(video game music)
(Pokedex bleeping)
- [Narrator] Nincada, Nincada lives underground,
It uses it's sharp claws to carve the roots of trees
and absorb moisture and nutrients.
This Pokemon can't withstand bright sunlight so avoids it.
(keyboard clacking)
- [Mom] Nincada, come upstairs! Get some sun!
- [Nincada] Not now, Mom!
I'm playing "Heroes of Might and Magic 3"!
- [Mom] You've been playin' that game for 10 years!
When are you gonna go outside and meet a nice trainer?
- Well, I'm chatting with a super cool trainer online.
They live in Kanto.
- [Mom] Oh, sure, they do, sure.
(Pokedex blipping)
- [Pokedex] Shedinja. Shedinja is a peculiar Pokemon.
It seems to appear unsought in a Poke Ball
after a Nincada evolves.
This bizarre Pokemon is entirely immobile,
It doesn't even breathe.
- [Shedinja] Look at you! Fast, strong.
It's just like we always dreamed.
- [Ninjask] It don't have to be like this.
We could be a team, you and me.
- [Shedinja] No, we can't.
This is the dream.
You got it, it had to be you.
I was holding you back.
- [Ninjask] Don't say that.
Don't you say that.
- [Shedinja] No, it's true, chin up, you lug.
Our dream came true for you.
Don't go spoiling it on my account.
- [Ninjask] I won't forget you.
- [Shedinja] You will forget me and that's okay.
You can't be living the dream and living in the past.
It doesn't work.
Just promise me one thing, okay?
You kick some ass out there.
- [Ninjask] (sobs) I will, I love you.
- [Shedinja] Go get 'em.
- It is super fucked up
that you're an empty ghost bug shell, though.
Like just whatever inanimate parts of us
that we leave behind become independent sentient spirits?
- [Shedinja] I don't know, dude.
I'm trying not to think about it.
- Like is my foreskin some kind of creature
that's moving around on it's own?
Does it have a family? What is it doing?
- [Shedinja] Come on, man.
(video game music)
- [Narrator] Sandshrew.
When hunting, it hides at the lip of it's burrow.
If prey comes close,
it lunges out and drags in the pray instantly.
(jaunty video game music)
- [Red] Mom, I'm about to go on my journey.
But before I leave, I have to know:
what happened to my father?
- [Mom] Your father.
In the Pokemon world, there just aren't many jobs.
It's hard to support a family in any way
other than being a successful Pokemon trainer.
So, when you were born, your father set out to become one.
Win tournaments, send money home,
be the pride of Pallet Town.
But after he left, he was just gone.
His name not in any Pokemon registrations,
no money, no letters home, just gone.
I don't know what happened to him.
I just know that he loved you
and he wanted to be something, just to be someone for you.
It's silly.
He always wore this ridiculous Dragonite hat.
Said he'd catch one someday and beat the Elite Four.
Maybe on your journeys, you'll find him,
but more importantly, I hope you find yourself.
- [Red] I will, mom, for both you and father.
- You know why I've come, what I want.
- [Sandshrew] You think you've come for justice.
But here in this world, you will only find death.
Let the dance begin.
(pokeball sound effect)
An Ultra ball?
Oh, no fair, dude, I'm only level eight.
(video game music)
- [Narrator] Pinsir.
It grips prey with it's powerful pincers
and will not let go until the prey is torn in half.
(Pokemon battle music)
- Come on, Pikachu!
With our strong bond of friendship,
we can overcome any obstacle.
- Pika-pi! Pika!
- Oh, God! Pikachu, get out!
(Les Miserable's "A Little Fall Of Rain" plays)
- [Pikachu] Pika! Pika-pi, Pika.
- [Red] Don't worry, Pikachu,
I've got an Ultra Potion, oh no it's raining.
C'mon Pikachu, we gotta hurry to a Pokemon center.
- Pika Pi, Pikachu.
- Oh God, I don't know what to do.
- Pikachu, Pika Pi Pikachu.
- Tell me what to do, Pikachu.
- Pikachu, Pika Pi Pikachu, Pikachu, Pika Pikachu.
- If I could close your wounds with words of love.
- Pikachu, Pika Pikachu.
- Hey, uh, I won.
So you owe me 112 bucks.
And Pinsir,
an you try not ripping the other Pokemon in half next time?
It is crazy awkward asking for the prize money
during the Les Mis renditions.
- I love shopping online and I love getting the best deals.
The only problem is promo codes.
I'm always Googling or trying to guess promo codes
and half the time they're expired or no longer in use.
Usually I wind up wasting a ton of time
and have nothing to show for it.
There is nothing more frustrating
than trying to find a promo code and not getting one.
Thanks to Honey, manually searching for promo codes
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And then the prices just drop.
I've used Honey to save money on groceries and video games.
