of the world as it is and
yet not contribute to their
despair?
Dr. Brymer: You have to
acknowledge how painful it is
that this happened again.
We can't sugarcoat that.
But I would challenge our teens,
what are they going to do this
summer or next year to maybe be
that change?
Can they initiate something at
school?
Can they think about at school,
is there somebody who does not
have a lot of friends, or who
just moved to the neighborhood?
Or are their family members in
the military and reach out?
There are things all of us can
be doing.
Helping to have our teens get
anchored into those things that
can be done, that can actually
make a difference.
William: I want to touch on
something you mentioned before,
which is the pandemic.
Kids have been under a lot of
stress from the isolation and
school closures.
We lost a million Americans.
That is many millions of
families and children that have
lost a loved one.
This is a compounding issue.
These add up onto each other.
Dr. Brymer: We know so many kids
have lost a primary or secondary
caregiver.
As they are seeing the news of
how many have died in this
instance, they are also thinking
about their recent losses.
We need to make sure that they
are getting support for their
own loss of a loved one, and
giving them that comfort.
And if they are struggling with
their grief, there are so many
resources out there to support
youth who might need additional
levels of support.
William: How does a parent or a
grandparent or an aunt or uncle,
a caregiver, no when a kid has
moved from just being upset and
distressed about events to
something more serious?
How do you know when you need to
pull the lever for more
professional help?
Dr. Brymer: I say, has there
been a change in the
functioning?
Are they stepping away from
doing those things that they
enjoy?
Are they retreating from
spending time with their friends
or with their family members?
We see a change in academics?
We can ask our kids, do you feel
like this has been too much and
you need to talk to someone
right now?
School guidance counselors, 211
is available in most communities
that can show what kind of
resources are in your community
so that child can get help.
William: Dr. Melissa Brymer,
thank you for helping us wade
through all of this?
Dr. Brymer: Thank you so much.
Judy: So important not to rush
on after this terrible event in