I even saved $15 in the last video game I bought,
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That's all I'll say.
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that's joinhoney.com/dorkly.
(video game music)
- [Narrator] Gyarados.
Once Gyarados goes on a rampage,
it's ferociously violent blood doesn't calm
until it has burned everything down.
There are records of this Pokemon's rampages
lasting a whole month.
- Sup, Greg, it's me, your roommate, Gyarados.
the Leviathan, terror of the deep, et cetera, et cetera.
You know the deal.
Anyway, have you seen my cool ranch Doritos anywhere?
- Oh shoot, bro.
Those were yours.
I just crushed the whole bag.
You can have my nacho cheese Doritos though.
(roaring)
- Sorry, kinda freaked out back there
and ended up in a month long Kaiju fest.
Yeah, nacho cheese Doritos are fine.
If I'm being honest, I actually prefer them.
- Oh wow.
So you promise you won't get mad?
- Greg?
- Yeah, I ate the chips.
- You what?
- I ate the chips, but dude,
you were gone for a month
and you destroyed all the grocery stores.
What was I supposed to do?
Not eat the delicious Ritos?
(roaring)
(video game beeping)
- [Narrator] Lapras.
People have driven Lapras almost to the point of extinction.
In the evenings, it is said to sing plaintively
as it seeks what few others of it's kind still remain.
('See You Again' by Wiz Khalifa and Charlie Puth plays)
- Lonely one, we've heard your song.
Come with us, we found a paradise deep into the sea
where we can live in peace.
- Hey sorry to interrupt, but uh,
have you seen my flaming hot Doritos anywhere?
Could've sworn I left them right around here
before I went, you know, rampaging for two months.
- Uh, bruh promise not to get mad.
(roaring)
(video game beeping)
- [Narrator] Gengar.
It hides in shadows, it is said that if Gengar is hiding,
it cools the area by nearly 10 degrees Fahrenheit.
- Oh, I feel a sudden chill.
- It is the coldness of the grave,
that chills your spine.
(laughing an evil laughter)
- Oh God, this is great.
- Um, what?
- That's right.
Each Gengar reduces heat by 10 degrees Fahrenheit.
Where does this energy go?
It simply disappears
in complete violation of the second law of thermodynamics.
We once thought entropy was unbeatable
that our planet would continue to heat up,
but no longer! Our prayers have been answered.
- But this is one Gengar who can reduce temperature
in a small localized area.
How could you possibly use this on a larger scale?
- Oh, I wouldn't worry about that.
- I am so worried.
So uh, what are we supposed to?
- I'm Ditto or Shuckle, I can't remember,
but we're here to make babies.
The issue of consent in Pokemon day cares
is questionable at best.
Ditto Shackle, yeah.
- I'm an undead wraith trapped in the material plane.
I don't think I could even have sex.
Let alone give birth.
- Yeah, me neither.
Or maybe I can, no idea how any of this works.
- We've done it.
Thanks to the 100,000 Gengars we created
we've stabilized temperatures across the world.
- I had so many epidurals.
- Hey guys, it's me.
Dit Shuck, yeah.
I just gave birth to a bunch of Magcargos.
Each one's body temp is 18,000 degrees Fahrenheit somehow.
Sorry! Ha ha.
(video game beeping)
- [Narrator] Onix.
Burrows at high speed in search of food.
The tunnels it leaves are used as homes for Diglett.
- Yes, this will make a fine home.
- I want that tunnel to be my room.
- Nuh uh! I saw it first!
- Children, children.
If you can share XP, you can share this tunnel.
- Well, I guess you can have it.
I wanted that other part of the tunnel anyway.
- Thanks JJ.
- Oh, John, is this real?
Do we finally have a place to call our own?
- We do, Rose, look, I know it's been tough.
You could have married Doug Sandslash
and be living the good life beneath Cerulean City.
- I didn't love Doug Sandslash you old fool.
I loved you, and I still do.
So, John, aren't you going to show me our bedroom?
We should give our new bed a thorough test, don't you think?
- Oh, Rose, you dirty Diglett, but we should be careful.
We can't afford another child.
- Look at those two, John, we made them,
and they're beautiful, I really want another.
- You're right, Rose.
We'll get by, we always have!
Love is worth a damn more than a dollar.
Let's make an egg.
- Oh, John, I love you so much.
- Uh, hey guys, anybody see any food?
Noticing there's not a lot of food underground.
- John? John? Wake up, John! Wake up.
You don't get to die on me now, not now.
Not after everything we've been through, I'm pregnant, John.
I wasn't ready to tell you yet,
but, dammit, you don't have permission to die.
- Oh, Rose.
Why so blue? Don't you know, roses are supposed to be red.
You didn't think I'd leave you now, did ya, kid?
- Oh, John!
(soft music)
(video game music)